I have to admit, Friday, November 15th, the day of the full moon, a billon things were happening and of course, I was unable to be in two or three places at time. I had to make choices. First, I had a manuscript review to submit. I worked on it during the week but could not quite get to the report until the day. I needed the time to think about it to synthesize my thoughts. Second, the CATE chapter was due. We received copy edits almost a month ago and I took the time to go through the edits and got some help from a colleague to get to the FINAL DRAFT. I was so grateful to the copyeditor, my colleague, and the freedom to get that chapter done and submitted for publication. The CATE book should be published by the end of this year.
Writing that chapter with my colleagues for CATE was an awesome learning experience for me. That is one of the things I am learning, to understand higher education, you just have to jump in and do it. Experiential learning is at the heart of being an academic. You don’t know until you know. I am thankful for the mentorship and support CATE and my colleagues offered me. I learned a lot. Third, I had three meetings on Friday: BCTEN Fall Convening, Educational Robots university team regroup, and CETE workshop development. I am involved in each of these groups in different capacities and all of these meetings involve research. It’s great to be a part of different learning communities as we move forward together in each respective group to contribute to and enhance BC education. And, my writing counts too.
Unfortunately, with all of these meetings, I missed a couple of good presentations I would have liked to have attended offered at the university relating to Indigenization and race-relations in higher education. These topics are important to me, but I feel that it’s a good problem to have the challenge of deciding what to do with my time. I hope that these two presentations were recorded. I can only hope. Finally, My day concluded with going out with my friend and attending the first Indigenous Fashion Show. The event involved two elementary schools and local Indigenous artists. I loved the feelings of community and belonging. My friend knew a lot of people. I was getting a bit overwhelmed, but the event was OUTSTANDING. There were students, community members, school district folks, and many vendors. I was a door prize winner!! My friend and I had a tonne of fun!! What a wonderful way to end the day!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, November 17th, 2024 | Comments Off on The Full Moon
Oh boy… I do really try to contribute to my blog (on both WordPress sites) on a weekly basis. There are only a few times where I have not been able to in the last few months, but there are just some times when I am just not able to. I started this blog post last week and I was unable to get to it (amongst many other “things to do”) over the last week. And here we are again at the end of another weekend. I could have compelled myself to write two blog posts to make up the one I just missed, but I’m not going to. I’m just going to let it go and move forward. Last week, I could not make up the time and catch up… and that’s ok. I can only do what I can do… and that’s it.
Although this blog post might be extraordinarily short, I am grateful to take a moment to return to my reflections and the idea of the “imperfect leader.” My EDUC 606 class is reading Andy Hargreaves “Leading from the Middle” and in Chapter 2, he describes the IMPERFECT LEADER. Lots of what he had written resonates with me and knowing that aiming for perfection is unreasonable and unrealistic. Imperfect leaders learn from their mistakes and rely on community to lead (or co-lead). Moreover, to be an imperfect leader, you have be know thy self. Self-knowledge resonates with me deeply, in particular with Parker Palmer’s work in “The Courage to Teach.”
Teachers are leaders. Self-acceptance and knowing your strengths and stretches are key attributes to leadership. I can see how this could test one’s sense of self-efficacy and self-confidence to lead, but humility and vulnerability are also key attributes as well. LEARNING is central to “good” leadership. Learning is not perfect. In fact, learning happens when it’s messy, confusing, and mistake-oriented. You just have be be willing to make those mistakes and learn from them. That’s what matters, but also appreciating the mistake. What a gift!! Admittedly, I may not have thought that way in past, but as I am learning and understanding myself makes me a “good” leader.
