One of the things that I teach in one of my teacher education classes is, “Christine 1” and “Christine 2.” This course is situated at the beginning of a 16-month program and the focus of the course is curriculum, pedagogy, and teaching. In 13-weeks, I try to curate a course-narrative to describe what is curriculum, what is pedagogy, and what is teaching. So, “Christine 1” is “teacher-Christine.” She is performative. She exudes confidence. She is professional. She is caring, kind, and compassionate. She is the teacher that is demonstrating all of the professional standards that are required of her. “Christine 2” is my inside voice. What am I thinking? I could be pivoting. I could be reflecting in and on action. I could be making decisions in real-time. Basically, “Christine 2” is articulating “adaptive expertise.” So, I try to disclose what’s happening in real-time when plans change and why. I wanted to make the invisible, visible.
“Christine 3” is “soap-box Christine.” There are some topics in education that I am very passionate about and at times I will go on a slight tangent and share some thoughts on some these topics (i.e., assessment, teacher wellness, leadership, math efficacy, and math education). “Christine 4” could be the researcher, the writer, or educational leader… and other Christine’s start delving into the personal-side of Christine (i.e., the curler, the cat mom, the kid’s mom, the sister, the daughter, the niece, the aunty, etc.). There are many ME’s and it’s fun to articulate the ability to compartmentalize parts of me… even though all of these identities are all a part of me. Just the other day, I was out with my class at West Lake for a land-based learning experience. It’s fun to take learning out to place and on the land when exploring ideas such as land-as-teacher, land acknowledgements, and a walking curriculum. Anyway, in one instance, planning with one of the students that I “mis-mathed” the time. We giggled and I said, I used to be a math teacher… but now I’m a teacher educator. I’m all about sharing circles. Another student then said, “Is that Christine negative one?” #brilliant
Can you believe that? It’s only Week 3 of the course (out of 13) and the notion of “Christine 1” and “Christine 2” not only have meaning for these students, but the idea that these identities are on a time-continuum. I just loved it. The next day, I joined another class who went out to West Lake as their last instructional day for their course prior to final practicum. I was saying goodbye to folks and one student mentioned “Christine 1” and “Christine 2.” I shared with this student the story mentioned above, and they loved it too. I feel very grateful to do the work that I am doing, and I am learning more about the different aspects of “Christine” over time. I will continue to be learning… not to take myself too seriously… and to continue to care for the practice, the students, and myself. I appreciate the playfulness and openness for the students… and I am very appreciative for their kind remarks and positive feedback. One day at a time… and just do my best. That’s all I got. #grateful
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 20th, 2025 | Comments Off on Christine Negative One
A much better week this week… busy, no question… but more representative of what my work week will look like this fall term. On Monday, I did some work for the School of Education. Tuesday was focused on research and I had my first class with a graduate class at St. Mark’s College as a sessional instructor. We had an incredible class. We proceeded with my online class design and worked like a charm. Thank you to my previous online graduate level classes over the last few years who helped me to co-construct my online approach. I really like it, and I believe the students like it too. Wednesday was spent prepping for my Wednesday night class that was originally scheduled to be in-person but now its hybrid. I’m up for the challenge. We tried a few things to make the class more personable. Not perfect, but I think that class went well. Wednesday is a big day for me… because after night class, I am prepping for my morning class. Thursday begins with an 8:30am class. I managed to prep and went to bed at a decent hour. I had a pretty good sleep and we had a pretty good class. Friday ended with doing some work on campus in the afternoon and organizing my office.
I ended the week feeling very satisfied with the work I accomplished and it feels great to get “re-set” for the new school year. Although I did not get through my email, that might be a next week thing. Now, we head into the weekend. And, let me tell you… I entered this weekend guilt-free. Normally, I would have listed a whole bunch of things to do over the weekend. I had informally created a small list, but it is likely that I’m not going to address the “list of things to do” until Monday. Keeping work between the bookends of Monday to Friday (as best I can) might be the next step of my self-care, rest way-of-being. I need to keep this work sustainable and JOYFUL. I feel great when I’m rested. I know this sounds obvious, but I did not live my personal and professional life this way. Work took precedent and rest was only a privilege that I thought was purely indulgent and only available to me when my work was done.
