The System is Complex

Week 143 – December 11, 2022 – Conflicted Feelings

This is a blog redo. I wrote a blog this week that focused on my Hopes and Dreams for Public Education. It was a self-imposed homework assignment for the work I am doing with the Institute for Public Education (IPE). I opted to write it via blog versus a Word doc to share with my working group. I felt like I had nothing to hide. Well, I’m hiding. I just received feedback on my blog post, which I appreciated, but what I wrote was not interpreted in the same way as I intended. The system is complex.

I’m not really hiding, but I did un-publish the blog post to do another one instead… and here it is. A replacement post. I am faced with conflicted feelings as I reflect on the system and what we hope and dream for. Even with my sub-committee, we each wrote very different pieces. We had question prompts and we were the test pilot. We wondered how contributions would manifest given these prompts. Much depended on our vantage point. One wrote about memories of specific teachers, one wrote about different agencies, and I wrote about feelings and how we treat each other.

Anyway, I thought about writing about my experience at FNESC. I just co-presented with a friend and colleague of mine at the conference this weekend and we talked about decolonizing practices and assessment. It was a need identified when we were working on other FNESC resources. Assessment was an area identified that needed some attention. Assessment is very important to me, but also know that it’s an area that is highly contentious because assessment practices also reflect one’s values. When you start questioning assessment, you are questioning people’s values.

I enjoyed co-constructing the presentation with my friend and landing in a place where formative assessment and the 4R’s are interrelated. I was so inspired by my experience in the Stellat’en Salmon Festival and the lessons I learned there about teaching and learning in community. It is incredibly powerful and this experience provided the inspiration for this presentation at FNESC. Admittedly, I was a little apprehensive to share this information. My friend and I went over the presentation a few times just to be sure…. of flow, content, and sense-make ability. Anyway, my friend was very confident of the presentation, audience, and appropriateness.

As you can read, I was not as confident. We co-presented as planned. Twice. And ironically, we concluded the assessment session with a feedback form. FNESC asks for feedback after each session, which makes sense. But when I had second thoughts, I was not as open to immediate feedback. I was worried about pushback. Of two groups at about 80 people per session, we only had up to two handfuls of “satisfactory” and the rest were “excellent” and wanting more time to discuss. Wow. That exceeded my expectations. We questioned the system and proposed how assessment could be to influence pedagogies and ways of being. It was accepted.

My reflection of that learning, which I am still digesting is, the system is complex. My thoughts are something that cannot be generalized and each of us have had different experiences in the system. I don’t want to deny the good moments. There were many. But I also don’t want to overlook those moments or opportunities that could be better. Just because no one is saying anything does not mean it’s working. But also, by saying something may lead to misinterpretation, pushback, or controversy. Am I prepared for that? A part of me has to be because of the work I am doing. My job is to question. Which brings me back to my original post of feeling marginalized and oppressed.

We are each finding our ways through this education to make a difference and impact student learning in positive ways. I have very good memories of my teaching practice but I also have not so positive ones. When I think about making change, how can we bring attention to the not so positive experiences and look at possible solutions. I do believe that people are doing the best that they can but I also believe that they system can be better and its in those places where I am looking to improve.