Toast with butter and jam. A Sunday afternoon treat. I love it.
September 7, 2025 – Enjoy the Simple Things
Wow. That was an intense first week back to school. I can only imagine teachers returning back to K-12 schools. I hope they are kind and compassionate to self. As exciting it is to return back to school, it’s easy to “over-do-it” and over-extend oneself to the point where it’s not safe or healthy for one to do or sustain. Do I need to listen to myself and the advice I would share with other educators? Yes, I do… of course.
First of all… July came and went. I think I was fully immersed in RELAX-mode, which is not a bad thing. Rest is a good thing. Unfortunately, August was very full with lots of things to do (if not, over full) preparing for the upcoming the school year. Prior to the first week of school, I was working on addressing some provisos from an ethics application. It was an incredible learning experience, but the revisions were extensive. With my research team, we mutually decided to make some changes in direction of our work, and I was charged to making those changes in our ethics application. I needed to get this application resubmitted before school started… and I did… at 5am on September 2nd. Truth, I am getting too old for all-nighters, but that’s my best work time. It’s a dilemma, but it was submitted. Yay for me because school was starting.
September 2nd started with a morning meeting with another research team then transitioned into Day 1 of the B.Ed. Program Orientation. This event was only for a couple of hours to do some brief introductions to the new incoming cohorts then go outside in small groups to get to know one another. The day ended at 3pm and I went home with high hopes of going to bed, which I did at 7pm, soon after I learned that the book review I committed to do could be completed later in the term for a 2026 publication. I was not disappointed. I was grateful for the time to pause and rest. I needed it. The next day started early with Day 2 of the B.Ed. Orientation. It was a full day with the morning at the Northern Sports Centre and the afternoon at Lheidli T’enneh Memorial Park. The incoming cohorts engage in activities led by the out going cohorts. Somewhere in between, I also met with my research team to update them on the ethics application and to discuss next steps. It was a very full day, but wait…
September 3rd was the start of classes and I taught my first night class after the B.Ed. Orientation. This class is a 3-hour graduate study class, which was originally designed to be an in-person course, but now it’s hybrid. Teaching that night was challenging to say the least because getting well acquainted with either the in-person or online students in hybrid class is minimized due to having two platforms of delivery all at once. I take a deep breath and remember to find some kindness and compassion for self to do the best that I can. That’s all I can offer. I cannot be everything to everyone and I will do my best to accommodate but I know that it will not be the same as a class that is either all in-person or all online. Sadly, the work continues with prepping for my morning class. It’s another 3-hour class, but with the incoming cohort. It’s the first class they will have in the B.Ed. Program. I needed to make a good impression.
September 4th started with an 8:30am class. I am not a morning person to begin with and I stayed up late to prep for this class. I think the class went well, but classic “Christine”… I went over time by 5 minutes and did not do one learning activity. That’s ok. It’s good to be over planned, but also, I had to learn how this class moved and flowed. I feel that they are moving quite swiftly and they are very adaptive and responsive. The learning activity can wait until next week, but dang… I’m already thinking… how can I get everything I have planned done? It’s ok. I’m going with the flow. As you can imagine, I wanted to go home to sleep, but the outgoing crew were sharing their final projects for one of their yearlong courses. I dropped by to say hello and had the opportunity to listen and see some of their work. It was really incredible and creative with some of the outcomes. I was really happy to see this crew, but it did take about a few hours of my time. All is good. As you know, soon after, I went to bed.
September 5th is Fri-YAY and I had no classes to attend to. However, the outgoing cohort had a second yearlong course of which they were also sharing their final projects. Some projects were offered as a gallery walk while others were online or a presentation. The session was scheduled for 6-hours. As much as I wanted to hear, see, and learn from all of the students, I committed to the morning. Again, it was good to hear what students are doing, and it provided me some solace and closure on this course. It used to be one I used to teach, but now it has a new instructor and new learning outcomes. I am happy for the students and grateful to have the opportunity to say hello, once again, with the outgoing cohorts, and head home to get to other aspects of my work… and then rest. But, this day concluded with great news!! The ethics application mentioned earlier… it was APPROVED. Woohoo!!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 07th, 2025 | Comments Off on Week One Is Done
Omg… I cannot believe it’s September. Goodbye summer time!! The summer months flew by… and I enjoyed every moment of it. I was able to take the time to enjoy my place and feel at home. I LOVE BEING AT HOME and I love where I am living. I love the sunsets. I love the space. I love this little community. I feel safe. I feel solace. I feel a lot of gratitude. I am so proud of myself that I am able to have my own place and that I am able take care of my kid as she approaches adulthood. I am super happy with my job and I am grateful for my autonomy, freedom, and agency in my work. It’s truly a dream. I am in a different place and I LOVE what I do, where I am, and who I am.
How lucky am I?