Here some news… THE WORK IS NEVER DONE. That took me a long time to understand. Moreover, to get really good at maintaining balance and a healthy lifestyle, I need to PRACTICE. I’m guessing that after I finish this blog post that I am going to do a “workout” from YouTube. Yup. I would rather walk outside at night time, but it’s not safe. So, this weekend, I truly enjoyed my time RESTING. Saturdays is”be a person day.” What does that mean? I can do chores… I can sleep in… and I don’t do any work. I love recycling on Saturdays. I’m not sure why, but it brings me a lot of joy (or closure) to recycle on the weekend. This Saturday, I roamed around, went shopping, then food shopping, and went for a walk with a friend. Today, I took out the garbage, built a shelving unit, and re-organized my office/bedroom. Oh my… it feels great to be organized. Resting is intentional. In the end, I feel great. So, why not?
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 14th, 2025 | Comments Off on First Real Week Back
Toast with butter and jam. A Sunday afternoon treat. I love it.
September 7, 2025 – Enjoy the Simple Things
Wow. That was an intense first week back to school. I can only imagine teachers returning back to K-12 schools. I hope they are kind and compassionate to self. As exciting it is to return back to school, it’s easy to “over-do-it” and over-extend oneself to the point where it’s not safe or healthy for one to do or sustain. Do I need to listen to myself and the advice I would share with other educators? Yes, I do… of course.
First of all… July came and went. I think I was fully immersed in RELAX-mode, which is not a bad thing. Rest is a good thing. Unfortunately, August was very full with lots of things to do (if not, over full) preparing for the upcoming the school year. Prior to the first week of school, I was working on addressing some provisos from an ethics application. It was an incredible learning experience, but the revisions were extensive. With my research team, we mutually decided to make some changes in direction of our work, and I was charged to making those changes in our ethics application. I needed to get this application resubmitted before school started… and I did… at 5am on September 2nd. Truth, I am getting too old for all-nighters, but that’s my best work time. It’s a dilemma, but it was submitted. Yay for me because school was starting.
September 2nd started with a morning meeting with another research team then transitioned into Day 1 of the B.Ed. Program Orientation. This event was only for a couple of hours to do some brief introductions to the new incoming cohorts then go outside in small groups to get to know one another. The day ended at 3pm and I went home with high hopes of going to bed, which I did at 7pm, soon after I learned that the book review I committed to do could be completed later in the term for a 2026 publication. I was not disappointed. I was grateful for the time to pause and rest. I needed it. The next day started early with Day 2 of the B.Ed. Orientation. It was a full day with the morning at the Northern Sports Centre and the afternoon at Lheidli T’enneh Memorial Park. The incoming cohorts engage in activities led by the out going cohorts. Somewhere in between, I also met with my research team to update them on the ethics application and to discuss next steps. It was a very full day, but wait…
September 3rd was the start of classes and I taught my first night class after the B.Ed. Orientation. This class is a 3-hour graduate study class, which was originally designed to be an in-person course, but now it’s hybrid. Teaching that night was challenging to say the least because getting well acquainted with either the in-person or online students in hybrid class is minimized due to having two platforms of delivery all at once. I take a deep breath and remember to find some kindness and compassion for self to do the best that I can. That’s all I can offer. I cannot be everything to everyone and I will do my best to accommodate but I know that it will not be the same as a class that is either all in-person or all online. Sadly, the work continues with prepping for my morning class. It’s another 3-hour class, but with the incoming cohort. It’s the first class they will have in the B.Ed. Program. I needed to make a good impression.
September 4th started with an 8:30am class. I am not a morning person to begin with and I stayed up late to prep for this class. I think the class went well, but classic “Christine”… I went over time by 5 minutes and did not do one learning activity. That’s ok. It’s good to be over planned, but also, I had to learn how this class moved and flowed. I feel that they are moving quite swiftly and they are very adaptive and responsive. The learning activity can wait until next week, but dang… I’m already thinking… how can I get everything I have planned done? It’s ok. I’m going with the flow. As you can imagine, I wanted to go home to sleep, but the outgoing crew were sharing their final projects for one of their yearlong courses. I dropped by to say hello and had the opportunity to listen and see some of their work. It was really incredible and creative with some of the outcomes. I was really happy to see this crew, but it did take about a few hours of my time. All is good. As you know, soon after, I went to bed.
