It’s hard to believe that it’s almost October. I’m still stuck on “where did July go?” Time is certainly flying by. The weather is a good indication that it’s FALL. I do love the rainy weather. It reminds me of the coast. But, I also love the changing colour of the leaves. Fall is my most favourite season in the Central Interior, and this area has four distinct seasons. There is a lot to love about this time of year… and it’s my BIRTHDAY MONTH. Can you believe that I’m turning 55? I can’t. I think that I was 37-years old for a very long time… and now, I’m 55.
I remember when my dad turned 55. We were in Prince Rupert. His birthday is May 19th. So, if he was 55, I was 22 (turning 23 that year). My kid is 22-years old right now. This year is very full circle for me. I have an image in my head (a memory, I suppose) of us having a family dinner at Galaxy Gardens, our Chinese restaurant of choice. We were sitting on the dining room side in one of the closed off areas with the large round tables. My dad was “cutting the cord” with Mark’s tennis ball (don’t ask… LOL) and we presented him with a Canuck jersey with “FREEDOM 55” written on the back of it. Mark must have been graduating from university and my dad was retiring from the pulp mill. Turning 55 was a big deal for my dad and it was a day of celebration.
I’m beginning to question the timing and location of this celebration… soon after he retired, they went to China for a handful of years (to figure out how to make pulp from long grass) and then moved to the Lower Mainland. Mark and I lived in the condominium my parents purchased after they left Prince Rupert. I think the timing is right. I think I just graduated from my Bachelor of Science and hoping to enter the teacher education program after the summer. And yes, I was in Prince Rupert and worked at the gift shop at the Museum of Northern British Columbia. Huh. This memory of my dad’s 55th birthday was very clear… very joyful. And, I do recall there is a photo of us in the restaurant with one image of my dad “cutting the cord” and another image with my dad holding up the jersey. Freedom 55 is not quite how I’m entering this lifespan milestone. I think I’m entering it with lots of gratitude.
First of all, I’m early to mid-career at the university. This employment (hopefully) will not end any time soon (even though I see lots of my friends retiring from the K-12 school system). I am really enjoying the work and I am learning lots. I have finally come to a place in this work where I am very content and feel that I have lots of agency (and freedom) to engage in academia and teaching that brings me a lot of joy and on-purpose to contribute back to K-12 education (and teacher education). I am really enjoying the work and believe that I am where I need to be. Second, I am still living with my kid. This co-habitation has been absolutely wonderful for me. As we both transition into “adulthood,” we are able to live together and support one another in our new home (hence the patio-pic image above). I just love our place and I am very happy living here. We have all the amenities we need, we have space to live (with strata doing lots of the outdoor maintenance), and we love the location. We are only 8 minutes away from the university. Finally, life has taken many left turns to lead us here in Prince George. I have never been happier. And for that, I am grateful.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 28th, 2025 | Comments Off on Gratitude 55
One of the things that I teach in one of my teacher education classes is, “Christine 1” and “Christine 2.” This course is situated at the beginning of a 16-month program and the focus of the course is curriculum, pedagogy, and teaching. In 13-weeks, I try to curate a course-narrative to describe what is curriculum, what is pedagogy, and what is teaching. So, “Christine 1” is “teacher-Christine.” She is performative. She exudes confidence. She is professional. She is caring, kind, and compassionate. She is the teacher that is demonstrating all of the professional standards that are required of her. “Christine 2” is my inside voice. What am I thinking? I could be pivoting. I could be reflecting in and on action. I could be making decisions in real-time. Basically, “Christine 2” is articulating “adaptive expertise.” So, I try to disclose what’s happening in real-time when plans change and why. I wanted to make the invisible, visible.