That said, I totally miscalculated how fast that time would go this spring/summer term. This year has been the first spring/summer term where I did not have a course to teach or be responsible for. I had fantasized that I would get a billion things done during this term. Unfortunately, I did achieve everything I wanted to accomplish in four months. If I shared my original ambition to a friend of mine, they would have said it was unreasonable and unrealistic. I’ve taken all summer to understand what SMART goals really mean. It’s ok to spend time resting and appreciating a slower pace to life. I loved it. But now, I find myself cramming to get things done and some things will not get done. Being ambitious is good, but I need to be a bit more reasonable.
What have I accomplished?
First, I have learned how to enjoy quiet time guilt-free and to appreciate taking life at a slow pace. This way of living is 100% refreshing and revitalizing. I am enjoying life as an introvert and feel that I am truly up to my INFP preferences, which is so opposite from being an ESTJ for most of my working life (as a teacher). The transition was gradual to this SLOW-way of being and I’m loving it. Although I did have to partake in a few significant life changes to get here, I have no regrets. I appreciate my own company (with the cat and kid, of course) and the quiet time I have to myself. It’s nourishing. I feel more aligned to the way I want to live my life. I am very thankful that I can do this… and afford this way of being. It’s a privilege I will not take for granted.
Second, I went to a couple of conferences and presented a handful of times. In the spring, I travelled to Toronto, ON to attend CSSE and Congress. I presented a paper at CAARE (Action Research) in collaboration with 3 former teacher candidates (now practicing teachers) about the sit-spot lesson study; I co-presented with the CETE (Climate Education in Teacher Education) research team members at CNIE (Network of Innovation) about the project; I presented (single author) at CATE (Teacher Education) about in-situ learning in my assessment class; and, I presented at a the CASIE (Indigenous Education) roundtable in collaboration with my friend about the 4 R’s and assessment. In the summer, I co-presented with the District Numeracy Teacher and an Elementary Teacher Candidate at the UNBC Teaching and Learning Conference about Numeracy Night at Edgewood. Presenting is a great way to get your work out there and share your interests with others, but also a means to connect with other people, to network, and get inspired for future writing opportunities.
Third, I got some manuscripts, chapters, and a book chapter proposal completed for submission. Although I have a few more manuscripts to attend to (as well as others on the horizon I would like to write about), I am super grateful and thankful for the work and collaborations that was accomplished this spring/summer term. There were two manuscripts submitted by the CETE research team, where I am the third author on both pieces of work. One was resubmitted for publication and the other was recently submitted for a special edition. I submitted two chapters for the Leadership Book to be produced by the School of Education; one chapter was lead by my colleague and the second chapter was led by me. The latter chapter was submitted to be a conference proceeding for a conference from a couple of years ago, but not much had manifested from that. I thought that submitting an updated version to the book would be a better opportunity for the piece to be published. I was glad to return to that piece to make the revisions it needed. Finally, I have submitted another manuscript that needed revisions with another group about cultural adaption of schools. we hope to get a second manuscript out soon to be considered as well. Lastly, I am hoping to get a book review out, but time is running out!! (… or ran out).
It’s September!!
My accomplishments is not an exhaustive list, but rather a list to reflect upon and acknowledge. I have also been working on getting ethics approved for another project I am leading and I hope to be submitting another one for a book chapter proposal I submitted to be co-written with the 3 former teacher candidates mentioned above. We made a submission and then was asked to make some revisions to that proposal to align the work to the theme of the book. They were fair comments and I am greatly appreciating the feedback that has been graciously offered to me during conferences and writing. It’s formative feedback at its finest with the wholehearted intention to make the work (and you) better. I LOVE THAT!! The learning-mindset thrives on it.
OK. Now, it’s back to work on this labour day weekend. Seems counterintuitive, but I would like to get the provisos for this ethics application done. We took a few spins on how the project would proceed (based on the feedback), and it’s taken a few revisions that is taking more time than anticipated to complete. All is good. That is what I am also learning too. If you want to take it SLOW, you have to do a little bit each day to get things done. That’s a difficult lesson for to learn, but a good one. I am finding that taking breaks during your work-span of a project actually is better for the project. I don’t think that the mindset is… it’s taking longer than expected… but rather… it takes time for good things to happen. I’m ok with that. The consequence, I am learning how long it will take to do things and thus, will take on work that I can do. And, that’s it!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 01st, 2025 | Comments Off on You can only control yourself
What can I say… I took a short trip to Prince Rupert, my hometown. I was born and raised in Prince Rupert. I thought it was funny to say to folks that I was born and raised in Prince Rupert, lived on Prince Rupert Boulevard, and graduated from Prince Rupert Senior Secondary. As you can see, Prince Rupert is deeply embedded into the identity of “Christine Ho,” particularly in the formative years. I’ve returned to Prince Rupert when I was married to visit family. I returned to Rupert with my own family (brother, sister, and dad) a few years ago. Now, I have returned to Prince Rupert for work. This last weekend, we returned to Prince Rupert for a short, leisurely trip.