Take a look at this image. What a beautiful metaphor. You have a vision. You execute. You do you best, but… it’s not perfect. I love sunny-side up eggs and buttered toast. As you may notice, when transferring the eggs from the pan to plate, it resulted in one of the eggs to flip upside down. Broken. I took a few attempts trying to flip it back up, but opted to just leave it alone. It’s fine the way it is. The breakfast was still delicious. Not perfect, but really, it was perfect. I have been vibing on this breakfast for the last week or two. It tasted just as I had hoped and nothing beat dipping the sour dough toast into the egg yolk. If anything, no added stress and pure satisfaction.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, October 27th, 2024 | Comments Off on Imperfect is PERFECT
What a wonderful day. It was a very hectic week. As much as I love having my weekends, the natural consequence is having a very fulsome work week. The week started with attempting to complete three conference proposals to Congress 2025. Initially, I had no intention of going to Congress next year mainly because I am trying to catch up on my expenditures of travel for work. A long story short, I chose to go to conferences to present my work when the travel costs exceed my annual allotment of professional development funds. This pro-d behaviour is not new. I went to a lot professional development events when I used to teach in K-12 schools. What I have learned in the last year or two is, I love going to conferences. I love connecting and re-connecting with people, I love learning new ideas, and I love to present and travel.
If anything, I underestimated the time it would take to complete these proposals. In all three proposals, I took the lead in writing them. I guess that could be my first problem. The first proposal I completed was with and for a TRIAD of teacher candidates who have been engaged in a program-long inquiry about land-based pedagogies and student wellness. We are presenting in Kelowna in a couple of weeks and we have presented in Calgary and Prince George. They have been honing their presentation and now I have joined the team. We are planning to write about their LESSON STUDY with hopes of publishing it. The second conference proposal was with my colleague and friend about un-colonizing assessment. We’ve been presenting about it a several times as teacher professional development. We are planning to implement some of our ideas during my assessment course next term. It will be PROGRAM EVALUATION. Finally, the third conference proposal was about my work with IN-SITU learning and my assessment course. This paper is single authored.
The due date for these proposals was October 9, 2024. I finished all three proposals by October 8, 2024 and submitted them in on October 9, 2024. Yay. That took many long days to get those proposals completed and folks had to engage in its completion as well. I was so happy to get them done and submitted, and I’m grateful that I was able to meet the goal of getting all three complete and submitted. Each paper went to different associations (i.e., CASIE, CAARE, and CATE). I hope it goes well, but only time will tell. They are now under peer-review. That evening, on October 9, 2024, I had my night class online with graduate students then curriculum class with teacher candidates the next morning. Switching gears from writing and research to teaching (and vice versa) can be tricky and time consuming. I am so grateful for my night class and the work we are accomplishing. We just finished reading and discussing about PEDAGOGY OF THE OPPRESSED. That is eye-opening and powerful work written by Paulo Freire. Then, after being on line for 3-hours, I had to prep for my Thursday morning class. I had to update my syllabus and make copies the next morning.
In the end, the hard work is rewarded with learning outside. We went to Cottonwood Island Park. The fall weather as cool and sunny. We spent the morning lesson planning and learning how to navigate BC’s Curriculum. Although it may have been a bit cold, there is something to be said about learning on the land. Unfortunately, I did remove one more outdoor learning experience from the course syllabus as well as a final assignment (that was adapted into something else). The more I am learning about this group and what I want to achieve, sometimes it’s ok to say goodbye to a couple of things so that we can slow down and appreciate what we are learning about. There is so much to learn in teacher education and my one course is only one of many they take during their 16-months within the program. It’s ok to let go and take the learning in stride. There is no question that I was very grateful to head into a long weekend. Although I missed the northern lights on Thursday night due to cloudy weather, I had a fruitful Friday with several online meetings and then LOTS OF SLEEP.
If anything, I am very grateful for the work I get to do. I love the learning and the students. I could not ask for more from this job. I look forward to what’s next.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, October 13th, 2024 | Comments Off on Being My Authentic Self
I started this blog post a couple of weeks ago and abandoned the post because I started to overthink and pre-judge what was worthwhile to write and post about. I am still wrestling with the topic believing that I should be posting something else or something of interest. Well, I’m back. It’s mid-week, thus indicating I missed my self-imposed deadline of blogging on the weekend, and following through on this blog post. There is something about “being in the right mood” or frame of mind before I can move forward. This delay might look like procrastination, resistance, or defiance. I could force myself to blog (or anything else), but the authenticity would not be there.
