As you can see, it’s August. And honestly, it feels like a tidal wave of STUFF just landed in my lap for work. Not complaining. In fact, I think that I like working under this kind of pressure. I like the pressure… otherwise, nothing gets done. Just to conflate this feeling of overwhelm, everything is taking a lot longer than anticipated to get done. Strangely, it’s not unexpected, but setting unrealistic time goals does not help my situation. It a fine balance between pressure and space. Sadly, I have not found the sweet spot between the two. I have some unreasonable feelings of comfort being under pressure with timelines and work expectations. It appears that I am an all-or-none kind of person. And yet, some things are taking a LONG TIME to complete.
I am reminded of my kid when she was about 12-years old and she was wanting the jump of the pier and into the ocean. She was an excellent swimmer, so I had no worries about her being in the ocean and swimming back to shore. I was more worried about how many times will she approach the edge of the pier and NOT jump off. Oh my gosh… it seemed like a lifetime. Back and forth she went from wanting to jump, approaching the edge of the pier, looking down, and walking back to me. She believed that she could not do it, so she didn’t… even though she wanted to jump in. After 30 minutes or so, she did it. SHE LOVED IT. Now my problem was… when will she stop jumping off the pier and into the ocean so that we could go home?
I want to jump into the ocean.
Let’s be clear… I don’t swim. But I do empathize with my kid who was seemingly reluctant to take her first jump. I can only imagine the self-doubt of one’s abilities and the fear of the unknown. What will happen to me if I jump? Will I be harmed? Can I do really this? What I witnessed that day only serves as a metaphor for me and my academic work. I have very similar questions and can only imagine the kind of momentum I could develop, much like my kid did. Sometimes I think I have micro-amnesia. I just forget the good feeling of THE JUMP. The frequency of her jumping off the pier was almost exponential to the point where she did not want to stop.
I want that feeling. I just finished cleaning up a paper that was originally written to be a conference proceeding (at approximately 7500 words) and we just transformed it into a book chapter submission. I was the lead on that paper and it was interesting to return to the paper and look at where we were 2 years ago and where were are now. We kept the integrity of that paper to keep that work in 2023, but took the time time to update it, reformat it, and revise it so that it could be included in this book. The only reason we returned to this book is because I was looking at my CV and nothing was happening with the conference proceeding. It was like we got ghosted. Anyway, I took a chance to ask about submitting a last minute book chapter instead. We got a response a couple of days ago, and we got to work. I did most of the work as lead author, but my other two co-authors were very willing to review the paper as well.
We just finished the final edits this afternoon, prior to the blog post, and voilà… the chapter and abstract were submitted. Admittedly, it feels great!! I also submitted as second author (but did a good chunk of the work with another colleague) last month. That work was also rewarding to get done, of which was responding to reviewer feedback for resubmission). We did an overhaul of that manuscript and I took the liberty to track the edits, finalize the paper, and communicate those changes to the editor. Moreover, I was also active in two other manuscripts as second and fourth author, but not as involved as the last two manuscripts mentioned. I did take the time to contribute and add very thorough edits and feedback for the first authors. If anything, it gives me a lot of practice and builds my confidence for this work. I felt “the high” from jumping… and then, YOU WAIT. The immediate feedback is lacking.
Dang, I love the writing process. It is definitely a vehicle for me to think and reflect. In this case, I just realized that I am focused on the wrong thing as “feedback.” For some reason, I was focused on the outcome as the motivator, meaning the publication or end result. When really, the joy from submitting the manuscript, the writing process (or grind), getting feedback from peers, doing edits, etc. is the immediate feedback that would encourage me to try again… and jump. How cliché… it’s the journey, not the destination that matters. Sometimes the platform of the pier is at a different height. The self-doubt and fear creep in once again, creating a pause in the process, but really, what I am realizing is, the remedy is to jump in. Just do it!! OK. There is a disclaimer. I have also done a lot of personal work as well to build my confidence, self-knowledge, and the willingness to pursue what I love to do. That took a lot of work and life changes, and I am still doing that work. Maybe today is the convergence of the personal and the professional. What I do know for sure, I am going to savour this feeling of completion today, and jump in again with something new. I can do this.
I know I can do this.
