Omg… I cannot believe it’s September. Goodbye summer time!! The summer months flew by… and I enjoyed every moment of it. I was able to take the time to enjoy my place and feel at home. I LOVE BEING AT HOME and I love where I am living. I love the sunsets. I love the space. I love this little community. I feel safe. I feel solace. I feel a lot of gratitude. I am so proud of myself that I am able to have my own place and that I am able take care of my kid as she approaches adulthood. I am super happy with my job and I am grateful for my autonomy, freedom, and agency in my work. It’s truly a dream. I am in a different place and I LOVE what I do, where I am, and who I am.
How lucky am I?
That said, I totally miscalculated how fast that time would go this spring/summer term. This year has been the first spring/summer term where I did not have a course to teach or be responsible for. I had fantasized that I would get a billion things done during this term. Unfortunately, I did achieve everything I wanted to accomplish in four months. If I shared my original ambition to a friend of mine, they would have said it was unreasonable and unrealistic. I’ve taken all summer to understand what SMART goals really mean. It’s ok to spend time resting and appreciating a slower pace to life. I loved it. But now, I find myself cramming to get things done and some things will not get done. Being ambitious is good, but I need to be a bit more reasonable.
What have I accomplished?
First, I have learned how to enjoy quiet time guilt-free and to appreciate taking life at a slow pace. This way of living is 100% refreshing and revitalizing. I am enjoying life as an introvert and feel that I am truly up to my INFP preferences, which is so opposite from being an ESTJ for most of my working life (as a teacher). The transition was gradual to this SLOW-way of being and I’m loving it. Although I did have to partake in a few significant life changes to get here, I have no regrets. I appreciate my own company (with the cat and kid, of course) and the quiet time I have to myself. It’s nourishing. I feel more aligned to the way I want to live my life. I am very thankful that I can do this… and afford this way of being. It’s a privilege I will not take for granted.
Second, I went to a couple of conferences and presented a handful of times. In the spring, I travelled to Toronto, ON to attend CSSE and Congress. I presented a paper at CAARE (Action Research) in collaboration with 3 former teacher candidates (now practicing teachers) about the sit-spot lesson study; I co-presented with the CETE (Climate Education in Teacher Education) research team members at CNIE (Network of Innovation) about the project; I presented (single author) at CATE (Teacher Education) about in-situ learning in my assessment class; and, I presented at a the CASIE (Indigenous Education) roundtable in collaboration with my friend about the 4 R’s and assessment. In the summer, I co-presented with the District Numeracy Teacher and an Elementary Teacher Candidate at the UNBC Teaching and Learning Conference about Numeracy Night at Edgewood. Presenting is a great way to get your work out there and share your interests with others, but also a means to connect with other people, to network, and get inspired for future writing opportunities.
Third, I got some manuscripts, chapters, and a book chapter proposal completed for submission. Although I have a few more manuscripts to attend to (as well as others on the horizon I would like to write about), I am super grateful and thankful for the work and collaborations that was accomplished this spring/summer term. There were two manuscripts submitted by the CETE research team, where I am the third author on both pieces of work. One was resubmitted for publication and the other was recently submitted for a special edition. I submitted two chapters for the Leadership Book to be produced by the School of Education; one chapter was lead by my colleague and the second chapter was led by me. The latter chapter was submitted to be a conference proceeding for a conference from a couple of years ago, but not much had manifested from that. I thought that submitting an updated version to the book would be a better opportunity for the piece to be published. I was glad to return to that piece to make the revisions it needed. Finally, I have submitted another manuscript that needed revisions with another group about cultural adaption of schools. we hope to get a second manuscript out soon to be considered as well. Lastly, I am hoping to get a book review out, but time is running out!! (… or ran out).
It’s September!!
My accomplishments is not an exhaustive list, but rather a list to reflect upon and acknowledge. I have also been working on getting ethics approved for another project I am leading and I hope to be submitting another one for a book chapter proposal I submitted to be co-written with the 3 former teacher candidates mentioned above. We made a submission and then was asked to make some revisions to that proposal to align the work to the theme of the book. They were fair comments and I am greatly appreciating the feedback that has been graciously offered to me during conferences and writing. It’s formative feedback at its finest with the wholehearted intention to make the work (and you) better. I LOVE THAT!! The learning-mindset thrives on it.
