I cannot believe that it’s already been a week since I was in Toronto visiting with relatives on my mom’s side of the family. It was my aunt’s 80th birthday and with sheer grit and will power, my aunt and planning committee of cousins (that included my twin bro) organized a weekend event in Toronto. One of the highlights of the reunion was my nephew’s camera. It was pretty cool what kind of photos it could take, so here are a couple of them with a few members of my family. This first photo of us in a circle was taken at the University of Toronto visit a memorial bench that honours the memory of my grandmother and grand father. The second photo below is all of us who went to the reunion visiting and paying respect to my grandparents at the cemetery. My grandparents from my dad’s side are also buried near by, so we went there as a little family to pay our respects as well. I was so heartened that many of my aunts and uncles from my mom’s side also came over to pay their respects. What I did not realize is that our families were connected because of my parent’s marriage and one of my aunts on my mom’s side went to school with my uncle on my dad’s side, and she also knew another one of my aunts as well. That was so cool to learn. What was even more exciting was reconnecting and connecting with cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews. Many of them I did not see since my mother had passed away in 2018. Most I have not seen in decades. While others were brand new to me, and I was meeting them for the first time. There is something magical about families. Because you are family, you are just going to connect and get to know each other. It was a wonderful 3-days. Lots of memories.
The Chik-family reunion started with a get-to-know you session at my aunt’s condo in the multipurpose room. We wore name tags, there were games, food testing, gift exchange, slideshow, and food to eat. Although I was admittedly apprehensive of a 4.5-hour event, the time flew by. The event ended with my artist-aunt sharing a big image of a tree blossoming to my birthday-aunt, and there were smaller prints that were framed for each of us to take home. What a present!! In the image is a stamp with our Chinese name, and the image is titled, “To plant. To grow. To blossom.” So beautiful… I am looking at it on my window sill (a temporary location) as I write this blog post. Later that night, we went to the Pearl Restaurant, which is close to my birthday-aunt’s place. We had a 10-course Chinese meal. It was absolutely delicious. It’s be awhile since I had peking duck and a full formal Chinese dinner. We had 3 large round tables for our group, and a gorgeous view of Lake Ontario. The next day, we went to the cemetery in the morning, my little Ho-family went back to city centre to have Shake Shack for lunch, and then we all reunited at the CN Tower for dinner. Wow!! What an amazing experience. Very memorable. Beautiful views of the city. And, it was stormy that day… so depending on where the storm was or direction we were facing, sometimes we had sun, clouds, and everything in between. After dinner, we went to the observation deck as well. The CN Tower is a MUST DO in Toronto. Finally, on day 3, we concluded with dim sum and professional photos at the Pearl again. Another AMAZING meal!! Many flew out that day after dim sum. We also got a CN Tower glow-in-the-dark coin and personalized travel tags with our Chik-name on it.
The Chik-family reunion was amazing and I am so grateful that we had this moment to connect and reconnect. In lots of ways, we have not changed. One of my aunts said that I am still the same. Hmm… disturbing, yet reassuring. Thank you to the organizing team and my cousins, birthday-aunt, nephews, and everyone who came to Toronto to make this event possible. My heart is full, and I was so grateful to spend time with my little Ho-family as well. My kid and her boyfriend took me out for Mother’s Day dinner on our final night in Toronto. Miku would have been fabulous, but they were completely booked. Instead, we had Italian food, and the meatballs were delicious. I also want to say a big thank you for my roomie for the 4 days… my big sis… and to my twin bro for all of the points he collects from the Marriott and Air Canada that heavily subsidized the hotel and flights to Toronto. For some reason, all the parts fit, and I could briefly step away from my work and enjoy the company of my family. I had so much fun. Kudos to the Chik-family!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, May 16th, 2026 | No Comments »
In this photo, my kid and I went to get pho. She had soup, and I had this prawn and roll platter. It was absolutely delicious and a huge portion. This meal has held me for 3 meals. I enjoyed every bite, and thank goodness for air fryers. What was life like before the air fryer. This appliance is the MOST used appliance in my household next to the coffee machine. Another thing I love… COFFEE. We have a Keurig and a Nespresso. I love both of those appliances as well. Expresso or a drip coffee in one cup… it can’t get any better. Yes… there are a few things I love. They do lean onto the food spectrum, hence the many food pics. I just enjoy the food, the experience, and the memories. I feel so loved and joyful when I am engaged in eating or drinking something I love and often times, the company I keep. I am so grateful for the food, the love, and the people. I am very lucky.