At first, my friend and I planned not bring our laptops or work on this trip. Guess what? We both brought our work and laptops on this trip. That said, I never took my laptop out to do work. I almost started blogging, but I opted to just BE and relax. My friend did a similar feat and I am so grateful to know that I can “vacate” and not have to work. Because when I come home, the work is still there. Moreover, I was able to enjoy the travel experience without feeling any guilt. However, here’s some irony. Revisiting places from my childhood and learning more about how the Chinese immigrated into BC and Prince Rupert helps me to understand where I come from.
When I think about my research program and what excites me about research is more about self-discovery and identity development. Oh my goodness… once again, the writing process has opened the doors to my thinking and knowing. That’s a HUGE aha I am experiencing right now as an educator, scholar, and person (in their midlife). At first, I thought my research work was in leadership, then in out-of-field teaching in secondary mathematics education, then program evaluations in teacher education. But, it’s more than that!! I am aware that my work is within the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning (SoTL), but I think that I have finally found the thread that links my work.
Hmm… I was going to write in this blog post about my trip to Prince Rupert, and I was kind of engaging in work because I have been really wanting to engage in an autoethnography about being a second-generation Chinese Canadian woman and my positionality in my family, work as a BC public educator, and now as a scholar who is interested in my experiences with racism, sexism, and marginalization. Part of this work is understanding who I am and where I came from. Furthermore, I have to understand the history of the Chinese in BC and how the Chinese were treated and what roles they played in Canada before I arrived as a person born in Prince Rupert.
Admittedly, I have always felt detached from who I am (authentically) and often felt that I had to “give myself away” to belong, fit-in, or be accepted (attachment). This way of being is very aligned to Dr. Gabor Maté’s work. I could not feel committed to my name, to my likes or interests, to my work, or to companionship. Life started transforming radically when I turned 40, but has been changing ever since. Fifteen years later, I finally feel like who I am. I feel confident in what I like and don’t like. And, I feel comfortable in my own skin. This feeling is new to me, but what I am realizing is, I am achieving some clarity. I’m no longer chasing, but rather I am appreciating.
I could have done some work on the 12-hour train trip each way, or do some work in the middle of the night or be on my phone constantly to respond to emails, etc. Instead, I was enjoying Prince Rupert… the rain, the seafood, the different places, and the memories. The trip started with a curiosity of VIA rail from Prince George to Prince Rupert, and taking a short holiday. In return, I have stoked the fire about pursuing a research study via an autoethnography, but also, I have found a connection between the different aspects of my work. Who knew that this trip of non-work contributed so much to my work. Thank you Prince Rupert for the inspiration.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 18th, 2025 | Comments Off on My Hometown
I am so grateful for my family and friends. I am in the Lower Mainland… taking my work remotely, but also situating myself so that I can see my dad. My twin bro has been gracious and hospitable to let me stay over on his sofa bed for a few days, and I got to visit with a couple of my friends as a weekend with the girls. We went to Italy together a couple of years ago and we’ve been reconnecting ever since to spend some time together and enjoy each other’s company. Last year we met up at Shuswap Lake. This year, we met up in Langley, BC. It was much like a spa weekend.
My dad is reaching an age where my brother and sister are provided some additional support and care. They are both in the Lower Mainland and my dad is still in very good spirits, but it’s opportunity for me to come visit and see him in person. I just called him this morning to see if he wanted to go for a walk, but I go the subtle “I don’t think I can make it out today” reply. UGH. Damn. I guess that’s it. I’ll try again tomorrow. LOL. I did see him three times already… once for a doctor’s appointment, a second time for a walk and coffee, and yesterday for dim sum. He’s got a full dose of Christine… LOL. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. I return home tomorrow night.
In the meantime, I get to visit with friends. As mentioned, I was in Langley this weekend. One friend picked me up from SkyTrain and we slept over at another friend’s place. The first night, we went out for an Italian dinner, which was absolutely delicious, and then one of my friends organized a crystal bowl session with someone from Italy. We laid outside under cozy blankets listening to the crystal bowls. I have never felt so RELAXED. I had an incredible sleep and could have stayed in bed all day, but couldn’t because we had booked a 90-minute massage. OMG. It was incredible.
Afterwards, we went out for a really late brunch/lunch and I just loved the “filet of fish eggs benny” with shredded hashbrowns. I just loved that meal… and the only meal of that day. It was rich and delicious. I had nothing like it, and I really enjoyed it. Who knew? We concluded the day by attempting to find a gift for our Italian friend, and we succeeded. It was handmade and personalized. We surprised our friend that night with this gift. Our gratitude for her crystal bowl work was immense. The serendipity of the gift was equally special. It was meant to happen. Gosh, I love people!! So good.