September 5th is Fri-YAY and I had no classes to attend to. However, the outgoing cohort had a second yearlong course of which they were also sharing their final projects. Some projects were offered as a gallery walk while others were online or a presentation. The session was scheduled for 6-hours. As much as I wanted to hear, see, and learn from all of the students, I committed to the morning. Again, it was good to hear what students are doing, and it provided me some solace and closure on this course. It used to be one I used to teach, but now it has a new instructor and new learning outcomes. I am happy for the students and grateful to have the opportunity to say hello, once again, with the outgoing cohorts, and head home to get to other aspects of my work… and then rest. But, this day concluded with great news!! The ethics application mentioned earlier… it was APPROVED. Woohoo!!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 07th, 2025 | Comments Off on Week One Is Done
Omg… I cannot believe it’s September. Goodbye summer time!! The summer months flew by… and I enjoyed every moment of it. I was able to take the time to enjoy my place and feel at home. I LOVE BEING AT HOME and I love where I am living. I love the sunsets. I love the space. I love this little community. I feel safe. I feel solace. I feel a lot of gratitude. I am so proud of myself that I am able to have my own place and that I am able take care of my kid as she approaches adulthood. I am super happy with my job and I am grateful for my autonomy, freedom, and agency in my work. It’s truly a dream. I am in a different place and I LOVE what I do, where I am, and who I am.
How lucky am I?
That said, I totally miscalculated how fast that time would go this spring/summer term. This year has been the first spring/summer term where I did not have a course to teach or be responsible for. I had fantasized that I would get a billion things done during this term. Unfortunately, I did achieve everything I wanted to accomplish in four months. If I shared my original ambition to a friend of mine, they would have said it was unreasonable and unrealistic. I’ve taken all summer to understand what SMART goals really mean. It’s ok to spend time resting and appreciating a slower pace to life. I loved it. But now, I find myself cramming to get things done and some things will not get done. Being ambitious is good, but I need to be a bit more reasonable.
What have I accomplished?
First, I have learned how to enjoy quiet time guilt-free and to appreciate taking life at a slow pace. This way of living is 100% refreshing and revitalizing. I am enjoying life as an introvert and feel that I am truly up to my INFP preferences, which is so opposite from being an ESTJ for most of my working life (as a teacher). The transition was gradual to this SLOW-way of being and I’m loving it. Although I did have to partake in a few significant life changes to get here, I have no regrets. I appreciate my own company (with the cat and kid, of course) and the quiet time I have to myself. It’s nourishing. I feel more aligned to the way I want to live my life. I am very thankful that I can do this… and afford this way of being. It’s a privilege I will not take for granted.
Second, I went to a couple of conferences and presented a handful of times. In the spring, I travelled to Toronto, ON to attend CSSE and Congress. I presented a paper at CAARE (Action Research) in collaboration with 3 former teacher candidates (now practicing teachers) about the sit-spot lesson study; I co-presented with the CETE (Climate Education in Teacher Education) research team members at CNIE (Network of Innovation) about the project; I presented (single author) at CATE (Teacher Education) about in-situ learning in my assessment class; and, I presented at a the CASIE (Indigenous Education) roundtable in collaboration with my friend about the 4 R’s and assessment. In the summer, I co-presented with the District Numeracy Teacher and an Elementary Teacher Candidate at the UNBC Teaching and Learning Conference about Numeracy Night at Edgewood. Presenting is a great way to get your work out there and share your interests with others, but also a means to connect with other people, to network, and get inspired for future writing opportunities.
Third, I got some manuscripts, chapters, and a book chapter proposal completed for submission. Although I have a few more manuscripts to attend to (as well as others on the horizon I would like to write about), I am super grateful and thankful for the work and collaborations that was accomplished this spring/summer term. There were two manuscripts submitted by the CETE research team, where I am the third author on both pieces of work. One was resubmitted for publication and the other was recently submitted for a special edition. I submitted two chapters for the Leadership Book to be produced by the School of Education; one chapter was lead by my colleague and the second chapter was led by me. The latter chapter was submitted to be a conference proceeding for a conference from a couple of years ago, but not much had manifested from that. I thought that submitting an updated version to the book would be a better opportunity for the piece to be published. I was glad to return to that piece to make the revisions it needed. Finally, I have submitted another manuscript that needed revisions with another group about cultural adaption of schools. we hope to get a second manuscript out soon to be considered as well. Lastly, I am hoping to get a book review out, but time is running out!! (… or ran out).
