August 13, 2024 – Situating Myself that Values Myself
Who wants to write a vulnerable blog post? Not me. LOL. I did start my weekly blog post on the weekend by highlighting my love for food. I had no problems scrolling through my photos to find images food. Not just any food, but my favourite food. It was an excellent collection. I even took the time to edit which photos I would share on my blog post. Of course, I hesitated to blog. Is this what I want to share with THE WORLD. Maybe. What I am learning is, how do I put myself “in the front” of things. Meaning, I need to find my value and act accordingly. I spent a good chunk of my time “pleasing” others and doing things that I thought I was supposed to do or was expected of me. Now, I want to be true to myself and act in ways that are aligned to me and my values. It sounds strange to say this as it may imply that I never did. In some ways, it’s true because I would park my own needs to accommodate others.
Learning takes patience and time.
This First Peoples Principles of Learning is something that I take to heart and one of my good friends took the time to describe its meaning to me from the perspective of a Haida woman. I always find this particular First Peoples Principles of Learning in MATH lesson plans. As much as I appreciate the intent by teacher candidates, that would be a western or colonial viewpoint of what this principle really means. What was described to me was, you will experience something but it’s meaning or application will not make sense until it makes sense. Sometimes it could be in that moment, but often it could be days, weeks, months, or dare I say… YEARS later. I feel that I have arrive. The same friend also “called me out” one-year ago (just before I got into a car accident) that my #pandemicreflections blog series that attempted to identify what was important to me was another exemplar of doing the same thing.
She was right. I can name a list of things or experiences that are important to me as “important” but really, what’s important to me, is me. Just like that. As simple as that sounds, it took many opportunities, conversations, and reflections to realize this learning. Yes, learning does take patience and time. Now armed with this new understanding, I find myself acting in ways that honours my values and who I am. I love this saying, “I can compromise with others without compromising myself.” I could not have said it any better. Moreover, my Chair even supports the “new” direction of my research program (i.e., an autoethnography, my ethnic identity, my positionality). My other work is aligned to this work, but what I am also learning is, the target is not a promotion or tenure, but the joy of research and learning more about ME. Ah yes, a Parker Palmer vibration: SELF-KNOWLEDGE. It’s not narcissism, but rather grounding.
I am also learning walking this new path, aside from being super excited about it, I am going to have to learn what it means to put myself first and to do things that are authentic to me. I find myself catching myself and moments, and pausing, re-evaluating, and reflecting on how I would like to move forward in the world that feels good to me, but also considers others and their well-being. It will not be perfect. I am learning. But, I am so grateful to know what’s really important to me and I have a responsibility to act accordingly. This feeling and understanding are liberating and I can’t wait to learn more about Chinese immigration to British Columbia, my heritage and family stories, and more about myself and my positionality starting with my hometown of Prince Rupert. Piecing this puzzle together will be my life’s work and I am very appreciative of the opportunities that are afforded to me to do this learning.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 13th, 2024 | Comments Off on Making the Commitment
I never thought it would be possible to make lo bak go on my own. I have no idea what inspired me to do it, with exception for the biweekly vegetable basket my kid had signed us up for with her friends. This creation came from our second basket. And much like the first basket, there were a lot of red and white radishes… and other vegetables I am not personally accustomed to. Anyway, it’s a good way to be introduced to new vegetables and to explore new recipes. That said, a few weeks ago, I roasted the beets and radishes with salt, pepper, and olive oil. It was a simple recipe I Googled and it I thought it would be something that I would like. In the end, it was ‘ok’ or as the kids would say ‘mid.’ I was not compelled to eat them and honestly, I thought I could do better. When the second basket arrived, we got more radishes and beets as well as other mysterious vegetables (to me). I need to take some deliberate action to transform some of these vegetables into something “I want to” eat.
I had to Google a lot to determine the difference between a turnip and radish, and where does “white turnip” or “Chinese radish” sit within this continuum of root vegetables. I still was not 100% sure, but proceeded with the recipe using the white radishes. I even ventured to Save-On-Foods last night to get “rice flour.” I think I threw that out a few months ago thinking that I would never use it. I also threw out the bag of little dried shrimp. My kid made me lo bak go for Christmas last year. Admittedly, it stank up the entire apartment (LOL), but was the BEST-GIFT-EVER. I just love this food. The amount of work required to make this dim sum or Chinese New Year dish was seemingly intense, from watching my kid (and my mom as a kid). I thought it would be something that I would have to gorge myself with when I went to Vancouver. I have a set out rules for my family: (1) only Chinese or Asian food; (2) I have to have lo bak go at least once a day as part of one of my meals. I can’t get enough of this stuff.