My next task is… Fall 2025 Course Outlines.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 02nd, 2025 | Comments Off on Getting Things Done
I took a quick trip to Vancouver last week to visit my dad. He is 87. Although I had a great visit with him, he is needing some extra support given his age and such. My siblings and I have been officially inducted into the sandwich generation. My mom passed away 7 years ago. It feels like yesterday. I still have intentions to write about her and the 20 days we had together. She was an amazing woman. I did not know much about her. I always saw her as my mom. As time has passed, I am learning that she was an incredible woman with immense strength and determination. She made it look effortless. After spending some time with my dad last weekend, I realized that my mom took care of him too. He needs a little TLC. As a child, I always perceived my dad to be the strong one. In hindsight, I think my mom made my dad into the person he was. Now, times are different and I am learning that you have to live your life to the fullest… and be happy. It’s not easy sometimes, but making decisions and being motivated (or hindered) by fear is no way to live. It’s better to walk through the fear.
I say that so easily… walk through the fear. I am often challenged by that. It’s scary. I’m anticipating the worst. I feel very dependent on the action of others. But the truth is, NOTHING HAPPENS. What I mean by that is, everything that you feared is fiction. You don’t know until you know… so, you’ve got to go for it and see what happens…. which is nothing. How does one overcome one’s imagination? I remember my dad after my mom passed away. He was so driven by fear. He did not want to die alone. He did not want to be put into a home. He needed someone. He needed my mom. So now what? I can really empathize with his fear. Sometimes it’s so difficult to see past the fear. As a result, you do things that are not authentic to you or your needs. Ironically, the consequence of fear is, what you did not want may manifest differently because of the fear. CRAZY. So, what is there to lose? You have to try and feel the discomfort.
I’ve been practicing. PRACTICE might be my #OneWord2026. Start small. I’m not enjoying the discomfort. Often, it gets the best of me. But, I think about my mom. She had grit, determination, and perseverance. But, it’s more than that… you have be authentic to yourself… you have to do what you love… and, you have to know your WHY. Hence, practice helps with all three criteria. By trying, you are going to know what you like (or not like), what is important (or not important), and what is worthwhile doing (or not worthwhile). You have to learn what these things are versus guessing or hypothesizing what is good. It might be bad, but now you know. And if anything I’ve learned about formative feedback and experiential learning, it’s not the feedback that matters, but how you respond to the feedback does. So now what?
Kindness, compassion, and self-respect comes into play. I know that I am hard on myself. I know that it’s so easy to compare. I’ve done that my whole life growing up being the youngest of three. My positionality in my family created a narrative (in my mind) that is not true. Admittedly, it’s sometimes hard to wrestle with. My own demons are created by me, by making rules and structuring my life that is not authentic to who I am and who I want to be. I took a different trajectory. Let me be clear, what was happening to me was real and true, but how I could have responded to those actions could have been different. I thought the right answer was to put myself aside, play the game, and I would be rewarded for this behaviour. I always put myself last and believed that once all was said and done, my turn would come next. It never came. Slowly but surely, who I was eroded into someone I did not recognize. I could not sustain it anymore. The lies and the veneer had to stop. I was too scared to show up and be seen. The fear overwhelmed me. So, why am I blogging about this?
I’m not hiding anymore.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 26th, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Lots of Gratitude
Although I have been at the university for 7-years, I am term faculty. My role at the university is primarily teaching with an 80-20 position, that is, I am teaching 80% of the time and 20% is service. I was recently renewed with a 3-year contract and I am very excited about the next three years in terms of what I will learn and accomplish. Research is not explicitly part of my position, per se, but I continue to hold the rank of Assistant Professor and would like to learn more about research. Today, I attended a session at the university designed for “early career researchers” or ECR. This initiative is a partnership between the Office of Research and Innovation, Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, and the Health Research Institute. The School of Education is part of the Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, so I am able to attend these events. This session was my second ECR gathering, and both times they hosted a panel and I’ve attended the sessions in-person. I am so grateful for these sessions.
What I have enjoyed and appreciated about the ECR gatherings is the way the host and panel members can humanize and demystify the research process and expectations. I felt at ease during these sessions and I cannot express the value of having very seasoned researchers describe h0w they approach grant deadlines and research writing in today’s session. The stories were very relatable and their words of wisdom and advice were well taken. I did not expect to take notes, but I did. Also, I found myself very inspired to look at some of my work and move forward with some pieces and not procrastinate any longer. Honour your writing time, find peers to provide feedback, and submit grant applications in early were a few tips that I took to heart. It took a few years to figure out the university work culture in comparison to K-12 schools, and I feel the timing of these gatherings have been serendipitous.
