Oh geez. Can you believe it? My twin brother came to visit me in Prince George. He came to my new place with boxes that I’ve stored in his storage locker in the Lower Mainland for 6-years. AMAZING. I can honestly say that my move is “in theory” complete. All of my stuff, of which I took from my home on the Sunshine Coast is now with me. Right now, those boxes are sitting in my garage. I will get to it when the semester is over and my marking is done. I’m anticipating that the experience of going through my garage, getting the winter tires from the car dealership (and my kid’s tires from my friends place) to store is in some easy and simple, and figuring out an organizing system in such a way that my kid can park her car in my garage is very exciting to me. I’m turning to a new chapter. And yes, I park my car outside on my driveway, but that’s another blog post (if it ever happens). My turn is coming soon.
What a nice selfie. My brother suggested that I take one and send the photo to my sister as evidence of a successful arrival. My twin bro drove up to Prince George from the Lower Mainland. He is “borrowing” my dad’s car, which soon will be his. Although it’s a 2010 vehicle. My mom and dad purchased that vehicle “brand new.” It was very splurgy. My parents never bought a new vehicle for themselves before, so it’s very special. My mom passed away in 2018 and my dad insists on driving the vehicle even though he can only see out of one eye. I say that jokingly, but I’m not joking. I also think that driving a vehicle is a symbol of independence for the elderly. My dad is not getting any younger and I like to believe that it’s something that both my mom and dad took pride in. Anyway, it’s time to pass the baton (aka., vehicle) on to my brother.
I am so happy to see my brother her in Prince George. It’s nice to have company. Normally, I’m going to Vancouver and staying at his place. He arrived Friday night, we went to Mr. Mike’s for dinner for nostalgic purposes only, and spent all day on Saturday together. He just left this morning to drive back home. And, it’s a beautiful sunny spring day for driving. My twin bro is the first family member to visit my home in-person (aside from my kid who lives with me) to check my place out (and drop of the boxes of which he did not want in his storage locker anymore… LOL). The transition to where I am today was SLOW. I’m not complaining, judging, or regretting. It’s been an incredible journey and I am very excited to see what’s in those boxes. A lot of the stuff, I think, are keepsakes, framed prints, and stuff from my mom. I can’t wait to uncover them and really assess what’s stays in my home and what goes. I also feel ready to write about my mom, so getting ethics is also on my things to do.
It’s super interesting when I blog. I love to reflect and take a moment to capture what I am feeling. I spent most of Sunday resting and relaxing. I’m cleaning up my house and taking it SLOW before getting back to the pile of work I need to address. I am doing my best on trying to have a “be a person” day and sleep at a regular time. I spent decades chasing and doing things beyond the means of what is expected of me or from me. I would do all-nighters or stay up really late to get stuff done. I’m now in a stage in my life or mindset where I feel that I would like to enjoy life, do what I love, and rest. There is nothing wrong with rest, but I am realizing that if I value this new pace of work, it’s ok to stay no as well. I guess that correlates to doing what you love as well. I really enjoyed spending time with my brother. I think we’ve done Prince George well and he even took a moment to get to know my cat. See image below. That’s a big deal and I am very appreciative. My twin bro should be home soon.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 30th, 2025 | No Comments »
March 16, 2025 – Remembering My Mom in Different Ways
Last week I visited my mom’s resting place in the Lower Mainland. I’m not even sure if that’s what it is called. Her ashes are in an urn, in a glass enclosed shelf, in a building at the cemetery last week. I had visited Vancouver a few times over the last few months, but mostly those visits were related to work and I did not have the opportunity to go visit her. Last week was a weekend trip FOR ME and my brother had borrowed my dad’s car and we went out there to go visit her. I like to keep her updated on what’s happening and to say hello. It’s strange to go visit her. The photo of her that’s by her urn was taken before I was born. It’s not how I remember her as a child, but it’s a photo that she chose that she thought that best represented her. I remember when my mom was alive when she first invested in this resting place for her and my dad. She got name plates and everything. She wanted to take each of her children out to this site complemented with a lunch out at the golf course. By the time it got to my turn, I said… NO THIANK YOU… and that I would visit her when she was at the place, I had no desire to check out her resting place otherwise. So, there I was last week saying hello. A few thoughts shared and a few bows, all was good.
Now that I’m back home and lots of uncertainty with the economy, etc., I am very conscious about what I buy and how much I am spending. I have to pay utilities and property tax right now, and I have no idea what I have to pay for income tax, who knows what I will have to spend in the next few days, months, and years. The idea of going into a recession does not put my mind to ease by any means, but I will admit that I am more conscious about my spending habits and how much things cost as we anticipate rising costs and how much I used to spend. In the end, saving money and minimizing my spending is going to be key. I’ve cancelled a few memberships, and I wanted to cancel my cable package, but it seems like the company is no longer providing a basic cable package. I just need to find places to spend less, even though I am investing dollars in self-care. Strangely, I am just understanding it’s importance and the value in investing in those things like massages and therapy. Nonetheless, I am feeling very aware of money, with my mom whispering in my ear the importance of saving money. It was incredible how much money she was able to save. She was amazing at it. It almost reminds me of “extreme coupon,” the TV reality show.