“Christine 3” is “soap-box Christine.” There are some topics in education that I am very passionate about and at times I will go on a slight tangent and share some thoughts on some these topics (i.e., assessment, teacher wellness, leadership, math efficacy, and math education). “Christine 4” could be the researcher, the writer, or educational leader… and other Christine’s start delving into the personal-side of Christine (i.e., the curler, the cat mom, the kid’s mom, the sister, the daughter, the niece, the aunty, etc.). There are many ME’s and it’s fun to articulate the ability to compartmentalize parts of me… even though all of these identities are all a part of me. Just the other day, I was out with my class at West Lake for a land-based learning experience. It’s fun to take learning out to place and on the land when exploring ideas such as land-as-teacher, land acknowledgements, and a walking curriculum. Anyway, in one instance, planning with one of the students that I “mis-mathed” the time. We giggled and I said, I used to be a math teacher… but now I’m a teacher educator. I’m all about sharing circles. Another student then said, “Is that Christine negative one?” #brilliant
Can you believe that? It’s only Week 3 of the course (out of 13) and the notion of “Christine 1” and “Christine 2” not only have meaning for these students, but the idea that these identities are on a time-continuum. I just loved it. The next day, I joined another class who went out to West Lake as their last instructional day for their course prior to final practicum. I was saying goodbye to folks and one student mentioned “Christine 1” and “Christine 2.” I shared with this student the story mentioned above, and they loved it too. I feel very grateful to do the work that I am doing, and I am learning more about the different aspects of “Christine” over time. I will continue to be learning… not to take myself too seriously… and to continue to care for the practice, the students, and myself. I appreciate the playfulness and openness for the students… and I am very appreciative for their kind remarks and positive feedback. One day at a time… and just do my best. That’s all I got. #grateful
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 20th, 2025 | Comments Off on Christine Negative One
A much better week this week… busy, no question… but more representative of what my work week will look like this fall term. On Monday, I did some work for the School of Education. Tuesday was focused on research and I had my first class with a graduate class at St. Mark’s College as a sessional instructor. We had an incredible class. We proceeded with my online class design and worked like a charm. Thank you to my previous online graduate level classes over the last few years who helped me to co-construct my online approach. I really like it, and I believe the students like it too. Wednesday was spent prepping for my Wednesday night class that was originally scheduled to be in-person but now its hybrid. I’m up for the challenge. We tried a few things to make the class more personable. Not perfect, but I think that class went well. Wednesday is a big day for me… because after night class, I am prepping for my morning class. Thursday begins with an 8:30am class. I managed to prep and went to bed at a decent hour. I had a pretty good sleep and we had a pretty good class. Friday ended with doing some work on campus in the afternoon and organizing my office.
I ended the week feeling very satisfied with the work I accomplished and it feels great to get “re-set” for the new school year. Although I did not get through my email, that might be a next week thing. Now, we head into the weekend. And, let me tell you… I entered this weekend guilt-free. Normally, I would have listed a whole bunch of things to do over the weekend. I had informally created a small list, but it is likely that I’m not going to address the “list of things to do” until Monday. Keeping work between the bookends of Monday to Friday (as best I can) might be the next step of my self-care, rest way-of-being. I need to keep this work sustainable and JOYFUL. I feel great when I’m rested. I know this sounds obvious, but I did not live my personal and professional life this way. Work took precedent and rest was only a privilege that I thought was purely indulgent and only available to me when my work was done.
Here some news… THE WORK IS NEVER DONE. That took me a long time to understand. Moreover, to get really good at maintaining balance and a healthy lifestyle, I need to PRACTICE. I’m guessing that after I finish this blog post that I am going to do a “workout” from YouTube. Yup. I would rather walk outside at night time, but it’s not safe. So, this weekend, I truly enjoyed my time RESTING. Saturdays is”be a person day.” What does that mean? I can do chores… I can sleep in… and I don’t do any work. I love recycling on Saturdays. I’m not sure why, but it brings me a lot of joy (or closure) to recycle on the weekend. This Saturday, I roamed around, went shopping, then food shopping, and went for a walk with a friend. Today, I took out the garbage, built a shelving unit, and re-organized my office/bedroom. Oh my… it feels great to be organized. Resting is intentional. In the end, I feel great. So, why not?
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 14th, 2025 | Comments Off on First Real Week Back
Toast with butter and jam. A Sunday afternoon treat. I love it.
September 7, 2025 – Enjoy the Simple Things
Wow. That was an intense first week back to school. I can only imagine teachers returning back to K-12 schools. I hope they are kind and compassionate to self. As exciting it is to return back to school, it’s easy to “over-do-it” and over-extend oneself to the point where it’s not safe or healthy for one to do or sustain. Do I need to listen to myself and the advice I would share with other educators? Yes, I do… of course.
