Oh geez. Can you believe it? My twin brother came to visit me in Prince George. He came to my new place with boxes that I’ve stored in his storage locker in the Lower Mainland for 6-years. AMAZING. I can honestly say that my move is “in theory” complete. All of my stuff, of which I took from my home on the Sunshine Coast is now with me. Right now, those boxes are sitting in my garage. I will get to it when the semester is over and my marking is done. I’m anticipating that the experience of going through my garage, getting the winter tires from the car dealership (and my kid’s tires from my friends place) to store is in some easy and simple, and figuring out an organizing system in such a way that my kid can park her car in my garage is very exciting to me. I’m turning to a new chapter. And yes, I park my car outside on my driveway, but that’s another blog post (if it ever happens). My turn is coming soon.
What a nice selfie. My brother suggested that I take one and send the photo to my sister as evidence of a successful arrival. My twin bro drove up to Prince George from the Lower Mainland. He is “borrowing” my dad’s car, which soon will be his. Although it’s a 2010 vehicle. My mom and dad purchased that vehicle “brand new.” It was very splurgy. My parents never bought a new vehicle for themselves before, so it’s very special. My mom passed away in 2018 and my dad insists on driving the vehicle even though he can only see out of one eye. I say that jokingly, but I’m not joking. I also think that driving a vehicle is a symbol of independence for the elderly. My dad is not getting any younger and I like to believe that it’s something that both my mom and dad took pride in. Anyway, it’s time to pass the baton (aka., vehicle) on to my brother.
I am so happy to see my brother her in Prince George. It’s nice to have company. Normally, I’m going to Vancouver and staying at his place. He arrived Friday night, we went to Mr. Mike’s for dinner for nostalgic purposes only, and spent all day on Saturday together. He just left this morning to drive back home. And, it’s a beautiful sunny spring day for driving. My twin bro is the first family member to visit my home in-person (aside from my kid who lives with me) to check my place out (and drop of the boxes of which he did not want in his storage locker anymore… LOL). The transition to where I am today was SLOW. I’m not complaining, judging, or regretting. It’s been an incredible journey and I am very excited to see what’s in those boxes. A lot of the stuff, I think, are keepsakes, framed prints, and stuff from my mom. I can’t wait to uncover them and really assess what’s stays in my home and what goes. I also feel ready to write about my mom, so getting ethics is also on my things to do.
It’s super interesting when I blog. I love to reflect and take a moment to capture what I am feeling. I spent most of Sunday resting and relaxing. I’m cleaning up my house and taking it SLOW before getting back to the pile of work I need to address. I am doing my best on trying to have a “be a person” day and sleep at a regular time. I spent decades chasing and doing things beyond the means of what is expected of me or from me. I would do all-nighters or stay up really late to get stuff done. I’m now in a stage in my life or mindset where I feel that I would like to enjoy life, do what I love, and rest. There is nothing wrong with rest, but I am realizing that if I value this new pace of work, it’s ok to stay no as well. I guess that correlates to doing what you love as well. I really enjoyed spending time with my brother. I think we’ve done Prince George well and he even took a moment to get to know my cat. See image below. That’s a big deal and I am very appreciative. My twin bro should be home soon.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 30th, 2025 | No Comments »
March 16, 2025 – Remembering My Mom in Different Ways
Last week I visited my mom’s resting place in the Lower Mainland. I’m not even sure if that’s what it is called. Her ashes are in an urn, in a glass enclosed shelf, in a building at the cemetery last week. I had visited Vancouver a few times over the last few months, but mostly those visits were related to work and I did not have the opportunity to go visit her. Last week was a weekend trip FOR ME and my brother had borrowed my dad’s car and we went out there to go visit her. I like to keep her updated on what’s happening and to say hello. It’s strange to go visit her. The photo of her that’s by her urn was taken before I was born. It’s not how I remember her as a child, but it’s a photo that she chose that she thought that best represented her. I remember when my mom was alive when she first invested in this resting place for her and my dad. She got name plates and everything. She wanted to take each of her children out to this site complemented with a lunch out at the golf course. By the time it got to my turn, I said… NO THIANK YOU… and that I would visit her when she was at the place, I had no desire to check out her resting place otherwise. So, there I was last week saying hello. A few thoughts shared and a few bows, all was good.