Although I was rejected by my father… LOL… to meet up today, I have the opportunity to meet up with other friends in Vancouver before I go back to my kit-cat and kid at home. I am so grateful for my friends (family included) who lift me up and are willing to say what I need to hear to take next steps. Sometimes it’s not easy to hear these things, but really, it more about what I do in response. It’s supposed to be a super hot day today in Vancouver, as well as tomorrow. I will take it easy and work remotely from my brother’s place that has wifi and air conditioning. Thank you everyone for making this trip so worthwhile and I did enjoy seeing my dad. It’s time well spent.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 11th, 2025 | Comments Off on Grateful for Friends
As you can see, it’s August. And honestly, it feels like a tidal wave of STUFF just landed in my lap for work. Not complaining. In fact, I think that I like working under this kind of pressure. I like the pressure… otherwise, nothing gets done. Just to conflate this feeling of overwhelm, everything is taking a lot longer than anticipated to get done. Strangely, it’s not unexpected, but setting unrealistic time goals does not help my situation. It a fine balance between pressure and space. Sadly, I have not found the sweet spot between the two. I have some unreasonable feelings of comfort being under pressure with timelines and work expectations. It appears that I am an all-or-none kind of person. And yet, some things are taking a LONG TIME to complete.
I am reminded of my kid when she was about 12-years old and she was wanting the jump of the pier and into the ocean. She was an excellent swimmer, so I had no worries about her being in the ocean and swimming back to shore. I was more worried about how many times will she approach the edge of the pier and NOT jump off. Oh my gosh… it seemed like a lifetime. Back and forth she went from wanting to jump, approaching the edge of the pier, looking down, and walking back to me. She believed that she could not do it, so she didn’t… even though she wanted to jump in. After 30 minutes or so, she did it. SHE LOVED IT. Now my problem was… when will she stop jumping off the pier and into the ocean so that we could go home?
I want to jump into the ocean.
Let’s be clear… I don’t swim. But I do empathize with my kid who was seemingly reluctant to take her first jump. I can only imagine the self-doubt of one’s abilities and the fear of the unknown. What will happen to me if I jump? Will I be harmed? Can I do really this? What I witnessed that day only serves as a metaphor for me and my academic work. I have very similar questions and can only imagine the kind of momentum I could develop, much like my kid did. Sometimes I think I have micro-amnesia. I just forget the good feeling of THE JUMP. The frequency of her jumping off the pier was almost exponential to the point where she did not want to stop.
I want that feeling. I just finished cleaning up a paper that was originally written to be a conference proceeding (at approximately 7500 words) and we just transformed it into a book chapter submission. I was the lead on that paper and it was interesting to return to the paper and look at where we were 2 years ago and where were are now. We kept the integrity of that paper to keep that work in 2023, but took the time time to update it, reformat it, and revise it so that it could be included in this book. The only reason we returned to this book is because I was looking at my CV and nothing was happening with the conference proceeding. It was like we got ghosted. Anyway, I took a chance to ask about submitting a last minute book chapter instead. We got a response a couple of days ago, and we got to work. I did most of the work as lead author, but my other two co-authors were very willing to review the paper as well.
We just finished the final edits this afternoon, prior to the blog post, and voilà… the chapter and abstract were submitted. Admittedly, it feels great!! I also submitted as second author (but did a good chunk of the work with another colleague) last month. That work was also rewarding to get done, of which was responding to reviewer feedback for resubmission). We did an overhaul of that manuscript and I took the liberty to track the edits, finalize the paper, and communicate those changes to the editor. Moreover, I was also active in two other manuscripts as second and fourth author, but not as involved as the last two manuscripts mentioned. I did take the time to contribute and add very thorough edits and feedback for the first authors. If anything, it gives me a lot of practice and builds my confidence for this work. I felt “the high” from jumping… and then, YOU WAIT. The immediate feedback is lacking.
Dang, I love the writing process. It is definitely a vehicle for me to think and reflect. In this case, I just realized that I am focused on the wrong thing as “feedback.” For some reason, I was focused on the outcome as the motivator, meaning the publication or end result. When really, the joy from submitting the manuscript, the writing process (or grind), getting feedback from peers, doing edits, etc. is the immediate feedback that would encourage me to try again… and jump. How cliché… it’s the journey, not the destination that matters. Sometimes the platform of the pier is at a different height. The self-doubt and fear creep in once again, creating a pause in the process, but really, what I am realizing is, the remedy is to jump in. Just do it!! OK. There is a disclaimer. I have also done a lot of personal work as well to build my confidence, self-knowledge, and the willingness to pursue what I love to do. That took a lot of work and life changes, and I am still doing that work. Maybe today is the convergence of the personal and the professional. What I do know for sure, I am going to savour this feeling of completion today, and jump in again with something new. I can do this.