First of all… July came and went. I think I was fully immersed in RELAX-mode, which is not a bad thing. Rest is a good thing. Unfortunately, August was very full with lots of things to do (if not, over full) preparing for the upcoming the school year. Prior to the first week of school, I was working on addressing some provisos from an ethics application. It was an incredible learning experience, but the revisions were extensive. With my research team, we mutually decided to make some changes in direction of our work, and I was charged to making those changes in our ethics application. I needed to get this application resubmitted before school started… and I did… at 5am on September 2nd. Truth, I am getting too old for all-nighters, but that’s my best work time. It’s a dilemma, but it was submitted. Yay for me because school was starting.
September 2nd started with a morning meeting with another research team then transitioned into Day 1 of the B.Ed. Program Orientation. This event was only for a couple of hours to do some brief introductions to the new incoming cohorts then go outside in small groups to get to know one another. The day ended at 3pm and I went home with high hopes of going to bed, which I did at 7pm, soon after I learned that the book review I committed to do could be completed later in the term for a 2026 publication. I was not disappointed. I was grateful for the time to pause and rest. I needed it. The next day started early with Day 2 of the B.Ed. Orientation. It was a full day with the morning at the Northern Sports Centre and the afternoon at Lheidli T’enneh Memorial Park. The incoming cohorts engage in activities led by the out going cohorts. Somewhere in between, I also met with my research team to update them on the ethics application and to discuss next steps. It was a very full day, but wait…
September 3rd was the start of classes and I taught my first night class after the B.Ed. Orientation. This class is a 3-hour graduate study class, which was originally designed to be an in-person course, but now it’s hybrid. Teaching that night was challenging to say the least because getting well acquainted with either the in-person or online students in hybrid class is minimized due to having two platforms of delivery all at once. I take a deep breath and remember to find some kindness and compassion for self to do the best that I can. That’s all I can offer. I cannot be everything to everyone and I will do my best to accommodate but I know that it will not be the same as a class that is either all in-person or all online. Sadly, the work continues with prepping for my morning class. It’s another 3-hour class, but with the incoming cohort. It’s the first class they will have in the B.Ed. Program. I needed to make a good impression.
September 4th started with an 8:30am class. I am not a morning person to begin with and I stayed up late to prep for this class. I think the class went well, but classic “Christine”… I went over time by 5 minutes and did not do one learning activity. That’s ok. It’s good to be over planned, but also, I had to learn how this class moved and flowed. I feel that they are moving quite swiftly and they are very adaptive and responsive. The learning activity can wait until next week, but dang… I’m already thinking… how can I get everything I have planned done? It’s ok. I’m going with the flow. As you can imagine, I wanted to go home to sleep, but the outgoing crew were sharing their final projects for one of their yearlong courses. I dropped by to say hello and had the opportunity to listen and see some of their work. It was really incredible and creative with some of the outcomes. I was really happy to see this crew, but it did take about a few hours of my time. All is good. As you know, soon after, I went to bed.
September 5th is Fri-YAY and I had no classes to attend to. However, the outgoing cohort had a second yearlong course of which they were also sharing their final projects. Some projects were offered as a gallery walk while others were online or a presentation. The session was scheduled for 6-hours. As much as I wanted to hear, see, and learn from all of the students, I committed to the morning. Again, it was good to hear what students are doing, and it provided me some solace and closure on this course. It used to be one I used to teach, but now it has a new instructor and new learning outcomes. I am happy for the students and grateful to have the opportunity to say hello, once again, with the outgoing cohorts, and head home to get to other aspects of my work… and then rest. But, this day concluded with great news!! The ethics application mentioned earlier… it was APPROVED. Woohoo!!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 07th, 2025 | Comments Off on Week One Is Done
Omg… I cannot believe it’s September. Goodbye summer time!! The summer months flew by… and I enjoyed every moment of it. I was able to take the time to enjoy my place and feel at home. I LOVE BEING AT HOME and I love where I am living. I love the sunsets. I love the space. I love this little community. I feel safe. I feel solace. I feel a lot of gratitude. I am so proud of myself that I am able to have my own place and that I am able take care of my kid as she approaches adulthood. I am super happy with my job and I am grateful for my autonomy, freedom, and agency in my work. It’s truly a dream. I am in a different place and I LOVE what I do, where I am, and who I am.
How lucky am I?