No shame. Ask questions. Focus on the learning. Makes sense. I loved how panel members shared their personal stories, professional experiences, and pertinent examples to answer a series of questions set prior to the gathering. I felt very connected with their candidness and compelled to return back to my work. We all feel imposter syndrome and knowing that this is a normal occurrence, it created and invitation to try. Members participating online and in-person also asked questions that related to former documents, GRA hirings, and participation in review committees. It’s amazing to think that 1/3 of the faculty members at the university are ECR’s or new to the university. These ECR gatherings are timely and responsive to what new researchers need. Finally, my guard was disarmed when they promoted and encouraged folks to participate (and re-participate) in writing retreats, grant writing workshops, and communication with the Office of Research and Innovation. EVERYONE WANTS TO HELP. A wonderful message. I feel motivated to keep going.
Thank you to the Office of Research and Innovation, Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, and Health Research Institute!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 23rd, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Inspired and Motivated
While I was enjoy my pandemic lifestyle, I reached out to a few friends to make plans to go out for coffee or go for a walk to get outside and do what people do… connect and socialize. This morning, I met up with a friend at a local coffee shop. We often have really good chats and moments to update one another on what’s happening in our lives. Today, I was describing a moment that totally frustrated me and noted to my friend that I was very angry about the situation. I even shared a short story of my kid hanging up on me from a FaceTime call yesterday because I was not in the right headspace to talk. Anyway, she said to me that it was really refreshing for her to hear that I was angry. She said that I am often FLAT. Hmm… she is not wrong, but dang, it’s also refreshing to have friends who are willing to speak truth and share their observations. Her comment got me reflecting in real time and I could not deny her claims and her observations. She was not wrong. I would like to believe that she was, but I did admit that I do show myself, but likely about 20% of who I really am. She said that I’ve been flat ever since she has known me, which is about 7 years. Huh. Again, she is not wrong. Inside, I might have felt erratic, disoriented, and out of control (most times), but I really tried to MUTE myself from showing what was really happening on the inside and put blame on what was happening on the outside. The blame was misplaced, but I was trying to numb myself from the pain and fear, so much so, I could not express who I really was. Again, I was not putting out to the world a fake-self. I only showed what I thought people wanted to see or a veneer that made it seem like everything was ok and don’t think otherwise. Wow. Looking back 7 years (and beyond), there was a lot happening and I was unwilling to feel what I needed to feel (and express those feelings) to myself or others. I did not want people to see what was really happening, thus see who I really was. I often need approval or validation of who I was, based on what I was doing or titles I held. I had no idea how to be myself. I don’t think this was a 7-year old problem or a 20-year problem. It might be a 50+ year old problem, one that I had created as a young child. I look at old photos of myself, as a kid, a young adult, and somewhat old adult… I don’t look happy. I was not happy. I was trying to be someone who I was not for decades (aka., half a century). That’s a long time!! My friend did verify that I do like the COVID-lifestyle of staying at home, being alone, and enjoying the peace and quiet. That brought me some solace. I had always thought I was an extroverted person, but maybe I thought I had to be one. I’m not sure, but I’m noticing. I loved having coffee out (and reconnecting to the real-world), but I also love just being at home with my cat, making myself a meal at home, and taking the time to work from home. I feel very lucky to do what I do. It also feels good to feel. When I felt angry, I could also feel joy. It felt great!! I was reminded by Brené Brown’s 20 tonne shield and suppressing my feelings. I was numbing my feelings, but by doing that, I can’t feel the good feelings as well as the bad ones. I was not prepared to be vulnerable, thus I did not want people to see who I really am. I was not sure if I really wanted to see who I am. I am still trying to figure that out. That said, I am grateful that my friend also said that it was good for her to see a bit more of who I am and that she was happy to see that I could be angry. It’s healthy. I do feel this is who I am… emotional, introverted, unstructured, and intuitive. I just never trusted it, nor believed that these qualities could be valued by my parents, peers, or myself. Hmm. I’m left with many emotions and I am driven to learn more about myself. I think that I might try out Myers-Briggs again. Twenty-five years ago, my preferences were ESTJ. I lived that way for many years. I was a high school mathematics teacher. How else was I supposed to be? (15 minute break). Damn. I just completed the Myers-Briggs test online and tried to answer the questions based on what I would do today. As anticipated… the results were INFP… the exact opposite. As I started to read the FREE content, it’s not wrong. I had also learned in my Master of Education course that in your older years, you are likely to become or seek the opposite preferences. So here I am. Voilà. A steady stream of consciousness for today’s blog post. It was unsolicited, and inspired.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 15th, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Anger and Joy