OK. Now, it’s back to work on this labour day weekend. Seems counterintuitive, but I would like to get the provisos for this ethics application done. We took a few spins on how the project would proceed (based on the feedback), and it’s taken a few revisions that is taking more time than anticipated to complete. All is good. That is what I am also learning too. If you want to take it SLOW, you have to do a little bit each day to get things done. That’s a difficult lesson for to learn, but a good one. I am finding that taking breaks during your work-span of a project actually is better for the project. I don’t think that the mindset is… it’s taking longer than expected… but rather… it takes time for good things to happen. I’m ok with that. The consequence, I am learning how long it will take to do things and thus, will take on work that I can do. And, that’s it!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, September 01st, 2025 | Comments Off on You can only control yourself
This has been a week filled with learning and it takes a lot of humility, kindness, and compassion to proceed onto the next step. After coming home from my hometown of Prince Rupert, I was filled with gratitude to return to my place, my cat, and my kid. I cannot believe that I live where I do and that I did it myself. It’s a really big deal for me. Being the youngest of three and formally married for almost 30 years, I am so grateful to achieve what I have achieved. As my friend had told me over the weekend last week, I am my toughest critic and I am really hard on myself. I don’t disagree. LOL. That’s nice. A double negative. I am learning how to look at myself and see what I see. My friend also said, I have spent my last few years protecting myself. I also don’t disagree with that claim either. I needed to take a step back and know I am creating the story that I want to create. I also know that I am doing the work. I am also aware there is a wake behind me and I cannot control how people behave, think, or feel about me. That has been a big learning hurdle in recent years. What I do know is, I am more secure and accepting of who I am and I will continue with a learning-mindset to thrive and flourish. I can keep dwelling on how I think life “should be” but really, I am living my best life. It’s not perfect, but darn… I think it’s pretty close. I feel very lucky.
This week, I went to the Grant Writing Workshop at the university. This would be the third time I’ve attended this workshop, and with each time I attend, I learn something new. This time, this session reminded me of preparing students for the Math 12 Provincial Exam. I used to be a secondary mathematics teacher and taught Math 12 for about 10-years. At the time, students wrote a provincial exam worth 40% of their grade. Given the high stakes nature of the exam and the need for high performance, I would teach the course as I would for 80% of the time, and I would prepare for the provincial exam for the remaining 20% of the time. We used old exams to practice and held math camps to work collaboratively with other high schools in the district to prepare for the exam. Then, I would facilitate “Math Olympiks” to create a collaborative competitive learning environment to engage in teachable moments with their peers and myself (the teacher). Another goal or expectation of the final exam is to “match” the course mark with the exam mark. So, there was lots at stake with the provincial exam for both the student and teacher. The Grant Writing Workshop had a similar vibe, meaning, you can have a wonderful and worthwhile project to research, but the ultimate goal is to “get the money,” so how do we do that? If anything, I saw the two-day session as being strategic, much like the provincial exam. Brilliant.
The week concludes with a couple of meetings. One meeting was about working with one research team that engaged in a lengthy conversation. The conversation focused on next steps, but also on social dynamics. Throughout the conversation, I could see that I am doing the work (i.e., the self-knowledge work) and I can understand how things were unfolding. What I am learning is, you have to feel good about what you are doing. I stepped away from some other work because it did not give me “good feelings.” Call it my gut… call it familiar feelings… call it the lesson iterates again. I believe that life’s lessons iterate themselves until you get it. These iterations will amplify over time. A long story made short, you are called to action. What do you need/want to do? What’s best for you? Anyway, human interaction are complicated and when words are not shared, trust not established, hard feelings not articulated, etc. the situation can be amplified. I was grateful for the conversation and I can see my role in the situation. I can’t change what has happened nor can I remedy the situation, the cards were laid as they were. I can accept that. My second meeting was with another research team and we are finishing a second manuscript in this study. We just resubmitted the first one and in the last steps of revising a second one for submission. Being on this team offered me many learning opportunities and I can see how I have grown over time. The meeting went very well and I am very excited to submit this manuscript. I can see how the goal is to work together to make it better.
