Week 105 – Part 1 – March 16, 2022 – Atomic Habits, Small Steps
What I have to realize is to pair down my expectations of self and not bombard myself with lofty goals that are unable to attain. I wanted to blog everyday and got overwhelmed by the idea and just didn’t do anything. Then I get disappointed. Sounds like my dieting regime, exercise expectations, and writing fantasies. It’s ridiculous and self sabotaging. Why would anyone engage in that kind of mayhem. Sadly, I think that I’ve been doing that my whole life and got so discouraged that my sense of self efficacy and self worth eroded into something that needs an immediate overhaul.
As you can see, I’m doing it again. I am unable to just change my life and my habits overnight (even though time and time again, I truly believe I can). This is a sick habit. What I need to do is follow the recommendations by James Clear in Atomic Habits. I was listening to him on a podcast with Brene Brown and much of what was said during the two episodes resonated with me. I need to start with small steps and get into the habit of the person who I would like to be. Although I am projecting for “Associate Professor”… it’s not a goal per se, but I need to adopt the habits of an academic. What would that look like? Writing everyday is part of it… and reading.
I also think about the kind of person I would like to be. I have people in my life who I admire and respect. I want to be like that too. Ironically, these people are academics… full or associate professors… and they are really nice, wholehearted people. I want to be like them. I want to be them. I want to learn from them. I am… but I have to overcome some of my fears and self-doubt. That’s the crazy part. On the one hand, I am an extroverted, overly excited, confident individual. On the other hand, I am insecure, unsure, and self-doubting. I don’t feel like I have imposter syndrome, but I do feel like I am underperforming and not meeting the potential I am meant to be.
Life has presented many challenges on the way and my job is to overcome them and rise from what is and get to the person I would like to be. I know that I have a crew of people who believe in me, and many of them are the same people I admire and want to be. I have other people who I love and connect with too. I am so grateful to have people in my life who will tell me the truth and be honest with me. That is a true sign of respect and trust. I have such a huge regard for people who can be wholehearted with me, and I can do the same with them. I need to trust myself and trust others.
So, back to atomic habits, I am committing to writing on Wednesdays and Saturdays in my blog. I will start there as one step towards the habits of a writer, but also I am going to drink a glass of water per day and go out for a walk around the block. I know that it is not dramatic (like giving up meat… and 98% vegetarian), but it’s small and doable steps. I love blogging when I do. I can manage a glass of water per day and getting outside. Nothing to big, but it’s something that is doable and rewarding. I am starting a new life and new direction. Post 2-years in the pandemic… it’s time.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 16th, 2022 | Comments Off on Making Small Steps
Week 104 – March 12, 2022 – Living with the Pandemic
EDITED – MARCH 14, 2022 – RETURNING TO THIS BLOG WITH A KEYBOARD AND SHIFT IN MINDSET. Friday, March 11, 2022, marked the 2-year anniversary of the WHO declaring COVID-19 as a pandemic. It’s hard to believe that it has been two-years… in two ways… it’s already 2-years and omg, it really felt like a lifetime. So much has changed over the last two years and it’s difficult to take the time to reflect on the last 104 weeks of the pandemic. That’s when I started to blog weekly about my #pandemicreflections thinking that this would be a short-termed, yet entertaining way to pass the time. The pandemic persists, but the mask mandates in BC ended on Friday, March 11th.
Humanity was eroding. It was difficult to watch the news even though I wanted to stay informed. I could not believe what I was witnessing in the news and could not believe that this was happening right outside my door. This was not an outside thing, it was a here thing. Actually, it was both. Our systems and habits are so tied to what life was before the pandemic began. Pivoting and making adaptions on a daily basis grew tiring and something had to give. Humanity could not sustain this way of being much longer despite all those who died due to COVID related reasons. Feedom rallies, resisters, and rule breakers did not change anything except provide evidence of mental health and sustainability.