Now, I’m in the state of flow. The last two days were 12+ hour days filled with some incredible meetings with folks I am connecting and collaborating with, and being productive. What I am learning is, how to be independent, how to think for myself (without the approval of others), and how to feel ok with what is. That’s it. As simple and obvious as that sounds, I was stuck and behaving in the opposite way. I was dependent, worrisome, and doubtful. I was and have shifted. All I want to be is in the flow. So here I am, and it feels great. Thus, I have returned to my food pic post.
The first pic at the top of the blog post is a big breakfast out. Ideally, I’d love to have this big meal at a hotel restaurant, but this image was taken at White Spot in Prince George. I love thinking about the different permutations this meal could be. It could have pancakes, toast, sausage, ham, or shredded hashbrowns. I am consistent with the eggs being sunny side up and I will never choose ham as an option. Every other item is based on how I feel that morning. This time it was waffles, bacon, and smashed potatoes. If I unpack why I love this meal so much, it was probably something that I was not allowed to have as a kid. I had always perceived it as fancy.
Below is a sample set of some food pics of food I enjoy. I have captioned underneath each image what it is and why I like it so much. I am confident there are many other foods like “lo bak go” from a previous post that love so much as well. I think for me, food is not only enjoyable and tastes good, but I love the experience and the memories they bring back to me. Understanding my love for food also unpacks some self-knowledge that I took for granted and never examined. It’s something to consider when I look in to doing an autoethnography and understanding my ethnic identity.
Raw oysters from Earl’s in Prince George. It reminds me of the oysters my kid and I had in Mexico in December 2023. It’s good memories, but its nice to know I can get this seafood in Prince George.In Prince George, it’s not that easy to find Chinese or Asian food that resemble the food in Vancouver. These soup dumplings from Costco are awesome with a scoop of chilli oil. 3 minutes in the microwave.In the hunt for Chinese food in Prince George, I found frozen BBQ buns at the Superstore and a variety of frozen dumplings at a local store downtown called the Marquee. I’m pretty happy with both items.Oh my… I love the WEDGE salad from the Keg and the Brown Sugar Shaken Oat Espresso from Starbucks. This meal was a winning combination and I believe I was watching the Olympics 2024.The best deal in town… RAMEN at Sendo… a local restaurant in Prince George. The combination includes a bowl of ramen and 4 dumplings. i add a diet coke to the meal. The total before tip is $15.My last Prince George contribution is a combo plate from Famous Wok at the Pine Centre Mall. The taste, the noodles, and the price (LOL) resemble what I know and love about Canadian Chinese food.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 21st, 2024 | Comments Off on My Love for Food
August 2, 2024 – A Hat Trick – I’m going to Hawaii
Oh my… I’ve just finished making, adapting, and finalizing my travel plans to Hawaii. <<BREATHE>> I’m going!! I’m having a moment right now and having some difficulties starting and writing this blog post. I am committing this trip to Honolulu. Today, I just received notice that my two paper proposals were reviewed and accepted by the Hawaii International Conference on Education 2025. Last year, I missed out. I should say that. What really happened was I hesitated, second guessed, and missed my opportunity. In the end, to go to the conference last year, it got way too unaffordable. I just could not go. Disappointing because last year’s conference was on the Big Island, but really, I was not suppose to go. I was not ready. Now, I’M READY!!
I’m still experiencing a bit of sticker shock, but I am compelled to jump in and apply for an internal grant to hopefully fund this trip. Either way, I am going and I will be presenting my work. I can’t wait. I love the idea that my research is in the Scholarship of Teaching and what I will be presenting are two examples from my teaching practice in higher education written as a program evaluation. I FEEL READY to share these ideas. I just realized today that an innovation I had pursued 5-years ago was slowly eliminated from my program at my university (of not my doing), but it the ideas were adopted in a graduate program at another university. My aha moment was, these ideas that I do have are worthwhile and they work… for folks who want it to work.