I know I can do this.
My next task is… Fall 2025 Course Outlines.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 02nd, 2025 | Comments Off on Getting Things Done
Although I have been at the university for 7-years, I am term faculty. My role at the university is primarily teaching with an 80-20 position, that is, I am teaching 80% of the time and 20% is service. I was recently renewed with a 3-year contract and I am very excited about the next three years in terms of what I will learn and accomplish. Research is not explicitly part of my position, per se, but I continue to hold the rank of Assistant Professor and would like to learn more about research. Today, I attended a session at the university designed for “early career researchers” or ECR. This initiative is a partnership between the Office of Research and Innovation, Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, and the Health Research Institute. The School of Education is part of the Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, so I am able to attend these events. This session was my second ECR gathering, and both times they hosted a panel and I’ve attended the sessions in-person. I am so grateful for these sessions.
What I have enjoyed and appreciated about the ECR gatherings is the way the host and panel members can humanize and demystify the research process and expectations. I felt at ease during these sessions and I cannot express the value of having very seasoned researchers describe h0w they approach grant deadlines and research writing in today’s session. The stories were very relatable and their words of wisdom and advice were well taken. I did not expect to take notes, but I did. Also, I found myself very inspired to look at some of my work and move forward with some pieces and not procrastinate any longer. Honour your writing time, find peers to provide feedback, and submit grant applications in early were a few tips that I took to heart. It took a few years to figure out the university work culture in comparison to K-12 schools, and I feel the timing of these gatherings have been serendipitous.
No shame. Ask questions. Focus on the learning. Makes sense. I loved how panel members shared their personal stories, professional experiences, and pertinent examples to answer a series of questions set prior to the gathering. I felt very connected with their candidness and compelled to return back to my work. We all feel imposter syndrome and knowing that this is a normal occurrence, it created and invitation to try. Members participating online and in-person also asked questions that related to former documents, GRA hirings, and participation in review committees. It’s amazing to think that 1/3 of the faculty members at the university are ECR’s or new to the university. These ECR gatherings are timely and responsive to what new researchers need. Finally, my guard was disarmed when they promoted and encouraged folks to participate (and re-participate) in writing retreats, grant writing workshops, and communication with the Office of Research and Innovation. EVERYONE WANTS TO HELP. A wonderful message. I feel motivated to keep going.
Thank you to the Office of Research and Innovation, Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, and Health Research Institute!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 23rd, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Inspired and Motivated
While I was enjoy my pandemic lifestyle, I reached out to a few friends to make plans to go out for coffee or go for a walk to get outside and do what people do… connect and socialize. This morning, I met up with a friend at a local coffee shop. We often have really good chats and moments to update one another on what’s happening in our lives. Today, I was describing a moment that totally frustrated me and noted to my friend that I was very angry about the situation. I even shared a short story of my kid hanging up on me from a FaceTime call yesterday because I was not in the right headspace to talk. Anyway, she said to me that it was really refreshing for her to hear that I was angry. She said that I am often FLAT. Hmm… she is not wrong, but dang, it’s also refreshing to have friends who are willing to speak truth and share their observations. Her comment got me reflecting in real time and I could not deny her claims and her observations. She was not wrong. I would like to believe that she was, but I did admit that I do show myself, but likely about 20% of who I really am. She said that I’ve been flat ever since she has known me, which is about 7 years. Huh. Again, she is not wrong. Inside, I might have felt erratic, disoriented, and out of control (most times), but I really tried to MUTE myself from showing what was really happening on the inside and put blame on what was happening on the outside. The blame was misplaced, but I was trying to numb myself from the pain and fear, so much so, I could not express who I really was. Again, I was not putting out to the world a fake-self. I only showed what I thought people wanted to see or a veneer that made it seem like everything was ok and don’t think otherwise. Wow. Looking back 7 years (and beyond), there was a lot happening and I was unwilling to feel what I needed to feel (and express those feelings) to myself or others. I did not want people to see what was really happening, thus see who I really was. I often need approval or validation of who I was, based on what I was doing or titles I held. I had no idea how to be myself. I don’t think this was a 7-year old problem or a 20-year problem. It might be a 50+ year old problem, one that I had created as a young child. I look