Making Small Steps

Week 105 – Part 1 – March 16, 2022 – Atomic Habits, Small Steps

What I have to realize is to pair down my expectations of self and not bombard myself with lofty goals that are unable to attain. I wanted to blog everyday and got overwhelmed by the idea and just didn’t do anything. Then I get disappointed. Sounds like my dieting regime, exercise expectations, and writing fantasies. It’s ridiculous and self sabotaging. Why would anyone engage in that kind of mayhem. Sadly, I think that I’ve been doing that my whole life and got so discouraged that my sense of self efficacy and self worth eroded into something that needs an immediate overhaul.

As you can see, I’m doing it again. I am unable to just change my life and my habits overnight (even though time and time again, I truly believe I can). This is a sick habit. What I need to do is follow the recommendations by James Clear in Atomic Habits. I was listening to him on a podcast with Brene Brown and much of what was said during the two episodes resonated with me. I need to start with small steps and get into the habit of the person who I would like to be. Although I am projecting for “Associate Professor”… it’s not a goal per se, but I need to adopt the habits of an academic. What would that look like? Writing everyday is part of it… and reading.

I also think about the kind of person I would like to be. I have people in my life who I admire and respect. I want to be like that too. Ironically, these people are academics… full or associate professors… and they are really nice, wholehearted people. I want to be like them. I want to be them. I want to learn from them. I am… but I have to overcome some of my fears and self-doubt. That’s the crazy part. On the one hand, I am an extroverted, overly excited, confident individual. On the other hand, I am insecure, unsure, and self-doubting. I don’t feel like I have imposter syndrome, but I do feel like I am underperforming and not meeting the potential I am meant to be.

Life has presented many challenges on the way and my job is to overcome them and rise from what is and get to the person I would like to be. I know that I have a crew of people who believe in me, and many of them are the same people I admire and want to be. I have other people who I love and connect with too. I am so grateful to have people in my life who will tell me the truth and be honest with me. That is a true sign of respect and trust. I have such a huge regard for people who can be wholehearted with me, and I can do the same with them. I need to trust myself and trust others.

So, back to atomic habits, I am committing to writing on Wednesdays and Saturdays in my blog. I will start there as one step towards the habits of a writer, but also I am going to drink a glass of water per day and go out for a walk around the block. I know that it is not dramatic (like giving up meat… and 98% vegetarian), but it’s small and doable steps. I love blogging when I do. I can manage a glass of water per day and getting outside. Nothing to big, but it’s something that is doable and rewarding. I am starting a new life and new direction. Post 2-years in the pandemic… it’s time.