Now that I’m back home and lots of uncertainty with the economy, etc., I am very conscious about what I buy and how much I am spending. I have to pay utilities and property tax right now, and I have no idea what I have to pay for income tax, who knows what I will have to spend in the next few days, months, and years. The idea of going into a recession does not put my mind to ease by any means, but I will admit that I am more conscious about my spending habits and how much things cost as we anticipate rising costs and how much I used to spend. In the end, saving money and minimizing my spending is going to be key. I’ve cancelled a few memberships, and I wanted to cancel my cable package, but it seems like the company is no longer providing a basic cable package. I just need to find places to spend less, even though I am investing dollars in self-care. Strangely, I am just understanding it’s importance and the value in investing in those things like massages and therapy. Nonetheless, I am feeling very aware of money, with my mom whispering in my ear the importance of saving money. It was incredible how much money she was able to save. She was amazing at it. It almost reminds me of “extreme coupon,” the TV reality show.
As a kid, I remembered when we went shopping that my mom would by X-bread. This bread was found in a basket at the supermarket and it had a black X written on top of the price tag. Now as an adult, I know that the X-bread was day-old bread. Stale bread. And this bread was on sale for 50% off. I could never understand why she chose this bread. It almost seemed like she was insistent in buying this bread and I really did not like it. My dad would wake up every morning to have this bread. He would toast it, add peanut butter and honey to them, and he would eat it with a cup of Red Rose tea with milk and sugar. That was his morning ritual. I clearly remember him doing that and sipping from his tea cup. Til this day, I’m not a break-fan. It’s not my favourite even though I find myself toasting it as well, but to have an open-faced egg salad sandwich (of which was not my mom’s favourite). She was saving money. I know that now. So, when I bought this loaf of bread from the Superstore a couple of days ago, I thought of my mom. It was almost a compromise. I’m thinking about how much things cost and it was a fresh loaf of bread, but it cost $1.25. It this economy, it’s a steal. This loaf of bread will last us a long time. On the counter for a few days while it’s fresh, then it goes back into the fridge to have toast like my dad did.
Bread is still not my favourite, but I respect my mom who did what it took to make things happen. I have a huge regard for her and I realize now that I may not have acknowledged a lot that she has done. Admittedly, I never noticed until she had passed away 7-years ago. All of what she used to do for me, my siblings, and my dad are astounding. I had no idea. It’s moment like these when I am reminded that I want to write about my mom… maybe as an autoethnography or biography… not sure. As each day passes and I am “doing the work,” I am building up the courage to bring pen to paper. I will wait for this term to end and make a plan soon after. I had no idea how much of an impact my mom has made on me. I guess you don’t know until you know.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 16th, 2025 | Comments Off on Almost Like X-Bread
January 10, 2025 – What do I really want to accomplish?
Does this sound like a “new year’s resolution” blog post? It has that potential of being one. I have just finished my first week of teaching for the Winter 2025 term and making a conscious effort to get back to familiar routines like writing a weekly reflection in my blog. I just realized from an an email received earlier this week that folks may use this WordPress site to introduce me to others. Of course, I should know that and possibly expect that. But over time, this website has seen some ebbs and tides over time since it’s original conception over 10-years ago when I was using it as a vehicle to promote my edu-consulting business. I have since stepped away from self-employment and have slowly but surely stepped back into teaching and learning more about academia. This website has also followed me into the pandemic and through many life changes that I needed some platform to help me to sense-make though the challenging times, but also the joyful ones. This blog has served me well.