What I am also understanding about my work is, it all takes time, it takes longer than you expect it to, and I am more successful doing one thing at a time. Although I have a few projects happening at the same time, I can only focus on one task at a time. I had full intentions to work on other projects that are outstanding, but I can only get to what I can get to. I thought I could work on Saturday, but my body said NO. I really needed some time to transition from Friday. I needed to rest. I took some time to hang out with my kid. And, I took some time to clean the house, recycle, do laundry, and get my office/room organized to prepare for the upcoming week. I can get down on myself, compare myself to others, or feel guilty, but I am not going to do that. Part of my selfishness is to “be a person” on Saturdays. I took the last year and half to block off Saturday to rest and take care of myself. Now, I just do that. I feel good now, but I was struggling after the week ended. I needed the time to “feel good” again. I don’t feel guilty about that. I keep assessing myself… looking for any bad feelings, shame, or self-doubt. I don’t feel it. This is growth. I am so pleased and I feel rested. Feeling grounded is so important to me. And once again, I am filled with gratitude. I love my place, my cat, and my kid. I have my health and I love my work. Nothing is perfect, but I will do my best to stay in the learning-mindset. That’s where the joy is.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 24th, 2025 | Comments Off on Saturdays are a NO go
What can I say… I took a short trip to Prince Rupert, my hometown. I was born and raised in Prince Rupert. I thought it was funny to say to folks that I was born and raised in Prince Rupert, lived on Prince Rupert Boulevard, and graduated from Prince Rupert Senior Secondary. As you can see, Prince Rupert is deeply embedded into the identity of “Christine Ho,” particularly in the formative years. I’ve returned to Prince Rupert when I was married to visit family. I returned to Rupert with my own family (brother, sister, and dad) a few years ago. Now, I have returned to Prince Rupert for work. This last weekend, we returned to Prince Rupert for a short, leisurely trip.
At first, my friend and I planned not bring our laptops or work on this trip. Guess what? We both brought our work and laptops on this trip. That said, I never took my laptop out to do work. I almost started blogging, but I opted to just BE and relax. My friend did a similar feat and I am so grateful to know that I can “vacate” and not have to work. Because when I come home, the work is still there. Moreover, I was able to enjoy the travel experience without feeling any guilt. However, here’s some irony. Revisiting places from my childhood and learning more about how the Chinese immigrated into BC and Prince Rupert helps me to understand where I come from.
When I think about my research program and what excites me about research is more about self-discovery and identity development. Oh my goodness… once again, the writing process has opened the doors to my thinking and knowing. That’s a HUGE aha I am experiencing right now as an educator, scholar, and person (in their midlife). At first, I thought my research work was in leadership, then in out-of-field teaching in secondary mathematics education, then program evaluations in teacher education. But, it’s more than that!! I am aware that my work is within the Scholarship of Teaching and Learning (SoTL), but I think that I have finally found the thread that links my work.
Hmm… I was going to write in this blog post about my trip to Prince Rupert, and I was kind of engaging in work because I have been really wanting to engage in an autoethnography about being a second-generation Chinese Canadian woman and my positionality in my family, work as a BC public educator, and now as a scholar who is interested in my experiences with racism, sexism, and marginalization. Part of this work is understanding who I am and where I came from. Furthermore, I have to understand the history of the Chinese in BC and how the Chinese were treated and what roles they played in Canada before I arrived as a person born in Prince Rupert.
Admittedly, I have always felt detached from who I am (authentically) and often felt that I had to “give myself away” to belong, fit-in, or be accepted (attachment). This way of being is very aligned to Dr. Gabor Maté’s work. I could not feel committed to my name, to my likes or interests, to my work, or to companionship. Life started transforming radically when I turned 40, but has been changing ever since. Fifteen years later, I finally feel like who I am. I feel confident in what I like and don’t like. And, I feel comfortable in my own skin. This feeling is new to me, but what I am realizing is, I am achieving some clarity. I’m no longer chasing, but rather I am appreciating.
I could have done some work on the 12-hour train trip each way, or do some work in the middle of the night or be on my phone constantly to respond to emails, etc. Instead, I was enjoying Prince Rupert… the rain, the seafood, the different places, and the memories. The trip started with a curiosity of VIA rail from Prince George to Prince Rupert, and taking a short holiday. In return, I have stoked the fire about pursuing a research study via an autoethnography, but also, I have found a connection between the different aspects of my work. Who knew that this trip of non-work contributed so much to my work. Thank you Prince Rupert for the inspiration.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 18th, 2025 | Comments Off on My Hometown
I am so grateful for my family and friends. I am in the Lower Mainland… taking my work remotely, but also situating myself so that I can see my dad. My twin bro has been gracious and hospitable to let me stay over on his sofa bed for a few days, and I got to visit with a couple of my friends as a weekend with the girls. We went to Italy together a couple of years ago and we’ve been reconnecting ever since to spend some time together and enjoy each other’s company. Last year we met up at Shuswap Lake. This year, we met up in Langley, BC. It was much like a spa weekend.