In Montreal, I presented five times at Congress 2025: once for OTESSA (technology education), once for CAARE (action research), and three times for CATE (teacher education). Anyway, four of these presentations are projects in collaboration with others and one of them was a solo pursuit. What surprised me at that conference was the interest expressed by peers and audience members for my independent work. People were interested and curious about the topic. I did not expect that. It has taken me months to internalize that feeling and accept it. What I understand now is, formative feedback is not always direct but it can be indirect and serendipitous. Also, it’s me believing in my work and in myself. What I do (and love to do) has value.
Part of my VISION is to go to Hawaii. I know that and I need to not only present my work, but also learn more about culture, place, and identity. I have full intentions of exploring these ideas relating to my ethnic identity and I am learning that I have to learn about “who I am” or as Parker Palmer would say, develop my self-knowledge, on my own. My mom has passed away and my dad is alive, but distant. I need to pursue this work as an autoethnography, but it correlates to other research interests as well. So, as much as I can reason why NOT to go to Hawaii, but all arrows are pointing towards… I’ve got to go. I rebooked the dates of my hotel room. I’m staying one more night and I have an ocean view. Dreamy. I got a bit of a deal on my plane ticket too.
I am reaping the rewards of my WestJet card… finally. I never thought I would see the day. I used some points for my plane ticket to Honolulu, and I used points and travel companion voucher to take me and my kid to Las Vegas too to celebrate being 21. We are going with my siblings too. It’s time with family and my kid over the winter break. I am super excited about that trip too. Ooo… I’m developing a liking to travel. I never thought I would, but I am reminded by some words of advice given by someone I met on my Italy trip at the castle. Travel now, when you can. One day, you won’t be able to travel… so go. This person makes a very good point. TO WHAT EXTENT? Well, enough that it serves me, I am able to afford it, and I derive a lot of joy from it. 🙂 Mahalo.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 03rd, 2024 | Comments Off on To What Extent
What a strange week. For most of the week, I’ve been in a cognitive paralysis. I started the week with a monthly session and ended the session with many aha’s. Ever since, I’ve been stalled with “the death scroll” or free video games on my phone. You could call this avoidance or numbing tactics. Either way, I was deeply committed in doing so. It’s even been a struggle starting this blog post. I think I’ve started this blog post almost a dozen times over the last few days. I feel compelled to write about my reflections this week, but really, I think I’ve been resting with what I’ve learned earlier this week. In essence, it’s the LAW OF ATTRACTION. I’ve watched this movie many times a decade ago, but I never understood it until now. My mind is blown.
The Secret. I won’t got into the details as to how or why I know, but THE SECRET makes sense to me now. For more than a decade, my life was in crisis and I led my life in survival mode. My life was out of control and I was so separate from who I am. On my healing journey, I have been slowing life down such that I have chosen COMFORT over COURAGE in many situations. Feeling safe was a primary need. I needed to slow down to reconnect with myself… to feel grounded. In doing so, I have never felt more happier. I have so much gratitude for the little things and I am more focused on myself and how I feel. As mentioned in my last blog post, I need to create a vision. In fact, my vision has not changed. On the one hand, I thought my dream was not possible and on the other hand, I thought I had achieved it. Truth, neither were true.
So, I’ve been scrolling through my photos and thinking of the times I went to Honolulu. I went the Hawaii International Conference on Education (HICE) two times, so far. I went by myself with my colleagues in 2013 and again in 2018 with my family. The first time, I had no idea what I was doing and too scared to do anything. The second time I went, I was more focused on tending to my family’s needs that presenting my doctoral work was in the shadows of everything else. I applied to go last year. The conference was held on the Big Island. I really wanted to go, but I got spooked and hesitated. In the end, I could not afford to go. Maybe in hindsight, I was not suppose to go last year. I revised last year’s proposals and I submitted them for review for this year’s conference back in Honolulu. Now, I am clear and grounded.