July 14, 2025 – If given the option, I’m staying at home
There is no day that goes by without learning something new… about myself… or about something I had no idea about (lol, of course). So first of all, as mentioned in a previous blog post, I was planning to embark on a 60-day self-knowledge challenge… but, that project has been postponed. It is an ambitious pursuit, but I have a tonne of things-to-do for work, which is a good problem. As a result, my self-knowledge personal challenge will have to wait. That said, the work of learning about myself does not end with that decision. My pursuit for self-knowledge on this pedagogical journey continues despite the change in plans. All is good. 🙂
My second point I would like to make in this blog post is, I AM AN EXPERIENTIAL LEARNER. Let’s just make that declaration. I’ve always known that, but often deny or reject that notion. As a kid, I recall having to learn ALL things “the hard way.” I just had to figure things out myself before I could adopt, accept, or acquire what I need to know and understand. I don’t know why I would expect myself to change. It’s who I am. It’s what I do. Often I would say to peers or students is, “your superpower is also your kryponite.” Which got me thinking… maybe my kryptonite is my superpower.
What a lovely thought. There is no question that I am learning experientially. I wished that I could anticipate or predict how things will go, but I have to delve in with two feet and figure things out. Sometimes I will make a mistake. Sometimes I get an undesired outcome. Sometimes I will achieve success. In all three situations, what I do have control over is what I do. I will take full ownership for my actions. I will also make an effort to do things better, if given the opportunity. But what I will do from now on, is not be scared. I was just listening to a podcast where it was said that the only person that holds me back is ME. A terrible truth, but I will admit, it’s 100% true. I hate feeling scared or uncertain, but on the other side of that fear is where joy exists.
My final comment for today’s blog post is… I have fully adopted and embraced the COVID-19 pandemic lifestyle. It’s my preference. As I am slowing down my life and now that I am in my new home, I am finding that I like staying at home. I like cooking at home and I love being inside with my cat. I never thought that this would be my life, but I enjoy the quiet. I love not spending any money. I appreciate protecting myself from other potential pandemics, endemics, illnesses, or diseases. As much as I would perceive myself as being an EXTROVERT, I am loving being alone and keeping up to a pace that makes me feel happy, calm, and at peace. What more could I ask for? Don’t get me wrong, I will go out and interact with others, but it seems that I have not fully shook the pandemic lifestyle… and I’m not sad about it. Just live your life!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 14th, 2025 | Comments Off on The Pandemic Lifestyle
I know that it’s not quite the weekend to contribute to my weekly blog, but I am also in a place of choosing not to maintain two blogs (for now) and moving returning to the idea of blogging inspired thoughts and feelings. So, here we are. I realize that it is in the middle of the spring/summer term and there has been plenty of time to “get some writing done.” Admittedly, I like a little pressure too, and I’m feeling it right now, but in a good way. I have my contract renewed for 3 more years and endured a bit of coaching from the dean. I found the conversation very helpful, but also I feel that I am still learning about who I am and what I want to achieve. I think I’m getting there.
Slowly but surely, I’m getting things “off my plate” and I feel committed that July is the month where lots will get done, even though I am realizing that everything takes a bit more time than expected. I am ok with that, especially when I have some time. It’s hard to accept that idea when everything is super busy and I am 100% focussed on teaching. I can’t say that I was not working on research this term. I have been. My colleague and I co-applied for an internal grant, I presented 4-times at Congress, and I have done quite a bit of work for the Climate Education for Teacher Education research project in terms of workshops, interviews, reflections, meetings, focus groups, and editing/contributing to manuscripts. I should not underestimate or overlook some of the things I am doing this teaching-free term. I’m learning lots.