August 7, 2024 – I made it again… like a pro!
A slight interruption to the blogging process and I’m back again… and yes, I made a second batch of lo bak go like a PRO. I remembered the process and ingredients. I had to look back at a few measurements and voilĂ . It’s almost like I’ve created a system such that I only use a few kitchen items and clean as I go. “The smell” is minimized without the dried shrimp, but it would definitely enhance the favour and texture of the lo bak go. Anyway, I digress and as you can read… we got a lot of radishes in this veggie basket. I had to freeze the second lo bak go loaf. As much as I love this food and it brings many memories of my mom, I am left to wonder about how my mom knew how to make this in the 80’s when we had no internet. There was a Chinese community in Prince Rupert, but I don’t really know how she learned how to make this dish. I do remember the long and laborious process, and she was able to make other Chinese dim sum like rice rolls. That’s another favourite dish of mine, not as much as lo bak go. It’s not everyone’s favourite but I am so happy I can make it.
THE METAPHOR: Trust me. The lo bak go experience is teaching me something. I had always believed that it was too hard to make so don’t bother making it. Just buy it (when you can). Other people will make it… for me. What I have learned is, I can make it for myself. I can find ways to make it happen (i.e., Google a recipe, adapt with materials, and make the best at what I have). What’s the worst thing that can happen? What I am understanding is, the worst thing that could happen is not trying. I have exceeded my expectations. I had no idea what I was about to embark on and what I have realized is, it’s not as hard as I thought it was. I can learn from my mistakes. And, I can make it better the next time. There’s immediate formative feedback (i.e., taste, texture, presentation) and I can take that information and learn from it to do it better the next time. Moreover, when you do it again, the process gets faster, cleaner, and clearer. That’s exciting. Lo bak go is a metaphor for my work… my life. You will only know when you try. It can be scary and uncertain, but not knowing and staying in “old beliefs” are also scary and uncertain. So, which would you rather? I’m going to try.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 07th, 2024 | Comments Off on Making My Favourite Food
August 2, 2024 – A Hat Trick – I’m going to Hawaii
Oh my… I’ve just finished making, adapting, and finalizing my travel plans to Hawaii. <<BREATHE>> I’m going!! I’m having a moment right now and having some difficulties starting and writing this blog post. I am committing this trip to Honolulu. Today, I just received notice that my two paper proposals were reviewed and accepted by the Hawaii International Conference on Education 2025. Last year, I missed out. I should say that. What really happened was I hesitated, second guessed, and missed my opportunity. In the end, to go to the conference last year, it got way too unaffordable. I just could not go. Disappointing because last year’s conference was on the Big Island, but really, I was not suppose to go. I was not ready. Now, I’M READY!!
I’m still experiencing a bit of sticker shock, but I am compelled to jump in and apply for an internal grant to hopefully fund this trip. Either way, I am going and I will be presenting my work. I can’t wait. I love the idea that my research is in the Scholarship of Teaching and what I will be presenting are two examples from my teaching practice in higher education written as a program evaluation. I FEEL READY to share these ideas. I just realized today that an innovation I had pursued 5-years ago was slowly eliminated from my program at my university (of not my doing), but it the ideas were adopted in a graduate program at another university. My aha moment was, these ideas that I do have are worthwhile and they work… for folks who want it to work.
In Montreal, I presented five times at Congress 2025: once for OTESSA (technology education), once for CAARE (action research), and three times for CATE (teacher education). Anyway, four of these presentations are projects in collaboration with others and one of them was a solo pursuit. What surprised me at that conference was the interest expressed by peers and audience members for my independent work. People were interested and curious about the topic. I did not expect that. It has taken me months to internalize that feeling and accept it. What I understand now is, formative feedback is not always direct but it can be indirect and serendipitous. Also, it’s me believing in my work and in myself. What I do (and love to do) has value.
