May 14, 2024 – A late weekly blog post… and it’s ok.
I just flew back to Prince George on Saturday, May 11, 2024 at 7pm. I was away for almost 3-weeks with trips to Kelowna, Vancouver, and Banff. All three destinations were back to back. Some trips were for work or I had work embedded during the non-work oriented trips. Although I was away, I continued to work. Now that I have returned, time is just flying by such that my weekly blog submission for this week is somewhat late. There are no negative consequences for a late submission. The weekly blogs are for my benefit and reflection. I like the time to pause and take a moment to reflect on the week and wonder what the learning I have endured during that week that is worthy of sharing and unpacking within my blog. I am currently maintaining two blogs, this one and one with OpenETC. Although both are work-oriented, I am not separate from my work, so much of my personal thoughts are threaded throughout both blog site so that I can take an intentional moment to write, think, and reflect. As I am attempting to catch up on my late blog, I am reminded of the good feelings of contributing to my blog, thus the intrinsic motivation to continue.
In today’s blog post, I want to write about Mother’s Day. My kid picked me up from the airport on Saturday and we went out for dinner soon after. I had the option of choosing the restaurant. I was leaning towards an Asian-oriented restaurant. When I was in Vancouver, I spent very intentional time going to places where I could get Cantonese food or Chinese food. If it was not Chinese food, then I would go to places that offered Thai food, Mexican food, or other food genres I cannot get in Prince George. Going to places, in particular Chinese food places like THE BOSS in Metrotown, reminds me of my mother, heritage, and childhood memories that are comforted by the tastes of certain food. The environment also plays a role as well as the people who inhabit these places. I loved going to T&T and Saint Germain’s Bakery in Metrotown to get egg tarts, BBQ pork buns, lo bok go, and rice rolls. More Chinese food memories and favourites of mine. I think I ate about 6 egg tarts when I was in Vancouver. I could not help myself. They were so delicious. The egg tarts were not my pastry go-to’s when I lived in the Lower Mainland, but now living in a place where egg tarts are not abundant, I had to have them. And thankfully, I enjoyed them too.
In the end, I chose to go to the Fortune House in Prince George for dinner with my kid. After a few days in Banff and having only North American food for each meal, I was pining for Chinese food once again. We had (as you can see in the first photo) Seafood chow mein Cantonese style along with chicken & cream corn soup and salt & pepper prawns. Each dish hit the spot and brought me back to the good memories I was trying to achieve when I was in Vancouver. These dishes also reminded me of the Chinese food I used to get with my family when we lived in Prince Rupert and we went to Galaxy Gardens Restaurant for family dinners and special occasions. Looking back, it almost seems like several lifetimes ago, but I do hold on to the good times we had together as a family in places like the Fortune House (or any other Chinese Restaurant in Burnaby and Vancouver). I have very fond memories of my mom too. Eating out was her way of expressing her love to us. And yes, I miss her very much.
My mom was the backbone of our family – the nucleus. She kept us together and, in her own way, took care of us that was personalized. I did not realize this until she passed away in 2018. Life for me and our family have not been the same since. At times, it feels very fragmented and often I feel disconnected from my dad. I am grateful for my siblings who both live in the Lower Mainland who look after my dad (in some ways) and stay connected with me. Again, it’s not the same without my mom, but I am still connected with my siblings and I’m grateful for that. We are so different from one another but we are able to see and honour each other in ways that is nourishing and entertaining. Returning back to Prince George the day before Mother’s Day was bittersweet. One the one hand, I am very thankful to come home and sleep in my own bed, be with my kid, and get back to a regular routine (like eating at home). On the other hand, I returned to my place that needed some TLC and a bit of spring cleaning. So, Mother’s Day was spent housecleaning. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my Sunday, but it was an opportunity to get organized.
Cleaning took most of the day and I was grateful to have time to myself to feel more grounded in place and recalibrate my way of being to be more situated and intentional for my work and play. I even moved some furniture in my room so that my desk faces the window. I was so inspired when I was in Banff in my hotel room where the desk faced the window of which perfectly framed a gorgeous mountain view. When the desk was faced towards nature, I was way more productive. Seemed counterintuitive when I should be outside and enjoying the landscape. Anyway, I wanted the same feelings in my home (and hopefully my office at work) to have my desk facing the outdoors to feel motivated to write in a free and comprehensive way, like I am doing right now. I am so tempted to move my laptop to the living room, but no… right here, at my desk, looking out at the trees and the sky makes me feel whole, enlightened, and free. It’s good to be back home and I am taking the time to get settled and enjoy this term with my writing and research. I need to maximize my time but also notice what I need to do to ensure my success and happiness while doing so.