I am also doing a few projects for the program, so that will take some of my time too. Because I am not a tenure-track or tenured faculty member, research is not really expected from me. That was a learning that was just recently confirmed, so because I am engaged in research as an 80-20 faculty member, I am exceeding expectations. I had no idea. I thought that I had to do what everyone else is doing, but they are 40-40-20. Intuitively I knew that and felt that, but to get some clarity on that was so wonderful and liberating. I am so grateful that whatever I am doing this spring/summer term is because I want to do it and knowing that feels great.
There are other projects I am working on and one of them was making revisions to another manuscript that I have been working on with colleagues for a couple of years. I have hopes of sending the revisions and a chart of all that we have changed and accomplished to the editor some time today. I am very excited about doing that, hence the blog post, I suppose. We worked very hard on that manuscript and because my headspace is in a different place from where I was a couple of years ago, I had the confidence and sense of self-efficacy to edit the manuscript in a way that made sense to me. Again, liberating and exhilarating. I am really enjoying the process and a colleague and I have co-edited the piece such that I feel very satisfied in sending it back to the editor. We established so much clarity in this document such that I believe it is publishable. I am so grateful to the peer review, the feedback, and the editor. This whole writing process is about LEARNING, humility, and growth.
I have submitted a conference application for a small group of us to speak at a local conference and finished writing a chapter proposal for another small group to hopefully pursue in the fall. I hope we get accepted for both. Finally, I have been with with another small group and we are currently working on the revisions of an ethics application. I need to take my time on this one and I am the Principal Investigator. If the chapter proposal goes well, I will the Principal Investigator on another project. Moreover, I have a book review to do, I have 2 conference proceedings to write, I have one program evaluation I would like to do, and I feel very lucky to do what I do. I have a healthy amount of work to address and it’s everything I am interested in.
I look forward to next steps. I am fascinated by the whole of idea of my joy being on the other side of fear. The fear was fierce, but with each step, I am realizing that I am able to do it, I want to do it, and I have fun do it. Research and the Scholarship of Teaching is 100% aligned to who I am as an educator and researcher. There are other manuscripts that need completion, revision, and re-invigoration… but I am excited about that too. I feel good sitting here in my writing spot (and I have another one) in my home and feeling optimistic of what’s next to come. Publications is not the goal, but rather, it’s a natural outcome from doing what I LOVE to do. How lucky am I?
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 09th, 2025 | Comments Off on Shifting Gears to Research
I’m not sure why I am procrastinating this blog post. I got inspired a few days ago when I rediscovered this box of “cards for self-exploration” on my desk during a Zoom meeting. Admittedly, I had not opened this box. It was still in its plastic wrap and I believe I bought it a few months ago. There are 60 cards and each card has a question for you to answer. The first card asks, “Who are you?” Was this serendipity at play here? I was just in a 2-week cognitive paralysis and existential crisis pondering about “What story do I want to tell?” If anything, from what I have noticed, I am hiding. It’s a strange thing to say for an extrovert. At one time, I loved being with people and being surrounded by people. Now, my preference is staying at home with my cat.
It’s been a crazy journey since 2010. Lots have changed in my life and it’s been a muddle and a mess for most of the time. I chose not to stay the course, leave teaching, and figure things out the hard way. Right now, in 2025, I feel much more balanced, rested, and like myself. I am definitely not the same person as I was and I am very open to figuring out who I am and why it matters. I’ve been wanting to write about my mom, but I also feel that I want to explore my formative years in context to being a second-generation Chinese Canadian woman, who is the youngest of three children, she is a twin, mother of one, and divorced, and she is pursuing a career in academia when many of her edu-peers from her K-12 teaching days are retiring.
What is there to say? Who cares? Why does it matter?
Maybe I’ve been hiding from myself. I don’t want to know… possibly. Or maybe, I have not spent much time investing in myself to know myself. The irony. I teach folk to become teachers and in one of my courses we read “The Heart of a Teacher” by Parker Palmer (1997). He says that there is not one way to be a great teacher. However, he says to be successful as a teacher, you need to know what you are teaching, who you are teaching, and yourself (aka., knowledge of the subject matter, knowledge of the students, and self-knowledge). When you know yourself and are true to yourself in your practice, that vulnerability, identity, and courage can be experienced in your class. I endorse this idea and try to live by it. That said, how much do I know myself and how much am I willing to share? The answer, I’m not sure of.