For those who may follow me on Twitter/X, Facebook, or Instagram, I am a bit of a foodie and food-pic fanatic. A part of that LOVE is the joy I seek from a hotel-breakfast, or breakfast in general. Look at it’s simplicity and deliciousness to start off the day. There is nothing I like more than eggs and toast (see image above) complemented with a hot cup of coffee, a glass of water, and a piece of fruit. This image is taken from my new home on my new “fancy” table (it was a splurge). I just love how simple this meal can be and yet it accomplishes everything I want it to achieve. Even the image itself makes me happy. This image serves as a metaphor for 2025. I can see on my landing page for this website that I did not publish anything in 2024, yet I had so many things on the go that had the potential for writing, I was in the middle of writing, or I finished writing and it will not get published until 2025. Guess what? That’s OK, because that’s how 2024 unfolded for me. In 2024, I went to many conferences to present, which brought me a lot of joy, fun, and happiness.
So, what will 2025 bring?
I want to focus on the plate of food. There’s not too much on the plate, but enough on the plate to walk away from the meal feeling satisfied. I know that I will start the year with a publication, a chapter in a book on teacher leadership. This prospect is very exciting and that was a challenge I took on in the fall of 2023, almost burned out in January 2024, but saw through the task by the end of 2024. I learned a tonne from the experience, intended and not intended. I have a book review to complete, a manuscript to revise, two other manuscripts to find a journal to review them, another manuscript to finish writing, two conference proceedings, and a chapter proposal on the horizon. Even describing what I have just listed, it might be 3 different meals (i.e., winter, summer, and fall terms). Nonetheless, there is plenty to do in addition to several research teams I am a part of. There are other publications we are completing and again, many more on the horizon. I feel good about where I am. More is to come.
Avoiding the worm hole means… don’t get caught into things that take you away from this meal. Stay focused. Be content. Do what you love. One thing I do want to do is to pursue the “20 days” research project that is an auto-ethnography on my ethnic identity and how I perceive the world through the lens of being “child number three.” Part of this study is about learning more about my ethnic heritage as a Chinese-Canadian, the role of policy that impacted how I was raised and educated, and how I navigated through my personal and professional life. This study was inspired by my mom. She passed away in 2017 and I spent her last 20-days taking care of her along with other family members. I wanted to write this when she had first passed away, but I was not ready. I had to do so much work on myself such that I needed to see things the way they are before I could even make a commentary of what is (or was). Even when I write this final paragraph, I am self-assessing how I feel, and I feel READY.
Let’s do this!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, January 10th, 2025 | Comments Off on Avoiding the Worm Hole
I’m not really sure what I mean by this. There is no question that I am passionate about coffee and Costco soup dumplings. I would call this image “the breakfast for champions.” I would often eat this meal for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. If I don’t have a lot of time in the morning to make breakfast… soup dumplings. If I’m feeling down and sad… soup dumplings. If I’m feeling happy and excited… soup dumplings. I hope you can see a clear pattern here. I just love this quick and easy meal. It’s comforting, consistent, and delicious. That’s all I can say about it. It’s my go-to meal. I just love it.
What else do I love?
I love to teach. I may not be an award winning educator or chosen to be a guest speaker for graduation, I love what I do. I was so happy when I returned back to teaching at the university after leaving K-12 education. Although I spent some time professional development workshops and public speaking as a school trustee, nothing beats teaching students. I love the relationships, the reciprocity, and the joy that comes from teaching and learning. It’s hard to describe, but I love the creative process of planning, prepping, and assessment. Trying new things and making things better with each iteration motivate me. I love the learning that comes with teaching.
But I caught myself this week and noticed what “stokes my fire.” I love assessment. That might be somewhat of an understatement. I’m not an assessment researcher, nor am I one to claim numeric precision or accuracy with my assessment practices. What I will say is, assessment frames, drives, and reflects my pedagogy and values. If I could, I am an advocate for and fan of the single point rubric. I love the idea of having a clear learning target, explicit success criteria, and different ways for students to demonstrate their learning. I found myself just capitalizing a Zoom conversation about assessment in an upcoming keynote my friend/colleague and I are preparing for, and everything that I was teaching during one of my classes was framed around my assessment practice and intentions. I just love it. Assessment is important to me.