I think as a child, I feel that food was a privilege. We did not have a lot of food and I was given food that I was given. My parents worked very hard to put food on the table. My mom made the most of the dollar to maximize the food in our house. I don’t know how she did it. I have very negative memories about food. The fridge was almost empty, my mom bought “x” bread (aka., day old bread), and my made many stir fry dinners with meat she cut off a chicken leg (aka., the cheapest cut). My dad worked at the pulp mill, underemployed, and worried about being laid off from month-to-month. My mom worked at the cannery and pulp mill cafeteria at one time and worked around the clock, then in the food industry as a coffee shop owner, caterer, and delicatessen worker. I often think about how many sandwiches my mom had to make to ensure that my siblings and I are educated, working in places where we thrive, and living “the good life” in Canada.
This blog post is the fourth time I have with this title. It does not surprise me. I’ve been feeling kind of low lately and have been resistant to complete some of work I need to do because I am not in the right headspace. I feel that I am finally seeing myself through this heavy space but still have a tonne of stuff to do. I will get it done today. I have no choice. What I am learning is, to feel the feels before proceeding. I don’t want to react, and I don’t want to numb myself and plough through the work without feelings. I just recently did the Myers-Briggs test lately. I was talking about it with my sister. She is INTP. My kid is ISFJ. I used to be ESTJ when I was first introduced to this preference test, but now with a new life, a new way of being, and therapy… LOL… I am now an ENFP, the campaigner. I am enthusiastic, creative, and idealistic. When I read this description, I feel like it’s telling my story (when before I was doing what I thought I should do).
Why does this matter? It’s so important to be who you are and celebrate it. Everyone has strengths, and everyone has stretches too. For many years, I was trying to be someone who I was not to “fit in” and often compromised who I was to “belong.” BAD MOVE. I lost myself in doing that. The people-pleasing, the self-betrayal, and the hurt that equated to numbing was HELL. I won’t do that anymore. The person I belong to is ME. I am so grateful for Brene Brown’s work, but also the work of my therapist, and now, the work of my physiotherapist. Be yourself. Love yourself. And, ask for help, if you needed it. Ah yes, vulnerability, acceptance, and love. These virtues are so essential to our ability to experience joy, happiness, and doing what you love. I am not motivated by money, but rather I am motivated in helping (or lifting) others to be their best selves. I love listening to other people’s jam. I love slowing down and savouring in the joy.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, April 26th, 2026 | Comments Off on Do what you love
Yes, this blog post will be one of gratitude. I am so grateful for my sister. She my older sister. We did not become close until were were both adults. Much of my formative years was spent leaning on my twin brother. As time has passed and I’m well into adulthood and career, my sister and I grew closer. We started to get to know one another and for many years I struggled with being the youngest in my family. Although I am a twin, I am the youngest. My sister and brother were afforded the responsibilities of being the older siblings. I guess I fulfilled the stereotype of the youngest sibling. Generally, I just followed along and did what I was told. I did hold some resentment for many years as I had wanted to be just like my sister and brother. I wanted to be treated equally. I remember that I insisted as a child and through many of adult years to be treated the same. After my mom passed away in 2018, I realized that we were all treated differently… LOL… and we don’t have the same strengths, even though my mom made things feel equal for me.
Now as an older (and much more wiser) adult, I can see the value that my mom took in differentiating our lived experiences as her offspring. We were all different and we come to this world with different strengths. My mom saw that. In fact, after she passed away and we got to really see what was happening behind the curtains, my mom was the greatest conductor of this H9-family orchestra. She was thoughtful, caring, and strategic. All three of us had to learn about each other again, especially now when we are having to support our dad from a distance. We are three very different people. In hindsight, I don’t know why it was so important to be the same. I also spent much of my time trying to “fit in” to my family, thus betraying my authentic self, to do what I thought my dad, in particular, valued. Now, I understand (from my mom) that we are all different and the strengths that we bring to the table are different. I can see our differences, and I do find it hard to believe that we are so connected. We just don’t have the same strengths.
So, back to being grateful for my BIG sis. Since my mom’s passing, life has changed dramatically in many different ways. As turbulent as that was, I am finally in a place where I feel like my whole-self. It’s amazing to feel like oneself, with no compromises. Admittedly, it was scary to learn more about who I am, my value, and my self-worth. I had to figure out what made me happy, what stokes my fire, and what I truly believe in. There has been many pivots along the way and I feel that I can foreshadow another potential pivot in the horizon. In some ways, it freaks me out, but in other ways, I’m not reacting. I’m trying to be realistic while still keeping aligned to who I am and what I want out of life. This is where my sister comes into the picture. Last week, I really needed to co-regulate with someone at the end of the work day, and my sister is always there to pick up the call (or call back). After the call on Friday, I was so grateful that she could reason with me about a particular situation and co-regulate me to a place of calm and peacefulness. The next day, we are catching up and strategizing next steps. In this case, she uses her strengths to help me out. I am so grateful for this unconditional love.