The COVID-19 pandemic created a lot of havoc in people’s lives. I was grateful that my mom did not have to witness or experience this global event. For me, as one event to mention at this time, turned me around in many ways. Social isolation. Remote teaching. Living alone. I spent a lot of my time blogging and wondering about “what was important to me” and posting “patio pics” on my social media feed as an ongoing joke to myself to entertain myself on the daily not realizing that we would be in pandemic for more than THREE YEARS. There was a lot of personal reflection during that time, but I feel that was just the beginning of this journey to learn more about myself. What people see of me is only a “veneer” of who I really am. Again, at a recent workshop, I introduced a very superficial version of myself, while others went deeper.
I am noticing.
I feel that these KNOW YOURSELF cards can offer some guidance to delve deeper into who I am. Part of my deliberation is to blog about it or start a private journal on my OneDrive at work. I think that I might start that personal journal and maybe write about a reflection on my reflections. That is a good compromise. I wonder if I don’t know a lot about myself because I spent a lot of my time as a child being the #3 child, which transcended into my marriage and workplace such that I was driven by the constant need to “people please” with hopes of being seen in a toxic relationship, when really I was slowly but surely eroding into someone I could no longer recognize. I can say that now. I could not see that before. When you’re in it, you’re blind. I am rebuilding myself. Now, what I see is, POSSIBILITIES. It’s taken me some time to understand my value and to respect who I am. It’s not 100%, but I am getting there.
What story do I want to tell? I guess I need to know more about myself. I am starting to wonder about my inability to promote myself and take action to do what I love or to learn something new so that I can advance my career, for example, is because I don’t know who I am, or at least don’t want to recognize who I am. I think about what Brené Brown says about NUMBING. You cannot numb the bad feelings without numbing the good ones too. Is it the same application here? There is nothing wrong with understanding your strengths and stretches. Again, this is something I teach in one of my teacher education courses and encourage student-teachers to help their students to understand about this as well. My supervisor suggested that I needed to create a digital narrative, much like my students did when I taught the portfolio course. It’s something I can do. The timing is right. It’s 60-days until the fall term.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 07th, 2025 | Comments Off on A 60-Day Challenge
Oof. I have been mesmerized over the last couple of days… meaning, I was in an ongoing cognitive paralysis for almost 36-hours + sleeping in for a few hours this morning. It was a lot. I am STUCK or overwhelmed with the idea of “what story do I want to tell.” So, might as well blog about it with hopes of something would emerge from the writing process. Thank goodness for my daughter’s boyfriend for dropping by last night to break the cycle of “whatever I was doing” so that I can get on with life. Also, dropping of a happy meal with all of my favourite items (i.e., cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate milk) “just because” was a very good way to get of my existential funk and engage in a conversation with another human being. It was a good omen, even though he was there to complete a few tasks on behalf of my kid. Kudos. What a good person. 🙂
THE CYCLE IS BROKEN.
As mentioned, I had a slow start this Sunday morning. I fed the cat. I had breakfast. And then, I started working on some editing on a manuscript. Admittedly, it felt good to return to my life again. My friend came over to go for a walk, which was also good to do. I have been wanting to change my way of being in terms of what I am eating and exercise. I am so attuned to my age and menopause, along with other health conditions like my blood pressure, I am compelled to shift my actions in little ways that will benefit me physically, mentally, and spiritually. After listening to my friend’s week… I feel that what I am experiencing is a good thing. I’m not comparing or judging, but if anything, I have some perspective on what’s happening in my reality. I am grateful that one of my biggest issues is my cat and her drive to play with her toy (with me… LOL). I have work to do and I am opportunities to say YES (and no) to. Life is good. I am doing what I love. And, I am ALIVE. So, what story do I want to tell?
