Do What You Love

Week 106 – Part 1 – March 22, 2022 – Cleansing and Clarity

After a weekend of escapism and watching competitive curling in my hometown, I missed out on going to the rink today. Monday was a filled with moments of being flooded and overwhelmed that I could not even fathom going to the rink due to meetings and work I had to catch up on. It’s the end of the day and I’m just getting started. I had to take a moment to breathe and purge junk from my life so that I can gain some clarity on life. For the last couple of months, I’ve been working on REST. I had to give myself permission to take a day off and do things for myself. Ironically, what I was doing is for myself, but I needed to create some clear boundaries on what is FOR ME and what is for my career (which is for me) and my mental health and wellness (which is for me as well). You can see why this was confusing… for me.

Getting tickets to the Women’s World Curling Competition was a LUXURY move on my part… and somewhat selfish. How many tournaments like this would come to my town? Not many. I bought tickets for the whole event knowing that I would not be able to invest 9-hours per day to watch people curl… even though I wished I could. I did manage to watch Team Canada play today in Draw 7 on TSN (and enjoyed the commentary) while I was at home… as I worked remotely… and took the time to cleanse and gain clarity on life. Monday equated to mayhem this morning. Technology was on the fritz, my office was a mess, and honestly… that’s how things have been feeling for me. I had to give myself permission last night to FEEL this level of disgust and disappointment in myself and how things were unfolding. I had to just sit in that feeling of self-loathing. I can’t deny these feelings anymore. It’s ok to feel.

Why do I share this? I have nothing to be ashamed about. Life has its ups and downs. I really enjoyed a few weeks ago the feelings of joy and happiness. I will embrace the sadness and low moments as well. It’s ok. I’m not going to pretend, but I am also going to make an effort on how to make things different. I will admit, burning out in the new year and not taking a break over the winter was not a good thing to do. I can see that now. I’ve been taking much of my time since the new year trying to get back to a steady place of being. I am also trying to reconstruct my time and mindset to be a person I would like to be, but I feel like I am catching up and trying to find a balance between getting things done and feeling good about what I am doing. What I am learning is, I need to value myself, trust myself, and be wholehearted with myself.

It’s jarring when someone says that RESEARCH, for example, is ME TIME. It was said to me before last year and I was reminded of this principle again. Gaining clarity on what is ME TIME was key but also learning about writing times and expectations. What I am also learning is about valuing my abilities and priorities. I feel much like the mess that was my office and apartment. I need to get that in order and be clear with the structures that I provide myself to make things easier on myself. This tip is not only for research or work, but for life and mental well being as well. I have no share or guilt about watching curling over the weekend and enjoying the sport I love. I’ve learned so much from the sport of curling (i.e., leadership, communication, teamwork, and trust). As much as it is a team sport, the mental game is key too.

I used to have a saying which was, “do what you need to do.” That saying served me for many years (until it didn’t). Now, I have a new saying… “do what you love.” 🙂