It’s September!!
My accomplishments is not an exhaustive list, but rather a list to reflect upon and acknowledge. I have also been working on getting ethics approved for another project I am leading and I hope to be submitting another one for a book chapter proposal I submitted to be co-written with the 3 former teacher candidates mentioned above. We made a submission and then was asked to make some revisions to that proposal to align the work to the theme of the book. They were fair comments and I am greatly appreciating the feedback that has been graciously offered to me during conferences and writing. It’s formative feedback at its finest with the wholehearted intention to make the work (and you) better. I LOVE THAT!! The learning-mindset thrives on it.
OK. Now, it’s back to work on this labour day weekend. Seems counterintuitive, but I would like to get the provisos for this ethics application done. We took a few spins on how the project would proceed (based on the feedback), and it’s taken a few revisions that is taking more time than anticipated to complete. All is good. That is what I am also learning too. If you want to take it SLOW, you have to do a little bit each day to get things done. That’s a difficult lesson for to learn, but a good one. I am finding that taking breaks during your work-span of a project actually is better for the project. I don’t think that the mindset is… it’s taking longer than expected… but rather… it takes time for good things to happen. I’m ok with that. The consequence, I am learning how long it will take to do things and thus, will take on work that I can do. And, that’s it!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 01st, 2025 | Comments Off on You can only control yourself
This has been a week filled with learning and it takes a lot of humility, kindness, and compassion to proceed onto the next step. After coming home from my hometown of Prince Rupert, I was filled with gratitude to return to my place, my cat, and my kid. I cannot believe that I live where I do and that I did it myself. It’s a really big deal for me. Being the youngest of three and formally married for almost 30 years, I am so grateful to achieve what I have achieved. As my friend had told me over the weekend last week, I am my toughest critic and I am really hard on myself. I don’t disagree. LOL. That’s nice. A double negative. I am learning how to look at myself and see what I see. My friend also said, I have spent my last few years protecting myself. I also don’t disagree with that claim either. I needed to take a step back and know I am creating the story that I want to create. I also know that I am doing the work. I am also aware there is a wake behind me and I cannot control how people behave, think, or feel about me. That has been a big learning hurdle in recent years. What I do know is, I am more secure and accepting of who I am and I will continue with a learning-mindset to thrive and flourish. I can keep dwelling on how I think life “should be” but really, I am living my best life. It’s not perfect, but darn… I think it’s pretty close. I feel very lucky.
This week, I went to the Grant Writing Workshop at the university. This would be the third time I’ve attended this workshop, and with each time I attend, I learn something new. This time, this session reminded me of preparing students for the Math 12 Provincial Exam. I used to be a secondary mathematics teacher and taught Math 12 for about 10-years. At the time, students wrote a provincial exam worth 40% of their grade. Given the high stakes nature of the exam and the need for high performance, I would teach the course as I would for 80% of the time, and I would prepare for the provincial exam for the remaining 20% of the time. We used old exams to practice and held math camps to work collaboratively with other high schools in the district to prepare for the exam. Then, I would facilitate “Math Olympiks” to create a collaborative competitive learning environment to engage in teachable moments with their peers and myself (the teacher). Another goal or expectation of the final exam is to “match” the course mark with the exam mark. So, there was lots at stake with the provincial exam for both the student and teacher. The Grant Writing Workshop had a similar vibe, meaning, you can have a wonderful and worthwhile project to research, but the ultimate goal is to “get the money,” so how do we do that? If anything, I saw the two-day session as being strategic, much like the provincial exam. Brilliant.
The week concludes with a couple of meetings. One meeting was about working with one research team that engaged in a lengthy conversation. The conversation focused on next steps, but also on social dynamics. Throughout the conversation, I could see that I am doing the work (i.e., the self-knowledge work) and I can understand how things were unfolding. What I am learning is, you have to feel good about what you are doing. I stepped away from some other work because it did not give me “good feelings.” Call it my gut… call it familiar feelings… call it the lesson iterates again. I believe that life’s lessons iterate themselves until you get it. These iterations will amplify over time. A long story made short, you are called to action. What do you need/want to do? What’s best for you? Anyway, human interaction are complicated and when words are not shared, trust not established, hard feelings not articulated, etc. the situation can be amplified. I was grateful for the conversation and I can see my role in the situation. I can’t change what has happened nor can I remedy the situation, the cards were laid as they were. I can accept that. My second meeting was with another research team and we are finishing a second manuscript in this study. We just resubmitted the first one and in the last steps of revising a second one for submission. Being on this team offered me many learning opportunities and I can see how I have grown over time. The meeting went very well and I am very excited to submit this manuscript. I can see how the goal is to work together to make it better.