I remember when the announcement was made with not knowing what would happen next. I just came back from Vancouver. I presented at WestCAST 2020 at UBC at at Sq’ep at UFV. I returned back to Prince George and many of the Teacher Candidates were in practicum for EDUC 391 and EDUC 491. Friday, March 13, 2020, the day before spring break, the university announced that we would be teaching remotely and K-12 schools were closing down until further notice. That was the end of practicum, the end of in person classes, and my freedom. I watched the news religiously, watching the numbers and listening for next steps. What was this COVID-19 virus? It was strangely a topic that one of my students wanted to explore before the winter break. Well, we pivoted to learning online and I could not cope at the time. My classes went asynchronous and we looked at numeracy and the pandemic.
I remember not handling the pandemic well. I just isolated myself in my apartment. I was fearful and uncertain. I had to deliver my course asynchronously. Thank goodness that I had already established a relationship with the students. The work they produced in my course was phenomenal. I was very grateful. I eventually started the #daily5k to get outside and do something for my mental and physical health. I was separated from my kid for months. It was agonizing. Not having toilet paper on the shelves or ingredients to bake were the least of my problems. Blogging weekly was a way to entertain myself, but the blogs turned into weekly reflections on life and what was important to me.
On May 8, 2020, I made the decision to leave that day (aka. Mother’s Day) to go back to the Sunshine Coast to be with my kid. Although I was estranged from my husband at that time, it was still my house and I wanted to be with my kid. As it turned out, her grade 11 year ended abruptly and she opted to do grade 12 online. She did not want to leave the Sunshine Coast because she wanted to graduate with her friends, whatever that meant during the pandemic. The pandemic persisted and teaching remotely did as well. I continued to work at the university from the comforts of my living room floor Zooming here and there.
I will admit, that was a long year and a bit. I remained separated from my husband while living under the same roof. In hindsight, the experience was extraordinary with respect to stress and strain. My kid graduated from high school and we both moved in the summer of 2021 back to Prince George. I drove a UHaul truck (one way and slowly), loaded my stuff (and my kid’s stuff), and moved to Prince George. This move was one way and I said goodbye to my home of 25-years. It was a big deal to say the least but looking back it was something I had to do.
The remainder of 2021 and start of 2022 was a time to get my life back together. I had to learn to live on my own as an independent. I hit a buck (who lived) that summer and had to buy a new car, find a lawyer to make the separation official and move towards divorce proceedings, and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. This turn of events seemed more present and in my face with the pandemic. I had to address these issues to do what’s best for me and wholeheartedly answer the question of “Who do I want to be when I grow up? I am so grateful to be working and do many things that I love to do. I am so happy to be back teaching and I love living with my kid. It’s good.
The big learning is also being true to myself, honouring myself, and trusting myself. This understanding of self entails self-compassion, kindness to self and others, and not betraying myself. I can’t give myself away anymore or devalue my worth or contributions. I’m still working on this but I feel that I’m in a good path. I never felt more like myself and I know that I am the agent of my life’s path. I create what I see and because of this, I will commit to taking risks, be open to consequences, and find the joy in everything I do. I have so much gratitude for the last 2-years. The pandemic forced me to stop, reflect, and do what’s best for me. I never put myself first, but I will now.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 12th, 2022 | Comments Off on Two Years Ago
I was so grateful to be invited to a media release event by a member of the District Student Advisory Council (DSAC) in School District No. 57 (Prince George) as a faculty member from the University of Northern British Columbia (UNBC) in the School of Education. This invitation was my first EVER as an academic. Honoured. I loved that I was invited to the event by a student. The student follows me on social media (and I know her personally). And, this event was timely, personally and professionally.
The event was the media release of “Raising the BAR (Bystanders Against Racism).” The initiative came from the students during the pandemic with a deep desire to address racism in this community of Prince George, and beyond, during the pandemic. They were unable to go to classrooms during the pandemic due to restrictions, and this video series was an excellent response take a close look at racism in day-to-day life and to the recent SD57 Report on Indigenous Education.
“Raising the BAR” is a four part series. See links below. The event entailed the first three videos followed by a Q&A for the mayor, superintendent, and school trustee. The questions leaned into (1) how did it make you feel? (2) what can you do in your role to address racism? (3) how can we support in student voice and agency? (I will apologize and hope I have the questions correct, but this is how I remembered it.)