As a kid, I remembered when we went shopping that my mom would by X-bread. This bread was found in a basket at the supermarket and it had a black X written on top of the price tag. Now as an adult, I know that the X-bread was day-old bread. Stale bread. And this bread was on sale for 50% off. I could never understand why she chose this bread. It almost seemed like she was insistent in buying this bread and I really did not like it. My dad would wake up every morning to have this bread. He would toast it, add peanut butter and honey to them, and he would eat it with a cup of Red Rose tea with milk and sugar. That was his morning ritual. I clearly remember him doing that and sipping from his tea cup. Til this day, I’m not a break-fan. It’s not my favourite even though I find myself toasting it as well, but to have an open-faced egg salad sandwich (of which was not my mom’s favourite). She was saving money. I know that now. So, when I bought this loaf of bread from the Superstore a couple of days ago, I thought of my mom. It was almost a compromise. I’m thinking about how much things cost and it was a fresh loaf of bread, but it cost $1.25. It this economy, it’s a steal. This loaf of bread will last us a long time. On the counter for a few days while it’s fresh, then it goes back into the fridge to have toast like my dad did.
Bread is still not my favourite, but I respect my mom who did what it took to make things happen. I have a huge regard for her and I realize now that I may not have acknowledged a lot that she has done. Admittedly, I never noticed until she had passed away 7-years ago. All of what she used to do for me, my siblings, and my dad are astounding. I had no idea. It’s moment like these when I am reminded that I want to write about my mom… maybe as an autoethnography or biography… not sure. As each day passes and I am “doing the work,” I am building up the courage to bring pen to paper. I will wait for this term to end and make a plan soon after. I had no idea how much of an impact my mom has made on me. I guess you don’t know until you know.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 16th, 2025 | No Comments »
There is nothing wrong with a reboot. Last week entailed trying to catch up on a few outstanding items on my things to do list and I am happy to have finish a few things, even though it took waaaaaaaaay longer than I expected it would take to do. A comment reoccurrence for me… an underestimation of time. That’s ok. I’m learning and I am taking the time to understand how things work, how long it takes, and what I need to do to get things done. Furthermore, I’m not even sure how well I’m doing things, but that will be the next hurdle when it comes. I’m not being hard on myself, but I’m trying to keep a realistic and reasonable perspective of my work, my life, and my wellbeing. Admittedly, what has served me in the last year, and what I am taking into this year, is embracing SLOW, which required intentionality, LOVE, and rest.
I’m back in Vancouver/Burnaby. Coming back to the Lower Mainland feels like HOME. I am wondering if we can have different homes. Going to Prince Rupert also feels like home. And, I love my new place in Prince George. That feels like home too. Ahh… look at that food pic. I may have shared that image before, but it is one of my favourite meals to have. Often, going to The Boss Restaurant is one of the first things I do. This meal-of-choice is fish congee and lo bok go. I love the ginger and sesame oil flavours of the soup, the tender fish, and comforting texture and taste of the turnip cake. It also reminds me of my mom and making this food in Prince Rupert when I was a kid. Again, it feels like home. This visit to the Lower Mainland, I’m staying at a hotel. Normally, I would stay at my twin-bro’s place, but he was feeling under the weather.
So, this weekend has been a splurge. I’m staying at a hotel near my brother’s place… and near the location of which I booked a massage/spa session. OMG. I tried a massage last winter with my friends. It was intense. A bit of wincing, thus I am surprised that I booked another session at a different location. It was also a different massage package too. Whoa. I think I fell asleep a couple of times. I never experienced something like that before and it was exactly what I wanted (and needed). It was 90-minutes of pure relaxation. It was interesting to notice that my mind was fully activated at the beginning of the session, then I was focused on the massage, then… I was asleep. LOL. What a perfect way to spend my Saturday (aka., be a person day) morning. The experience was pure luxury and joy. I just LOVED it.
One thought that passed through my mind during the massage was… my mom would have loved a massage. She would have NEVER done something like this. She was so frugal and every thing was for everyone else. She never tended to her needs. She ALWAYS focussed on everyone else. She wore clothes that were way too big for her because they were clothes that were more than 20-years old. She might have splurged on a pair of shoes, but they were likely on sale. I admired her stamina to save money and make something out of nothing. It was somewhat incredible and admirable. She held everything together. Now that she’s gone, I noticed (over time) that she was the heart of our family. Ever since, we’ve made efforts to connect as a family, but it’s not quite the same. Coming to Burnaby is a time to restore and reboot.
After my massage, I had dim sum at the Neptune and then met up with my twin-bro. He is feeling better. We roamed around the mall and picked up small gift for my aunt. She planned a birthday party and it was a big Chinese dinner at a restaurant with 65 friends and family. Five huge round tables of people and the food was incredible. It was wonderful to reconnect with family and I was really happy for my aunt to celebrate LIFE with friends and family… and to celebrate her. It was amazing and cup filling. My aunt just wants to make a connection, and she did. I had a really good time. Today, included breakfast at the hotel (one of my favourite things to do, even though it’s included), chilling in my hotel room lying diagonally on the king size bed, and passively watching the Brier semi-finals on TSN (because I don’t get this channel).