What I am also understanding about my work is, it all takes time, it takes longer than you expect it to, and I am more successful doing one thing at a time. Although I have a few projects happening at the same time, I can only focus on one task at a time. I had full intentions to work on other projects that are outstanding, but I can only get to what I can get to. I thought I could work on Saturday, but my body said NO. I really needed some time to transition from Friday. I needed to rest. I took some time to hang out with my kid. And, I took some time to clean the house, recycle, do laundry, and get my office/room organized to prepare for the upcoming week. I can get down on myself, compare myself to others, or feel guilty, but I am not going to do that. Part of my selfishness is to “be a person” on Saturdays. I took the last year and half to block off Saturday to rest and take care of myself. Now, I just do that. I feel good now, but I was struggling after the week ended. I needed the time to “feel good” again. I don’t feel guilty about that. I keep assessing myself… looking for any bad feelings, shame, or self-doubt. I don’t feel it. This is growth. I am so pleased and I feel rested. Feeling grounded is so important to me. And once again, I am filled with gratitude. I love my place, my cat, and my kid. I have my health and I love my work. Nothing is perfect, but I will do my best to stay in the learning-mindset. That’s where the joy is.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 24th, 2025 | Comments Off on Saturdays are a NO go
What can I say… I took a short trip to Prince Rupert, my hometown. I was born and raised in Prince Rupert. I thought it was funny to say to folks that I was born and raised in Prince Rupert, lived on Prince Rupert Boulevard, and graduated from Prince Rupert Senior Secondary. As you can see, Prince Rupert is deeply embedded into the identity of “Christine Ho,” particularly in the formative years. I’ve returned to Prince Rupert when I was married to visit family. I returned to Rupert with my own family (brother, sister, and dad) a few years ago. Now, I have returned to Prince Rupert for work. This last weekend, we returned to Prince Rupert for a short, leisurely trip.
At first, my friend and I planned not bring our laptops or work on this trip. Guess what? We both brought our work and laptops on this trip. That said, I never took my laptop out to do work. I almost started blogging, but I opted to just BE and relax. My friend did a similar feat and I am so grateful to know that I can “vacate” and not have to work. Because when I come home, the work is still there. Moreover, I was able to enjoy the travel experience without feeling any guilt. However, here’s some irony. Revisiting places from my childhood and learning more about how the Chinese immigrated into BC and Prince Rupert helps me to understand where I come from.
When I think about my research program and what excites me about research is more about self-discovery and identity development. Oh my goodness… once again, the writing process has opened the doors to my thinking and knowing. That’s a HUGE aha I am experiencing right now as an educator, scholar, and person (in their midlife). At first, I thought my research work was in leadership, then in out-of-field teaching in secondary mathematics education, then program evaluations in teacher education. But, it’s more than that!! I am aware that my work is within the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning (SoTL), but I think that I have finally found the thread that links my work.
Hmm… I was going to write in this blog post about my trip to Prince Rupert, and I was kind of engaging in work because I have been really wanting to engage in an autoethnography about being a second-generation Chinese Canadian woman and my positionality in my family, work as a BC public educator, and now as a scholar who is interested in my experiences with racism, sexism, and marginalization. Part of this work is understanding who I am and where I came from. Furthermore, I have to understand the history of the Chinese in BC and how the Chinese were treated and what roles they played in Canada before I arrived as a person born in Prince Rupert.
Admittedly, I have always felt detached from who I am (authentically) and often felt that I had to “give myself away” to belong, fit-in, or be accepted (attachment). This way of being is very aligned to Dr. Gabor Maté’s work. I could not feel committed to my name, to my likes or interests, to my work, or to companionship. Life started transforming radically when I turned 40, but has been changing ever since. Fifteen years later, I finally feel like who I am. I feel confident in what I like and don’t like. And, I feel comfortable in my own skin. This feeling is new to me, but what I am realizing is, I am achieving some clarity. I’m no longer chasing, but rather I am appreciating.