I was so struck by the event in so many ways. First, being a formal school trustee and working with a “district student leadership team” from where I was on the board, brought back for me many good feelings of student agency and voice. I believe in student agency and voice as an educational leader, educator, and parent. The wisdom of their current experience and points of view are valuable and insightful. I was so pleased to see this work being produced and motivated by students.
Second, addressing racism keeps tapping my shoulder ever since George Floyd’s death. When that event happened, I was shocked, disturbed, and frightened… as a second generation Chinese Canadian. The stories that were shared in the video series ring true for me. I feel like they were telling my story in many ways. I spent most of my life trying to BELONG and FIT IN. What that entails is denying your culture, your language, and how you look. Ignoring racial remarks was an accepted norm.
Third, my fire was stoked. I have been facing this question (particularly during the pandemic) of my ethnic heritage, ethnic identity, and ethnic pride. I stand beside Indigenous Peoples because I can understand cultural genocide and ethnic erasure. The difference is, I can go back to Hong Kong to find out who I am as a Chinese person, learn the language my parents spoke (Cantonese), and engage in traditions and culture that are unique to Hong Kong people. Indigenous Peoples cannot.
I spent most of my life being someone I am not. I have been learning in the past few years since George Floyd’s death and during the pandemic learning how to be true to who I am as a second generation Chinese Canadian. I am a product of Canadian policy and my parents brought me up so that I can have privilege and advantages in life so that they could give me A GOOD LIFE. As much as I appreciate that, I am also driven to bring to light the voices of students and those of marginalized populations.
Serendipity. I am a wholehearted believer in the idea that things happen for a reason. Racism is real. Racism is hurtful. Racism is not always overt. Systemic racism, lateral violence, and preservation of the status quo are persistent and prevalent. At this event, I felt validated, angry, and motivated to continue the work that I am doing. I am not hiding anymore, curbing my voice to accommodate others, or pretending that my work or voice do not matter. I have agency too. Together, change will happen.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 05th, 2022 | Comments Off on Addressing Racism
What is happening in the world today and everyday. The pandemic has been a test for humanity and honestly, I think we are failing. We are witnessing Russia attacking Ukraine with the world paralyzed. No one wants a world war when mental health is fragile at best. People are wanting their sense of power and control back; their sense of agency. Sadly, this feeling (and need) is escalating. I thought that the freedom convoy was one exemplar of extreme activism (with spitting hand hateful words). But invading another country, threatening others, and many lives lost I begin to wonder what this is all about. Why are we here and what is the purpose of being here?
This could be an existential moment. I have been having many during the pandemic and my #pandemicreflections on my professional website makes me realize that there is no separation of personal and the professional from self. The work (or war) is not with others, but with our own being and our egos. We are in Week 102 of this joyful blog series that I thought would end 75 weeks ago. Well, I stand corrected. And the 2-year anniversary of this blog series is almost here (the week when the pandemic was declared in British Columbia and my work shifted to remote learning).
So much has happened since for me and it’s hard to believe that I have witnessed war, floods, fire, and hateful acts against Black and Indigenous Peoples. I have experienced hateful acts of lateral violence, systemic racism, and marginalization. I am a second generation Chinese Canadian with no language, little ethnic identity, and privilege as a teacher educator working in a higher education institution. My parents created that for me. A life of privilege so that I could have a “better life.” Complicated. Given all of these events, I am woke to this privilege, the marginalized, and the radicalized. I am one of them and live in both worlds. I am thankful to see this.
This blog post has taken a different slant since I first started it yesterday. I wanted to write about SATURDAYS ARE SACRED… and they are. It took some time to creat a routine that honours who I am and my time I need to self care, rest, and mindfulness. I sleep in. I get weekly chores done. I hang out with my friend in the afternoon and evening (having a glass of wine, snacks, and dinner to unpack the week). I love taking the time to take care of my kid, my home, and myself. I am hoping to get outside more to go for walks, I might take up yoga, and use Saturdays as my writing day. #METIME
Can you see how good my life is? I will not take it for granted. I have freedom. I am safe. I have food and shelter. I have my kid with me. I am employed. I love the work that I do. I interact with wonderful people. I am learning. I live in a war-free zone. I can only have gratitude. Life offers us so many lessons and what the pandemic has done for me was to get quiet with myself and understand what is really important to me. I love my kid. I love to teach. I love to learn. That’s it. I get to do that and I am so lucky. I am creating my own path and make my own decisions. This is freedom.