at old photos of myself, as a kid, a young adult, and somewhat old adult… I don’t look happy. I was not happy. I was trying to be someone who I was not for decades (aka., half a century). That’s a long time!! My friend did verify that I do like the COVID-lifestyle of staying at home, being alone, and enjoying the peace and quiet. That brought me some solace. I had always thought I was an extroverted person, but maybe I thought I had to be one. I’m not sure, but I’m noticing. I loved having coffee out (and reconnecting to the real-world), but I also love just being at home with my cat, making myself a meal at home, and taking the time to work from home. I feel very lucky to do what I do. It also feels good to feel. When I felt angry, I could also feel joy. It felt great!! I was reminded by Brené Brown’s 20 tonne shield and suppressing my feelings. I was numbing my feelings, but by doing that, I can’t feel the good feelings as well as the bad ones. I was not prepared to be vulnerable, thus I did not want people to see who I really am. I was not sure if I really wanted to see who I am. I am still trying to figure that out. That said, I am grateful that my friend also said that it was good for her to see a bit more of who I am and that she was happy to see that I could be angry. It’s healthy. I do feel this is who I am… emotional, introverted, unstructured, and intuitive. I just never trusted it, nor believed that these qualities could be valued by my parents, peers, or myself. Hmm. I’m left with many emotions and I am driven to learn more about myself. I think that I might try out Myers-Briggs again. Twenty-five years ago, my preferences were ESTJ. I lived that way for many years. I was a high school mathematics teacher. How else was I supposed to be? (15 minute break). Damn. I just completed the Myers-Briggs test online and tried to answer the questions based on what I would do today. As anticipated… the results were INFP… the exact opposite. As I started to read the FREE content, it’s not wrong. I had also learned in my Master of Education course that in your older years, you are likely to become or seek the opposite preferences. So here I am. Voilà. A steady stream of consciousness for today’s blog post. It was unsolicited, and inspired.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 15th, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Anger and Joy
Oof. I have been mesmerized over the last couple of days… meaning, I was in an ongoing cognitive paralysis for almost 36-hours + sleeping in for a few hours this morning. It was a lot. I am STUCK or overwhelmed with the idea of “what story do I want to tell.” So, might as well blog about it with hopes of something would emerge from the writing process. Thank goodness for my daughter’s boyfriend for dropping by last night to break the cycle of “whatever I was doing” so that I can get on with life. Also, dropping of a happy meal with all of my favourite items (i.e., cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate milk) “just because” was a very good way to get of my existential funk and engage in a conversation with another human being. It was a good omen, even though he was there to complete a few tasks on behalf of my kid. Kudos. What a good person. 🙂
THE CYCLE IS BROKEN.
As mentioned, I had a slow start this Sunday morning. I fed the cat. I had breakfast. And then, I started working on some editing on a manuscript. Admittedly, it felt good to return to my life again. My friend came over to go for a walk, which was also good to do. I have been wanting to change my way of being in terms of what I am eating and exercise. I am so attuned to my age and menopause, along with other health conditions like my blood pressure, I am compelled to shift my actions in little ways that will benefit me physically, mentally, and spiritually. After listening to my friend’s week… I feel that what I am experiencing is a good thing. I’m not comparing or judging, but if anything, I have some perspective on what’s happening in my reality. I am grateful that one of my biggest issues is my cat and her drive to play with her toy (with me… LOL). I have work to do and I am opportunities to say YES (and no) to. Life is good. I am doing what I love. And, I am ALIVE. So, what story do I want to tell?
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I might have to revitalize my other blog on my UNBC WordPress site, but also, I need to identify what I do that is EXCEPTIONAL and ordinary, of course, to be clear about what I do at work and beyond. It’s not about making of list of all of the things I do, but why do I LOVE these things and WHY does it matter. What I do with my students when they are creating their e-portfolios is to talk about The What (describe what your are doing/have done), the So What (the relevance or importance of this action), and the Now What (consider what you want to learn more about or how you will apply what you have learned to your practice). In doing so, you have to understand your beliefs, values, and efficacy to pursue or engage in a way of being. This advice was given to me… whatever you do with your students, you should do for yourself. NOTED. If I can’t do this for myself, how can I expect others to meet this expectation? I appreciate the reciprocity in this ask, but also there is respect, relevance, and responsibility. I return to Kirkness and Barnhardt’s (1991) Four R’s. With each day and each project I pursue, the Four R’s make more sense. They are the underpinnings to RELATIONSHIPS. If anything, this pursuit is about developing a deeper understanding of my self-knowledge (Palmer, 1997), and therefore about improving my practice.