I hope to go to HICE in 2025. You can see the timing of things. It would have been “timely” to have gone last year so that there would be a 5-6 year gap between conferences. Looking back, I was not ready. I need this time to rest, restore, and return to who I am. Below, I posted a few photos from each conference. I’m showing you the “good ones”… LOL. Looking back, I don’t even recognize myself. My level of insecurity and uncertainty was high. This commentary is not to say that I did not have a good time. There were definitely memorable moments. But now, I am curious what it would be like to go back to Honolulu, to share my current work at this conference, and explore the island in a way that is aligned and authentic to me and my interests. I’m excited. I still have to wait to hear back from the conference to see if I was accepted to not to present. I feel confident, but if it’s not this conference, I’ll be back. These images are part of the vision and I am super stoked for this next chapter.
Photos from January 2013:
Photos from January 2018:
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 27th, 2024 | Comments Off on Sense Making and Understanding
What can I say? Today used to be an important day for me, but now, it’s just another day. It did not occur to me that today was “the day” until I looked at my phone and noticed the date. I could spend a lot of time wondering what had happened or regret the years behind me, but really… I spend no time on the past. What I have spent a lot of time on lately is figuring out what’s important to me. I thought I was doing that during the pandemic during my weekly #pandemicreflection, but my good friend called me on that. She was right. Who was I fooling? I guess, myself. Lots had to change in my life to get to who I really am. First, I understand that understanding my values (first) will help with my boundaries, not the other way around. Second, I love my kid and will do anything for her. I believe the feeling is mutual. Finally, I am important and I have value. The last point has been the most difficult to internalize, but its the work that is most worthwhile. I have found peace, calm, and solace.
Part of understanding who I am is fully accepting my positionality. Part of that is being the youngest child of three, being a second-generation Chinese Canadian woman, and being a person with a doctorate with something worthwhile to say. For most of my life, I’ve been living in the shadows of others and often would choose that way of being because it was something that was familiar, comfortable, or expected. As much as I thought that I was a “change agent” or “trouble-maker” but really I was a person who spent much of their time trying to fit in and follow the rules. The problem was, in doing so, I thought I was meeting other people’s expectations or pleasing others. I thought that “doing a good job” would get noticed. Sadly, it was noticed in such a way that it was expected of me. As a result, I was moving away from who I am and became someone I did not recognize. Weirdly, I did not even know I was doing this.
Now that I’m on my own, living with my kid, and starting a “new life”… I am learning how to be me (rather than someone else I’m thinking that people want me to be). Let’s be clear, I reached achievements in that former modality and I am grateful that I was able to achieve what I have achieved, but I need to GET OUT OF MY WAY. In my former way of being, I wondered why I was not “being seen” when really, how could I be seen when I was trying to be someone else I am not, to live in someone else’s shadow that’s not mine, or to hide and avoid conflicts or confrontations such that I get nothing that I want to accomplish. This blog entry is getting into something more deeper than I had anticipated, but I’ve been avoiding this blog post all weekend. I can see why. I am having to overcome “a truth” that I have to overcome. I spent much of 2024 so far resting, reflecting, and reassessing. I have to catch myself… and pause.
I don’t want to fall into the same patterns.
I’m in a holding pattern and I need to take the messages I am receiving on REELS during my “death-scrolls” on social media: (1) I am the CEO of my life; (2) have a vision; and (3) live in the present. Find the joy. I am totally aligned to Brené Brown’s work. The act of being vulnerable and you have to choose between COMFORT and COURAGE because you can’t have both at the same time. This message resonates with me deeply. I have been choosing comfort for the last 5 or so years. There has been so much change, loss, and trauma such that COMFORT = SAFETY. I have not felt safe and secure in such a long time. How can I be myself when I rarely felt safe or secure? As a consequence, I am always protecting myself, defending myself, or isolating myself to the point where “what I really desire is what I am avoiding.” Yes, that’s another message from REELS. Today, I feel safe. I feel secure. The more I am learning more about myself and my positionality, the more I like myself and feel more ready to be seen. I’m shifting from living a life of fitting in to a life I want to live.