That said, I totally miscalculated how fast that time would go this spring/summer term. This year has been the first spring/summer term where I did not have a course to teach or be responsible for. I had fantasized that I would get a billion things done during this term. Unfortunately, I did achieve everything I wanted to accomplish in four months. If I shared my original ambition to a friend of mine, they would have said it was unreasonable and unrealistic. I’ve taken all summer to understand what SMART goals really mean. It’s ok to spend time resting and appreciating a slower pace to life. I loved it. But now, I find myself cramming to get things done and some things will not get done. Being ambitious is good, but I need to be a bit more reasonable.
What have I accomplished?
First, I have learned how to enjoy quiet time guilt-free and to appreciate taking life at a slow pace. This way of living is 100% refreshing and revitalizing. I am enjoying life as an introvert and feel that I am truly up to my INFP preferences, which is so opposite from being an ESTJ for most of my working life (as a teacher). The transition was gradual to this SLOW-way of being and I’m loving it. Although I did have to partake in a few significant life changes to get here, I have no regrets. I appreciate my own company (with the cat and kid, of course) and the quiet time I have to myself. It’s nourishing. I feel more aligned to the way I want to live my life. I am very thankful that I can do this… and afford this way of being. It’s a privilege I will not take for granted.
Second, I went to a couple of conferences and presented a handful of times. In the spring, I travelled to Toronto, ON to attend CSSE and Congress. I presented a paper at CAARE (Action Research) in collaboration with 3 former teacher candidates (now practicing teachers) about the sit-spot lesson study; I co-presented with the CETE (Climate Education in Teacher Education) research team members at CNIE (Network of Innovation) about the project; I presented (single author) at CATE (Teacher Education) about in-situ learning in my assessment class; and, I presented at a the CASIE (Indigenous Education) roundtable in collaboration with my friend about the 4 R’s and assessment. In the summer, I co-presented with the District Numeracy Teacher and an Elementary Teacher Candidate at the UNBC Teaching and Learning Conference about Numeracy Night at Edgewood. Presenting is a great way to get your work out there and share your interests with others, but also a means to connect with other people, to network, and get inspired for future writing opportunities.
Third, I got some manuscripts, chapters, and a book chapter proposal completed for submission. Although I have a few more manuscripts to attend to (as well as others on the horizon I would like to write about), I am super grateful and thankful for the work and collaborations that was accomplished this spring/summer term. There were two manuscripts submitted by the CETE research team, where I am the third author on both pieces of work. One was resubmitted for publication and the other was recently submitted for a special edition. I submitted two chapters for the Leadership Book to be produced by the School of Education; one chapter was lead by my colleague and the second chapter was led by me. The latter chapter was submitted to be a conference proceeding for a conference from a couple of years ago, but not much had manifested from that. I thought that submitting an updated version to the book would be a better opportunity for the piece to be published. I was glad to return to that piece to make the revisions it needed. Finally, I have submitted another manuscript that needed revisions with another group about cultural adaption of schools. we hope to get a second manuscript out soon to be considered as well. Lastly, I am hoping to get a book review out, but time is running out!! (… or ran out).
It’s September!!
My accomplishments is not an exhaustive list, but rather a list to reflect upon and acknowledge. I have also been working on getting ethics approved for another project I am leading and I hope to be submitting another one for a book chapter proposal I submitted to be co-written with the 3 former teacher candidates mentioned above. We made a submission and then was asked to make some revisions to that proposal to align the work to the theme of the book. They were fair comments and I am greatly appreciating the feedback that has been graciously offered to me during conferences and writing. It’s formative feedback at its finest with the wholehearted intention to make the work (and you) better. I LOVE THAT!! The learning-mindset thrives on it.