Whew… does it get any better than this? Yes, it does. I’m blogging, I hope to get through my emails (and get crap off my desktop), and I have snacks and leftovers to eat in my hotel room. I LOVE this slowing down (while the Brier is on). I can’t watch the game too closely. It would stress me out. LOL. This afternoon, I’m meeting up with my siblings to go to happy hour downtown Vancouver, then I’m going to Gabor Maté at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre as a VIP ticket holder. I get to meet Gabor in a pre-session and take a picture with him, then go to the evening event near the front rows to listen to him talk. Now, that’s splurgy… for me. I bought the ticket before I bought my house, but no regrets. Gabor Maté’s books have resonated with me. I’ve been listening to his books online and the stories he shares are incredibly compelling.
So, when folks ask me if I am in Vancouver for business or pleasure… I’m here for me… for pleasure!! PS. I even went out on Friday night with a friend of mine who was in Metrotown… for business. I enjoyed the serendipity of our meeting. They sent me a food pic to make me jelly… and I said, I’m going there too. LOL. Life is so fun!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 09th, 2025 | Comments Off on Nothing Wrong with a Reboot
Oh my goodness… It’s been awhile since I’ve been blogging and sadly, it seemed like a slog to get to this platform. I’ve wondered and deliberated for weeks what my One-Word would be for 2025. At first, I thought it would be LOVE, then it shifted to JOY, then to THRIVE, then back to LOVE. As you can see, I’ve been undecided. All of these words are wonderful, but none of them seem to hit me like HAPPY did in 2024. Last year, I almost burned out in January and it was an uphill battled to end the year STRONG. I had my gallbladder removed, I bought a new home, and I adopted Simon-the-cat. Only moments ago, I decided that my #OneWord for 2025 will be HAPPY once again. Who makes these rules? Does my one-word have to be different every year. There is no question in my mind that I will feel LOVE and JOY in the new year, and THRIVE in my work and my personal life. Just by shifting my mindset to HAPPY, once again, I could see the GOOD in the images that I will be including in this blog post, and I am 100% motivated to write and reflect about the last few weeks. Yay!! – Finally.
Gong hey fat choy. Happy Lunar New Year. Hello… THE YEAR OF THE SNAKE. The AI on Google indicates that this year for “dogs” is about personal and professional growth, strengthen bonds with loved ones and colleagues, a focus on health, fitness, and mental health, financial stability, and explore new areas (i.e., going beyond my comfort zone). Now that I have changed my #OneWord, this projection makes a lot of sense to me. Oh my goodness, even when writing this blog post, I feel lighter and… HAPPIER. I feel optimistic and I look forward to 2025. What I have also learned is, FOOD is central to my being. The image above (i.e., soup dumplings from Costco) and this picture (i.e., duck from Costco) make me happy.
Food makes me feel connected to my family and heritage. OMG… look at this photo… LO BOK GO. This is my most favourite food. I get this fried turnip delight from THE BOSS in Metrotown. I complement the lo bok go with a bowl of fish congee. It’s a winning combination. Finding this restaurant at Metrotown was a gift. It was a recent discovery (i.e., only a few years ago) but I think the restaurant has been in Metrotown since the mall opened. I just Googled this, and I’m correct. The restaurant opened in 1999 with the opening of Metrotown. AMAZING. We never went there as a family, but after my mom passed away, it seemed like a place to try. It has great prices and it’s very much like a Hong Kong cafe. I love what they have to offer and I forgo the congee special and go for the fish congee. I just love this meal and pretty much get the same thing when I go. Other things I love to get when I’m in Burnaby is dim sum at the Neptune Restaurant, and soup dumplings from the Dinesty Dumpling House. The dumpling house is a treat. Often I run out of time (or meals) to go. I also like to cook rice rolls (aka., “tubes”) at my brother’s place. We often go to T & T and pick up a few of my favourite things (like lo bok go) to cook at home. Here are few pics below.
Not only do I “have to” go to as many Asian/Chinese restaurants as possible when I’m in Vancouver, I also have go “see” or visit the ocean. These are non-negotiables, in addition to seeing my siblings. Of course, I would love to see my dad too, but it was a short visit and he was busy celebrating the Lunar New Year with his (new) wife’s family. Nonetheless, my sister suggested going to Canada Place for dinner and go to the Coal Harbour Bar/Lounge at the hotel. I’m game. It was MAGNIFICENT. Although it was dark, we were right against the ocean, with live music (jazz, piano, singing), and DINE OUT!! I did not realize that January was DINE OUT month, so I ordered from that menu. A three course meal of scallops, gnocci, and panna cotta for dessert for $49. The food was DELICIOUS. Albeit, my dinner was not Asian, but Italian is a strong second. Loved it and I loved hanging out with my twin bro, sister, and brother-in-law.