When I think about my research program, I am drawn to out-of-field teaching, professional learning, and one’s sense of self-efficacy in the context of teacher education, mathematics education, and climate change education. Where does assessment fit into all of this? Self-assessment and formative assessment are critical within these topics as well as identity, agency, and vulnerability. I suppose that I cannot oversimplify my interest in these areas even though I’m encouraged to articulate this agenda in a sentence or two. Indigenous worldviews and knowledge in addition to culture and my ethnic identity are entangled in my research interest along with leadership, power, and policy. The human experience is a complex one. I am creating my own path. If anything, I am reminded of a conversation I had with a colleague recently… do what makes me happy. It takes courage, patience, and trust.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 14th, 2024 | Comments Off on Looking at Myself
Northern Lights in Banff, AB during the Outdoor Learning Conference in May 2024.
Hello September 2024… and I feel that it’s time. I’m ready to jump and take a leap of faith with a flurry of “things to do” and achieve in my work and personal life. Now that my non-teaching team has reached an end, I feel that I found a beautiful balance between resting, writing, and conferencing. I really enjoyed travelling to new places, meeting new people (and reuniting with others), and sharing some of my work to receive some formative feedback. I was pleasantly surprised what people found interesting and I am so grateful that folks are willing to share their interest and enthusiasm with some of the work that I am engaged in. Moreover, I was able to connect with others during the summer to partake in other research projects that are super interesting. What I appreciate though is making the connection. It feels great.
Gosh… it has taken some time (i.e., time to change from tenure-track to tenure) to feel ready to take a chance and explore the possibilities of finding a tenure-track position. Although that seeking such a position is the target, but really, what I am learning is, I am limited in the kind of what I can do as a term faculty member. Don’t get me wrong, I can do a lot of things as term faculty. And, I love teaching and trying out new ideas, so I’m not sad about teaching and continually trying to hone my craft and learn new things. It makes my job fun and I love connecting with students. But during the summer, I realized that I am not able to do some things because of my term position that caught my attention and brought me to wonder about “what do I really want to do?” The answer to this question, at least for me, was not obvious.
Learning experientially has always been the best way for me to learn. I’ve spent the last 6-years learning about higher education, program dynamics, and what was important to me. Concurrently, I was also learning more about myself and my life has changed, shifted, and transformed in ways that was not predicable or desirable. Finally, I feel like I’m on my feet and seeing things with a clear perspective and realistic expectations. Now that I feel more like myself with nothing to prove, but only enjoy the work that I do, I’d love to have a position that offer the flexibility, openness, and purposefulness that I am hoping for. I am so prepared to embark on a few big projects but spent a lot of time deliberating if I could do it. Now, I understand that I can start my work and get things started. The goal is to see where this work take me.
I have never felt so excited. After I take this moment on my blog reflecting on this feeling and understanding, the journey begins. In many ways, it has started, but this next step is about me and the directions I want to take. Of course, if I remain in the same position, I will continue working on these projects that are currently in my imagination as well as finish up on the work that I am currently engaged. What I do know is, the possibilities are endless and I love the idea of having a VISION. Having a vision resonated with me after listening to Dr. Dwayne Donald’s keynote address at the UNBC Teaching and Learning Conference. For me, my vision is that MATH MOMENT… the aha… the joy that comes from discovery and the growth and development of one’s sense of self-efficacy… fuels me. I just can’t wait!! Let’s go…
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 02nd, 2024 | Comments Off on Feeling Ready to Jump
August 26, 2024 – She called me calm and peaceful.