I love where I am. This feeling is not focused necessarily on place, location, or position, but rather a mindset, way of being, and gratitude. I will always miss my mom. And, I love being a mom. Lately, I’ve been opening a door that looks into my heritage and past to regain an understanding of who I am and how I have perceived and navigated through this world. The image below is my #OneWord2024 and a hot bowl of homemade chicken congee. I made that soup on Mother’s Day in my mom’s slow cooker. It’s not exactly how she made it, but it is reminiscent of how she made something out of nothing. She had to learn now to cook in Canada and made a living doing so. It’s hard to believe that she was able to work so hard for our family. adapted to a new way of being in Canada, and made the most of her life (even though she did share with me during her last 20-days that she did not live out her golden years… she was 80). She was proud of what she accomplished in Canada, like being debt free, building a home, and supporting others in need. She was amazing!!! I hope that I can live up to her standards and stamina. I am super proud of her. Happy Mother’s Day.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, May 14th, 2024 | Comments Off on Mother’s Day 2024
We are now well into the spring/summer term and I am using this non-teaching term (for me) to do what it takes to do what makes me happy, but also move forward with my research and other work that would contribute to my research program but also add to my self-knowledge. Returning to Burnaby, BC is not exactly returning home. I was born and raised in Prince Rupert, BC, schooled in Vancouver, BC, and lived in Sechelt, BC for about 25-years. I’ve spent the last 5+ years living in Prince George, BC. It was like starting all over again, metaphorically and literally. Returning to the Lower Mainland is as close to returning to home. My parents lived in Burnaby for about 20-years after moving from Prince Rupert and living in China for a short period of time before retirement. My mom passed away in 2018 and I moved to Prince George later that year. A tonne changed since 2018, so returning back to Vancouver gives me an opportunity to return to some happy memories, like with food, people, and places, I regain a better sense of myself and purpose. My cup is filling and I am happy.
My first priority when I come to the Lower Mainland is to each Chinese food (or any Asian food) that I cannot get in Prince George. Food is my singular gateway to connect to my culture but also my mom. Although the restaurant in the mall is no longer there (i.e., the place where we had dim sum and “double-duck” dinner), I am able to go to other restaurants and places to reignite those memories, feelings, and connections. When I first arrived to Vancouver, it was raining. It felt great!! I miss the rain. It does not rain much in Prince George… and I was wearing my Crocs. Seemed serendipitous. I went to my sister’s place downtown and we went to an udon restaurant near her place. It was like Chipotle, but udon style. And so the Asian food mantra begins. It was delicious and satisfying. Then we went to the Vancouver Art Gallery. There, I was very interested in the weaving exhibit. We even bumped into my kid that day. She was en route back home. The first day concluded with me going to and dropping off my stuff at my brother’s place and going to the Neptune Restaurant for fish congee and deep fried bread; nothing better on a rainy day. PS. My kid got the same meal in Richmond.
I’ve had Thai food (i.e., tofu pad Thai, chicken green curry on rice, and beef pad see yew), Mexican food (i.e., tacos from Gringos), fish and chips in Horseshoe Bay, fried chicken from Jollybee, and yes… Chinese food (i.e., congee, lo bok go, pork dumplings, shrimp dumplings, taro root dumpling, beef rice rolls, BBQ pork buns, curry beef pastries, and egg tarts). It’s been a whirlwind of food. I’ve also loved getting boba drinks, affagatto, and brown sugar shaken oat espressos. I have no regrets. I wanted to return back to my roots and to some really good food. Although it’s been super wonderful to stay at my brother’s place during my time in Vancouver, I’ve been spending my time like a tourist (and local, kind of) to enjoy place. I loved meeting up with many friends who live in the Lower Mainland, to connect with my sister (and her husband and my nephew dog Stanley), and see my mom at her resting place. In lots of ways, Burnaby is my home. I love being near the ocean and I enjoyed visiting places like the Chinese Canadian Museum and Chinatown Storytelling Centre.