OH BOY… THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG BLOG POST. There is so much to catch up on. I feel great and now I feel liberated to write and talk about the good things about my last few weeks. I felt it was a appropriate to talk about FOOD to celebrate the Lunar New Year. And, I LOVE food… oh yes, LOVE is back in the picture… but my #OneWord is HAPPY. Food makes me happy. Enough said. I hope my food pics and blog post up until now demonstrates my LOVE for food. I think food will be an entry point with my “20 days” auto-ethnography about me and my relationship with my mom. I can’t wait to get that project started. This declaration was my first time saying that, and meaning that. I am READY to write about my mom, my experiences, and how I understand the world. When my mom passed away in 2018, I thought I would embark on this project soon after her death. I could not do it. So much has changed since her passing and I had to do “a lot of work” to get where I am today. YES… It’s time!!
Oh yes… why I was in Vancouver last week was to go to a beading session at UBC with Anishinaabe Artist Nico Williams hosted by Dr. Cynthia Nicol from the Faculty of Education We started a beading community during the pandemic in 2021 called Beadwork + Mathwork = Community Beading. A group of us joined from across Canada for 5 sessions online on Zoom. We learned how to bead three sided and four-sided shapes (re: “hypersquare”). The community members were provided with beading supplies and in return, we contributed at least one hypersquare back to Cynthia to ultimately bead these squares together in a blanket. I never thought I could bead or believe this is something I could do, but I learned so much from beading. The bead, thread, and needle are only metaphors or tools to learn some critical lessons about patience, presence, and persistence. Beading became a place of solace for me and I have made and gifted some of my work to teacher candidates, colleagues, and friends. In December 2024, Cynthia sent out an email to the group about coming together in-person to bead these hypersquares together. I could not miss this opportunity, and Nico is exactly who he was online. I just loved every moment of this learning opportunity and I learned something new… THE HINGE.
I met so many great people that day, I had a wonderful smoked salmon lunch with sweet and savoury bannock, and I got to learn something new. What more can you ask from a day of professional development. I feel lucky that I have a position where I have flexibility to make this learning experience possible. I flew down on a Wednesday. I teach on Mondays and Tuesdays. I had the beading workshop on Thursday. I made it back to my brother’s place to teach my night class. And, I took meetings on my phone and computer on the bus to and from the UBC and at my brother’s place on Friday. Working remotely has it’s benefits and I am grateful to folks who made the in-person meeting possible for me to attend via Zoom. And yes, concurrent to my beading session, I attended a Zoom meeting launching the CATE (Canadian Association for Teacher Education) book as part of the Polygraph Book Series. I was able to lead the writing for the Climate Education in Teacher Education (CETE) research team I belong to at UNBC (University of Northern British Columbia) on “Research Our Way Into Teacher Leadership.” We are Chapter 22. I am so proud of this work and I learned a tonne from the editors (Drs. Cathryn Smith and Leyton Schnellert), the guest speakers at the working conference held at Brandon University, the copy editor, and the learning community who were the authors/scholars who co-created this book. I met so many great people and loved this learning experience.
What can I say… I’m back (to blogging). I feel great!! I loved my time in Vancouver, but I also love being at home. I love my new place. I love cooking at home. And, I love going out for dinner from time to time with my kid to spend some time with her but also enjoy good food. There is something about FOOD that brings people together. Food represents community, exploration, and love. I am HAPPY to be blogging and sharing what’s important to me. I feel optimistic and excited. Yay!! Onwards and upwards!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, January 31st, 2025 | Comments Off on Returning to HAPPY
August 18, 2017 – A photo taken the day after my doctoral oral defence of me, my mom, and my dad.
December 31, 2024 – Climate Change Education – BLOG 1
I went into the photo archives and pulled out this image of me, my mom, and my dad. This photo was taken the day after I successfully defended my dissertation. My mom could not attend my defence. She was not feeling well, but she was always routing for me. In fact, I think she waited for me. She passed away 6-months later. Writing about my mom was not the intention of the blog post, although, I will be writing about my mom soon. I wanted to write about her ever since she had passed away, but I was not ready. I’ve done a lot of work to get to a place of readiness and 2025 is the the year.
My intention in writing this blog post, and there will be many more for 2025, was to write about my thoughts and reflections as a research team member of the Climate Education in Teacher Education (CETE) research project. We have been working on this project for more than 2-years and a few months into our third year. The project started with a focus on Climate Change Education (CCE) with teacher candidates in the first year as one response to the Association for Canadian Deans in Education (ACDE) Accord on Education for a Sustainable Future (2022). Five of us got together.
The initiative started with one person on our term who has an expertise in climate change education and I helped out to share the ask with colleagues within the School of Education to see who was interested. Our research team of 5 formed and amongst the 5 of us, only one of us was a tenure-track member. The rest of us were either term, lecturer, or adjunct. We did not have the agency, ability, or motivation to get the research project off the ground, so this faculty member became the Principal Investigator. The initial goal was to investigate CCE use with Teacher Candidates.