My heart aches for the Ukraine, for George Floyd, and for humanity. We have to see ourselves out of this mess. The pandemic cannot get the best of us. We have to be more resilient. I’m not pointing my finger at the pandemic. It will be something that we will be living with for a very long time (until we can learn the lessons that we have to learn). The pandemic is a test for humanity and it will continue to iterate itself until we can see each other as equals and as peoples. Until then, we will continue in this struggle. Look inwards. I’m done fighting. Listen. We can do this.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, February 26th, 2022 | Comments Off on Saturdays are Sacred
Week 101 – February 20, 2022 – Feeling more grounded
I am surprised how long it has taken for me to feel rested, to feel grounded. I did not take the winter break to take a break. I was writing. I was not giving myself a break and kept forging forward like there would be an endpoint. The truth is, this is a “forever thing” at least for now as I am building a new career in academia. Yes, I acknowledge there will be up and down times, but I have to find a way to make this new way of being sustainable. I needed to prioritize sleep and rest as my first step.
It’s taken about 3-weeks of deliberate rest to get to this new place of being. In my first week, I may have slept 1-2 nights that week where one of them was most likely the Friday night, which is the end of the week and I had to learn that Saturday was a guilt free day. That was something to grapple with in my quest for rest. I mentioned earlier that a colleague and mentor said to me, “take Saturday to rest.” At the time I thought, how was that possible? How do you take a day off? I really did not get it. Now, my body demands that I take Saturday off and honestly, it’s been a blessing. So grateful.
By the second week of intentional rest, I had about 3-4 days of sleep where I went to bed and said to self, “work can wait.” That was hard to do. By this week, I think I had 6-7 nights of a good night’s sleep. Thursday night was always tricky because I taught all day on Friday and I have to plan and prep for that day. It takes time as I am juggling meetings during the day, so often I would stay up late. I slept guilt free this Friday and Saturday nights. Sleeping in. I have no problems with sleep. I had more problems with finding the intentional time to sleep. Now taking it, I feel great.
Ok. There is a consequence to rest and sleep. I’m not as productive. After listening to my colleague present in my class about time management, what I am realizing is, I have to use my time more wisely. I can see that. When I’m tired and working on a 24-hour clock, there are no boundaries. If I’m blocking out time to sleep and rest, I need to do the same for work and writing. The non-cognitive time or non-productive time need to be reassessed. I hope to adopt the first step of THE BIG THREE, the ideal week, and my daily routines. I am stoked to take the time to use my time more productively.
It’s amazing how good I feel and how receptive I am to doing some things and I need to re-evaluate about what I am not willing to do. I get a little overwhelmed sometimes about what people think and not trusting my intuition and expertise. I am practicing how to park some of those ideas and delve into the work of James Clear and Atomic Habits. What kind of person do I want to be? That’s the million dollar question. I look around and I do see qualities in others of whom I would like to be. These are #goals. In the meantime, part of who I would like to be is a well-rested person. I’m here.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, February 20th, 2022 | Comments Off on Feeling Rested
I will admit, I am in a dilemma. Of course, inspired to write a second blog post this week because I find writing as an exceptional way for me to make sense of what is. What I find about writing is, answers emerge from the flow of text (or making text). Also, I have created another extension of my make-work contraption to access my blog via app, Bluetooth keyboard, and iPad. I put this all together so that I can continue to blog, think, and contribute to the digital community.
Blogging has ironically been my safe line to extroverting my thinking during the pandemic. The pandemic has be strangely isolating and there is always something within me that believe that I can just adapt. There are limitations to how one can adapt, but I also believe that learning takes patience and time (one of the First Peoples Principles of Learning) and learning involves exploring one’s identity (another First Peoples Principles of Learning). Learning is experiential and holistic and lots of what we learn and understand are from the land and people.