I could have done some work on the 12-hour train trip each way, or do some work in the middle of the night or be on my phone constantly to respond to emails, etc. Instead, I was enjoying Prince Rupert… the rain, the seafood, the different places, and the memories. The trip started with a curiosity of VIA rail from Prince George to Prince Rupert, and taking a short holiday. In return, I have stoked the fire about pursuing a research study via an autoethnography, but also, I have found a connection between the different aspects of my work. Who knew that this trip of non-work contributed so much to my work. Thank you Prince Rupert for the inspiration.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 18th, 2025 | Comments Off on My Hometown
I am so grateful for my family and friends. I am in the Lower Mainland… taking my work remotely, but also situating myself so that I can see my dad. My twin bro has been gracious and hospitable to let me stay over on his sofa bed for a few days, and I got to visit with a couple of my friends as a weekend with the girls. We went to Italy together a couple of years ago and we’ve been reconnecting ever since to spend some time together and enjoy each other’s company. Last year we met up at Shuswap Lake. This year, we met up in Langley, BC. It was much like a spa weekend.
My dad is reaching an age where my brother and sister are provided some additional support and care. They are both in the Lower Mainland and my dad is still in very good spirits, but it’s opportunity for me to come visit and see him in person. I just called him this morning to see if he wanted to go for a walk, but I go the subtle “I don’t think I can make it out today” reply. UGH. Damn. I guess that’s it. I’ll try again tomorrow. LOL. I did see him three times already… once for a doctor’s appointment, a second time for a walk and coffee, and yesterday for dim sum. He’s got a full dose of Christine… LOL. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. I return home tomorrow night.
In the meantime, I get to visit with friends. As mentioned, I was in Langley this weekend. One friend picked me up from SkyTrain and we slept over at another friend’s place. The first night, we went out for an Italian dinner, which was absolutely delicious, and then one of my friends organized a crystal bowl session with someone from Italy. We laid outside under cozy blankets listening to the crystal bowls. I have never felt so RELAXED. I had an incredible sleep and could have stayed in bed all day, but couldn’t because we had booked a 90-minute massage. OMG. It was incredible.
Afterwards, we went out for a really late brunch/lunch and I just loved the “filet of fish eggs benny” with shredded hashbrowns. I just loved that meal… and the only meal of that day. It was rich and delicious. I had nothing like it, and I really enjoyed it. Who knew? We concluded the day by attempting to find a gift for our Italian friend, and we succeeded. It was handmade and personalized. We surprised our friend that night with this gift. Our gratitude for her crystal bowl work was immense. The serendipity of the gift was equally special. It was meant to happen. Gosh, I love people!! So good.
Although I was rejected by my father… LOL… to meet up today, I have the opportunity to meet up with other friends in Vancouver before I go back to my kit-cat and kid at home. I am so grateful for my friends (family included) who lift me up and are willing to say what I need to hear to take next steps. Sometimes it’s not easy to hear these things, but really, it more about what I do in response. It’s supposed to be a super hot day today in Vancouver, as well as tomorrow. I will take it easy and work remotely from my brother’s place that has wifi and air conditioning. Thank you everyone for making this trip so worthwhile and I did enjoy seeing my dad. It’s time well spent.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 11th, 2025 | Comments Off on Grateful for Friends
As you can see, it’s August. And honestly, it feels like a tidal wave of STUFF just landed in my lap for work. Not complaining. In fact, I think that I like working under this kind of pressure. I like the pressure… otherwise, nothing gets done. Just to conflate this feeling of overwhelm, everything is taking a lot longer than anticipated to get done. Strangely, it’s not unexpected, but setting unrealistic time goals does not help my situation. It a fine balance between pressure and space. Sadly, I have not found the sweet spot between the two. I have some unreasonable feelings of comfort being under pressure with timelines and work expectations. It appears that I am an all-or-none kind of person. And yet, some things are taking a LONG TIME to complete.
I am reminded of my kid when she was about 12-years old and she was wanting the jump of the pier and into the ocean. She was an excellent swimmer, so I had no worries about her being in the ocean and swimming back to shore. I was more worried about how many times will she approach the edge of the pier and NOT jump off. Oh my gosh… it seemed like a lifetime. Back and forth she went from wanting to jump, approaching the edge of the pier, looking down, and walking back to me. She believed that she could not do it, so she didn’t… even though she wanted to jump in. After 30 minutes or so, she did it. SHE LOVED IT. Now my problem was… when will she stop jumping off the pier and into the ocean so that we could go home?