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I might have to revitalize my other blog on my UNBC WordPress site, but also, I need to identify what I do that is EXCEPTIONAL and ordinary, of course, to be clear about what I do at work and beyond. It’s not about making of list of all of the things I do, but why do I LOVE these things and WHY does it matter. What I do with my students when they are creating their e-portfolios is to talk about The What (describe what your are doing/have done), the So What (the relevance or importance of this action), and the Now What (consider what you want to learn more about or how you will apply what you have learned to your practice). In doing so, you have to understand your beliefs, values, and efficacy to pursue or engage in a way of being. This advice was given to me… whatever you do with your students, you should do for yourself. NOTED. If I can’t do this for myself, how can I expect others to meet this expectation? I appreciate the reciprocity in this ask, but also there is respect, relevance, and responsibility. I return to Kirkness and Barnhardt’s (1991) Four R’s. With each day and each project I pursue, the Four R’s make more sense. They are the underpinnings to RELATIONSHIPS. If anything, this pursuit is about developing a deeper understanding of my self-knowledge (Palmer, 1997), and therefore about improving my practice.
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
It’s so interesting that I ended the last paragraph with the word “practice.” That word was resonating in my mind over the last week. There are ups and there are downs. You can keep maintaining the same level of rise over a sustained period of time. Take for example, HAPPINESS. I was very focused on “being happy” in 2024 and now focussing on “what I love” in 2025. There are DIPS in the journey, and the only way you can get better at anything is with PRACTICE. Now that I have “slowed down” at a pace where I am able to “maintain my balance” and “know my bearings”… I can see that I have CHOICE… I have VOICE… and I have AGENCY. This understanding has taken me some time. So, when I was asked about why I submitted an application for an award, at first, I said I was asked to and it was a good exercise to articulate my accomplishments, of which I don’t think I am able to do well… but it has turned out to be a catalyst for CHANGE. I can see now that the last handful of days were meant to disrupt my thinking and way of being. Now, I can see the opportunity and I feel excited about sharing my story and describe why it matters to me… and beyond.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 29th, 2025 | Comments Off on What Story Do I Want To Tell
This week has been an interesting one such that I found myself ploughing through a bag of corn nuts and then a bag of chips the next day followed by 8 dumplings late last night. I can definitely see that I use food as a coping mechanism to avoid, disassociate, or procrastinate the inevitable. Might as well through in some Candy Crush into the mix to help me cope. I wonder if I have to do these things to regulate how I am feeling. On Monday, I had a conversation with someone of which the person was trying to provide some insight, advice, and mentorship. By the end of the conversation, the message sent and received was “what story do you want to tell?” and the comment of “you do this students using portfolios, so what about for yourself?” Oof. That was a big one for me to hear, hence the bag of corn nuts. There is nothing that this person said that was wrong. Where is my INTENTIONALITY? I realized that the only person looking out for me… is ME. I need to stand-up for myself. I need to have my voice. I need to know not just what’s best for me, but I also need to know my strengths, my stretches, and where I want to be because I have value and I am valuable. That’s hard for me to learn and I can see that I need to be reminded from time-to-time to ensure I am staying on task. That night, after eating a bag of corn nuts, I spent a good chunk of that night preparing for a 10-minute presentation I was giving the next day. I decided to do a PowerPoint not knowing if there would be an opportunity to give a short presentation, but I made one anyway. I’m glad that I did because there was not one made for the day and my cover slide served as a placeholder and referent for other guest speakers to refer to. The topic was the School of Education’s signature pedagogy of People, Place, and Land. It was a good way for me to look back at old emails, search information online, and recall some of what I remember in the creation of the signature pedagogy to share with my department. I can see there were only a few of us who were in the department 7 years ago, but also it’s good to share the origin story of the signature pedagogy, the visual representation, and the artist who created it. I remember how I felt about creating the PowerPoint and adding some of my work to the presentation in terms of how I am interpreting and implementing People, Place, and Land into my practice. I was also triggered during my presentation, so much so that I rushed through the presentation in about 5 minutes and spoke about a mile a minute. I don’t know what happened, but I did notice that throughout the day “I was hiding.” I was super fascinated about what folks were saying about themselves and the narratives they have created to describe themselves. I shared nothing (aside from my 5 minutes of mayhem). I felt so grateful for the conversation on Monday, the presentations on Tuesday, and for me to notice that I was hiding. I realized, you cannot be seen if you are hiding. Makes sense, right?