OK. Now, it’s back to work on this labour day weekend. Seems counterintuitive, but I would like to get the provisos for this ethics application done. We took a few spins on how the project would proceed (based on the feedback), and it’s taken a few revisions that is taking more time than anticipated to complete. All is good. That is what I am also learning too. If you want to take it SLOW, you have to do a little bit each day to get things done. That’s a difficult lesson for to learn, but a good one. I am finding that taking breaks during your work-span of a project actually is better for the project. I don’t think that the mindset is… it’s taking longer than expected… but rather… it takes time for good things to happen. I’m ok with that. The consequence, I am learning how long it will take to do things and thus, will take on work that I can do. And, that’s it!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 01st, 2025 | Comments Off on You can only control yourself
This has been a week filled with learning and it takes a lot of humility, kindness, and compassion to proceed onto the next step. After coming home from my hometown of Prince Rupert, I was filled with gratitude to return to my place, my cat, and my kid. I cannot believe that I live where I do and that I did it myself. It’s a really big deal for me. Being the youngest of three and formally married for almost 30 years, I am so grateful to achieve what I have achieved. As my friend had told me over the weekend last week, I am my toughest critic and I am really hard on myself. I don’t disagree. LOL. That’s nice. A double negative. I am learning how to look at myself and see what I see. My friend also said, I have spent my last few years protecting myself. I also don’t disagree with that claim either. I needed to take a step back and know I am creating the story that I want to create. I also know that I am doing the work. I am also aware there is a wake behind me and I cannot control how people behave, think, or feel about me. That has been a big learning hurdle in recent years. What I do know is, I am more secure and accepting of who I am and I will continue with a learning-mindset to thrive and flourish. I can keep dwelling on how I think life “should be” but really, I am living my best life. It’s not perfect, but darn… I think it’s pretty close. I feel very lucky.
This week, I went to the Grant Writing Workshop at the university. This would be the third time I’ve attended this workshop, and with each time I attend, I learn something new. This time, this session reminded me of preparing students for the Math 12 Provincial Exam. I used to be a secondary mathematics teacher and taught Math 12 for about 10-years. At the time, students wrote a provincial exam worth 40% of their grade. Given the high stakes nature of the exam and the need for high performance, I would teach the course as I would for 80% of the time, and I would prepare for the provincial exam for the remaining 20% of the time. We used old exams to practice and held math camps to work collaboratively with other high schools in the district to prepare for the exam. Then, I would facilitate “Math Olympiks” to create a collaborative competitive learning environment to engage in teachable moments with their peers and myself (the teacher). Another goal or expectation of the final exam is to “match” the course mark with the exam mark. So, there was lots at stake with the provincial exam for both the student and teacher. The Grant Writing Workshop had a similar vibe, meaning, you can have a wonderful and worthwhile project to research, but the ultimate goal is to “get the money,” so how do we do that? If anything, I saw the two-day session as being strategic, much like the provincial exam. Brilliant.
The week concludes with a couple of meetings. One meeting was about working with one research team that engaged in a lengthy conversation. The conversation focused on next steps, but also on social dynamics. Throughout the conversation, I could see that I am doing the work (i.e., the self-knowledge work) and I can understand how things were unfolding. What I am learning is, you have to feel good about what you are doing. I stepped away from some other work because it did not give me “good feelings.” Call it my gut… call it familiar feelings… call it the lesson iterates again. I believe that life’s lessons iterate themselves until you get it. These iterations will amplify over time. A long story made short, you are called to action. What do you need/want to do? What’s best for you? Anyway, human interaction are complicated and when words are not shared, trust not established, hard feelings not articulated, etc. the situation can be amplified. I was grateful for the conversation and I can see my role in the situation. I can’t change what has happened nor can I remedy the situation, the cards were laid as they were. I can accept that. My second meeting was with another research team and we are finishing a second manuscript in this study. We just resubmitted the first one and in the last steps of revising a second one for submission. Being on this team offered me many learning opportunities and I can see how I have grown over time. The meeting went very well and I am very excited to submit this manuscript. I can see how the goal is to work together to make it better.
What I am also understanding about my work is, it all takes time, it takes longer than you expect it to, and I am more successful doing one thing at a time. Although I have a few projects happening at the same time, I can only focus on one task at a time. I had full intentions to work on other projects that are outstanding, but I can only get to what I can get to. I thought I could work on Saturday, but my body said NO. I really needed some time to transition from Friday. I needed to rest. I took some time to hang out with my kid. And, I took some time to clean the house, recycle, do laundry, and get my office/room organized to prepare for the upcoming week. I can get down on myself, compare myself to others, or feel guilty, but I am not going to do that. Part of my selfishness is to “be a person” on Saturdays. I took the last year and half to block off Saturday to rest and take care of myself. Now, I just do that. I feel good now, but I was struggling after the week ended. I needed the time to “feel good” again. I don’t feel guilty about that. I keep assessing myself… looking for any bad feelings, shame, or self-doubt. I don’t feel it. This is growth. I am so pleased and I feel rested. Feeling grounded is so important to me. And once again, I am filled with gratitude. I love my place, my cat, and my kid. I have my health and I love my work. Nothing is perfect, but I will do my best to stay in the learning-mindset. That’s where the joy is.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 24th, 2025 | Comments Off on Saturdays are a NO go
I took a quick trip to Vancouver last week to visit my dad. He is 87. Although I had a great visit with him, he is needing some extra support given his age and such. My siblings and I have been officially inducted into the sandwich generation. My mom passed away 7 years ago. It feels like yesterday. I still have intentions to write about her and the 20 days we had together. She was an amazing woman. I did not know much about her. I always saw her as my mom. As time has passed, I am learning that she was an incredible woman with immense strength and determination. She made it look effortless. After spending some time with my dad last weekend, I realized that my mom took care of him too. He needs a little TLC. As a child, I always perceived my dad to be the strong one. In hindsight, I think my mom made my dad into the person he was. Now, times are different and I am learning that you have to live your life to the fullest… and be happy. It’s not easy sometimes, but making decisions and being motivated (or hindered) by fear is no way to live. It’s better to walk through the fear.