I’m sensing a pattern with blogging as well with my routines and ways of being. Maybe my weekly blog is a mid-week activity versus a weekend activity. TBD. It’s so ironic. I spent the past year trying to condition myself to “take Saturday’s off”… aka. “be a person day.” Sunday is a slow transition back into work and Friday night is a transition out of work. Of course there is flexibility and such with my time, but I feel that my mind, body, and spirit as become accustomed to having Saturdays off. This Saturday, I engaged in a 4-hour session on making a drum at the Two Rivers Art Gallery. Yes, being a part of this workshop is very aligned to “be a person day” but also aligned to my personal and professional development. It helps me practice.
It’s a beautiful drum. Elk hide. Thank Michael Antoine for making the kits and sharing your knowledge, stories, and singing and drumming with the group. What an incredible voice. I appreciated his pedagogical stance of pride, humility, and enthusiasm. It was a beautiful balance that was held together with humour, love, and culture. It was an amazing afternoon and I learned a lot from the experience… again. This is my second drum. I can keep this one. I loved how the day ended with a circle and the salmon song. It was so powerful and meaningful to me. My first drum is made of moose hide and focused on the wolf. The style, technique, and experience were different. I appreciate the localness and personalized nature of each drum experience. Thank you Two Rivers Art Gallery and Crystal Behn for hosting this event.
I believe I made my other drum almost 13-years ago. Wow. I can’t believe it. I was in such a different headspace then and I feel like it’s a new beginning. This Saturday, I wanted to focus on being present, to listen to the lessons the drum was teaching me, and to have my heart open to the course instructor and those who were sitting next to me during the course. I remained quiet and cognizant of what I was doing. I wanted to be intentional and in a “good place” because whatever I was feeling or thinking was going into that drum. After I took a big breath to centre myself mid-drum making and the person to my left said that I was “calm” and “peaceful.” That caught me off guard. I’ve never been called that. But at that moment, I was calm.
I noticed the frustration of folks around me. Looking for perfection, worried about doing things wrong, or feeling self-conscious of the quality of their work. For me, I was focused on trust, forgiveness, and self-compassion. I shared some of those ideas with my neighbouring folks to help them to be OK with what they are doing. I appreciated the unsolicited help from the person on my left, I helped (along with others) the person on my right and a person across from me. I found the validation and encouraging words from the instructor very helpful, but I felt like I’ve been here before. What I loved the most about this experience was the MATH. Look at it!! The image above show a how things were halved, quartered, etc. The counting, the symmetry, and the estimation (and the physics and chemistry too)… were all good!!
We were also provide supplies to make a drum stick, which was not in the original plan of the course. I took the opportunity and super happy with what I had made. I was such in a “good place”… I invited my daughter to go to Thanh Vu for some beef pho. This meal is one of my favourites and it makes me feel like I’m at home. I’m not Vietnamese, but I love the restaurant and the comfort and joy that comes from this bowl of soup and being with my kid. I hung up my drum and over night I could hear it “ping” when it was drying. There were about a half dozen pings and I noticed that one of the holes in the hide had ripped while drying. This “imperfection” is perfection. It’s my drum. SALMON is coming into my life in many ways. For this, I am grateful.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 26th, 2024 | Comments Off on Making a Drum
August 13, 2024 – Situating Myself that Values Myself
Who wants to write a vulnerable blog post? Not me. LOL. I did start my weekly blog post on the weekend by highlighting my love for food. I had no problems scrolling through my photos to find images food. Not just any food, but my favourite food. It was an excellent collection. I even took the time to edit which photos I would share on my blog post. Of course, I hesitated to blog. Is this what I want to share with THE WORLD. Maybe. What I am learning is, how do I put myself “in the front” of things. Meaning, I need to find my value and act accordingly. I spent a good chunk of my time “pleasing” others and doing things that I thought I was supposed to do or was expected of me. Now, I want to be true to myself and act in ways that are aligned to me and my values. It sounds strange to say this as it may imply that I never did. In some ways, it’s true because I would park my own needs to accommodate others.
Learning takes patience and time.