I feel calm and rational in anticipation of what might come. And even still, it’s about making a decision for me. Just last night, I shared with my kid about saying no to something, and her response was that she was happy for me for being able to put myself first. HUH. That really struck me… I don’t do that. I am learning not only more about myself, but I am also learning more about asking for help, being vulnerable, and accepting this help knowing that people want the best for me. This is a good feeling.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 16th, 2026 | Comments Off on Feeling Much Gratitude
Here is a beautiful picture of my family… from the archives. I remember this day. I love this photo and I believe that I am taking the selfie, even though my dad’s head is right in front of mine… LOL. Obviously, my siblings and I are all adults, my mom did not quite yet turn the corner with her illness at the time, and my dad still had his memory. We all look a little younger, which is nice, and we are at some restaurant in Burnaby, BC. I think we are at the Chinese restaurant on Kingsway between my parents’ place and the Metrotown mall. It’s likely a Saturday and I commuted from the Sunshine Coast. We are having dim sum (except for my sister who is vegan and thus, she gets a mushroom dish).
Anyway, today is FAMILY DAY in BC and the first day of the mid-semester break. Normally, I would be teaching today, but I have the day off. Sadly, the truth is, I’m working and trying to catch up with work. It’s not that I am not getting things done, but rather, everything is taking way more time than I am anticipating it to take. For example, I was writing a draft copy of a chapter for a book and I was not going to make the deadline. I tried, but it was not going to happen. Luckily, the co-editors provided a weeklong extension. I thought that was generous because I thought I was close. NOPE. I have a full teaching week with 4 courses and no shortage of meetings, I ended up taking the whole week to complete. What helped was asking for help. For that, I am so grateful.
A long story made short, one thing at a time, one deadline after another, I have landed on this long weekend with some work (well, lots of work) to do on Monday. What I am proud about is, I prioritized sleep (as best I could), eating, and rest. To have this work somewhat sustainable, I need to take care of myself. Over time, I hope to add walking into the mix too. Anyway, I am just making each deadline and acknowledging that I can only do one thing at a time. That’s it. Everything (well, most things) so that I can get something done. I am pleased that I got the chapter done, and I also got my PAR (professional activity report) done on time (barely), as well as a task for one committee completed this morning. Again, I’m so grateful for help and time. It’s never planned.
I’m not disappointed, but rather grateful. I even took my “be a person day” this Saturday because I missed at least the last 2 Saturdays with hopes of getting things done. Honestly, rest is an excellent way to improve one’s productivity. I know, it sounds counter intuitive, but I just find that I can email, blog, and respond to what I need to do in a clear-headed, restful, and mindful way. I feel that way right now because I tried to start my blogs yesterday, but I was not ready do. I even missed last week’s blog and I just have to be ok with that. Anyway, when I am rested, things get done. The one-thing-at-a-time approach seems to be working in my favour as well as being kind to myself too.
As I get older, I have so much more gratitude for my family. I feel that my growing pains and perceived positionality in my family have taken a step back and I know my agency and my self-worth. Having lots to do is a good problem and I love everything that I am doing too. Every day is a gift and I will not take that for granted. Also this week is Chinese New Year and Saturday it was Valentine’s Day. These 3 particular days remind me of a pivotal week for my mom when she was in the hospital during her last “20 days.” She was admitted to the hospital on Family Day long weekend, she decided on Valentine’s Day to stop any intervention, and on Chinese New Year, we spoke to the palliative care doctor. It was a big week and my mom ultimately decided on MAID. That was 8 years ago.
I will not lose sight on the sacrifices my mom (and dad) took to give me and my siblings the good life of which we reap the benefits from. I am also grateful for the relationships I have with my brother and sister. We are so different from one another but we manage to connect and support one another that is enduring, loving, and caring. Right now, we are supporting my dad in his final chapter and I am grateful for my siblings and mom and dad for making me the person that I am today. I am also thankful for my kid and my cat. They make my life full. And, I am very happy to be doing work today because I love the work that I do. I was meant to be here and slowly but surely, I am learning what’s important to me, and having voice in expressing why it’s important. My mom would be proud of me.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, February 16th, 2026 | Comments Off on Catching Up on Family Day
Look at what I found at Costco this week… DUMPLINGS!! Finding these is a moment to celebrate. Let me explain… I moved to Prince George from the Lower Mainland. Access to Chinese/Cantonese food was very easy. I have a lot of good memories having dim sum or double duck dinner with my mom and family. Food brought us together. I moved to the Central Interior of BC about 7 years ago (and 2 of those years were spent on the Sunshine Coast during the pandemic). Anyway, Chinese food in this area tends to be more of the Canadian-Chinese genre and finding places with authentic Chinese food is hard to find. We did find a few yummy dishes at one restaurant called Fortune Palace. It’s pretty close. There are also a few dishes that taste pretty good at Famous Wok in the mall too. So, I do like going there sometimes if I don’t want to spend $100 to get a meal. But, it would be nice to cook at home. What I really want are DUMPLINGS or dim sum.