The methodology chosen for this project is Educational Design-Based Research (EDBR) using Sandoval’s Conjecture Mapping. EDBR uses multiple strategies to unpack a complex problem in practical and doable ways. Conjecture mapping tracks our intentions and changes over time. The method, if anything, is experiential with many opportunities to pivot, when needed. We have pivoted many times, and that’s ok. We also work with a Design Team which is comprised of folks who are experts in the field, locally and nationally, and their role is to help guide our work/project.
Our main intervention of the CETE project is CCE workshops for practicing teachers and teacher candidates with a focus on northern BC. We offer/ed 4-workshops per year and in planning these workshops, we tried to anticipate the needs of the field but also listen to the feedback after each workshop. The preparation and development of these workshops are time intensive and much effort is given by research team members, design team members, and research assistant(s). We have offered and facilitated these workshops online and a few of them in person.
The attendance to these workshops have increased over time and so has the research project. As our dreams and aspirations grew, the research project expanded to 4 REB’s… the first is with Teacher Candidates, the second with practicing teachers from 2 school districts, the third is a self-study involving the research team, and the fourth one is the most recent that is focused on Indigenous knowledge holders and elders. This blog post series will focus on REB3, the Self-Study. We are asked as research team members to reflect on our experience and growth within the project.
Finally, I am back to writing about the picture above from my doctoral oral defence. Why does this image matter? My dissertation was about “out-of-field teachers” teaching secondary mathematics. I have an interest in out-of-field teaching, professional learning, and educational leadership. Lots of what I am interested in is MAKING A CHANGE… in one’s practice, in school/class culture, and in educational policy. I love the idea of agency, influence, and engaging learners to “be the change.” We are learners too. Anyway, this is my interest and motivation for the CETE project.
Moreover, I’m blogging about it as a means to reflect on my role on the research team and how this project is impacting me, as a learner, educator, researcher, and educational leader. We have a framework on MS Teams to record our reflections, however, my brain does not work in that way. I found the template to be a barrier to my reflections, so I have decided to blog about my thoughts in my reflective practice and then unpack my reflection within the framework as part of the analysis. Anyway, I am an “out-of-field” researcher on this project and learning lots on CCE and research.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, December 31st, 2024 | Comments Off on Reflective Practice: A Documentation
I hate the idea of having to blog every two weeks. I guess it is what it is, and today I am making a re-commitment to a weekly blog post. I am reminded why I started blogging. It’s not just about developing a reflective practice, but it is also about practicing my writing skills. Admittedly, there has been a tonne of things happening and right now, I feel settled such that I can “spill the tea.” Mid-October, I put in an offer to purchase a townhouse. I am excited and learned a tonne over the last month.
My first lesson… follow your gut. There was just a day when I felt like I should look at places to live. I went to a few open houses (in townhouses, in particular) and kind of regretted not getting my finances in order so that I could put an offer into a place when I saw one I wanted and liked. The strata scene is not very big in Prince George. I was not sure if I wanted to live in a house and do all of the maintenance and condominiums are far and few between. I’ve lived in an apartment for six years not realizing that I would be in “this place” for this long. As it turns out, the commitment I wanted to make was “to place” and “to myself.” I wanted to settle and be in my home.
My second lesson… ask for help. The last time I purchased a house was 20-years ago. Can you believe that? My kid brought that to my attention TODAY, which alarmed me in some ways. She’s right. She was one-years old when I first moved into my first house. Now, my kid is 21. She’s got the math right. I’ve been looking online for quite some time for a place to live. I was so unsure if this was the next step I wanted to take, and if I did, what steps would I need to take? I ended up texting one of the real estate agents I met at one of the open houses. She responded promptly and has walked me through every step of the house-buying process. For this, I am so grateful. I had lots of questions and she’s been great. I feel that she has my best interests. I also want to give kudos to my banker from my former hometown, the home inspector, and all of those folks who helped me along the way. Thank you!!
My third lesson… when you know, you know. Making a decision and making a commitment has been challenging for me to say the least. Most times, my decisions have always been conditional. If this, then that… was the typical mantra. The truth is, that’s not how life works. Much like the first lesson, you’ve got to go with your gut. I spent a lot of my online searches and open houses looking for a place that would feel like home. I would find myself settling for “the next best” or something that was “cheaper.” These consolidations were things I typically adapt and live with but I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching in the last 5-years and I wanted to find a place that I loved. We looked at a half dozen places at my preferred site and the unit that I thought was maybe third or fourth on my list became first. The garage was a deal breaker for me, but the owners changed it from what was seen on the website. I called in my kid to see it this was a good place, and soon after I made an offer.