This First Peoples Principles of Learning is something that I take to heart and one of my good friends took the time to describe its meaning to me from the perspective of a Haida woman. I always find this particular First Peoples Principles of Learning in MATH lesson plans. As much as I appreciate the intent by teacher candidates, that would be a western or colonial viewpoint of what this principle really means. What was described to me was, you will experience something but it’s meaning or application will not make sense until it makes sense. Sometimes it could be in that moment, but often it could be days, weeks, months, or dare I say… YEARS later. I feel that I have arrive. The same friend also “called me out” one-year ago (just before I got into a car accident) that my #pandemicreflections blog series that attempted to identify what was important to me was another exemplar of doing the same thing.
She was right. I can name a list of things or experiences that are important to me as “important” but really, what’s important to me, is me. Just like that. As simple as that sounds, it took many opportunities, conversations, and reflections to realize this learning. Yes, learning does take patience and time. Now armed with this new understanding, I find myself acting in ways that honours my values and who I am. I love this saying, “I can compromise with others without compromising myself.” I could not have said it any better. Moreover, my Chair even supports the “new” direction of my research program (i.e., an autoethnography, my ethnic identity, my positionality). My other work is aligned to this work, but what I am also learning is, the target is not a promotion or tenure, but the joy of research and learning more about ME. Ah yes, a Parker Palmer vibration: SELF-KNOWLEDGE. It’s not narcissism, but rather grounding.
I am also learning walking this new path, aside from being super excited about it, I am going to have to learn what it means to put myself first and to do things that are authentic to me. I find myself catching myself and moments, and pausing, re-evaluating, and reflecting on how I would like to move forward in the world that feels good to me, but also considers others and their well-being. It will not be perfect. I am learning. But, I am so grateful to know what’s really important to me and I have a responsibility to act accordingly. This feeling and understanding are liberating and I can’t wait to learn more about Chinese immigration to British Columbia, my heritage and family stories, and more about myself and my positionality starting with my hometown of Prince Rupert. Piecing this puzzle together will be my life’s work and I am very appreciative of the opportunities that are afforded to me to do this learning.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 13th, 2024 | Comments Off on Making the Commitment
I never thought it would be possible to make lo bak go on my own. I have no idea what inspired me to do it, with exception for the biweekly vegetable basket my kid had signed us up for with her friends. This creation came from our second basket. And much like the first basket, there were a lot of red and white radishes… and other vegetables I am not personally accustomed to. Anyway, it’s a good way to be introduced to new vegetables and to explore new recipes. That said, a few weeks ago, I roasted the beets and radishes with salt, pepper, and olive oil. It was a simple recipe I Googled and it I thought it would be something that I would like. In the end, it was ‘ok’ or as the kids would say ‘mid.’ I was not compelled to eat them and honestly, I thought I could do better. When the second basket arrived, we got more radishes and beets as well as other mysterious vegetables (to me). I need to take some deliberate action to transform some of these vegetables into something “I want to” eat.
I had to Google a lot to determine the difference between a turnip and radish, and where does “white turnip” or “Chinese radish” sit within this continuum of root vegetables. I still was not 100% sure, but proceeded with the recipe using the white radishes. I even ventured to Save-On-Foods last night to get “rice flour.” I think I threw that out a few months ago thinking that I would never use it. I also threw out the bag of little dried shrimp. My kid made me lo bak go for Christmas last year. Admittedly, it stank up the entire apartment (LOL), but was the BEST-GIFT-EVER. I just love this food. The amount of work required to make this dim sum or Chinese New Year dish was seemingly intense, from watching my kid (and my mom as a kid). I thought it would be something that I would have to gorge myself with when I went to Vancouver. I have a set out rules for my family: (1) only Chinese or Asian food; (2) I have to have lo bak go at least once a day as part of one of my meals. I can’t get enough of this stuff.
August 7, 2024 – I made it again… like a pro!