One year, after the pandemic and returning to Prince George, I spend a whole year investigating where I could get yummy Chinese food, in particular, dumplings. I found some in Superstore. I found some refrigerated potstickers with that yummy vinegar sauces. That was excellent. I have also found Hong Kong style rice rolls, deep fried bread, and frozen onion pancakes. Lastly, the Superstore also have some delicious frozen vegan dumplings, egg tarts, hargow, and rice noodles. All of these items are pretty good. And taking the time to list these items makes me realize that there are quite a few things here in Prince George. There is a local store call the Marquee and I love getting the frozen dumpling there and sticky rice. AMAZING. I also try to by my sauces there and anything that seems to catch my attention. I love supporting a local business. And, I did find Hon’s potstickers at Save-on-Foods. That said, I love the Bibigo dumplings at Costco (and Superstore and Save-on-Foods). It’s my favourite, but can be pretty pricey. As you can see, I found bags of suimai and hargow at Costco. I’ve had the hargow before and now in stock, but the suimai was a new find. Both products are made in Canada. #winning
FOCUS ON THE JOY
I tried both dumplings yesterday along with some BBQ Buns from Costco (of which the taste was spot on), and the dumplings were pretty good. They are a 7 out of 10. You cannot compare these dumplings with those found in Vancouver. I go to a restaurant called The Neptune near Metrotown and The Boss in Metrotown. These two places are must go-to’s for me. The food reminds me of my mom, but one of the very few things that I hold on to as part of my ethnic identity. I feel that’s why I am so determined to find items like these to keep me grounded to who I am. As I reflect on this dumpling find and the dumpling-hunt overall, I am reminded by the process. There were lots of wins, but also some losses. And, that’s ok. That’s learning. You have to try some things out to see if it’s something that you want, or not want. Ironically, it serves as a metaphor for my work as a practitioner-scholar. That’s probably the first time that I have identified myself as that, but I am coming to terms that the term PRACTITIONER-SCHOLAR best describes who I am. I am deeply invested in action-research, program evaluations, and self-studies as part of my scholarship. Identity, experiential learning, and reflective practice are at the heart of what I do. The context is mathematics education, teacher education, and professional learning. Leadership, policy, and governance weave into my work ask well.
I feel very lucky to do what I do. I love going to conferences, I love presenting, and I love learning. I love working with others, whether it be students or colleagues, and I love learning from experience. I understand that in my work, there is a sense of urgency, productivity, and publishing to attain tenure and promotion, but my position is a bit different. As much as I could “complain” or be distressed about not being tenure track, but I feel lucky nonetheless. I live in a community that is just the right size for me. I live in my home (that I bought all by myself) with my kid and cat. And, I live in a way that works for me and my pace of life. I am learning that I am not living my life for anyone else, but for myself. There are wins and losses, much like the dumplings. For example, I have won 2 internal grants as the principal investigator to support two research assistants and I am currently working with 3 teacher candidates to go to a student teacher conference and 3 recent graduates to publish a chapter. I think my only barrier is… ME. No one wants to eat a yucky dumpling, but how else do you learn? Yes, there is a potential to be rejected (which I have been) but the focus is what I can learn from the experience and feedback. You never know… it might be a winning dumpling!! Just try.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, January 16th, 2026 | Comments Off on Focus on the Joy
It’s a time to remember all those who fought in the war for our freedom. I am so grateful for the freedom and quality of life I have in Canada as a second-generation Chinese-Canadian woman. Despite some systemic and societal struggles as a person of colour, I have led a wonderful life and I have much to thank to the veterans and those who continue to protect and fight for our country. I recognized that I am very privileged and my struggles are ones that are personal to me and I have the opportunity to discern, wonder, and reflect. Lately, I have been appreciating the little things like where I live, what I am eating, and what I am doing. It’s the little things that I am able to appreciate, enjoy, and have gratitude for. I feel very lucky and safe to be where I am today.