Living and introverted life as an extrovert has been challenging and my pure excitement to connect with people is evident and sometimes over the top. That said, I am learning more about being introspective and spending time doing the tough work from within, I believe that the pandemic and my #pandemicreflections has made me a better person and I hope I will continue my work on this pedagogical journey.
Now onto my dilemma… SLEEP. I have been juggling life, research, and teaching. I don’t think that my lived experience is unique, but what I am realizing is REST and PLAY are integral to my success as a researcher, writer, and educator. It has definitely served me in the past to work all hours to get things done. I would lose sleep and sacrifice my physical and mental health to achieve goals and what I think is expected of me. As a result, my spiritual health suffers and lose sight of what’s important.
This week and last… I’ve been focused on sleep. I did not do that well a couple of weeks ago. I may have went to bed at a reasonable time for 2 out of 7 nights. Last week, I went to bed at a reasonable time most nights with a couple of early mornings to get things done…. but not all things got done (like marking papers and providing feedback in a timely manner). As a result, I wondered is sleep was worth it.
I woke up this morning, as a pushed the snooze button, I CHOOSE SLEEP. And so I did. I know that sounds like an unusual request to self, but I have to take deliberate action to sleep. Although I had a pretty descent record of sleep this week (admittedly, not 8-hours per night), I still wanted (and needed) sleep. My body is tired and is asking me to do something else to make this lifestyle of academia sustainable.
What I am learning from my mentors is, follow my passion, my joy, my love. I call this MY JAM. I spoke about this many times in previous blog posts about thinking or believing that my jam was listening to other people’s jam. I love going to Circle Craft in Vancouver to listen to the artists and entrepreneurs about their product and passion. If I was honest with myself, now looking back, I think I just wanted what they had, but never knew what my jam was or would be. I had no idea.
I am beginning to understand what my jam is. I think other people can see my jam but I have to realize what my jam is. It’s becoming more evident as I am embedded in the pandemic and defining what’s important to me. It’s not about achieving and doing what others expect from me (even though that’s part of the paradigm of academia), but I am driven about to trying new things and part of my work is not only to serve students and the student learning experience, but also tell these stories as well.
Knowing this will help guide me in my dilemma. I want to sleep. There is no question. I miss it. I love it. I can’t live without it. I just read in my Google search that people of my age should be getting 7-9 hours a night of sleep to lead a healthy lifestyle. OK. I have a goal. And I do feel way better cognitively, physically, and spiritually. I’m not 100% but I will get there. I want to return back to daily walking habits. That routine has been on and off due to the weather and the demands of work. I have recently given up eating meat and I feel really good. That was a step in the right direction.
As I listen to and read more about Atomic Habits by James Clear, I am reduced to the quality of my habits and routines. Writing on a daily basis and reading regularly are other aspects I want to do and bring into my way of being. I am also delving more into my interests and shift thoughts of intentions and plans into ACTION. I just listened to a beautiful presentation by Dr. Shawn Wilson who said that Indigenous knowledge is about relationships with everything and practice LOVE IN ACTION.
I love feeling inspired and as one of my mentors and friends said to me… research is ME TIME. I really get that. What nourishes me on the inside is in service of others. I am learning and will continue to learn on how to make this happen for myself and find a balance within my dilemma between sleep and work. I feel that I am getting closer to a solution to the problem and that each step I take is in the right direction.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, February 12th, 2022 | Comments Off on The Sleep Dilemma
The day after the best day of my life. Ok. I’m hoping for more excellent days in the future. Right now I am using a keyboard that I bought a century ago for an iPad I no longer own, but I saw it this morning and thought… hey, I can use that keyboard with my phone. And, so I can. Here I am using this keyboard with my phone propped up is a fine balance so that I can blog on my phone (because I have locked myself out of my blog… FOREVER… after I changed phones) and this is awesome. I am so enjoying typing out my thoughts versus thumb texting. This discovery has absolutely made my day and I just had to blog because of that. Why not? I have to figure this out some way.