I say that so easily… walk through the fear. I am often challenged by that. It’s scary. I’m anticipating the worst. I feel very dependent on the action of others. But the truth is, NOTHING HAPPENS. What I mean by that is, everything that you feared is fiction. You don’t know until you know… so, you’ve got to go for it and see what happens…. which is nothing. How does one overcome one’s imagination? I remember my dad after my mom passed away. He was so driven by fear. He did not want to die alone. He did not want to be put into a home. He needed someone. He needed my mom. So now what? I can really empathize with his fear. Sometimes it’s so difficult to see past the fear. As a result, you do things that are not authentic to you or your needs. Ironically, the consequence of fear is, what you did not want may manifest differently because of the fear. CRAZY. So, what is there to lose? You have to try and feel the discomfort.
I’ve been practicing. PRACTICE might be my #OneWord2026. Start small. I’m not enjoying the discomfort. Often, it gets the best of me. But, I think about my mom. She had grit, determination, and perseverance. But, it’s more than that… you have be authentic to yourself… you have to do what you love… and, you have to know your WHY. Hence, practice helps with all three criteria. By trying, you are going to know what you like (or not like), what is important (or not important), and what is worthwhile doing (or not worthwhile). You have to learn what these things are versus guessing or hypothesizing what is good. It might be bad, but now you know. And if anything I’ve learned about formative feedback and experiential learning, it’s not the feedback that matters, but how you respond to the feedback does. So now what?
Kindness, compassion, and self-respect comes into play. I know that I am hard on myself. I know that it’s so easy to compare. I’ve done that my whole life growing up being the youngest of three. My positionality in my family created a narrative (in my mind) that is not true. Admittedly, it’s sometimes hard to wrestle with. My own demons are created by me, by making rules and structuring my life that is not authentic to who I am and who I want to be. I took a different trajectory. Let me be clear, what was happening to me was real and true, but how I could have responded to those actions could have been different. I thought the right answer was to put myself aside, play the game, and I would be rewarded for this behaviour. I always put myself last and believed that once all was said and done, my turn would come next. It never came. Slowly but surely, who I was eroded into someone I did not recognize. I could not sustain it anymore. The lies and the veneer had to stop. I was too scared to show up and be seen. The fear overwhelmed me. So, why am I blogging about this?