The choice has reached a tipping point to choose COURAGE. I need to get myself out of my way. Step aside Christine and make room for CHRISTINE. Yes, it’s “Christine” in all CAPS. As Brené Brown says, in the cringy, uncomforable moments, stay with it and be BRAVE. My former pattern would have been run away, blame, or hide. Now, it’s time to put myself out there, be open to feedback, and just persevere and stick it out. I need to develop my GRIT for life. I love how my kid said to me, YOLO, mom (as she was encouraging me to travel and see the world). I have a vision. I thought that I had satisfied this vision 10-years ago. I’m wrong. I have not lived it out yet. Do what you love… live your life… make your own path… that’s all that matters!! (((deep breath))) Knowing this, feels good. I am so grateful for this day. Today is CHRISTINE DAY. It’s one I celebrate with joy and pride. And yes, I bought myself flowers, a squishy, and Marble-Slab ice cream. Live your best life. It does not matter what other people think.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 21st, 2024 | Comments Off on Onwards and Upwards
Grades are submitted. My marking is done. The term has ended. I can breathe… for a moment. I do have a portfolios to review and a project to complete, but I’ll start that next week. It’s nice to take a moment to pause before I jump into the next term. I can see the workload mounting, much of it self-induced, but I’m not complaining. It’s my non-teaching term; my first one (for the most part) after 5-years at the university. As grateful as I am for this time, having 4 courses to teach in both the fall and winter terms was challenging too. Nonetheless, I can’t wait to shift geers and “work.” It’s my time to be intentional with my writing, research agenda, and academic conferences.
The other day, I had a conversation with a colleague. It was good to reconnect and catch up. In that conversation, I mentioned my current work situation and my friend asked me if I was ok it. This was a good question. Honestly, I am ok with it. It took me 5-years to figure out how the system worked, how I was positioned and perceived in my department, and what I need to do to succeed in higher education. If anything, the workplace was a culture shift along with moving to a new city and experiencing many life changes over the last 5-years. There was little empathy for what was happening behind the scenes. For many years, I felt unsettled, unclear, and uncertain. I had to shift my mindset and figure out who I am and what’s important to me.
It took some time and the dust has settled. Major life events have come and gone. I am happy. I understand my research agenda and I am very excited to embark on that path of learning. I love teaching and I am so grateful to continue to teach in addition to learn from the students and practice. I am much kinder and compassionate to myself. And, I know my value. Knowing all of this, I am able to create boundaries, know what to say and when, and connect with folks who are in my wheelhouse. I have no one to impress. I suppose that this is one of the reasons why I sought programs like graduate studies to enrol in. I was never satisfied. I wrote about taking more coursework in my last blog post. This week, I am having second thoughts.
To be honest, there will be a day I might consider enrolling in the graduate certificate program for ethnomathematics at the University of Hawaii for the purpose of pure JOY and happiness. The place and program are so aligned to who I am and what I would love to study. Other than this program, I don’t need a second masters or doctorate degree. Just the other day, I was doing some math with respect to my age and I want to spend my time in ways that bring my joy. That’s it. I’m not disputing whether there are going to be up or down days. That’s a given. What I am saying is, how do I want to spend the last 10-years (or so) of my career? This thought-provoking question was also posed to me by another colleague. It’s something to consider.
After 5-years, I am finally ready to work. Yes, I have always been working, but I always had “schooling” looming in the back of my mind. I often wonder about medical doctors or dentists who took many years of schooling to understand their craft, now are just working. Like teachers and academics, I’d expect them to engage in professional development, but in terms of schooling, most are done. They are working and getting better at their craft from their work. In fact, most people do that… I mean, work. Seems reasonable. I just could never comprehend the transition from formal education to just work (even though I’ve been doing it for many years). It’s a commitment to make that transition. I think I’m finally there. I am READY.