I don’t think that I will be editing like I had when I had full access to my blog. I would get totally caught up on how the text was formatted in the final product, but also I would over obsess about crafting my words so that it would fit perfectly in the space for that paragraph. If you follow this blog, you may have noticed that there the image for each blog does not appear on the cover page of my WordPress site and that the text within each blog are ”messy” as I perceive it. It’s my lack of access, but also an opportunity for me to let go of things I cannot control or spend time to figure out how to make it look pretty. I’m done with that.
I am super happy though about this keyboard and using Bluetooth to connect my phone and WordPress site to a QWERTY keyboard where all of my fingers and one thumb is activated. Now this feels good. It almost feels like I’ve come home. Actually, that’s what this blog post is all about… coming home. I don’t want to appear sappy or spooky, but as time has been passing through this (hopefully) once in a lifetime pandemic, I have been feeling more like myself. Until recently, I’ve felt like myself and as of yesterday, I am myself. Ahhhhh… what an incredible feeling. And what’s so mesmerizing about this whole journey of enlightenment or joy seeking is that MY BASELINE IS HAPPY.
What does that mean? I will admit that for most of my life I’ve been trying to find myself. Meaning, I would try to FIT IN, do what I’m told, or do things that I thought other people wanted me to do or expected me to do. I was so lost in the muck of things that I had totally lost my sense of self. The mission was to find happiness. I’ve bought books on finding happiness and sparks of joy, but never thought it would be attainable. I just thought that I would have to move through life feeling like I was happy, but sometimes it did not feel like the real thing.
The pandemic, disruption in my work, and collapse of my marriage… I had no choice but to engage in PANDEMIC REFLECTIONS to reflect and shift my life around. In doing so, I thoroughly evaluated my values and what was important for me for months. At first, I was still in the “I should” mindset, but now I’m in the “I know” mindset. This is a good feeling. And, what I have realized is, I know what makes me happy. I know what’s important to me. And, I know who I am as a person. I think the last time I felt this way was in Grade 9 and the time before that, maybe Grade 1. Thinking that I had to live up to other people’s ideals or expectations minimized my spirit and who I was a person.
Now, I understand that everything that I have been experiencing and perceiving are my own doings and the pandemic reflections and help and generosity from others allowed me to look within and surrender. The only person I am trying to impress is me. The only person who needs to feel satisfied is me. The only person who needs to be happy about me is me. That’s all that matters and I am so grateful to have people around me who had the patience and kindness to walk with me. What I have realized is, the strive for happiness was really me asking me to get to my baseline of who I really am, which is happy. I am here.
I take care of myself because I respect myself. I have my voice because I trust in myself. I take action because I believe in myself. This is big for me to understand and knowing this I can stand tall and feel proud. Yes, people out there are getting tired, frustrated, sick, or angry. There are protests about fighting for rights, freedom of speech, and personal sense of agency and choice. As much as others are extroverting their fears and anxieties, blaming others for what is, and trying to find their sense of power with the collective mindset and movement, I have found solace, peace, and happiness by looking within and being the introvert.
I am happy. I am excited about this new life. I am safe. I am happy. 🙂
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, February 09th, 2022 | Comments Off on Happy is My Baseline
Hello Year of the Tiger and it’s off to a good start. I had a very good week ranging from connecting with others, connecting to place, and connecting to self. I loved meeting up with former students, going out to dinner with friends, and staying connected to mentors and colleagues. I feel very lucky to be in the place I’m in and I feel like myself. I am grateful.
Gosh. Look at this place. This photo was taken at Cottonwood Island in Prince George. I went walking with a friend. It was a gorgeous day. I loved connecting with her today, and with another friend later in the day. It’s an incredible feeling to be myself, to live in my values, and be in community. I know this sounds like and obvious thing to do or be but it’s something that I had always wanted and I feel like I have arrived. It’s a good feeling.
With all that is happening in today, I can say that I am thankful to have a place to live, I love my work, and I love living with my kid. My friends and colleagues are amazing. I love to teach and learn, and working with teacher candidates makes all that I do worthwhile. I am so happy that I take Friday nights and Saturdays off to rest, relax, and reflect.