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
It’s so interesting that I ended the last paragraph with the word “practice.” That word was resonating in my mind over the last week. There are ups and there are downs. You can keep maintaining the same level of rise over a sustained period of time. Take for example, HAPPINESS. I was very focused on “being happy” in 2024 and now focussing on “what I love” in 2025. There are DIPS in the journey, and the only way you can get better at anything is with PRACTICE. Now that I have “slowed down” at a pace where I am able to “maintain my balance” and “know my bearings”… I can see that I have CHOICE… I have VOICE… and I have AGENCY. This understanding has taken me some time. So, when I was asked about why I submitted an application for an award, at first, I said I was asked to and it was a good exercise to articulate my accomplishments, of which I don’t think I am able to do well… but it has turned out to be a catalyst for CHANGE. I can see now that the last handful of days were meant to disrupt my thinking and way of being. Now, I can see the opportunity and I feel excited about sharing my story and describe why it matters to me… and beyond.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 29th, 2025 | Comments Off on What Story Do I Want To Tell
This week has been an interesting one such that I found myself ploughing through a bag of corn nuts and then a bag of chips the next day followed by 8 dumplings late last night. I can definitely see that I use food as a coping mechanism to avoid, disassociate, or procrastinate the inevitable. Might as well through in some Candy Crush into the mix to help me cope. I wonder if I have to do these things to regulate how I am feeling. On Monday, I had a conversation with someone of which the person was trying to provide some insight, advice, and mentorship. By the end of the conversation, the message sent and received was “what story do you want to tell?” and the comment of “you do this students using portfolios, so what about for yourself?” Oof. That was a big one for me to hear, hence the bag of corn nuts. There is nothing that this person said that was wrong. Where is my INTENTIONALITY? I realized that the only person looking out for me… is ME. I need to stand-up for myself. I need to have my voice. I need to know not just what’s best for me, but I also need to know my strengths, my stretches, and where I want to be because I have value and I am valuable. That’s hard for me to learn and I can see that I need to be reminded from time-to-time to ensure I am staying on task. That night, after eating a bag of corn nuts, I spent a good chunk of that night preparing for a 10-minute presentation I was giving the next day. I decided to do a PowerPoint not knowing if there would be an opportunity to give a short presentation, but I made one anyway. I’m glad that I did because there was not one made for the day and my cover slide served as a placeholder and referent for other guest speakers to refer to. The topic was the School of Education’s signature pedagogy of People, Place, and Land. It was a good way for me to look back at old emails, search information online, and recall some of what I remember in the creation of the signature pedagogy to share with my department. I can see there were only a few of us who were in the department 7 years ago, but also it’s good to share the origin story of the signature pedagogy, the visual representation, and the artist who created it. I remember how I felt about creating the PowerPoint and adding some of my work to the presentation in terms of how I am interpreting and implementing People, Place, and Land into my practice. I was also triggered during my presentation, so much so that I rushed through the presentation in about 5 minutes and spoke about a mile a minute. I don’t know what happened, but I did notice that throughout the day “I was hiding.” I was super fascinated about what folks were saying about themselves and the narratives they have created to describe themselves. I shared nothing (aside from my 5 minutes of mayhem). I felt so grateful for the conversation on Monday, the presentations on Tuesday, and for me to notice that I was hiding. I realized, you cannot be seen if you are hiding. Makes sense, right?
All I know is, Tuesday ended with a bag of chips, Wednesday was filled with meetings and gatherings, and Thursday was spent trying to catch up and go through the day without water at my place. UGH. I had to go to the office (or anywhere) so that I could work in peace (without the cat) and with water. I did not realize that having access to water is a privilege and I am so grateful that I have water. Nevertheless, Thursday ended with a plate of dumplings and hours of Candy Crush. Thankfully, the water is back on and today is Friday, the end of the week. I decided to come up to work to meet up with a colleague to do some work, but also work from my office to get some work done. One of those things is contributing to my portfolio (i.e., blog) to reflect on the week. It’s been a week and I am enjoying my time at the office. It’s quiet. There is a lot of light. And, I’m getting work done without being interrupted by my cat. Don’t get me wrong… I love my cat!! But lately, I am finding that she does not like me working and having long stints of solitude to read and write. She will not have for it. LOL. I am also online to make a commitment to think about WHAT STORY DO I WANT TO TELL. That is such a wonderful question. It takes a different approach from which I thought I was doing and spent a lot of time and effort worrying about what others where thinking and perceiving. I have no control over that, but I do have control over my actions, thoughts, and beliefs. In the past, I was ignore all three aspects to default (or give my power away) to others thinking that I can come back to them another time. There is no other time, sadly. Over the last 5 years or so, it’s been a left turn in my pedagogical journey such that I am learning more about myself and what my needs are and what I like or love to do. This self knowledge is all new to me and I can see now that I was “never really good at” selling myself because I had no idea what I was selling because I was too busy trying to please others. THIS IS LIBERATION. The only person who can free the oppressed is the oppressed (Friere, 1968). That idea took me some time to understand, and now I feel that I am reminded again. I cannot think of a better day to write about this FREEDOM and insight. Today’s is my mom’s birthday. (HBD Mom!!) She would have been 88 years old. I don’t think this is a coincidence. My mom tried to share this learning with me a long time ago, even on her last day of life. I was touched by that and I feel that I am here, once again.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 27th, 2025 | Comments Off on A Bag of Corn Nuts
June 16, 2025 – Happy Belated Asian Heritage Month
Asian Heritage Month was last month. It’s taken this time to everything to slow down enough for me to go through my emails, feel rested, and to have the will to get on to other work. April was spent closing off the winter teaching term and transitioning to a non-teaching term. May was spent preparing for the CSSE 2025 conference in Toronto, finish off someone’s practicum, and tidy up loose ends from other work I was doing. Admittedly, it was a messy (mental) month. I could not believe how soon CSSE 2025 came up and voilà, it’s June. I have to look at my calendar to see what’s I’ve actually done. There was convocation and other manuscripts I have been working on otherwise. I can see was very scrambley up until yesterday. I just had to give myself the permission to just be and there will always be tomorrow. Well, tomorrow is today. And I feel 100%. I feel that I can proceed with life and work with an intentional step. It feels good that I can be intentional and not feel pressured or expected to do something, even though I have a few things to do. It feels good to have agency.