Part of my VISION is to go to Hawaii. I know that and I need to not only present my work, but also learn more about culture, place, and identity. I have full intentions of exploring these ideas relating to my ethnic identity and I am learning that I have to learn about “who I am” or as Parker Palmer would say, develop my self-knowledge, on my own. My mom has passed away and my dad is alive, but distant. I need to pursue this work as an autoethnography, but it correlates to other research interests as well. So, as much as I can reason why NOT to go to Hawaii, but all arrows are pointing towards… I’ve got to go. I rebooked the dates of my hotel room. I’m staying one more night and I have an ocean view. Dreamy. I got a bit of a deal on my plane ticket too.
I am reaping the rewards of my WestJet card… finally. I never thought I would see the day. I used some points for my plane ticket to Honolulu, and I used points and travel companion voucher to take me and my kid to Las Vegas too to celebrate being 21. We are going with my siblings too. It’s time with family and my kid over the winter break. I am super excited about that trip too. Ooo… I’m developing a liking to travel. I never thought I would, but I am reminded by some words of advice given by someone I met on my Italy trip at the castle. Travel now, when you can. One day, you won’t be able to travel… so go. This person makes a very good point. TO WHAT EXTENT? Well, enough that it serves me, I am able to afford it, and I derive a lot of joy from it. 🙂 Mahalo.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 03rd, 2024 | Comments Off on To What Extent
What a strange week. For most of the week, I’ve been in a cognitive paralysis. I started the week with a monthly session and ended the session with many aha’s. Ever since, I’ve been stalled with “the death scroll” or free video games on my phone. You could call this avoidance or numbing tactics. Either way, I was deeply committed in doing so. It’s even been a struggle starting this blog post. I think I’ve started this blog post almost a dozen times over the last few days. I feel compelled to write about my reflections this week, but really, I think I’ve been resting with what I’ve learned earlier this week. In essence, it’s the LAW OF ATTRACTION. I’ve watched this movie many times a decade ago, but I never understood it until now. My mind is blown.
The Secret. I won’t got into the details as to how or why I know, but THE SECRET makes sense to me now. For more than a decade, my life was in crisis and I led my life in survival mode. My life was out of control and I was so separate from who I am. On my healing journey, I have been slowing life down such that I have chosen COMFORT over COURAGE in many situations. Feeling safe was a primary need. I needed to slow down to reconnect with myself… to feel grounded. In doing so, I have never felt more happier. I have so much gratitude for the little things and I am more focused on myself and how I feel. As mentioned in my last blog post, I need to create a vision. In fact, my vision has not changed. On the one hand, I thought my dream was not possible and on the other hand, I thought I had achieved it. Truth, neither were true.
So, I’ve been scrolling through my photos and thinking of the times I went to Honolulu. I went the Hawaii International Conference on Education (HICE) two times, so far. I went by myself with my colleagues in 2013 and again in 2018 with my family. The first time, I had no idea what I was doing and too scared to do anything. The second time I went, I was more focused on tending to my family’s needs that presenting my doctoral work was in the shadows of everything else. I applied to go last year. The conference was held on the Big Island. I really wanted to go, but I got spooked and hesitated. In the end, I could not afford to go. Maybe in hindsight, I was not suppose to go last year. I revised last year’s proposals and I submitted them for review for this year’s conference back in Honolulu. Now, I am clear and grounded.
I hope to go to HICE in 2025. You can see the timing of things. It would have been “timely” to have gone last year so that there would be a 5-6 year gap between conferences. Looking back, I was not ready. I need this time to rest, restore, and return to who I am. Below, I posted a few photos from each conference. I’m showing you the “good ones”… LOL. Looking back, I don’t even recognize myself. My level of insecurity and uncertainty was high. This commentary is not to say that I did not have a good time. There were definitely memorable moments. But now, I am curious what it would be like to go back to Honolulu, to share my current work at this conference, and explore the island in a way that is aligned and authentic to me and my interests. I’m excited. I still have to wait to hear back from the conference to see if I was accepted to not to present. I feel confident, but if it’s not this conference, I’ll be back. These images are part of the vision and I am super stoked for this next chapter.