I continue to move forward with my research program and part of it is looking into the history of Chinese immigrants in Canada. Alarming and yet, not surprising. I love working remotely and learning more about my ethnic identity through place and people. I have a couple more days left here and I intend to make the most of it. I have a few meetings online. At my workplace, we continue to have meetings on Zoom, which makes working remotely possible. Which each day, I am feeling confident and excited about my research program and I am willing to do what it takes to explore ideas such as my ethnic identity as a second-generation Chinese Canadian woman, non-mathematics subject specialists in BC schools, and identity development of teacher candidates and educators through portfolio and climate change education. I can see the connection with these three topics and I am encouraged that I can proceed in the academy to explore these ideas further to add to the body of knowledge, but also to learn more about myself, my purpose, and my identity.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, May 05th, 2024 | Comments Off on Reconnection Feels Good
On Monday, April 29th, I went to the Justin Timberlake – The Forget Yesterday World Tour concert in Vancouver with my sister. It was the BEST-SHOW-EVER. The creativity, innovation, and collaboration was astounding. And, this was the first show of the world tour. They practiced and rehearsed in Vancouver for the last month. I have no words. If that was the first show, it can only get better. I say that, but honestly, that show was close to perfection. The setlist for the show was outstanding. It was a beautiful combination between the new and old, as well as creative liberty on familiar favourites. I was dancing most of the time. I could not help myself. I also enjoyed the DJ Andrew Hypes. He got the rhythm started. From Stage A walking to Stage B then back to Stage A and the floating stage, the TFYWT was joyful and transformative.
Watching this concert was much like “the perfect curling shot.” I was reminded of an interview with Justin Timberlake years ago saying that people say that he makes it looks easy, but he says that its hard work and practice that makes it look easy. My sister and I saw Justin Timberlake 6-years ago. It was a thank you present from my brother after my mom passed away for all of the hard work and care we took to take care of my mom during her last days. Back then, the concert was a needed boost to the heart and spirit. We loved the concert then… and now. For me, it was very timely to see him again. I needed another boost, such that after experiencing the TFYWT and the love shared with us, and it being reciprocated, made me feel hopeful, joyful, and happy again. It’s been awhile since I felt this way and I can’t stop the feeling. LOL.
Well, what I am doing is, listening to his music. I feel that I can get my happy back again. I am also obsessed with my #OneWord2024 of HAPPY. It’s a shift from the one-words I’ve chose in past. This word is focused on the present (i.e., forget yesterday). I am also learning that I am using this words as a litmus or criteria to self-assess whether or not I am happy. Being happy becomes a principle I can follow to make decisions, listen to myself, and determine if I’m on the right track or not. By doing this, I can align to my integrity, be authentic, and engage in life wholeheartedly. This mindset or way of being might be a reflection of my age (even though I feel like I’m 27) or it might be me learning more about developing that “perfect curling shot” in my life. It takes hard work and practice… and a lot of intentionality and deliberate action.
The aim is not happiness, but rather be happy. Admittedly, this course of action is a huge shift in my mindset. You have no idea how HAPPY I am to be here… right now. I am smiling from the inside. This knowing helps with setting boundaries that don’t have to be harsh or hurtful to keep people away or to protect myself, but rather they are kind and compassionate for myself and others. Switching to happy guides how I will live, love, be, and work. Just be happy. The goal, much like the “perfect curling shot” is to be consistent. Every step won’t be perfect every time, nor do I expect it to be. But I can strive to be consistent and hone this skill through practice and hard work. Over time, HAPPY will appear easy, when really my actions are intentional and deliberate. And BTW, my newest and most favourite JT song right now is SELFISH.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, May 01st, 2024 | Comments Off on Switch to Happy
On my journey of self-discovery, I am learning that a sense of place is part of our identity and need for belonging. Place can take on different meanings. It could be a town or city, a community, a home, etc. Where do you have a sense of place? Where do you feel like you belong? I think about Brené Brown’s “belonging to self” which I am learning how to and do not dispute her research. What is provoking my curiosity is figuring out where I belong. I look at some colleagues and they were born in raised in the same community where they work, live, and play as an adult. Belonging and place are so obvious (to me) when I observe these folks. They have a connection to the land, the people, and history of the place. It mesmerizes me and a bit envious.