All I know is, Tuesday ended with a bag of chips, Wednesday was filled with meetings and gatherings, and Thursday was spent trying to catch up and go through the day without water at my place. UGH. I had to go to the office (or anywhere) so that I could work in peace (without the cat) and with water. I did not realize that having access to water is a privilege and I am so grateful that I have water. Nevertheless, Thursday ended with a plate of dumplings and hours of Candy Crush. Thankfully, the water is back on and today is Friday, the end of the week. I decided to come up to work to meet up with a colleague to do some work, but also work from my office to get some work done. One of those things is contributing to my portfolio (i.e., blog) to reflect on the week. It’s been a week and I am enjoying my time at the office. It’s quiet. There is a lot of light. And, I’m getting work done without being interrupted by my cat. Don’t get me wrong… I love my cat!! But lately, I am finding that she does not like me working and having long stints of solitude to read and write. She will not have for it. LOL. I am also online to make a commitment to think about WHAT STORY DO I WANT TO TELL. That is such a wonderful question. It takes a different approach from which I thought I was doing and spent a lot of time and effort worrying about what others where thinking and perceiving. I have no control over that, but I do have control over my actions, thoughts, and beliefs. In the past, I was ignore all three aspects to default (or give my power away) to others thinking that I can come back to them another time. There is no other time, sadly. Over the last 5 years or so, it’s been a left turn in my pedagogical journey such that I am learning more about myself and what my needs are and what I like or love to do. This self knowledge is all new to me and I can see now that I was “never really good at” selling myself because I had no idea what I was selling because I was too busy trying to please others. THIS IS LIBERATION. The only person who can free the oppressed is the oppressed (Friere, 1968). That idea took me some time to understand, and now I feel that I am reminded again. I cannot think of a better day to write about this FREEDOM and insight. Today’s is my mom’s birthday. (HBD Mom!!) She would have been 88 years old. I don’t think this is a coincidence. My mom tried to share this learning with me a long time ago, even on her last day of life. I was touched by that and I feel that I am here, once again.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 27th, 2025 | Comments Off on A Bag of Corn Nuts
Could I be immersed in an existential moment? Possibly. First of all, I feel inspired to contribute to my blog. I believe that this is my third blog post for the week and there might be more. The frequency of inspiration to contribute to my blog post and to reflect is wonderful. I was struggling for quite some time to contribute weekly to 2 WordPress sites. Now that I have returned to one website, while the other one is “on pause” has brought me much joy and freedom. I am blogging because “I want to” versus the “I have to.” The latter is how I’ve led my life and I am learning how to live differently… to live for ME.
As narcissistic as that may sound, what I mean is… it’s ok to be “selfish”… to care for oneself… to do what you LOVE!! Understanding what you love and then doing what you love… is FREEDOM. To do this successfully, you have to live in the moment. Be present. Oh my goodness… I’ve lived in the past for decades, tried to cater my life for an unforeseen future, and based my life on what I thought others expected from me. Thank goodness I have realized that this is all a LIE. For the last couple of years, I’ve been reclaiming my life and I am getting closer to “my best life.” I have never felt better and I am learning how to not take other people’s behaviours personally. I have agency. I have choice.
Vice versa… I can say what I mean. It’s not personal. Also, I’ve been learning to slow down, say “no” to things, and prioritize my health and wellness. My happiness and joy matters. I cherish the little things. My mom passed away 7 years ago and my good friend passed away last month. You cannot take life to granted or take things too seriously. All you can do is, do the best you can (without losing yourself in the process). Father’s Day just happened last weekend and I looked through my Facebook pics to find selfies with me and my dad. I have no idea when I took this screenshot or what we were both doing that day, but I have to say, it’s one of my favourite photos.
If anything, the image brings a smile to my face. Hi DAD!! Find your joy. Be happy.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 18th, 2025 | Comments Off on Appreciate the Moment
Oof. I have been mesmerized over the last couple of days… meaning, I was in an ongoing cognitive paralysis for almost 36-hours + sleeping in for a few hours this morning. It was a lot. I am STUCK or overwhelmed with the idea of “what story do I want to tell.” So, might as well blog about it with hopes of something would emerge from the writing process. Thank goodness for my daughter’s boyfriend for dropping by last night to break the cycle of “whatever I was doing” so that I can get on with life. Also, dropping of a happy meal with all of my favourite items (i.e., cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate milk) “just because” was a very good way to get of my existential funk and engage in a conversation with another human being. It was a good omen, even though he was there to complete a few tasks on behalf of my kid. Kudos. What a good person. 🙂