And, when I say things like I LOVE WHERE I AM… I continue to struggle with other things like MY NAME. It’s so frustrating. I can see why identity and self-knowledge are underpinnings to my teaching practice in the teacher education program. For some reason at the university, my name changed from “Christine Ho Younghusband” to “Christine Younghusband.” All of my platforms associated to the university has changed my name (back) to Christine Younghusband. Why does this matter? I struggled with the idea of having my name as Christine Ho Younghusband when I came to the university. I wanted to honour my family’s name but also my married name. I never liked the name I was born with (aka. Alice Christine Ho) and I had always gone with the name “Christine” which is somewhat acceptable, and in my formative years as “Chris.” Doctor’s or bank offices love to use the name “Alice” and my last name is often considered to be “Younghusband” versus “Ho Younghusband.” This name thing is tough when you are in academia. You are trying to create a brand with your name, but also some name recognition.
I know this notion of MY NAME seems almost ridiculous to even speak of, but it’s a pain in the (you know what). Now that I reflect on it, on the one hand, I don’t really like my name as a whole (I mean… who’s Alice?), and on the other hand, I don’t seem to have a lot of control what name I would like to go by (even when I ask for it to be noted or changed). Is this a self-knowledge issue? An identity issue? Or sense of agency and belonging issue? If anything, my name has been a struggle. Yes, I could change it, and I tried, but for whatever reason (aka. a system update), my name reverted back to what it was??? When students and peers ask me what my name is and why I had changed my name, I have no answer but a complex and convoluted one. What is more interesting is, it was super awkward to transition into the name “Christine Ho Younghusband” 7 years ago, but now going back to “Christine Younghusband” does not feel right… much like “Christine Ho,” “Alice Younghusband,” or “Alice Christine Ho” are not quite right. Oof. It’s a thing.
I will ponder this situation while being grateful for my freedom and for those who fought in wars to provide freedom to our country. I feel very lucky, regardless of my name.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, November 11th, 2025 | Comments Off on My Name is a Struggle
Omg… I cannot believe it’s September. Goodbye summer time!! The summer months flew by… and I enjoyed every moment of it. I was able to take the time to enjoy my place and feel at home. I LOVE BEING AT HOME and I love where I am living. I love the sunsets. I love the space. I love this little community. I feel safe. I feel solace. I feel a lot of gratitude. I am so proud of myself that I am able to have my own place and that I am able take care of my kid as she approaches adulthood. I am super happy with my job and I am grateful for my autonomy, freedom, and agency in my work. It’s truly a dream. I am in a different place and I LOVE what I do, where I am, and who I am.
How lucky am I?
That said, I totally miscalculated how fast that time would go this spring/summer term. This year has been the first spring/summer term where I did not have a course to teach or be responsible for. I had fantasized that I would get a billion things done during this term. Unfortunately, I did achieve everything I wanted to accomplish in four months. If I shared my original ambition to a friend of mine, they would have said it was unreasonable and unrealistic. I’ve taken all summer to understand what SMART goals really mean. It’s ok to spend time resting and appreciating a slower pace to life. I loved it. But now, I find myself cramming to get things done and some things will not get done. Being ambitious is good, but I need to be a bit more reasonable.
What have I accomplished?
First, I have learned how to enjoy quiet time guilt-free and to appreciate taking life at a slow pace. This way of living is 100% refreshing and revitalizing. I am enjoying life as an introvert and feel that I am truly up to my INFP preferences, which is so opposite from being an ESTJ for most of my working life (as a teacher). The transition was gradual to this SLOW-way of being and I’m loving it. Although I did have to partake in a few significant life changes to get here, I have no regrets. I appreciate my own company (with the cat and kid, of course) and the quiet time I have to myself. It’s nourishing. I feel more aligned to the way I want to live my life. I am very thankful that I can do this… and afford this way of being. It’s a privilege I will not take for granted.
Second, I went to a couple of conferences and presented a handful of times. In the spring, I travelled to Toronto, ON to attend CSSE and Congress. I presented a paper at CAARE (Action Research) in collaboration with 3 former teacher candidates (now practicing teachers) about the sit-spot lesson study; I co-presented with the CETE (Climate Education in Teacher Education) research team members at CNIE (Network of Innovation) about the project; I presented (single author) at CATE (Teacher Education) about in-situ learning in my assessment class; and, I presented at a the CASIE (Indigenous Education) roundtable in collaboration with my friend about the 4 R’s and assessment. In the summer, I co-presented with the District Numeracy Teacher and an Elementary Teacher Candidate at the UNBC Teaching and Learning Conference about Numeracy Night at Edgewood. Presenting is a great way to get your work out there and share your interests with others, but also a means to connect with other people, to network, and get inspired for future writing opportunities.