This week, I am in the Lower Mainland before I head out to Banff for the Outdoor Learning Conference. I am presenting in Banff with a colleague and I am spending much of the spring/summer term going to conferences and developing my research program. Part of my research program is exploring AUTOETHNOGRAPHY as a research method, but also a self-study, a community-based action research project, and program evaluation of the courses I teach. I will also be continuing the work with Climate Education in Teacher Education and revising three manuscripts to submit (or resubmit) to a journal. Moreover, I’m looking into developing a micro-credential course in mathematics education and local Indigenous culture, which relates to my dissertation. Saying this out loud reminds me of the immense work ahead of me.
My time in the Lower Mainland was intended to be a respite for me to reflect on my practice, engage in some writing and research, and to reconnect myself to place. I just came back from Kelowna, BC from a couple of recent trips and Calgary, AB from a conference. I am paying attention to place in terms of h0w the place makes me feel, the people within that place, and understanding my sense of belonging. I needed to step away for a moment to gain some clarity. I took this last semester to heal by slowing down. I almost burned out at the beginning of the year and resting takes a lot of time and intentionality. I am also recognizing that I am a person of trauma and being cognizant of trauma responses are critical for me to understand and dismantle.
Even writing this blog post, I am waffling a bit in terms of what I want to writing and what I am actually writing. It’s a struggle. I find my trauma responses isolating and shameful. If anything, I need to pause, breathe deeply, and find moments of joy. Mental health issues are on the rise and aspects like job security, finances, and health conflate the feelings of stress, duress, and anxiety. I appreciate the blog as a means to reflect and to self-assess how I am doing. Coming to the Lower Mainland is an opportunity to ground myself into place. As mentioned, I’m staying at my brother’s place, I am visiting my sister, and I visited my mom (at her resting place). I tried to connect up with my dad, but that lends itself to another story (not one I am telling).
I can only create the path for myself. That’s it. One step at a time… with patience, kindness, and compassion… connecting to self and believing in myself are essential to my success and next steps. The fun part of it is, I am integrating this learning into my research program. I feel invigorated and excited. I don’t know what I will learn, but I am learning nonetheless. For this, I am happy. I share this image of my first dinner in Vancouver. I went to Neptune Noodle House in Burnaby to have a hot bowl of fish congee and a side plate of deep fried bread. It’s not really a dinner meal. Congee is more likely a breakfast or brunch meal. This soup was delicious and everything that I wanted it to be… hot, tasty, and comforting. It was filled with memories and food is my only gateway to my culture. I enjoyed people watching and the place was packed.
Being in this restaurant on a rainy day having a big bowl of congee felt like home. I can’t bring my mom back, nor can I be a part of the “double duck” dinners we used to have at the Chinese restaurant at the mall. I remember that my mom used to make congee at home when we lived in Prince Rupert. I loved these meals. They were so special to me. Now that the “cloud of trauma” is lifting, I look back at past experiences to see the joy and love that surrounded them. I miss my mom and know that her intentions were always good (even though I did not understand some of them). Food helps me to reconnect to my heritage, to my mom, and to myself. This meal was a grounding moment for me and anticipate having more Chinese food in the future.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, April 29th, 2024 | Comments Off on Connecting to Self
Grades are submitted. My marking is done. The term has ended. I can breathe… for a moment. I do have a portfolios to review and a project to complete, but I’ll start that next week. It’s nice to take a moment to pause before I jump into the next term. I can see the workload mounting, much of it self-induced, but I’m not complaining. It’s my non-teaching term; my first one (for the most part) after 5-years at the university. As grateful as I am for this time, having 4 courses to teach in both the fall and winter terms was challenging too. Nonetheless, I can’t wait to shift geers and “work.” It’s my time to be intentional with my writing, research agenda, and academic conferences.