Admittedly, this is a new feeling for me. I feel liberated, empowered, and yes… joyful.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, April 21st, 2024 | Comments Off on Stepping Into Work
This anniversary is not one that I wish to celebrate, but February 27th is a day that I want to notice, remember, and savour as much as I can. Six years ago, my mom passed away. It was a choice that she made. She died of MAID (medical assistance in dying). I did not realize at the time but my mom was a MAVERICK or TRAIL BLAZER. The nurse said that about her before the “ritual” of dying was about to occur. The nurses were prepping her for her moment. We we waiting in “her room.” It was the same room that she was admitted to after we went to the emergency room on Friday, February 9th. I was there and that day was one of my biggest regrets. I wished I had stayed overnight with her at the emergency room. Everyone in my family wanted to leave and she insisted. After that day, I never wanted to do that again. Sadly, I did (sort of). The next day, I went to a conference/workshop at SFU downtown. I remember sitting in the auditorium listening to the speaker, then networking with folks from BC Education. My family insisted (again) that I should just go on with my day and that they would see mom at the hospital. On February 10th, my mom was admitted to the hospital and stayed on the 3rd floor at Burnaby General. I remember what the emergency doctor said, the paramedics said, and my mom next door neighbour said to me on February 9th… she has cancer of the liver. No one wants to hear this or even think about this over Family Day weekend, but my mom was admitted. I think she was resisting this very moment for years. OMG… my mom was sick for a very long time.
I remember the day that she died as if it happened just hours ago. I was so committed to write about my mom and the 20-days she spent in the hospital. A wonderful way to be inspired to honour my mom, but each time I took the pen to paper, I cried. I could not help myself and I tried for a few years. Each time, tears would dribble down my face. I could not do it. Since her passing, I’ve endured many changes and still try to learn the lessons she was trying to teach me during her last 20-days on earth. Now that I am writing this blog post in memory of her, I am realizing that I am ready to write about her. It’s almost perfect timing, much like my mom’s decision to die. During family weekend, she was not going to be seen by the doctor because it was the long weekend. She was just at the hospital to be taken care of and to manage her pain. She was anxious to leave. We tried to take care of her. I insisted staying overnight with her. Someone had to be with her. My family took shifts that weekend. During the week, my brother and sister had to work. My dad focused on strata council work??? Everything seemed off. If anything, I would be my mom’s advocate at the hospital (and I loved warming up my hands under her back).
Damn, I miss with woman. She was so strong. Monday, February 12th was family day. We made it through the weekend and my mom was not so restless. On Wednesday, February 14th (i.e., Valentine’s Day), my mom decided not to have any more needles. She had invisible veins (like I do) and she wanted the needles to stop. They always took a few tries and she just a hated it. With this decision, she was basically telling the hospital and oncologist that she did not care to find out where the cancer had started from, thus cancer of the liver versus liver cancer. Then on Friday, February 16th (Lunar New Year), our family met with the oncologist to learn about next steps. My mom had a choice between palliative care or MAID. My mom had “Stage 5” cancer. Is that possible? My family started to make plans about palliative care, but my mom was pretty certain what she wanted to do. She wanted to do MAID and she was researching this possibility for more than a year. She knew what she wanted and where she wanted to do it. At the time, the hospital would not perform MAID and she had to pass the cognitive test. She said, “fine,” send me home, but I’m not going to die in my home. We planned another location. It was a care facility just down the road.