My fourth lesson… be patient and be present. The effort to remove the conditions to purchasing the townhouse was one that my relator walked me through (or at least talked me down from off the bridge) and my banker at my credit union really made things possible. Because it was 20-years ago since I last bought my house, the whole process was new to me. I followed the advice of my relator to get the home inspected. The home inspector was amazing, through, and supportive. And, every person (so far) that I talked on the phone to change things like home insurance, utilities, and movers have all been very helpful and professional. Now, I am in the middle of packing my stuff up. We are about 2/3 of the way through with a few weeks before we move. October 31st was the day when the sale was final and all conditions were met. Trick or treat? It was definitely a TREAT. Life is unravelling quickly and swiftly. We are moving at the end of the month. I can’t believe it. HOME… at last.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, November 11th, 2024 | Comments Off on When it Rains
June 28, 2024 – Having to prioritize my time and work
I think this photo is one of my most favourite family photos I have before my mother got really sick and passed away. Of course, it’s a selfie at a Chinese restaurant in Burnaby, BC that was near to where my parents lived. Yesterday was her birthday. She would have been 87 years old. She loved going to Chinese restaurants as much as I love eating Chines food. Admittedly, I’ve been overdosing on Chinese dumplings since returning from Montreal. I can’t get enough of them. If it’s not Chinese food, then it’s Vietnamese or Japanese food. I can get enough Asian food. Most times it’s frozen dim sum or Costco soup dumplings. When I eat Chinese food, I feel closer to my mom and my perceived sense of what my Chinese/Cantonese heritage is/was.
I regret having missed last week’s blog post. The blog post started with an image of those steamed frozen dumplings and a reflection of bumping into a “former student” in Montreal. He was not a “former student” per se. At that time, I just left teaching and he was still in high school I believe he was in Grade 11 or 12. I was becoming a school trustee. It was 2011 and we pulled together in the Pulling Together Canoe Journey, which is a weeklong event during the summer that attempts to build relationships between Indigenous youth and the police. I was a community member and pulled with my former school district. I just loved this student. I called him A-MAIZE-ING… because he was. He reached out to me via FB messenger while I was in Montreal.
We were meant to meet in Montreal. It was like no time had passed, but we had a many things to report on with life ranging from schooling to careers to family to relationships. We walked around his neighbourhood and went out for dinner in Verdun. It was absolutely delicious. Yes, it was shrimp wonton soup with noodles. It was a hot day, but it was something I needed after a week’s worth of very rich and buttery food. LOL. In our conversation, he spoke about a person he knew from UBC. Elder Larry Grant was an elder in residence at UBC and his brother Howard E. Grant is a Musqueum councillor. My friend sent me articles and video link to “All Our Father’s Relations” from the Knowledge Network. I shared that I was learning more about Chinese-Canadians in BC and my friend connected me to these people’s stories.
As soon I came home from Montreal a couple of weeks ago, I took a deep dive in watching the video and reading the news articles and links. The Howard’s were raised with Indigenous culture, language, and values from their mother’s side and were on a journey to learn more about their Chinese heritage from their father’s side. Much like the video “Bamboo and Cedar,” the stories these people tell are eye opening and grounding at the same time. When people as me if I am Indigenous, First Nations, or Native, I did not realize until recently that these questions were valid. There is a history of Chinese-Indigenous children in BC. I thought it was because I don’t look like a “typical” Chinese person, but asking if I have Indigenous heritage is historically valid.
I take much joy in learning more about Chinese-Canadian history in BC, more than I thought I would. I feel more connected to who I am and I am able to sense-make or reason with some behaviours and feelings which brings much a lot of solace and inner-peace. I miss my mom greatly and I believe that she has many stories to share that she chose not to during my formative years. I don’t have bad feelings about that… now. I am understanding that it was acceptable, if not encouraged to live life as a Canadian. Not having the language also served as a barrier to learning more about my heritage and family history. So, I will go with what I know… Cantonese food, dim sum, and congee… to provoke good feelings and memories. For that, I am grateful.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 28th, 2024 | Comments Off on A Missed Week
Look at the amazing photo. It’s an image of Babine Lake. I was just there for a couple of days working with Koh Learning and SD91 students. I had an awesome time working with the graduates students who came from the university as part of their coursework. We spent one night connecting and planning out a workshop they had to facilitate the next day. We had a few gut wrenching laughs. And, the students did exceptionally well the next day. The students were very engaged with their learning activity. The two days with Koh Learning was magical and spending some time in Granisle was something I needed to fill my soul to remind me about the land, place, and people. There is/was so much to learn and I was very humbled and happy.
After this event, I was collaborating with a colleague from the university. She is new to the university and I appreciated her insights and innovation. I feel that I will have a lot to learn from her and I look forward to seeing how this collaboration will manifest. During one of our conversations, she called me “a good Canadian.” I can see why se did. In lots of ways, I was being “a good Canadian.” I was not too opinionated, I was diplomatic, and I was considerate to all people (I might have been apologetic too). The comment took me by surprise. No one has ever called me “a good Canadian” before. Strangely, it’s been something I strived for as a second-generation Chinese Canadian.
I wonder if this perspective from my colleague is because she is new to Canada as well, spending a few years in Ontario before coming to BC. Her point of view was refreshing and I appreciate her straightforwardness and honesty. Most of my life I struggled with belonging and acceptance. This feeling could have been derived within my family in different ways, but also, it did not matter how “Canadian” my parents wanted me to be, you cannot change the colour of my skin. Racism was always present and sometimes visible. It’s not a good feeling to be called a racial slur when I don’t even know the language or culture of my Chinese heritage. That information was foreign to me, but for some people, how I looked influenced their opinion of me.