I’m not hiding anymore.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 26th, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Lots of Gratitude
While I was enjoy my pandemic lifestyle, I reached out to a few friends to make plans to go out for coffee or go for a walk to get outside and do what people do… connect and socialize. This morning, I met up with a friend at a local coffee shop. We often have really good chats and moments to update one another on what’s happening in our lives. Today, I was describing a moment that totally frustrated me and noted to my friend that I was very angry about the situation. I even shared a short story of my kid hanging up on me from a FaceTime call yesterday because I was not in the right headspace to talk. Anyway, she said to me that it was really refreshing for her to hear that I was angry. She said that I am often FLAT. Hmm… she is not wrong, but dang, it’s also refreshing to have friends who are willing to speak truth and share their observations. Her comment got me reflecting in real time and I could not deny her claims and her observations. She was not wrong. I would like to believe that she was, but I did admit that I do show myself, but likely about 20% of who I really am. She said that I’ve been flat ever since she has known me, which is about 7 years. Huh. Again, she is not wrong. Inside, I might have felt erratic, disoriented, and out of control (most times), but I really tried to MUTE myself from showing what was really happening on the inside and put blame on what was happening on the outside. The blame was misplaced, but I was trying to numb myself from the pain and fear, so much so, I could not express who I really was. Again, I was not putting out to the world a fake-self. I only showed what I thought people wanted to see or a veneer that made it seem like everything was ok and don’t think otherwise. Wow. Looking back 7 years (and beyond), there was a lot happening and I was unwilling to feel what I needed to feel (and express those feelings) to myself or others. I did not want people to see what was really happening, thus see who I really was. I often need approval or validation of who I was, based on what I was doing or titles I held. I had no idea how to be myself. I don’t think this was a 7-year old problem or a 20-year problem. It might be a 50+ year old problem, one that I had created as a young child. I look at old photos of myself, as a kid, a young adult, and somewhat old adult… I don’t look happy. I was not happy. I was trying to be someone who I was not for decades (aka., half a century). That’s a long time!! My friend did verify that I do like the COVID-lifestyle of staying at home, being alone, and enjoying the peace and quiet. That brought me some solace. I had always thought I was an extroverted person, but maybe I thought I had to be one. I’m not sure, but I’m noticing. I loved having coffee out (and reconnecting to the real-world), but I also love just being at home with my cat, making myself a meal at home, and taking the time to work from home. I feel very lucky to do what I do. It also feels good to feel. When I felt angry, I could also feel joy. It felt great!! I was reminded by Brené Brown’s 20 tonne shield and suppressing my feelings. I was numbing my feelings, but by doing that, I can’t feel the good feelings as well as the bad ones. I was not prepared to be vulnerable, thus I did not want people to see who I really am. I was not sure if I really wanted to see who I am. I am still trying to figure that out. That said, I am grateful that my friend also said that it was good for her to see a bit more of who I am and that she was happy to see that I could be angry. It’s healthy. I do feel this is who I am… emotional, introverted, unstructured, and intuitive. I just never trusted it, nor believed that these qualities could be valued by my parents, peers, or myself. Hmm. I’m left with many emotions and I am driven to learn more about myself. I think that I might try out Myers-Briggs again. Twenty-five years ago, my preferences were ESTJ. I lived that way for many years. I was a high school mathematics teacher. How else was I supposed to be? (15 minute break). Damn. I just completed the Myers-Briggs test online and tried to answer the questions based on what I would do today. As anticipated… the results were INFP… the exact opposite. As I started to read the FREE content, it’s not wrong. I had also learned in my Master of Education course that in your older years, you are likely to become or seek the opposite preferences. So here I am. Voilà. A steady stream of consciousness for today’s blog post. It was unsolicited, and inspired.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 15th, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Anger and Joy
July 14, 2025 – If given the option, I’m staying at home
There is no day that goes by without learning something new… about myself… or about something I had no idea about (lol, of course). So first of all, as mentioned in a previous blog post, I was planning to embark on a 60-day self-knowledge challenge… but, that project has been postponed. It is an ambitious pursuit, but I have a tonne of things-to-do for work, which is a good problem. As a result, my self-knowledge personal challenge will have to wait. That said, the work of learning about myself does not end with that decision. My pursuit for self-knowledge on this pedagogical journey continues despite the change in plans. All is good. 🙂
My second point I would like to make in this blog post is, I AM AN EXPERIENTIAL LEARNER. Let’s just make that declaration. I’ve always known that, but often deny or reject that notion. As a kid, I recall having to learn ALL things “the hard way.” I just had to figure things out myself before I could adopt, accept, or acquire what I need to know and understand. I don’t know why I would expect myself to change. It’s who I am. It’s what I do. Often I would say to peers or students is, “your superpower is also your kryponite.” Which got me thinking… maybe my kryptonite is my superpower.
What a lovely thought. There is no question that I am learning experientially. I wished that I could anticipate or predict how things will go, but I have to delve in with two feet and figure things out. Sometimes I will make a mistake. Sometimes I get an undesired outcome. Sometimes I will achieve success. In all three situations, what I do have control over is what I do. I will take full ownership for my actions. I will also make an effort to do things better, if given the opportunity. But what I will do from now on, is not be scared. I was just listening to a podcast where it was said that the only person that holds me back is ME. A terrible truth, but I will admit, it’s 100% true. I hate feeling scared or uncertain, but on the other side of that fear is where joy exists.