A slight interruption to the blogging process and I’m back again… and yes, I made a second batch of lo bak go like a PRO. I remembered the process and ingredients. I had to look back at a few measurements and voilà. It’s almost like I’ve created a system such that I only use a few kitchen items and clean as I go. “The smell” is minimized without the dried shrimp, but it would definitely enhance the favour and texture of the lo bak go. Anyway, I digress and as you can read… we got a lot of radishes in this veggie basket. I had to freeze the second lo bak go loaf. As much as I love this food and it brings many memories of my mom, I am left to wonder about how my mom knew how to make this in the 80’s when we had no internet. There was a Chinese community in Prince Rupert, but I don’t really know how she learned how to make this dish. I do remember the long and laborious process, and she was able to make other Chinese dim sum like rice rolls. That’s another favourite dish of mine, not as much as lo bak go. It’s not everyone’s favourite but I am so happy I can make it.
THE METAPHOR: Trust me. The lo bak go experience is teaching me something. I had always believed that it was too hard to make so don’t bother making it. Just buy it (when you can). Other people will make it… for me. What I have learned is, I can make it for myself. I can find ways to make it happen (i.e., Google a recipe, adapt with materials, and make the best at what I have). What’s the worst thing that can happen? What I am understanding is, the worst thing that could happen is not trying. I have exceeded my expectations. I had no idea what I was about to embark on and what I have realized is, it’s not as hard as I thought it was. I can learn from my mistakes. And, I can make it better the next time. There’s immediate formative feedback (i.e., taste, texture, presentation) and I can take that information and learn from it to do it better the next time. Moreover, when you do it again, the process gets faster, cleaner, and clearer. That’s exciting. Lo bak go is a metaphor for my work… my life. You will only know when you try. It can be scary and uncertain, but not knowing and staying in “old beliefs” are also scary and uncertain. So, which would you rather? I’m going to try.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 07th, 2024 | Comments Off on Making My Favourite Food
June 28, 2024 – Having to prioritize my time and work
I think this photo is one of my most favourite family photos I have before my mother got really sick and passed away. Of course, it’s a selfie at a Chinese restaurant in Burnaby, BC that was near to where my parents lived. Yesterday was her birthday. She would have been 87 years old. She loved going to Chinese restaurants as much as I love eating Chines food. Admittedly, I’ve been overdosing on Chinese dumplings since returning from Montreal. I can’t get enough of them. If it’s not Chinese food, then it’s Vietnamese or Japanese food. I can get enough Asian food. Most times it’s frozen dim sum or Costco soup dumplings. When I eat Chinese food, I feel closer to my mom and my perceived sense of what my Chinese/Cantonese heritage is/was.
I regret having missed last week’s blog post. The blog post started with an image of those steamed frozen dumplings and a reflection of bumping into a “former student” in Montreal. He was not a “former student” per se. At that time, I just left teaching and he was still in high school I believe he was in Grade 11 or 12. I was becoming a school trustee. It was 2011 and we pulled together in the Pulling Together Canoe Journey, which is a weeklong event during the summer that attempts to build relationships between Indigenous youth and the police. I was a community member and pulled with my former school district. I just loved this student. I called him A-MAIZE-ING… because he was. He reached out to me via FB messenger while I was in Montreal.
We were meant to meet in Montreal. It was like no time had passed, but we had a many things to report on with life ranging from schooling to careers to family to relationships. We walked around his neighbourhood and went out for dinner in Verdun. It was absolutely delicious. Yes, it was shrimp wonton soup with noodles. It was a hot day, but it was something I needed after a week’s worth of very rich and buttery food. LOL. In our conversation, he spoke about a person he knew from UBC. Elder Larry Grant was an elder in residence at UBC and his brother Howard E. Grant is a Musqueum councillor. My friend sent me articles and video link to “All Our Father’s Relations” from the Knowledge Network. I shared that I was learning more about Chinese-Canadians in BC and my friend connected me to these people’s stories.