For 10-days, my mom lived in her dining room on a special bed, and she clearly passed the MAID test. Ironically, during her time at home, something changed and the hospital said that they would perform MAID. I could not believe it. My mom asked me to go with her in the ambulance back to the hospital (another story to tell, re: number one). I remember driving with her. Talking with her. Taking care of her. I am flooded by lots of memories as I am writing this and believe that this is the beginning of the book. I also talked with a colleague the other day talking about my conversation with my aunty on my dad’s side of the family and she suggested that I should consider doing an autoethnography. YES. I Googled that methodology and it’s perfect. I can capture some of the memories I have of my mom, how that impacted my identity, and to learn more about my family and ethnic identity. I remember being in that room that I started this blog post with. My mom is a MAVERICK. She just new that the catheter was out of place (another story, re: JoLo). She asked me to ask the nurse to fix it. My mom just wanted things to be “right.” I did not appreciate her discretion, high expectations, and attention to detail. She died on the third floor of Burnaby General with grace, agency, and dignity. For that, I am so proud of my mom for her strength, clarity, and willpower. She paved a path for others to follow.
I love you, mom.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, February 27th, 2024 | Comments Off on Six Years
My teaching has ended for the fall term and I am resting a bit as well as transitioning to my own writing, writing a grant, and getting a chapter complete. Reuniting with this WordPress site is like coming home again. I was so happy to regain access to this account and I am slowly but surely figuring out the new direction for this blog and website. When I was losing access to this account, I opened an OpenETC WordPress site with my workplace. I am super grateful to have that opportunity to create and write a new website to model for students but also personalize the website to reflect my “digital narrative” in EDUC 405 (Reflective Practice) and EDUC 796 (Portfolio).
My work blog on OpenETC is a weekly blog. Now reuniting with my former WordPress site, I feel that this second platform is an opportunity to write what’s important to me. TEACHER LEADERSHIP. That was one of my aha’s from a few days ago (and wrote about it) but now I am compelled to contribute to this site when I’m inspired. Tah dah!! I’m inspired. I just participated in a survey for someone’s study in educational leadership; I had a conversation with a former high school student and teacher colleague this morning talking about leadership; and this afternoon, I met up with my working group for CATE about writing a book chapter about teacher leadership.
Yes, I believe things happen in three. Voila… serendipity. I am inspired. What is teacher leadership? What are the theoretical frameworks for teacher leadership? What would inspire someone to feel empowered as a teacher leader? Here is what I know, so far (based on experience). Teacher leadership is informal. There is no formal position, additional pay, or recognition that acknowledges teacher leadership within an organization. Teacher leadership is relational, servant-oriented, and emergent. I might be 100% biased and describe it this way, but it might also be situation, visionary, and transformative. Context matters, but in my mind, the ultimate goal is to support, enhance, or enable student learning experiences through innovation, collaboration, or partnerships. The teacher leader must be willing to take risks, be vulnerable, and listen to and learn from the people we are serving (the students).
Teacher leadership is a position that I have always held. In K-12 education, I was the school professional development representative, staff representative, and math department head. I was also a volleyball coach (I have no idea of the sport as a curler… LOL), grad class sponsor (not an event planner), and school first aid attendant (biology is not my strength). In higher education, I serve on senate and a couple of senate committees, supervised graduate students in EDUC 796, and contributed to the department to move forward with a redesigned program for the B.Ed. and M.Ed. programs. And in between, I was a co-moderator on #bcedchat on Twitter, school trustee, and contributor to BC’s Curriculum in K-9 math. I have always been a teacher leader and I never acknowledged it until now. In past, I have always strived for formal leadership roles but in the end, the position itself never resonated with me.
RELAX. A word that has come into my way of being. I feel like I have arrived. All year, I have been trying to “slow down”… volunteer less… and focus on my health. These are only a few things with some attempt to address the messiness of life (which includes work) and the best strategy right now is to relax. I don’t mean to relax and not do anything or slack, but to not take things too seriously. This liberation is freedom. I grateful and humbled how people perceive me as a leader and offered kind words and acknowledgement of my work and way of being. I am a teacher leader. The formality of a role, perceived power that’s attached to it, and any ego-boosting tactics are not what drives me. I love what I do as a teacher. I know that now. I am in the right place at the right time despite any perceived obstacles, barriers, or haters.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, December 18th, 2023 | Comments Off on Time to Reflect
October 13, 2024 – Do what you love