The other day, I had a conversation with a colleague. It was good to reconnect and catch up. In that conversation, I mentioned my current work situation and my friend asked me if I was ok it. This was a good question. Honestly, I am ok with it. It took me 5-years to figure out how the system worked, how I was positioned and perceived in my department, and what I need to do to succeed in higher education. If anything, the workplace was a culture shift along with moving to a new city and experiencing many life changes over the last 5-years. There was little empathy for what was happening behind the scenes. For many years, I felt unsettled, unclear, and uncertain. I had to shift my mindset and figure out who I am and what’s important to me.
It took some time and the dust has settled. Major life events have come and gone. I am happy. I understand my research agenda and I am very excited to embark on that path of learning. I love teaching and I am so grateful to continue to teach in addition to learn from the students and practice. I am much kinder and compassionate to myself. And, I know my value. Knowing all of this, I am able to create boundaries, know what to say and when, and connect with folks who are in my wheelhouse. I have no one to impress. I suppose that this is one of the reasons why I sought programs like graduate studies to enrol in. I was never satisfied. I wrote about taking more coursework in my last blog post. This week, I am having second thoughts.
To be honest, there will be a day I might consider enrolling in the graduate certificate program for ethnomathematics at the University of Hawaii for the purpose of pure JOY and happiness. The place and program are so aligned to who I am and what I would love to study. Other than this program, I don’t need a second masters or doctorate degree. Just the other day, I was doing some math with respect to my age and I want to spend my time in ways that bring my joy. That’s it. I’m not disputing whether there are going to be up or down days. That’s a given. What I am saying is, how do I want to spend the last 10-years (or so) of my career? This thought-provoking question was also posed to me by another colleague. It’s something to consider.
After 5-years, I am finally ready to work. Yes, I have always been working, but I always had “schooling” looming in the back of my mind. I often wonder about medical doctors or dentists who took many years of schooling to understand their craft, now are just working. Like teachers and academics, I’d expect them to engage in professional development, but in terms of schooling, most are done. They are working and getting better at their craft from their work. In fact, most people do that… I mean, work. Seems reasonable. I just could never comprehend the transition from formal education to just work (even though I’ve been doing it for many years). It’s a commitment to make that transition. I think I’m finally there. I am READY.
Admittedly, this is a new feeling for me. I feel liberated, empowered, and yes… joyful.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, April 21st, 2024 | Comments Off on Stepping Into Work
April 14, 2024 – Developing an Expertise & Finding My Joy
Gosh. I looked for this photo on Facebook. I have a memory of this day and it turned out that it was a photo that was posted by one of my former Math 12/Calculus 12 students. I didn’t even read (or remember) the comments that were attached to this photo and others. It seemed like the conversations that I would have with others students I’ve taught (i.e., in teacher education and graduate studies). I was reminded that this is the kind of relationship that I would like to have with my students (e.g., relational, relatable, and fun-loving), but I was also reminded how I never stopped to “smell the flowers.” I could never appreciate or accept a compliment. I always strived to do more. I’m not sure what that mindset was about, but it has landed me where I am today. Right now, I am focused on slowing down and noticing… and appreciating.
Look at this photo… it’s from January 21, 2008. Aside from being a photo taken almost 2-decades ago and I’m teaching high school mathematics, not much has changed. I see my Mac products (e.g., iMac and iPod), I am wearing Lululemon pants nest to my Lulu bag, and I have a cup of coffee on my desk. My walls are cluttered with images of and from students a well as some art created by my kid. I think she was 4-years old at the time. I have shelves and shelves of books. There is some level of order with my level of disorder. And this phot was taken by a former student (and posted by my former student). I really enjoyed looking for this image, thinking about what brings me joy, and reading the comments that complemented them. They made me smile and laugh. I think about this moment in time and… I was happy. Life was good.
I’ve been thinking lately about building my expertise and what do I love. One thing that I do notice is my love for teaching math. I would not say that I am a math expertise of math subject specialist, but I’ve had a healthy career in math education and I loved teaching my numeracy class in addition to attending any professional development sessions in math education. I do have find joy in this area, but not as an expert, but more as a learner and facilitator. There is nothing I am more passionate about, that is, for math efficacy. How does one develop this sense of self-efficacy in math, as a learner and educator. Understanding this has been the underpinning and inspiration of my dissertation and maybe this is my catalyst to return to that work.