Pandemic reflections have served me well. Albeit 99 weeks of reflection, but so much has happened in the last few years that I cannot help but understand that everything has happened the way it was supposed to. I look forward to this new lunar year. I had a very strong start and hope this luck continues.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, February 05th, 2022 | Comments Off on Connecting to Place
As we head towards the lunar new year, I feel more optimistic than ever despite the pandemic. We’ve recently acknowledged the 2-year anniversary of the first case of COVID-19 being in BC and I started in March 2020 to write a weekly blog on my “pandemic reflections” to humour myself thinking that the pandemic would end sooner than later. We are almost at Week 100 and still trying to overcome the fifth wave of Omicron. I am imagining this weekly blog (via phone) will continue for quite some time as I am warming up to the idea of living with COVID-19.
As an extrovert who loves to high five, hug, or punch someone on the shoulder, being out and about during the pandemic is not safe for me or others. Much of the last 2-years I’ve been reprogramming and reflecting. I’ve been doing my own personal pivots and I have never felt better. I can honestly say that “I feel like myself.” For awhile there I was feeling more like myself but I think I have arrived and it feels great. It’s been a long time since I’ve been here. I suspect the last time I felt like myself was in Grade 9, which was in the 1980’s.
No regrets. Life brings you to place where you are suppose to be. It’s always the right place and the right time whether if we believe it or resist it. I look forward ti the Year of the Tiger. My brother and sister has named this year, the Year of Chris. I can appreciate that. There are still lots of changes on the horizon and I invite them. I have nothing to hide or be scared of.
I’ve been in my midlife unravelling for the last 10 years… a gradual state of transformation. The pandemic has been fruitful as it forced me to slow down, stop, and be silent. I am very grateful to be working throughout the pandemic and oddly prefer to teach online to isolate myself from others. However, we are back to teaching in person and I’ve got my booster. I have to be ok with getting out again.
DINNER FOR ONE was an excellent litmus to how things are and how I was doing. My kid was working and I opted to come at the usual time to pick her up instead of waiting for her phone call. I waited for about 30 minutes in my car. Not particularly fun (and kind of cold) that I opted to go inside to wait. My kid got me a seat in the lounge and I had excellent food and service. What a nice treat for me and I had a great time being with myself and in public. I look forward to the rest of 2022.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, January 30th, 2022 | Comments Off on Dinner for One
Ok… I had lasagna today (at a friend’s place) and candied salmon a couple days ago. Nothing is absolute, but happy that mod of what I’m eating lends itself to a lacto-ovo vegetarian. I feel a lot better and I can see the abundance of what is. I don’t feel deprived or missing out. I am just feeling more happy.
It’s been one week into MY NEW LIFE. I declared January 16, 2022 the as the beginning of my life. Admittedly dramatic but I just felt things have changed for me. I felt more aligned to MY WHY than ever and I am more authentic to my values and myself. Honouring me and my strengths and knowing that I’m in the service of others fills my heart. ❤️
One week in to this new way of being (and living) and I feel blessed and joyful. Nothing is perfect and sometimes expectations are not met, but that’s the point of it. I feel guided and purposeful. I don’t feel scared and if I’m being judged, so what? That’s not about me. I need to feel good about what I do and understand how it aligns to my why and how it serve others.
I also know that I have to take care of myself. Some days I feel over worked and over extended and it’s ok to stop, poses, and rest. I needed to sleep and took that opportunity last night. I went to bed at 11pm and slept in. Guilt free. I woke up when I was ready to rise. I took the morning for myself (with a hint-o-work).
What’s strange is, I tried twice today to jump into work and my computer had no battery power. Huh. That never happens. I thought I plugged it in before leaving to my friend’s house. Apparently not. Before blogging on my phone, I went to my computer and it wasn’t charged again. It was a sign I took the first time, and reminded a second time… STOP.
The work is not going anywhere. It will be there tomorrow. I have a tonne to do, but that doesn’t change. I’ve done some “work” today but the other work will have to wait. My mental health and wellness matters. Again, if I want this new life to be sustainable, I need some practices that are just meant for me. Right now it’s Friday night curling, Saturdays, and blogging. I’m super grateful for what is.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, January 22nd, 2022 | Comments Off on Feeling Gratitude
Week 103 – March 5, 2022 – Stoking My Fire