My dad is reaching an age where my brother and sister are provided some additional support and care. They are both in the Lower Mainland and my dad is still in very good spirits, but it’s opportunity for me to come visit and see him in person. I just called him this morning to see if he wanted to go for a walk, but I go the subtle “I don’t think I can make it out today” reply. UGH. Damn. I guess that’s it. I’ll try again tomorrow. LOL. I did see him three times already… once for a doctor’s appointment, a second time for a walk and coffee, and yesterday for dim sum. He’s got a full dose of Christine… LOL. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. I return home tomorrow night.
In the meantime, I get to visit with friends. As mentioned, I was in Langley this weekend. One friend picked me up from SkyTrain and we slept over at another friend’s place. The first night, we went out for an Italian dinner, which was absolutely delicious, and then one of my friends organized a crystal bowl session with someone from Italy. We laid outside under cozy blankets listening to the crystal bowls. I have never felt so RELAXED. I had an incredible sleep and could have stayed in bed all day, but couldn’t because we had booked a 90-minute massage. OMG. It was incredible.
Afterwards, we went out for a really late brunch/lunch and I just loved the “filet of fish eggs benny” with shredded hashbrowns. I just loved that meal… and the only meal of that day. It was rich and delicious. I had nothing like it, and I really enjoyed it. Who knew? We concluded the day by attempting to find a gift for our Italian friend, and we succeeded. It was handmade and personalized. We surprised our friend that night with this gift. Our gratitude for her crystal bowl work was immense. The serendipity of the gift was equally special. It was meant to happen. Gosh, I love people!! So good.
Although I was rejected by my father… LOL… to meet up today, I have the opportunity to meet up with other friends in Vancouver before I go back to my kit-cat and kid at home. I am so grateful for my friends (family included) who lift me up and are willing to say what I need to hear to take next steps. Sometimes it’s not easy to hear these things, but really, it more about what I do in response. It’s supposed to be a super hot day today in Vancouver, as well as tomorrow. I will take it easy and work remotely from my brother’s place that has wifi and air conditioning. Thank you everyone for making this trip so worthwhile and I did enjoy seeing my dad. It’s time well spent.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 11th, 2025 | Comments Off on Grateful for Friends
As you can see, it’s August. And honestly, it feels like a tidal wave of STUFF just landed in my lap for work. Not complaining. In fact, I think that I like working under this kind of pressure. I like the pressure… otherwise, nothing gets done. Just to conflate this feeling of overwhelm, everything is taking a lot longer than anticipated to get done. Strangely, it’s not unexpected, but setting unrealistic time goals does not help my situation. It a fine balance between pressure and space. Sadly, I have not found the sweet spot between the two. I have some unreasonable feelings of comfort being under pressure with timelines and work expectations. It appears that I am an all-or-none kind of person. And yet, some things are taking a LONG TIME to complete.
I am reminded of my kid when she was about 12-years old and she was wanting the jump of the pier and into the ocean. She was an excellent swimmer, so I had no worries about her being in the ocean and swimming back to shore. I was more worried about how many times will she approach the edge of the pier and NOT jump off. Oh my gosh… it seemed like a lifetime. Back and forth she went from wanting to jump, approaching the edge of the pier, looking down, and walking back to me. She believed that she could not do it, so she didn’t… even though she wanted to jump in. After 30 minutes or so, she did it. SHE LOVED IT. Now my problem was… when will she stop jumping off the pier and into the ocean so that we could go home?
I want to jump into the ocean.
Let’s be clear… I don’t swim. But I do empathize with my kid who was seemingly reluctant to take her first jump. I can only imagine the self-doubt of one’s abilities and the fear of the unknown. What will happen to me if I jump? Will I be harmed? Can I do really this? What I witnessed that day only serves as a metaphor for me and my academic work. I have very similar questions and can only imagine the kind of momentum I could develop, much like my kid did. Sometimes I think I have micro-amnesia. I just forget the good feeling of THE JUMP. The frequency of her jumping off the pier was almost exponential to the point where she did not want to stop.
I want that feeling. I just finished cleaning up a paper that was originally written to be a conference proceeding (at approximately 7500 words) and we just transformed it into a book chapter submission. I was the lead on that paper and it was interesting to return to the paper and look at where we were 2 years ago and where were are now. We kept the integrity of that paper to keep that work in 2023, but took the time time to update it, reformat it, and revise it so that it could be included in this book. The only reason we returned to this book is because I was looking at my CV and nothing was happening with the conference proceeding. It was like we got ghosted. Anyway, I took a chance to ask about submitting a last minute book chapter instead. We got a response a couple of days ago, and we got to work. I did most of the work as lead author, but my other two co-authors were very willing to review the paper as well.