Photos from January 2013:Â
Photos from January 2018:Â
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 27th, 2024 | Comments Off on Sense Making and Understanding
What can I say? Today used to be an important day for me, but now, it’s just another day. It did not occur to me that today was “the day” until I looked at my phone and noticed the date. I could spend a lot of time wondering what had happened or regret the years behind me, but really… I spend no time on the past. What I have spent a lot of time on lately is figuring out what’s important to me. I thought I was doing that during the pandemic during my weekly #pandemicreflection, but my good friend called me on that. She was right. Who was I fooling? I guess, myself. Lots had to change in my life to get to who I really am. First, I understand that understanding my values (first) will help with my boundaries, not the other way around. Second, I love my kid and will do anything for her. I believe the feeling is mutual. Finally, I am important and I have value. The last point has been the most difficult to internalize, but its the work that is most worthwhile. I have found peace, calm, and solace.
Part of understanding who I am is fully accepting my positionality. Part of that is being the youngest child of three, being a second-generation Chinese Canadian woman, and being a person with a doctorate with something worthwhile to say. For most of my life, I’ve been living in the shadows of others and often would choose that way of being because it was something that was familiar, comfortable, or expected. As much as I thought that I was a “change agent” or “trouble-maker” but really I was a person who spent much of their time trying to fit in and follow the rules. The problem was, in doing so, I thought I was meeting other people’s expectations or pleasing others. I thought that “doing a good job” would get noticed. Sadly, it was noticed in such a way that it was expected of me. As a result, I was moving away from who I am and became someone I did not recognize. Weirdly, I did not even know I was doing this.
Now that I’m on my own, living with my kid, and starting a “new life”… I am learning how to be me (rather than someone else I’m thinking that people want me to be). Let’s be clear, I reached achievements in that former modality and I am grateful that I was able to achieve what I have achieved, but I need to GET OUT OF MY WAY. In my former way of being, I wondered why I was not “being seen” when really, how could I be seen when I was trying to be someone else I am not, to live in someone else’s shadow that’s not mine, or to hide and avoid conflicts or confrontations such that I get nothing that I want to accomplish. This blog entry is getting into something more deeper than I had anticipated, but I’ve been avoiding this blog post all weekend. I can see why. I am having to overcome “a truth” that I have to overcome. I spent much of 2024 so far resting, reflecting, and reassessing. I have to catch myself… and pause.
I am back at work right now. I have made a commitment to come to my office for a 4-week+ office hours for my EDUC 405 portfolio course. I just gleaned over one early submission and it looks FANTASTIC!! I love portfolio as a platform for reflection and celebration. What I love even more is the opportunity to use writing as a means for thinking. I often find myself meandering into different ideas or wonderings when I am blogging. Today’s blog post is not exception. I have missed another “weekly blog post” last week and I am ok with that. I missed a couple in the last month and I have to admit, I was more focused on resting or pausing. Last weekend, I took the time to clean my apartment, do my laundry, and get rid of any expired food from my kitchen. It was an opportunity to GROUND MYSELF (after meeting a July 1st deadline). 🙂
Then I caught a flight to Kelowna last Sunday to meet up with friends to go to the lake. My friend picked me up from the airport then drove an hour plus to her home in Salmon Arm. I had no idea that she commuted that distance to go to work. It seems that most people drive a distance (much like the Lower Mainland) to go to work. In this case, folks are driving to Kelowna. I am so grateful from my 8-minute commute to my workplace and most times I work from home. It’s all about perspectives and priorities, I suppose. A short commute was what I loved about my job teaching in K-12 (many years ago). No traffic, but just the simplicity of going to work, finding a parking spot (easily), and returning home (with ease). Gosh, I love the simple things A LOT!!
We slept over at my friend’s place. I got to meet members of her family (animals included) and we got packed to go to the lake. We drove to Sicamous. My friend’s husband loaded up the truck, the boat, and all of our supplies. He had already made one trip in the morning before coming to get us. We went grocery shopping and my friend made an effort to food plan for the trip. We had a tonne of food. I had no idea where we were going, but we would not be hungry, that’s for sure. We immersed the boat into the water and unloaded/loaded our supplies into the boat. This boating process was a team effort. I appreciated the experience and the ride to the cabin. What a beautiful place!! It’s hidden in the woods with a huge patio and access to the water. Another friend of ours met us at the cabin too later in the day. My friend’s husband was tasked into transporting us all. In the end, we successfully arrived.