Third, I got some manuscripts, chapters, and a book chapter proposal completed for submission. Although I have a few more manuscripts to attend to (as well as others on the horizon I would like to write about), I am super grateful and thankful for the work and collaborations that was accomplished this spring/summer term. There were two manuscripts submitted by the CETE research team, where I am the third author on both pieces of work. One was resubmitted for publication and the other was recently submitted for a special edition. I submitted two chapters for the Leadership Book to be produced by the School of Education; one chapter was lead by my colleague and the second chapter was led by me. The latter chapter was submitted to be a conference proceeding for a conference from a couple of years ago, but not much had manifested from that. I thought that submitting an updated version to the book would be a better opportunity for the piece to be published. I was glad to return to that piece to make the revisions it needed. Finally, I have submitted another manuscript that needed revisions with another group about cultural adaption of schools. we hope to get a second manuscript out soon to be considered as well. Lastly, I am hoping to get a book review out, but time is running out!! (… or ran out).
It’s September!!
My accomplishments is not an exhaustive list, but rather a list to reflect upon and acknowledge. I have also been working on getting ethics approved for another project I am leading and I hope to be submitting another one for a book chapter proposal I submitted to be co-written with the 3 former teacher candidates mentioned above. We made a submission and then was asked to make some revisions to that proposal to align the work to the theme of the book. They were fair comments and I am greatly appreciating the feedback that has been graciously offered to me during conferences and writing. It’s formative feedback at its finest with the wholehearted intention to make the work (and you) better. I LOVE THAT!! The learning-mindset thrives on it.
OK. Now, it’s back to work on this labour day weekend. Seems counterintuitive, but I would like to get the provisos for this ethics application done. We took a few spins on how the project would proceed (based on the feedback), and it’s taken a few revisions that is taking more time than anticipated to complete. All is good. That is what I am also learning too. If you want to take it SLOW, you have to do a little bit each day to get things done. That’s a difficult lesson for to learn, but a good one. I am finding that taking breaks during your work-span of a project actually is better for the project. I don’t think that the mindset is… it’s taking longer than expected… but rather… it takes time for good things to happen. I’m ok with that. The consequence, I am learning how long it will take to do things and thus, will take on work that I can do. And, that’s it!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 01st, 2025 | Comments Off on You can only control yourself
I’m not sure why I am procrastinating this blog post. I got inspired a few days ago when I rediscovered this box of “cards for self-exploration” on my desk during a Zoom meeting. Admittedly, I had not opened this box. It was still in its plastic wrap and I believe I bought it a few months ago. There are 60 cards and each card has a question for you to answer. The first card asks, “Who are you?” Was this serendipity at play here? I was just in a 2-week cognitive paralysis and existential crisis pondering about “What story do I want to tell?” If anything, from what I have noticed, I am hiding. It’s a strange thing to say for an extrovert. At one time, I loved being with people and being surrounded by people. Now, my preference is staying at home with my cat.
It’s been a crazy journey since 2010. Lots have changed in my life and it’s been a muddle and a mess for most of the time. I chose not to stay the course, leave teaching, and figure things out the hard way. Right now, in 2025, I feel much more balanced, rested, and like myself. I am definitely not the same person as I was and I am very open to figuring out who I am and why it matters. I’ve been wanting to write about my mom, but I also feel that I want to explore my formative years in context to being a second-generation Chinese Canadian woman, who is the youngest of three children, she is a twin, mother of one, and divorced, and she is pursuing a career in academia when many of her edu-peers from her K-12 teaching days are retiring.
What is there to say? Who cares? Why does it matter?
Maybe I’ve been hiding from myself. I don’t want to know… possibly. Or maybe, I have not spent much time investing in myself to know myself. The irony. I teach folk to become teachers and in one of my courses we read “The Heart of a Teacher” by Parker Palmer (1997). He says that there is not one way to be a great teacher. However, he says to be successful as a teacher, you need to know what you are teaching, who you are teaching, and yourself (aka., knowledge of the subject matter, knowledge of the students, and self-knowledge). When you know yourself and are true to yourself in your practice, that vulnerability, identity, and courage can be experienced in your class. I endorse this idea and try to live by it. That said, how much do I know myself and how much am I willing to share? The answer, I’m not sure of.
The COVID-19 pandemic created a lot of havoc in people’s lives. I was grateful that my mom did not have to witness or experience this global event. For me, as one event to mention at this time, turned me around in many ways. Social isolation. Remote teaching. Living alone. I spent a lot of my time blogging and wondering about “what was important to me” and posting “patio pics” on my social media feed as an ongoing joke to myself to entertain myself on the daily not realizing that we would be in pandemic for more than THREE YEARS. There was a lot of personal reflection during that time, but I feel that was just the beginning of this journey to learn more about myself. What people see of me is only a “veneer” of who I really am. Again, at a recent workshop, I introduced a very superficial version of myself, while others went deeper.