Today, I was looking over some of the emails I keep open and on my desktop to address. Some emails have expired while others are re-read and then minimized to be dealt with at a later time. Yesterday, I was looking for LEADERSHIP FOR CHANGE literature for a course I am teaching in the fall. I found one on DIVERSITY LEADERSHIP co-edited by a person who worked at the university. I downloaded on of the chapters that looked at Chinese Canadian Women and Leadership. Of course, this chapter would capture my attention. Today, I finally opened up the Asian Heritage Month email from the Knowledge Network and just finished watching a documentary on Amy Tan and her life/career as an Asian American and author. Finally, when I was in Toronto for CSSE, I stayed at my aunt’s place, who lived only a 20-minute walk from the conference site and she is one of the younger sisters of my mom. My mom was the second oldest in her family. It was nice when my aunt and I connected that we spoke of my mom from time to time. The conversations brought me a lot of solace.
The images of the flowers above and below are ones that I got for my aunt to say thank you for letting me stay at her place during the conference. Although my aunt lived so close to the conference venue, there were very few places where I could by “a gift” for my aunt that was not a souvenir of Toronto, Canada. Across the street from one of the conference venue sites was Loblaws. I love that name. I always thought it was a funny word when I was a little kid. I even took a selfie in front of the store’s entrance because I thought it was funny. See below. First of all, Toronto was fairly hot that day, so the air conditioning was welcomed. Second, this place was HUGE. They had a Starbucks and so many lunch options. I was seriously looking around for something to eat that day. I was not a big fan of having to “eat out” everyday for meals at the conference, so I got Sushi, chicken wings, and an iced tea that day. It was exactly what I needed. Finally, there was a florist and other things to buy for gifts for my aunt. I got her some flowers (see photos), a thermos, and a couple of mugs.
I had just learned from chatting with my aunt that she loves PURPLE. I had no idea. This colour preference was verified by her closet near the exit/entrance to her place of which was filled with many purple coloured jackets. LOL. Confirmed. She likes purple. Also, her place was recently renovated and her bedroom has a slight purple tint on the walls and her office with pink. The rest of the walls were neutral. Subtle, but not so subtle. LOL. I shared this colour preference with the florist. I was very conflicted because the pre-made bouquets were not predominantly purple. There were purple flowers, but not as a bouquet. A long story made short, the florist suggested that yellow was a good complementary colour to purple and made her this beautiful bouquet. I could not be more grateful. As you can see from the top and bottom images that my aunt made two flower arrangements. There were too many flowers to fit into one vase, so she made two. I love them both. I bring up this story because her act of flower arranging reminded me of my mom. I loved that so much. My aunt also shared with me that my mom said that she liked the water (as demonstrated by all the art images of water in her place), because I too made that comment. Finally, at one of our meals out, I was watching the food come out, and my aunt commented that my mom would do the same thing. Ah yes… learned behaviour. I’m not shy about that, neither was my mom, because she was a foodie at heart.
My tribute to Asian Heritage Month is really a time during the year when I can remember my mom and think about the ancestry I have acquired from her. I do give my mom a lot of credit for this acquisition. I often felt disconnected from my dad. Was it because we are very similar people? That’s what some people say. I think that I give more credit to my mom is because she made an effort to stand by me and she always wanted the best for me, but for me to realize it for myself. I miss my mom and I think my love for Chinese food only resembles hers, and that it was our common attachment, tangible connection, or love language to our heritage.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 16th, 2025 | Comments Off on Asian Heritage Month 2025
Oof. I have been mesmerized over the last couple of days… meaning, I was in an ongoing cognitive paralysis for almost 36-hours + sleeping in for a few hours this morning. It was a lot. I am STUCK or overwhelmed with the idea of “what story do I want to tell.” So, might as well blog about it with hopes of something would emerge from the writing process. Thank goodness for my daughter’s boyfriend for dropping by last night to break the cycle of “whatever I was doing” so that I can get on with life. Also, dropping of a happy meal with all of my favourite items (i.e., cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate milk) “just because” was a very good way to get of my existential funk and engage in a conversation with another human being. It was a good omen, even though he was there to complete a few tasks on behalf of my kid. Kudos. What a good person. 🙂