The main reason why we met at Shuswap Lake was to talk about our next trip together. We went to Italy last year and had a wonderful and memorable time. We had intentions of going this year, but due to time and work constraints, we opted to go to the lake this year and discuss 2025. We talked about returning to Italy or go to places like Ireland, Portugal, or Spain. We also talked about staying local like going to New York, the Maritimes, or the Hamptons. We also discussed about going to Hawaii because there is a conference there in January, but we also got excited about going to New Orleans. Lots of conversations and Google searches to see what would work for us. I feel that I had to be a bit of rain cloud and I had to share some of my limitations like time of year and budget. Between time in and out of the water, gathering on the patio for meals, or downtime to discuss what’s possible… it might just be Italy 2026.
What I really appreciated about spending about 5-days at the lake was the down time. It was very hot and I felt compelled to be in the water (even though I don’t know how to swim). It was HOT!! That said, I loved hanging out on the dock during the night, taking pictures, and looking at the stars. The photo above is one of many photos I took last week. The air is cool and the water is calm. I just loved being present and the peacefulness that comes with being in and with nature. I appreciated this time to experience “lake life” and learn more about British Columbia. Coming home after our trip, I had a greater appreciation of where I live in the Central Interior and living in a north-facing apartment. It was still hot last night, but I loved being in my place, feeling grounded, and ready to be back at work today. It feels good to be home. Life is good.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 15th, 2024 | Comments Off on Another Missed Week
June 28, 2024 – Having to prioritize my time and work
I think this photo is one of my most favourite family photos I have before my mother got really sick and passed away. Of course, it’s a selfie at a Chinese restaurant in Burnaby, BC that was near to where my parents lived. Yesterday was her birthday. She would have been 87 years old. She loved going to Chinese restaurants as much as I love eating Chines food. Admittedly, I’ve been overdosing on Chinese dumplings since returning from Montreal. I can’t get enough of them. If it’s not Chinese food, then it’s Vietnamese or Japanese food. I can get enough Asian food. Most times it’s frozen dim sum or Costco soup dumplings. When I eat Chinese food, I feel closer to my mom and my perceived sense of what my Chinese/Cantonese heritage is/was.
I regret having missed last week’s blog post. The blog post started with an image of those steamed frozen dumplings and a reflection of bumping into a “former student” in Montreal. He was not a “former student” per se. At that time, I just left teaching and he was still in high school I believe he was in Grade 11 or 12. I was becoming a school trustee. It was 2011 and we pulled together in the Pulling Together Canoe Journey, which is a weeklong event during the summer that attempts to build relationships between Indigenous youth and the police. I was a community member and pulled with my former school district. I just loved this student. I called him A-MAIZE-ING… because he was. He reached out to me via FB messenger while I was in Montreal.
We were meant to meet in Montreal. It was like no time had passed, but we had a many things to report on with life ranging from schooling to careers to family to relationships. We walked around his neighbourhood and went out for dinner in Verdun. It was absolutely delicious. Yes, it was shrimp wonton soup with noodles. It was a hot day, but it was something I needed after a week’s worth of very rich and buttery food. LOL. In our conversation, he spoke about a person he knew from UBC. Elder Larry Grant was an elder in residence at UBC and his brother Howard E. Grant is a Musqueum councillor. My friend sent me articles and video link to “All Our Father’s Relations” from the Knowledge Network. I shared that I was learning more about Chinese-Canadians in BC and my friend connected me to these people’s stories.
As soon I came home from Montreal a couple of weeks ago, I took a deep dive in watching the video and reading the news articles and links. The Howard’s were raised with Indigenous culture, language, and values from their mother’s side and were on a journey to learn more about their Chinese heritage from their father’s side. Much like the video “Bamboo and Cedar,” the stories these people tell are eye opening and grounding at the same time. When people as me if I am Indigenous, First Nations, or Native, I did not realize until recently that these questions were valid. There is a history of Chinese-Indigenous children in BC. I thought it was because I don’t look like a “typical” Chinese person, but asking if I have Indigenous heritage is historically valid.