I want to jump into the ocean.
Let’s be clear… I don’t swim. But I do empathize with my kid who was seemingly reluctant to take her first jump. I can only imagine the self-doubt of one’s abilities and the fear of the unknown. What will happen to me if I jump? Will I be harmed? Can I do really this? What I witnessed that day only serves as a metaphor for me and my academic work. I have very similar questions and can only imagine the kind of momentum I could develop, much like my kid did. Sometimes I think I have micro-amnesia. I just forget the good feeling of THE JUMP. The frequency of her jumping off the pier was almost exponential to the point where she did not want to stop.
I want that feeling. I just finished cleaning up a paper that was originally written to be a conference proceeding (at approximately 7500 words) and we just transformed it into a book chapter submission. I was the lead on that paper and it was interesting to return to the paper and look at where we were 2 years ago and where were are now. We kept the integrity of that paper to keep that work in 2023, but took the time time to update it, reformat it, and revise it so that it could be included in this book. The only reason we returned to this book is because I was looking at my CV and nothing was happening with the conference proceeding. It was like we got ghosted. Anyway, I took a chance to ask about submitting a last minute book chapter instead. We got a response a couple of days ago, and we got to work. I did most of the work as lead author, but my other two co-authors were very willing to review the paper as well.
We just finished the final edits this afternoon, prior to the blog post, and voilà… the chapter and abstract were submitted. Admittedly, it feels great!! I also submitted as second author (but did a good chunk of the work with another colleague) last month. That work was also rewarding to get done, of which was responding to reviewer feedback for resubmission). We did an overhaul of that manuscript and I took the liberty to track the edits, finalize the paper, and communicate those changes to the editor. Moreover, I was also active in two other manuscripts as second and fourth author, but not as involved as the last two manuscripts mentioned. I did take the time to contribute and add very thorough edits and feedback for the first authors. If anything, it gives me a lot of practice and builds my confidence for this work. I felt “the high” from jumping… and then, YOU WAIT. The immediate feedback is lacking.
Dang, I love the writing process. It is definitely a vehicle for me to think and reflect. In this case, I just realized that I am focused on the wrong thing as “feedback.” For some reason, I was focused on the outcome as the motivator, meaning the publication or end result. When really, the joy from submitting the manuscript, the writing process (or grind), getting feedback from peers, doing edits, etc. is the immediate feedback that would encourage me to try again… and jump. How cliché… it’s the journey, not the destination that matters. Sometimes the platform of the pier is at a different height. The self-doubt and fear creep in once again, creating a pause in the process, but really, what I am realizing is, the remedy is to jump in. Just do it!! OK. There is a disclaimer. I have also done a lot of personal work as well to build my confidence, self-knowledge, and the willingness to pursue what I love to do. That took a lot of work and life changes, and I am still doing that work. Maybe today is the convergence of the personal and the professional. What I do know for sure, I am going to savour this feeling of completion today, and jump in again with something new. I can do this.
I know I can do this.
My next task is… Fall 2025 Course Outlines.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 02nd, 2025 | Comments Off on Getting Things Done
I took a quick trip to Vancouver last week to visit my dad. He is 87. Although I had a great visit with him, he is needing some extra support given his age and such. My siblings and I have been officially inducted into the sandwich generation. My mom passed away 7 years ago. It feels like yesterday. I still have intentions to write about her and the 20 days we had together. She was an amazing woman. I did not know much about her. I always saw her as my mom. As time has passed, I am learning that she was an incredible woman with immense strength and determination. She made it look effortless. After spending some time with my dad last weekend, I realized that my mom took care of him too. He needs a little TLC. As a child, I always perceived my dad to be the strong one. In hindsight, I think my mom made my dad into the person he was. Now, times are different and I am learning that you have to live your life to the fullest… and be happy. It’s not easy sometimes, but making decisions and being motivated (or hindered) by fear is no way to live. It’s better to walk through the fear.
