Surrender and Acceptance

Week 108 – April 10, 2022 – Backdating (not cheating)

What can I say? I am a few days late on my weekly blog (aka. Pandemic Reflection). I was somewhat negligent but I was out of town too. I prioritized my needs. I needed connection. I am so grateful that I went to Vancouver to visit my family, mom, and a couple of close friends. I could not have asked for anything more. I needed this.

I was struggling last week and attempted to turn my mindset around, but my visit to Vancouver was integral to my journey and what’s next. What I have learned more than I had anticipated. In many ways, my friends and family serve as a mirror to me. They are truth tellers. They are willing to say what I need to hear and understand.

Part of the surrendering is accepting who I am and the circumstances that I’m in. I don’t want to be hard on myself, but I am accepting of my MBTI and Enneagram. It’s not suppose to be defining, but what it does help me to understand my tendencies, motivation, and preferences. I feel solace. I don’t have to be someone I’m not.

It also helps me to define many of the messages offered to me from my friends and family. Even returning to Prince George, I have mentors who help guide and advise me to do what it best for me. It seems like a big puzzle I am putting together, but today (April 12, 2022), I received a package with one my journals from teacher ed.

After reading the first excerpt of this journal from my long practicum I realized that I have not changed (at least, I sound like myself). Is this the full journey to what is? I feel like I’ve been spending the last few years trying to get back to who I am. Maybe I have arrived? It was fun to read my teacher candidate self as teacher educator.

Reading my journal was a good precursor to the reading that’s ahead of me to mark papers to conclude the Winter 2022 Term. I have reports to write, grades to submit, and papers to write. I have to remember that I love math education. I love systems. I love to lead. Focussing on my strengths reminds me of what I love to do and learn.

As my friend said, “do what brings you joy.” My other friend says, “you are looking for community.” My siblings and I were discussing each of our MBTI’s and celebrating who we are as individuals (and laughing lots). My mentor says, “your CV is bigger than the program.” In the end, I am the only one who creates the path ahead of me.