My final comment for today’s blog post is… I have fully adopted and embraced the COVID-19 pandemic lifestyle. It’s my preference. As I am slowing down my life and now that I am in my new home, I am finding that I like staying at home. I like cooking at home and I love being inside with my cat. I never thought that this would be my life, but I enjoy the quiet. I love not spending any money. I appreciate protecting myself from other potential pandemics, endemics, illnesses, or diseases. As much as I would perceive myself as being an EXTROVERT, I am loving being alone and keeping up to a pace that makes me feel happy, calm, and at peace. What more could I ask for? Don’t get me wrong, I will go out and interact with others, but it seems that I have not fully shook the pandemic lifestyle… and I’m not sad about it. Just live your life!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 14th, 2025 | Comments Off on The Pandemic Lifestyle
I know that it’s not quite the weekend to contribute to my weekly blog, but I am also in a place of choosing not to maintain two blogs (for now) and moving returning to the idea of blogging inspired thoughts and feelings. So, here we are. I realize that it is in the middle of the spring/summer term and there has been plenty of time to “get some writing done.” Admittedly, I like a little pressure too, and I’m feeling it right now, but in a good way. I have my contract renewed for 3 more years and endured a bit of coaching from the dean. I found the conversation very helpful, but also I feel that I am still learning about who I am and what I want to achieve. I think I’m getting there.
Slowly but surely, I’m getting things “off my plate” and I feel committed that July is the month where lots will get done, even though I am realizing that everything takes a bit more time than expected. I am ok with that, especially when I have some time. It’s hard to accept that idea when everything is super busy and I am 100% focussed on teaching. I can’t say that I was not working on research this term. I have been. My colleague and I co-applied for an internal grant, I presented 4-times at Congress, and I have done quite a bit of work for the Climate Education for Teacher Education research project in terms of workshops, interviews, reflections, meetings, focus groups, and editing/contributing to manuscripts. I should not underestimate or overlook some of the things I am doing this teaching-free term. I’m learning lots.
I am also doing a few projects for the program, so that will take some of my time too. Because I am not a tenure-track or tenured faculty member, research is not really expected from me. That was a learning that was just recently confirmed, so because I am engaged in research as an 80-20 faculty member, I am exceeding expectations. I had no idea. I thought that I had to do what everyone else is doing, but they are 40-40-20. Intuitively I knew that and felt that, but to get some clarity on that was so wonderful and liberating. I am so grateful that whatever I am doing this spring/summer term is because I want to do it and knowing that feels great.
There are other projects I am working on and one of them was making revisions to another manuscript that I have been working on with colleagues for a couple of years. I have hopes of sending the revisions and a chart of all that we have changed and accomplished to the editor some time today. I am very excited about doing that, hence the blog post, I suppose. We worked very hard on that manuscript and because my headspace is in a different place from where I was a couple of years ago, I had the confidence and sense of self-efficacy to edit the manuscript in a way that made sense to me. Again, liberating and exhilarating. I am really enjoying the process and a colleague and I have co-edited the piece such that I feel very satisfied in sending it back to the editor. We established so much clarity in this document such that I believe it is publishable. I am so grateful to the peer review, the feedback, and the editor. This whole writing process is about LEARNING, humility, and growth.
I have submitted a conference application for a small group of us to speak at a local conference and finished writing a chapter proposal for another small group to hopefully pursue in the fall. I hope we get accepted for both. Finally, I have been with with another small group and we are currently working on the revisions of an ethics application. I need to take my time on this one and I am the Principal Investigator. If the chapter proposal goes well, I will the Principal Investigator on another project. Moreover, I have a book review to do, I have 2 conference proceedings to write, I have one program evaluation I would like to do, and I feel very lucky to do what I do. I have a healthy amount of work to address and it’s everything I am interested in.
I look forward to next steps. I am fascinated by the whole of idea of my joy being on the other side of fear. The fear was fierce, but with each step, I am realizing that I am able to do it, I want to do it, and I have fun do it. Research and the Scholarship of Teaching is 100% aligned to who I am as an educator and researcher. There are other manuscripts that need completion, revision, and re-invigoration… but I am excited about that too. I feel good sitting here in my writing spot (and I have another one) in my home and feeling optimistic of what’s next to come. Publications is not the goal, but rather, it’s a natural outcome from doing what I LOVE to do. How lucky am I?
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 09th, 2025 | Comments Off on Shifting Gears to Research