I am noticing.
I feel that these KNOW YOURSELF cards can offer some guidance to delve deeper into who I am. Part of my deliberation is to blog about it or start a private journal on my OneDrive at work. I think that I might start that personal journal and maybe write about a reflection on my reflections. That is a good compromise. I wonder if I don’t know a lot about myself because I spent a lot of my time as a child being the #3 child, which transcended into my marriage and workplace such that I was driven by the constant need to “people please” with hopes of being seen in a toxic relationship, when really I was slowly but surely eroding into someone I could no longer recognize. I can say that now. I could not see that before. When you’re in it, you’re blind. I am rebuilding myself. Now, what I see is, POSSIBILITIES. It’s taken me some time to understand my value and to respect who I am. It’s not 100%, but I am getting there.
What story do I want to tell? I guess I need to know more about myself. I am starting to wonder about my inability to promote myself and take action to do what I love or to learn something new so that I can advance my career, for example, is because I don’t know who I am, or at least don’t want to recognize who I am. I think about what Brené Brown says about NUMBING. You cannot numb the bad feelings without numbing the good ones too. Is it the same application here? There is nothing wrong with understanding your strengths and stretches. Again, this is something I teach in one of my teacher education courses and encourage student-teachers to help their students to understand about this as well. My supervisor suggested that I needed to create a digital narrative, much like my students did when I taught the portfolio course. It’s something I can do. The timing is right. It’s 60-days until the fall term.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 07th, 2025 | Comments Off on A 60-Day Challenge
Could I be immersed in an existential moment? Possibly. First of all, I feel inspired to contribute to my blog. I believe that this is my third blog post for the week and there might be more. The frequency of inspiration to contribute to my blog post and to reflect is wonderful. I was struggling for quite some time to contribute weekly to 2 WordPress sites. Now that I have returned to one website, while the other one is “on pause” has brought me much joy and freedom. I am blogging because “I want to” versus the “I have to.” The latter is how I’ve led my life and I am learning how to live differently… to live for ME.
As narcissistic as that may sound, what I mean is… it’s ok to be “selfish”… to care for oneself… to do what you LOVE!! Understanding what you love and then doing what you love… is FREEDOM. To do this successfully, you have to live in the moment. Be present. Oh my goodness… I’ve lived in the past for decades, tried to cater my life for an unforeseen future, and based my life on what I thought others expected from me. Thank goodness I have realized that this is all a LIE. For the last couple of years, I’ve been reclaiming my life and I am getting closer to “my best life.” I have never felt better and I am learning how to not take other people’s behaviours personally. I have agency. I have choice.
Vice versa… I can say what I mean. It’s not personal. Also, I’ve been learning to slow down, say “no” to things, and prioritize my health and wellness. My happiness and joy matters. I cherish the little things. My mom passed away 7 years ago and my good friend passed away last month. You cannot take life to granted or take things too seriously. All you can do is, do the best you can (without losing yourself in the process). Father’s Day just happened last weekend and I looked through my Facebook pics to find selfies with me and my dad. I have no idea when I took this screenshot or what we were both doing that day, but I have to say, it’s one of my favourite photos.
If anything, the image brings a smile to my face. Hi DAD!! Find your joy. Be happy.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 18th, 2025 | Comments Off on Appreciate the Moment
June 16, 2025 – Happy Belated Asian Heritage Month
Asian Heritage Month was last month. It’s taken this time to everything to slow down enough for me to go through my emails, feel rested, and to have the will to get on to other work. April was spent closing off the winter teaching term and transitioning to a non-teaching term. May was spent preparing for the CSSE 2025 conference in Toronto, finish off someone’s practicum, and tidy up loose ends from other work I was doing. Admittedly, it was a messy (mental) month. I could not believe how soon CSSE 2025 came up and voilà, it’s June. I have to look at my calendar to see what’s I’ve actually done. There was convocation and other manuscripts I have been working on otherwise. I can see was very scrambley up until yesterday. I just had to give myself the permission to just be and there will always be tomorrow. Well, tomorrow is today. And I feel 100%. I feel that I can proceed with life and work with an intentional step. It feels good that I can be intentional and not feel pressured or expected to do something, even though I have a few things to do. It feels good to have agency.