Moreover, I don’t want to get too hung up on stereotypes, but my kid who does not look Asian gets caught in some misnomers like “you should be good at math because….” Personally, I don’t look like a typical Asian. Growing up in Prince Rupert and working at the museum, visitors would often ask me what tribe I was from. I hated disappointing these tourists with an answer like “Hong Kong” or “China.” Honestly, I never saw myself as Asian or Chinese. I had always felt Canadian and I was brought up that way. My parents assimilated me into Canadian culture. I did not know any different. Racism is not blind. This journey into my ethnic identity is to learn more about Chinese-Canadians in BC. I also want to learn more about my family.
On the second day at Granisle, Leona Prince spoke in the opening circle. In her talk, she spoke about knowing ourselves and knowing the land. What struck me in her talk (which was outstanding and it resonated with me deeply) was her mentioning about owning and loving our name. Our last name tells us where we are from and who we are. Her asking ME to accept my last name (or any of my names for that matter) is troubling and extremely difficult. I never liked my name. Hmm… this is telling. “Alice Christine Ho”… for a good chunk of my life. I called myself “Chris Ho” for many years during my adult life. Then it transformed to “Christine Younghusband” (which by the way took a tonne of my thinking time to come to terms with that name) when I got married. Now, I go by “Christine Ho Younghusband.” To be honest, I was undecided.
Name, identity, place, and culture… I am left thinking and wondering… Who am I?
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 09th, 2024 | Comments Off on A Good Canadian
June 1, 2024 – Clearing out the fridge and freezer
STORY 5
“The game” is something that my mom would do when we were kids. Essentially, the goal is to get rid of all of the food in the fridge or freezer before going out and buying more food. The idea is to maximize the dollar, minimize food waste, and consume what was purchased. Makes sense, but I am unsure if I am good at this game. I come to the game with a lot of intentions (and memories) but my fridge and freezer often remain full. My brother, on the other hand, has an empty fridge (with exception to a few condiments and some frozen staples) and sister play this game religiously with specific rules (i.e., you can’t buy food to complement the food you’re trying to get rid of). Nope. I can see now that playing the game is not my strength. Let’s unpack why.
I just finished a CBC series call “House Special” that looks at Chinese-Canadian restaurants in BC and Alberta. The series went to Penticton, Vernon, Kelowna, Red Deer, and Grand Prairie. The stories told resonated with me. The host, Jackie Kai Ellis, is a second-generation Chinese woman and pastry chef. She tells her family’s stories and her relationships with her family and food throughout this series as she explores Chinese-Canadian food and Chinese-Canadian people living in these communities. Lots of what she shared resonated with me. I love how this series was able to articulate about what I’ve experienced through the lens of uncertainty and cultural assimilation. I felt that her voice and stories depicted much of what I’ve experienced.
Why does this matter? I just remember that we would eat what my mom made (often a stir fry with rice). There was not much food in the fridge. And, we would have the periodic “Canadian meal” which meant ham, mashed potatoes, and peas, or spaghetti made with ketchup. My most favourite meal was curry chicken and potatoes with rice. AMAZING… and I can not find anything like it. Trust me, I tried. Now in Prince George (as mentioned in previous blog posts), I spent a great amount of energy trying to find Chinese food that tasted much like my mom’s or what I used to eat in Vancouver. It’s super hard to find and what I have found is OK and it only represents a fraction of the Chinese food of what I would like to eat. Something is better than nothing.
At first, I thought that finding this food and having it was more about feeling close to my mom, which it is (and does). But after watching the CBC series, there is an episode that is titled, “Food is Love.” It’s so true. My mom never said “I love you” to me, but she showed her love to me and my family with food. I remember as a teenager going to family dinners to Galaxy Gardens with my family. These were special occasions. I don’t think we went every week, but at least once a month. We had family favourites like #25 (sweet and sour pork Cantonese style). The CBC series spoke about sweet and sour pork throughout the series saying that this is Chinese-Canadian food. This kind of food was created to meet the needs of the consumer (and make money).
The CBC series went to the place where ginger beef was created, Grand Prairie. Beef was Albertan and Albertans love gravy. The beef was sliced into strips to mimic french fries, but also be savoury to encourage folks to drink. The creation of ginger beef was economic, but it’s one of my brother’s favourite dishes. When my family moved away from Prince Rupert (where Galaxy Gardens is located), we went to various restaurants around the Burnaby area (i.e., where my parents built and moved into a condo near Metrotown). We were all adults and have graduated from university. We would often go for dim sum, congee, or “double duck” dinner. Eating around the table equated to family, connection, and LOVE. This is why food and eating out means a lot to me.
It’s love.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 01st, 2024 | Comments Off on Playing The Game
Starting this blog series of thinking about my childhood/adulthood, my ethnic identity, and the person who I have become, I am flooded by many memories I wish to unpack. I’m not going to make rules like… “blog everyday” or force myself into a way of being that is not authentic to me… but I will embark on a story that resonates with me the most, at the time. Today, what inspires me to write is about FEAR.