I take much joy in learning more about Chinese-Canadian history in BC, more than I thought I would. I feel more connected to who I am and I am able to sense-make or reason with some behaviours and feelings which brings much a lot of solace and inner-peace. I miss my mom greatly and I believe that she has many stories to share that she chose not to during my formative years. I don’t have bad feelings about that… now. I am understanding that it was acceptable, if not encouraged to live life as a Canadian. Not having the language also served as a barrier to learning more about my heritage and family history. So, I will go with what I know… Cantonese food, dim sum, and congee… to provoke good feelings and memories. For that, I am grateful.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 28th, 2024 | Comments Off on A Missed Week
Nothing beats starting the day with an Illy cappuccino… to be complemented with a hotel breakfast (one of my favourite things to do). It’s so interesting when I thought that coming to this conference would be a hurdle, when really it served to fill my cup, validate my work, and exercise many opportunities to be independent. The more that I am learning more about myself and what I am able to do, I reflect on these moments feeling satisfied, secure, and surprised. I say “surprised” because I spent a good part of my life being number 3, the wife, or the dependent. Admittedly, I did not do this trip 100% on my own. I continue to need some scaffolding (i.e. my brother helping me out with the hotel and how to take the 747 bus at YUL) but I feel really confident and grateful for the many opportunities to try, explore, and wonder.
As I am moving towards writing an ethics application to pursue an autoethnography, I am more cognizant that I am on my pedagogical journey… still. It’s just a new chapter. My pedagogical journey, of which I wrote about at some length after I left teaching in K-12 schools, is something that I am continuing to do and part of this journey is learning more about who I am a a person and practitioner. I have also learned (from this trip and beyond) that I make my path. That’s it. My journey is not dependent on others. I am the maker of my success, failures, and set backs. This is not to say that there are no barriers, but it’s my job to find ways to get around or overcome them. My job aso includes doing what makes me happy. As my friend had said to me on this trip, “It doesn’t matter to me.. you have to do what what’s best for you… it’s your life.”
Yes, it is. And I am figuring out what makes me happy. I love that #oneword2024. What makes me happy? I love conferencing. I love connecting with folks. I love a hotel breakfast. I am also loving my independence and willingness to navigate this world without fear and with the help of others. Lots of unlearning and relearning has engulfed the last year and a half, but I have never been happier. My freedom and independence has been something that I have been craving all of my life, but never felt that I deserved or was worthy of this way of being. Now, I understand that I do not have to live my life to please others, to achieve other people’s approval, or to do things that don’t align to my values or beliefs. I can do what best for me. This learning is big for me (which may be obvious to others). Right now, it’s liberating. Feels great!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 18th, 2024 | Comments Off on Seeking Independence
Look at the amazing photo. It’s an image of Babine Lake. I was just there for a couple of days working with Koh Learning and SD91 students. I had an awesome time working with the graduates students who came from the university as part of their coursework. We spent one night connecting and planning out a workshop they had to facilitate the next day. We had a few gut wrenching laughs. And, the students did exceptionally well the next day. The students were very engaged with their learning activity. The two days with Koh Learning was magical and spending some time in Granisle was something I needed to fill my soul to remind me about the land, place, and people. There is/was so much to learn and I was very humbled and happy.
After this event, I was collaborating with a colleague from the university. She is new to the university and I appreciated her insights and innovation. I feel that I will have a lot to learn from her and I look forward to seeing how this collaboration will manifest. During one of our conversations, she called me “a good Canadian.” I can see why se did. In lots of ways, I was being “a good Canadian.” I was not too opinionated, I was diplomatic, and I was considerate to all people (I might have been apologetic too). The comment took me by surprise. No one has ever called me “a good Canadian” before. Strangely, it’s been something I strived for as a second-generation Chinese Canadian.
I wonder if this perspective from my colleague is because she is new to Canada as well, spending a few years in Ontario before coming to BC. Her point of view was refreshing and I appreciate her straightforwardness and honesty. Most of my life I struggled with belonging and acceptance. This feeling could have been derived within my family in different ways, but also, it did not matter how “Canadian” my parents wanted me to be, you cannot change the colour of my skin. Racism was always present and sometimes visible. It’s not a good feeling to be called a racial slur when I don’t even know the language or culture of my Chinese heritage. That information was foreign to me, but for some people, how I looked influenced their opinion of me.
Moreover, I don’t want to get too hung up on stereotypes, but my kid who does not look Asian gets caught in some misnomers like “you should be good at math because….” Personally, I don’t look like a typical Asian. Growing up in Prince Rupert and working at the museum, visitors would often ask me what tribe I was from. I hated disappointing these tourists with an answer like “Hong Kong” or “China.” Honestly, I never saw myself as Asian or Chinese. I had always felt Canadian and I was brought up that way. My parents assimilated me into Canadian culture. I did not know any different. Racism is not blind. This journey into my ethnic identity is to learn more about Chinese-Canadians in BC. I also want to learn more about my family.