As soon I came home from Montreal a couple of weeks ago, I took a deep dive in watching the video and reading the news articles and links. The Howard’s were raised with Indigenous culture, language, and values from their mother’s side and were on a journey to learn more about their Chinese heritage from their father’s side. Much like the video “Bamboo and Cedar,” the stories these people tell are eye opening and grounding at the same time. When people as me if I am Indigenous, First Nations, or Native, I did not realize until recently that these questions were valid. There is a history of Chinese-Indigenous children in BC. I thought it was because I don’t look like a “typical” Chinese person, but asking if I have Indigenous heritage is historically valid.
I take much joy in learning more about Chinese-Canadian history in BC, more than I thought I would. I feel more connected to who I am and I am able to sense-make or reason with some behaviours and feelings which brings much a lot of solace and inner-peace. I miss my mom greatly and I believe that she has many stories to share that she chose not to during my formative years. I don’t have bad feelings about that… now. I am understanding that it was acceptable, if not encouraged to live life as a Canadian. Not having the language also served as a barrier to learning more about my heritage and family history. So, I will go with what I know… Cantonese food, dim sum, and congee… to provoke good feelings and memories. For that, I am grateful.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 28th, 2024 | Comments Off on A Missed Week
Nothing beats starting the day with an Illy cappuccino… to be complemented with a hotel breakfast (one of my favourite things to do). It’s so interesting when I thought that coming to this conference would be a hurdle, when really it served to fill my cup, validate my work, and exercise many opportunities to be independent. The more that I am learning more about myself and what I am able to do, I reflect on these moments feeling satisfied, secure, and surprised. I say “surprised” because I spent a good part of my life being number 3, the wife, or the dependent. Admittedly, I did not do this trip 100% on my own. I continue to need some scaffolding (i.e. my brother helping me out with the hotel and how to take the 747 bus at YUL) but I feel really confident and grateful for the many opportunities to try, explore, and wonder.
I managed to get to Montréal from Prince George, get to my hotel, and navigate the Metro to get to the various places of which my conference was held. To navigate the Metro was an accomplishment. I know that the folks who designed the underground transportation made it for people like me, but I was able to figure it out, use is almost everyday I was in Montréal, and reach destinations that were not just the conference venues but to other destinations to meet with friends or see the sites. It was very serendipitous to change my hotel (due to the labour dispute at the university) to be at a hotel that had big rooms, excellent service, and located close to the Metro downtown. I could not have planned it any better… but really, I had luck on my side. Furthermore, the 5 sessions I presented in went well. Loved connecting with others.
As I am moving towards writing an ethics application to pursue an autoethnography, I am more cognizant that I am on my pedagogical journey… still. It’s just a new chapter. My pedagogical journey, of which I wrote about at some length after I left teaching in K-12 schools, is something that I am continuing to do and part of this journey is learning more about who I am a a person and practitioner. I have also learned (from this trip and beyond) that I make my path. That’s it. My journey is not dependent on others. I am the maker of my success, failures, and set backs. This is not to say that there are no barriers, but it’s my job to find ways to get around or overcome them. My job aso includes doing what makes me happy. As my friend had said to me on this trip, “It doesn’t matter to me.. you have to do what what’s best for you… it’s your life.”
Yes, it is. And I am figuring out what makes me happy. I love that #oneword2024. What makes me happy? I love conferencing. I love connecting with folks. I love a hotel breakfast. I am also loving my independence and willingness to navigate this world without fear and with the help of others. Lots of unlearning and relearning has engulfed the last year and a half, but I have never been happier. My freedom and independence has been something that I have been craving all of my life, but never felt that I deserved or was worthy of this way of being. Now, I understand that I do not have to live my life to please others, to achieve other people’s approval, or to do things that don’t align to my values or beliefs. I can do what best for me. This learning is big for me (which may be obvious to others). Right now, it’s liberating. Feels great!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 18th, 2024 | Comments Off on Seeking Independence