I say that so easily… walk through the fear. I am often challenged by that. It’s scary. I’m anticipating the worst. I feel very dependent on the action of others. But the truth is, NOTHING HAPPENS. What I mean by that is, everything that you feared is fiction. You don’t know until you know… so, you’ve got to go for it and see what happens…. which is nothing. How does one overcome one’s imagination? I remember my dad after my mom passed away. He was so driven by fear. He did not want to die alone. He did not want to be put into a home. He needed someone. He needed my mom. So now what? I can really empathize with his fear. Sometimes it’s so difficult to see past the fear. As a result, you do things that are not authentic to you or your needs. Ironically, the consequence of fear is, what you did not want may manifest differently because of the fear. CRAZY. So, what is there to lose? You have to try and feel the discomfort.
I’ve been practicing. PRACTICE might be my #OneWord2026. Start small. I’m not enjoying the discomfort. Often, it gets the best of me. But, I think about my mom. She had grit, determination, and perseverance. But, it’s more than that… you have be authentic to yourself… you have to do what you love… and, you have to know your WHY. Hence, practice helps with all three criteria. By trying, you are going to know what you like (or not like), what is important (or not important), and what is worthwhile doing (or not worthwhile). You have to learn what these things are versus guessing or hypothesizing what is good. It might be bad, but now you know. And if anything I’ve learned about formative feedback and experiential learning, it’s not the feedback that matters, but how you respond to the feedback does. So now what?
Kindness, compassion, and self-respect comes into play. I know that I am hard on myself. I know that it’s so easy to compare. I’ve done that my whole life growing up being the youngest of three. My positionality in my family created a narrative (in my mind) that is not true. Admittedly, it’s sometimes hard to wrestle with. My own demons are created by me, by making rules and structuring my life that is not authentic to who I am and who I want to be. I took a different trajectory. Let me be clear, what was happening to me was real and true, but how I could have responded to those actions could have been different. I thought the right answer was to put myself aside, play the game, and I would be rewarded for this behaviour. I always put myself last and believed that once all was said and done, my turn would come next. It never came. Slowly but surely, who I was eroded into someone I did not recognize. I could not sustain it anymore. The lies and the veneer had to stop. I was too scared to show up and be seen. The fear overwhelmed me. So, why am I blogging about this?
I’m not hiding anymore.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 26th, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Lots of Gratitude
Although I have been at the university for 7-years, I am term faculty. My role at the university is primarily teaching with an 80-20 position, that is, I am teaching 80% of the time and 20% is service. I was recently renewed with a 3-year contract and I am very excited about the next three years in terms of what I will learn and accomplish. Research is not explicitly part of my position, per se, but I continue to hold the rank of Assistant Professor and would like to learn more about research. Today, I attended a session at the university designed for “early career researchers” or ECR. This initiative is a partnership between the Office of Research and Innovation, Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, and the Health Research Institute. The School of Education is part of the Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, so I am able to attend these events. This session was my second ECR gathering, and both times they hosted a panel and I’ve attended the sessions in-person. I am so grateful for these sessions.
What I have enjoyed and appreciated about the ECR gatherings is the way the host and panel members can humanize and demystify the research process and expectations. I felt at ease during these sessions and I cannot express the value of having very seasoned researchers describe h0w they approach grant deadlines and research writing in today’s session. The stories were very relatable and their words of wisdom and advice were well taken. I did not expect to take notes, but I did. Also, I found myself very inspired to look at some of my work and move forward with some pieces and not procrastinate any longer. Honour your writing time, find peers to provide feedback, and submit grant applications in early were a few tips that I took to heart. It took a few years to figure out the university work culture in comparison to K-12 schools, and I feel the timing of these gatherings have been serendipitous.
No shame. Ask questions. Focus on the learning. Makes sense. I loved how panel members shared their personal stories, professional experiences, and pertinent examples to answer a series of questions set prior to the gathering. I felt very connected with their candidness and compelled to return back to my work. We all feel imposter syndrome and knowing that this is a normal occurrence, it created and invitation to try. Members participating online and in-person also asked questions that related to former documents, GRA hirings, and participation in review committees. It’s amazing to think that 1/3 of the faculty members at the university are ECR’s or new to the university. These ECR gatherings are timely and responsive to what new researchers need. Finally, my guard was disarmed when they promoted and encouraged folks to participate (and re-participate) in writing retreats, grant writing workshops, and communication with the Office of Research and Innovation. EVERYONE WANTS TO HELP. A wonderful message. I feel motivated to keep going.
Thank you to the Office of Research and Innovation, Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, and Health Research Institute!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 23rd, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Inspired and Motivated