Today, I was looking over some of the emails I keep open and on my desktop to address. Some emails have expired while others are re-read and then minimized to be dealt with at a later time. Yesterday, I was looking for LEADERSHIP FOR CHANGE literature for a course I am teaching in the fall. I found one on DIVERSITY LEADERSHIP co-edited by a person who worked at the university. I downloaded on of the chapters that looked at Chinese Canadian Women and Leadership. Of course, this chapter would capture my attention. Today, I finally opened up the Asian Heritage Month email from the Knowledge Network and just finished watching a documentary on Amy Tan and her life/career as an Asian American and author. Finally, when I was in Toronto for CSSE, I stayed at my aunt’s place, who lived only a 20-minute walk from the conference site and she is one of the younger sisters of my mom. My mom was the second oldest in her family. It was nice when my aunt and I connected that we spoke of my mom from time to time. The conversations brought me a lot of solace.
The images of the flowers above and below are ones that I got for my aunt to say thank you for letting me stay at her place during the conference. Although my aunt lived so close to the conference venue, there were very few places where I could by “a gift” for my aunt that was not a souvenir of Toronto, Canada. Across the street from one of the conference venue sites was Loblaws. I love that name. I always thought it was a funny word when I was a little kid. I even took a selfie in front of the store’s entrance because I thought it was funny. See below. First of all, Toronto was fairly hot that day, so the air conditioning was welcomed. Second, this place was HUGE. They had a Starbucks and so many lunch options. I was seriously looking around for something to eat that day. I was not a big fan of having to “eat out” everyday for meals at the conference, so I got Sushi, chicken wings, and an iced tea that day. It was exactly what I needed. Finally, there was a florist and other things to buy for gifts for my aunt. I got her some flowers (see photos), a thermos, and a couple of mugs.
I had just learned from chatting with my aunt that she loves PURPLE. I had no idea. This colour preference was verified by her closet near the exit/entrance to her place of which was filled with many purple coloured jackets. LOL. Confirmed. She likes purple. Also, her place was recently renovated and her bedroom has a slight purple tint on the walls and her office with pink. The rest of the walls were neutral. Subtle, but not so subtle. LOL. I shared this colour preference with the florist. I was very conflicted because the pre-made bouquets were not predominantly purple. There were purple flowers, but not as a bouquet. A long story made short, the florist suggested that yellow was a good complementary colour to purple and made her this beautiful bouquet. I could not be more grateful. As you can see from the top and bottom images that my aunt made two flower arrangements. There were too many flowers to fit into one vase, so she made two. I love them both. I bring up this story because her act of flower arranging reminded me of my mom. I loved that so much. My aunt also shared with me that my mom said that she liked the water (as demonstrated by all the art images of water in her place), because I too made that comment. Finally, at one of our meals out, I was watching the food come out, and my aunt commented that my mom would do the same thing. Ah yes… learned behaviour. I’m not shy about that, neither was my mom, because she was a foodie at heart.
My tribute to Asian Heritage Month is really a time during the year when I can remember my mom and think about the ancestry I have acquired from her. I do give my mom a lot of credit for this acquisition. I often felt disconnected from my dad. Was it because we are very similar people? That’s what some people say. I think that I give more credit to my mom is because she made an effort to stand by me and she always wanted the best for me, but for me to realize it for myself. I miss my mom and I think my love for Chinese food only resembles hers, and that it was our common attachment, tangible connection, or love language to our heritage.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 16th, 2025 | Comments Off on Asian Heritage Month 2025
I cannot believe that it’s already been a week since I was in Toronto visiting with relatives on my mom’s side of the family. It was my aunt’s 80th birthday and with sheer grit and will power, my aunt and planning committee of cousins (that included my twin bro) organized a weekend event in Toronto. One of the highlights of the reunion was my nephew’s camera. It was pretty cool what kind of photos it could take, so here are a couple of them with a few members of my family. This first photo of us in a circle was taken at the University of Toronto visit a memorial bench that honours the memory of my grandmother and grand father. The second photo below is all of us who went to the reunion visiting and paying respect to my grandparents at the cemetery. My grandparents from my dad’s side are also buried near by, so we went there as a little family to pay our respects as well. I was so heartened that many of my aunts and uncles from my mom’s side also came over to pay their respects. What I did not realize is that our families were connected because of my parent’s marriage and one of my aunts on my mom’s side went to school with my uncle on my dad’s side, and she also knew another one of my aunts as well. That was so cool to learn. What was even more exciting was reconnecting and connecting with cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews. Many of them I did not see since my mother had passed away in 2018. Most I have not seen in decades. While others were brand new to me, and I was meeting them for the first time. There is something magical about families. Because you are family, you are just going to connect and get to know each other. It was a wonderful 3-days. Lots of memories.