I don’t have a specific story, per se, but I have many stories that represent the same idea. The first narrative that comes to mind that resonates with me is about my kid and her experience in Grade 4 or 5 and making title pages. In her class, students were required to make title pages for their notebooks (for every subject area and every unit). The making of title pages were relentless and my kid could never get a 10/10.
My kid investigated the 10/10 wall of exemplars hypothesizing how to get 10/10 on one of her title pages. Was it bubble lettering? Was it colouring in circles? Was it using particular colours? Who knew? What she did know is, she never got it despite how hard she tried to achieve this illustrious 10/10. This perceived failure caused her much anxiety, confidence depletion, and doubt. My question is, what did she learn?
I often share this story about my kid and her learning experience with these title pages. Although the teacher made an explicit connection to the curriculum with these title pages, my kid did not understand what she needed to do to get a 10/10. Other students “got it” but she never did. She might have got one 10/10 but getting 10 was something that was mysterious and difficult to achieve. Why the need to comply?
For me, this story captured my attention for many reasons (and for many years). First, I remember my kid in Grade 3 (not so long before) where she questioned why the teacher insisted that she colour the sky blue. She was forced to finish the “turkey drawing” before she was allowed to the the work she wanted to do. In the end, she did neither art project. Honestly, I supported her in that decision. It made sense.
My next thought is, what happened? A couple of years later, my kid was obsessed about doing what other kids were doing. She lost her autonomy and her sense of self or agency to do what best represented her and her thinking. Learning became more about pleasing, achieving, and jumping the hoop to get the grade. I would often share this story to describe the importance of success criteria and formative feedback.
Sadly, it’s more than that. It’s about FITTING IN. This story about the title pages and those damn one-inch boarders was more than compliance and lack of clear success criteria, but more about doing what it takes to FIT IN. As Brené Brown would say, “fitting in” is the antithesis to “belonging.” Fitting in meant to “giving yourself away” or “betraying yourself” with hopes of “belonging to” something you are not aligned to.
This story weighs heavy on me and takes a full-circle. I cannot believe that this story is telling MY STORY. No wonder it resonates with me deeply. I also find it ironic that I chose the image from my collection of the Ukrainian nesting dolls. I used this image and metaphor for a TedTalk I gave in 2017 titled “ALIGNMENT.” The connection is clear and obvious to me. Fitting in has been an ongoing need and want for me.
I can’t do it anymore and honestly, I don’t get the success criteria to achieve them. I’m tired of giving myself away and betraying who I am. Over time, I lost who I was and now I am relearning it. I remember the extreme feelings of fear of “not getting it right” and getting reprimanded for “making a mistake.” I tried my best not to (or at least hide them) for purposes of fitting in, perceived acceptance, and being seen.
Meh.
This story resonates with me as a child, adolescent, young adult, and adult. I remember driving into a planter with a rental vehicle a few years ago. I damaged the bumper and I was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. I did not know what to say to the rental office. The entire drive I was going through scenarios in my mind and my heart was racing as if I was running a marathon. The anticipation was excruciating.
I had that aching feel-like feeling often throughout my lifetime and in many different circumstances (i.e., dropping glass during a science class during my first year of teaching, workplace interviews, and making an ICBC car claim). All of these examples do not seem on the surface to relate to my ethnicity or upbringing, but in many ways, it does. Don’t make any trouble. Don’t be a burden. Do not bite the hand that feeds you.
This fear factor (witnessed as unusual behaviour), is learned and deeply embedded in my psyche. It guides my decisions and ultimately, I become my own biggest suppressor so that the “true me” cannot be seen (or heard). As a result, I’m hiding. I’m pretending to be someone that I’m not. I am just too scared to show who I really am. Hence, the Ukrainian nesting dolls is an appropriate image for this blog post.
What I learned from the car accident with the rental car is, NOTHING HAPPENS. After driving the car back to the Vancouver Airport and parking the car, I went to the rental car desk and made the claim. I filled out some forms, they assessed the damaged. And they smiled and said that the bill would come by mail. That’s it. No judgement. No yelling. No shaming. That was a huge lesson for me (except for the $800 bill).
It’s hard for me to be seen… truly seen. As a child to adulthood, I have many layers, armour, or shields to protect me. I can let some of myself be seen, but it’s was most likely not 100% of who I was/am. Too worried to be judged, too worried to be hurt, or too worried to be disappointing anyone. There are undertones of being the youngest, being a girl, and being Chinese… all things (and more) I tried to hide or minimize.
One layer at a time is being opened and exposed. One nesting doll after the other, I am finally reaching the true me. The little doll sitting at the centre of all of these layers. Being exposed, hence sharing my stories and the desire to learn more about my history and ethnic identity as a Chinese-Canadian in BC. This pedagogical journey of mine that started well before the pandemic continues onto the next chapter.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, May 26th, 2024 | Comments Off on Scared To Let Go