My kid mentioned to me that she would be ok with me pursuing another PhD, but in math education. Her comment and generosity brought me so much joy. Now that I am learning more about myself and what brings me joy, pursuing further studies has been very attractive to me. I was looking at an online MEd program, a PhD in person program, or a certificate program abroad. The cost will be about the same for each program, but what is clear to me is, this is what I love to do. I have so much to learn and I need to navigate my next steps that are more focused and aligned to what I love and brings me joy. I know that I can do this work and I what I need to do is to delve back into my doctoral research in conjunction with my autoethnography. They will work together and I am excited for the spring/summer term to explore this further.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, April 14th, 2024 | Comments Off on Furthering My Studies
April 9, 2024 – A Reflection of What Brings Me Joy
A slight delay of this weekly blog post. I started writing it last week on Friday, but now we are well into the new week. There is no better time than the present. I felt like that I had completed this blog post, but my mindset and thinking were contributed to my OpenETC portfolio in “The Tables Have Turned.” Last weekend, I was in Calgary, AB at the University of Calgary at the Werklund School of Education to present and attend the REVITALIZATION of WestCAST (Western Canadian Association for Student Teaching). I had a very good time attending and learning at the conference, presenting the work of “Climate Education in Teacher Education in Northern British Columbia,” and working with four teacher candidates (TCs) from the UNBC Teacher Education Program with their presentation, etc. The teacher candidates presented on “Grounded Connections” which focused on wellness, learning on and with the land, and BC’s Curriculum. The TCs were phenomenal and I am super proud of them.
The TCs were well prepared. The presentation was inspired from coursework but they created something that was really important to them. My role: the Curling Coach. I suggested what resources to consider, how ideas could flow together, and provided ongoing formative feedback. They had a hypothesis about wellbeing and being on the land, and I suggested that they test this hypothesis during their first teaching practicum. They engaged in a LESSON STUDY and each TC was able to incorporate the lesson into their practicum with the students they were working with. They pretty much engaged almost every grade level from K-7 (with exception to Grade 4) based on their practicum placements and situations. One TC facilitated the lesson as closely to the intended lesson, another TC implemented the lesson with buddies, whereas another TC had to adapt the lesson and kept it oral, and the fourth TC managed to fit the lesson with time permitting. What a beautiful demonstration of being adaptive and reflexive with one’s practice. I loved coaching this curling team and they killed it.
Another thing I have realized from this conference is the joy I find from presenting and networking. I think that is the life of an extrovert. I spent some time to prep the presentation and I had to read some key texts early in the presentation, but I was so wowed by the teacher candidate from another university who presented before me. They presented on Climate Action. It was an inquiry project. They interviewed teachers and looked at the literature. As a result, they created a set of lesson plans from BC’s Curriculum that focused on Climate Action. She had research experience and I was so awestruck by their work because it was representative of what the climate education research project I’m working on with my colleagues are looking for. It was a beautiful and serendipitous connection. As a result, I could not help myself but to keep referring to that TC’s work. Because the first presenter was a “no show,” we had some extra time to present and receive questions. I really enjoyed the conversation and I made new connections with those present in the room.
In hindsight, I think the strongest part of my dissertation was my oral defence. This is not to say I am an expert presenter, but what I am saying is, I really enjoy presenting and making connections with others. I loved working with the teacher candidates (aka. the curling team) and appreciated how our conversations was an ongoing dialogue and negotiation of how the presentation would go. I can only dream of that kind of relationship. It was respectful, relational, and reciprocated. Feeling grateful.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, April 09th, 2024 | Comments Off on Coaching and Presenting
March 31, 2024 – How can you understand your self-worth?
My daughter and I went out for lunch yesterday. It’s Easter long weekend and I really wanted to spend some time with her. In my family, when I was growing up, spending time with family (and showing love) was to go out for lunch or dinner. Initially, I wanted to go out for a big breakfast, but my daughter had other plans. It’s not that I’m trying to please her, per se, but I wanted to have a good time with her. Anyway, we landed on Chinese food. We went to the Fortune House near where we live in Prince George. This restaurant was a bit of a find for us. It’s not a restaurant that serves Chinese and Japanese food. It’s just Chinese food. Albeit, it’s “Canadian” Chinese, there is a small section on the menu that serves Cantonese style food.