On the second day at Granisle, Leona Prince spoke in the opening circle. In her talk, she spoke about knowing ourselves and knowing the land. What struck me in her talk (which was outstanding and it resonated with me deeply) was her mentioning about owning and loving our name. Our last name tells us where we are from and who we are. Her asking ME to accept my last name (or any of my names for that matter) is troubling and extremely difficult. I never liked my name. Hmm… this is telling. “Alice Christine Ho”… for a good chunk of my life. I called myself “Chris Ho” for many years during my adult life. Then it transformed to “Christine Younghusband” (which by the way took a tonne of my thinking time to come to terms with that name) when I got married. Now, I go by “Christine Ho Younghusband.” To be honest, I was undecided.
Name, identity, place, and culture… I am left thinking and wondering… Who am I?
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 09th, 2024 | Comments Off on A Good Canadian
June 1, 2024 – Clearing out the fridge and freezer
STORY 5
“The game” is something that my mom would do when we were kids. Essentially, the goal is to get rid of all of the food in the fridge or freezer before going out and buying more food. The idea is to maximize the dollar, minimize food waste, and consume what was purchased. Makes sense, but I am unsure if I am good at this game. I come to the game with a lot of intentions (and memories) but my fridge and freezer often remain full. My brother, on the other hand, has an empty fridge (with exception to a few condiments and some frozen staples) and sister play this game religiously with specific rules (i.e., you can’t buy food to complement the food you’re trying to get rid of). Nope. I can see now that playing the game is not my strength. Let’s unpack why.
I just finished a CBC series call “House Special” that looks at Chinese-Canadian restaurants in BC and Alberta. The series went to Penticton, Vernon, Kelowna, Red Deer, and Grand Prairie. The stories told resonated with me. The host, Jackie Kai Ellis, is a second-generation Chinese woman and pastry chef. She tells her family’s stories and her relationships with her family and food throughout this series as she explores Chinese-Canadian food and Chinese-Canadian people living in these communities. Lots of what she shared resonated with me. I love how this series was able to articulate about what I’ve experienced through the lens of uncertainty and cultural assimilation. I felt that her voice and stories depicted much of what I’ve experienced.
Why does this matter? I just remember that we would eat what my mom made (often a stir fry with rice). There was not much food in the fridge. And, we would have the periodic “Canadian meal” which meant ham, mashed potatoes, and peas, or spaghetti made with ketchup. My most favourite meal was curry chicken and potatoes with rice. AMAZING… and I can not find anything like it. Trust me, I tried. Now in Prince George (as mentioned in previous blog posts), I spent a great amount of energy trying to find Chinese food that tasted much like my mom’s or what I used to eat in Vancouver. It’s super hard to find and what I have found is OK and it only represents a fraction of the Chinese food of what I would like to eat. Something is better than nothing.
At first, I thought that finding this food and having it was more about feeling close to my mom, which it is (and does). But after watching the CBC series, there is an episode that is titled, “Food is Love.” It’s so true. My mom never said “I love you” to me, but she showed her love to me and my family with food. I remember as a teenager going to family dinners to Galaxy Gardens with my family. These were special occasions. I don’t think we went every week, but at least once a month. We had family favourites like #25 (sweet and sour pork Cantonese style). The CBC series spoke about sweet and sour pork throughout the series saying that this is Chinese-Canadian food. This kind of food was created to meet the needs of the consumer (and make money).
The CBC series went to the place where ginger beef was created, Grand Prairie. Beef was Albertan and Albertans love gravy. The beef was sliced into strips to mimic french fries, but also be savoury to encourage folks to drink. The creation of ginger beef was economic, but it’s one of my brother’s favourite dishes. When my family moved away from Prince Rupert (where Galaxy Gardens is located), we went to various restaurants around the Burnaby area (i.e., where my parents built and moved into a condo near Metrotown). We were all adults and have graduated from university. We would often go for dim sum, congee, or “double duck” dinner. Eating around the table equated to family, connection, and LOVE. This is why food and eating out means a lot to me.
It’s love.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, June 01st, 2024 | Comments Off on Playing The Game