We like to order the Cantonese style seafood chow mein, which is the food pic above. They make it really well and it reminds of of the special chow mein we used to order when I was a kid from Galaxy Gardens in Prince Rupert. We also ordered another noodle dish and chicken and cream corn soup. It was a fulsome meal and we had lots of left overs too. Makes for an awesome part two for dinner. Anyway, this blog post is not about what we ate for lunch, but rather what I am learning. Having this meal reminded me that food is one of the only connections I have to my heritage, family, and culture. I am reminded of my mom and how important it was for her to gather around the table to share food, stories, and memories. I have fond memories of this.
I am listening to an audiobook titled, WORTHY. Yes, I was drawn to this book after watching a Reel and Oprah Winfrey was talking to the author of this book. I may have took it as a sign and started listening to it. I just finished Chapter 1 and I am left thinking about my ethnic identity and sense of self. The first chapter of this book attempts to differentiate the difference between self-worth and self-confidence. In essence, self-confidence is dependent on life’s events, accomplishments, and failures. Self-worth is independent from external forces. One’s sense of self-worth comes from the inside and is resilient to the ups and downs of life. What I was left wondering about is, if I denied my ethnic identity for decades, what is my sense of self-worth?
On reflection, I spent much time trying to prove myself to possibly earn the respect that my siblings had or be seen for the accomplishments I’ve achieved to be accepted or belong. What I am realizing is, I had it all wrong. Much of my need to belong, I am learning, stems from my relationships and how I responded to different people in my life. I am dodging naming who and what is, but I have been stepping away from myself for a very long time such that my sense of self-worth was not existent because I believed my self-worth was dependent on what people thought of me. What a mess!! Self-confidence and achievement do not equate to one’s self-worth. Understanding this difference and unpacking my ethnic identity as an Chinese Canadian are helping me to understand an appreciate my self-worth. I am happy.
The more moments I have to reflect on life to make sense of the world and who I am, I am compelled to pursue my research program under the umbrella of an autoethnography, focused on a research question relating to belonging. This work connects to my other research interests in mathematics education, teacher education, and educational leadership. In these contexts, I am engaging in the following research methodologies: survey methods, design-based research, self-study, program evaluation, and community-based action research. I am super excited to embark on next steps now knowing that self-worth is not the same as self-confidence. To connect to my experiences with my ethnic identity, the opinions of others do not define my self-worth. I am a good person. I am Chinese. I am worthy.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 31st, 2024 | Comments Off on Self-Worth is Independent
I started to write about this topic last week but felt like I was hypothesizing so abandoned my approach to that blog post. Call it irony or serendipity, the hypothetical became true. I am injured. I spared last night for another team. I didn’t stretch and gradually my left hip and right Achilles heel felt strained. Throwing rocks became impossible. At that point, I saw the clear alignment between the mental game and the physical game. By the end of the game, I had neither. I’m disheartened.
Pain denial is real. I did not want to believe that I was not feeling my best after a couple of ends of play, but persisted and continued to play. Over time, I could not concentrate on my shot mid-slide. It was kind of a “crap-shoot” by the time I released the rock and I hoped for the best. The quality of my play rapidly declined as the game progressed. I was feeling horrible… physically and emotionally. A strong start… lead to a “meh” end. We lost the game. We gave the other team a 4-ender. I played third, and again, I felt out of place. Lots to reflect on from sparing in this curling game.
There is no better learning than the counterexample. I learned that lesson from Dr. Peter Liljedahl in math education. Here we are at the counterexample. I took some Advil last night and a hot bath to warm up after the game before going for bed. I had hoped to wake up this morning with a new outlook… and no pain. Nope. That wish was not meant to be. I woke and send a text message to my Friday night team that I could not play due to injury. I needed a spare. What is disappointing about not playing tonight, besides not playing, is that tonight is our last night of play in this year’s curling season. Luckily, my injured skip said that he is willing to return to the game tonight. Whew. This news brought me some solace. I’ll be watching tonight.
Although this is not the way I wanted to end the curling season, I am so grateful for all of the lessons I am experiencing and learning from. As mentioned, I am out of the game tonight due to an injury. I had to swallow my pride and park my ego to ask for help… a spare for tonight’s game. If I was true to myself, I have to be vulnerable and honest with how I am feeling and act accordingly. Asking for help is humbling. You don’t know how it will turn out, but trusting in oneself, the outcome will always surprise you. I guess this is surrendering to the situation. You can’t control the outcome. I can’t make myself feel better (i.e., heal my injuries overnight). What I can control are my actions. I had to ask for help. I am so grateful that it’s my skip.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 22nd, 2024 | Comments Off on Calling for a Spare
March 19, 2024 – Grateful for My Health and Healthcare
A late post, indeed. It’s the middle of the night and it’s a late weekly post. Although this blog was not meant to be a weekly contribution, nor will it be a daily post because I need time to think and reflect, I like to have something written at least once a week. What I am learning is, I need to reflect (and learn) before moving onto the next. I am noticing and honouring this trait and tradition I have made for myself. Thinking about Parker Palmer and self-knowledge, the more I learn and understand about myself, in addition to the subject matter and students, the better I will be at my practice. I am so grateful to connect with some former students and colleagues. I am making time to meet with folks who “fill my cup” and hopefully I do the same for them. If anything, I need to do what’s best for me so that I can serve others.
Today, I was relishing in my #OneWord2024 (HAPPY). I am taking the time and deliberate practice on what makes me happy. I love watching curling on TV. I love playing curling on Friday nights. I love beading on Thursday nights at the art gallery. I love connecting with folks in my learning community. I love being with my kid. I love eating dumplings. I love watching Hallmark movies. I love blogging. I am learning lots about myself and taking the time to engage in these activities. What I learned today is, I love health practitioners and healthcare system. Much of what I’ve been focused on is my mental and spiritual health. I spent very little time on my physical health even though I know it is interrelated with the latter. Willingly or not willingly, I have been deferring and referring to the medical profession for help and assistance.
I take some medication that I have to renew my prescription every 3-months, I have been maintaining my dental health and appointments (with full intentions of flossing everyday), and I have been experiencing some symptoms and conditions that need some tending do. Although I am not being specific with my medical condition in my public blog, I did get a couple of referrals last year and now I am hearing back from some medical professionals. Over the last couple of weeks, I received some phone calls and had a phone consultation and in person consultation. I was so pleased to get these calls and grateful to be taking some action to address some my health issues. Today, I got good news too. I could not be happier. To ask and accept help from health professionals, I am going to feel and be much better… physically.
Body, mind, and spirit… I was wondering how all three would come together for me. Now, I understand. I am also learning how to go to the gym on a regular basis, but also return to a workload that is doable, joyful, and productive. What I learning is about the importance of being CONSISTENT. Although this blog post is not exactly about my autoethnography on “the perfect curling shot.” It’ is focussed on this key word of being consistent. That word struck me after one of my curling games this season. We won the game. I was skipping and our spare curled third. My skip is injured. The team I am skipping have a good synergy or balance that is tough to describe to create, but when you have it… magic happens. For us, it’s curling and being consistent. After winning one of these games, one of the players for the other team shook my hand and told me that I was consistent. I took the complement.
What I should notice is, you can’t play if you’re injured. You play your best when everyone on the team is focused on learning and making the best of every shot. And, what I learned from my last game, getting down on teammates, judging others (or self) in negative ways, and blaming others or getting frustrated negatively impacts one’s performance. I am not saying that this is what happened on my team last week (but have done so at other times and with other teams), I observed that in our opponents. I’m not judging them but merely noticing and recognize that behaviour. Admittedly, I would not got to the doctor’s or healthcare if I did not have to or think that I had too. I was too worried about being judged or worried about what I would learn. I was definitely in denial. Instead of things getting better, they got worse. I guess this is how today’s news impacts my curling metaphor. Get help to be better.
In the end, what I have learned is, asking and getting the help I need, regardless of how scary I may perceive this experience and future experiences, people want to help, they can help, and I need the help. I am going to feel better. I have never felt happier. I feel optimistic and hopeful. I cannot wait for next steps and I look forward to what life will be like when I have some of my health issues remedied and/or managed. It feels good to have access to this help and I feel privileged and humbled to get this help. Thank you health professionals for your expertise, kindness, and compassion. I am grateful to have access to health care to become a better me.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, March 20th, 2024 | Comments Off on A Late Post
March 22, 2024 – Injured