We just finished the final edits this afternoon, prior to the blog post, and voilà… the chapter and abstract were submitted. Admittedly, it feels great!! I also submitted as second author (but did a good chunk of the work with another colleague) last month. That work was also rewarding to get done, of which was responding to reviewer feedback for resubmission). We did an overhaul of that manuscript and I took the liberty to track the edits, finalize the paper, and communicate those changes to the editor. Moreover, I was also active in two other manuscripts as second and fourth author, but not as involved as the last two manuscripts mentioned. I did take the time to contribute and add very thorough edits and feedback for the first authors. If anything, it gives me a lot of practice and builds my confidence for this work. I felt “the high” from jumping… and then, YOU WAIT. The immediate feedback is lacking.
Dang, I love the writing process. It is definitely a vehicle for me to think and reflect. In this case, I just realized that I am focused on the wrong thing as “feedback.” For some reason, I was focused on the outcome as the motivator, meaning the publication or end result. When really, the joy from submitting the manuscript, the writing process (or grind), getting feedback from peers, doing edits, etc. is the immediate feedback that would encourage me to try again… and jump. How cliché… it’s the journey, not the destination that matters. Sometimes the platform of the pier is at a different height. The self-doubt and fear creep in once again, creating a pause in the process, but really, what I am realizing is, the remedy is to jump in. Just do it!! OK. There is a disclaimer. I have also done a lot of personal work as well to build my confidence, self-knowledge, and the willingness to pursue what I love to do. That took a lot of work and life changes, and I am still doing that work. Maybe today is the convergence of the personal and the professional. What I do know for sure, I am going to savour this feeling of completion today, and jump in again with something new. I can do this.
I know I can do this.
My next task is… Fall 2025 Course Outlines.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 02nd, 2025 | Comments Off on Getting Things Done
I took a quick trip to Vancouver last week to visit my dad. He is 87. Although I had a great visit with him, he is needing some extra support given his age and such. My siblings and I have been officially inducted into the sandwich generation. My mom passed away 7 years ago. It feels like yesterday. I still have intentions to write about her and the 20 days we had together. She was an amazing woman. I did not know much about her. I always saw her as my mom. As time has passed, I am learning that she was an incredible woman with immense strength and determination. She made it look effortless. After spending some time with my dad last weekend, I realized that my mom took care of him too. He needs a little TLC. As a child, I always perceived my dad to be the strong one. In hindsight, I think my mom made my dad into the person he was. Now, times are different and I am learning that you have to live your life to the fullest… and be happy. It’s not easy sometimes, but making decisions and being motivated (or hindered) by fear is no way to live. It’s better to walk through the fear.
I say that so easily… walk through the fear. I am often challenged by that. It’s scary. I’m anticipating the worst. I feel very dependent on the action of others. But the truth is, NOTHING HAPPENS. What I mean by that is, everything that you feared is fiction. You don’t know until you know… so, you’ve got to go for it and see what happens…. which is nothing. How does one overcome one’s imagination? I remember my dad after my mom passed away. He was so driven by fear. He did not want to die alone. He did not want to be put into a home. He needed someone. He needed my mom. So now what? I can really empathize with his fear. Sometimes it’s so difficult to see past the fear. As a result, you do things that are not authentic to you or your needs. Ironically, the consequence of fear is, what you did not want may manifest differently because of the fear. CRAZY. So, what is there to lose? You have to try and feel the discomfort.
I’ve been practicing. PRACTICE might be my #OneWord2026. Start small. I’m not enjoying the discomfort. Often, it gets the best of me. But, I think about my mom. She had grit, determination, and perseverance. But, it’s more than that… you have be authentic to yourself… you have to do what you love… and, you have to know your WHY. Hence, practice helps with all three criteria. By trying, you are going to know what you like (or not like), what is important (or not important), and what is worthwhile doing (or not worthwhile). You have to learn what these things are versus guessing or hypothesizing what is good. It might be bad, but now you know. And if anything I’ve learned about formative feedback and experiential learning, it’s not the feedback that matters, but how you respond to the feedback does. So now what?
Kindness, compassion, and self-respect comes into play. I know that I am hard on myself. I know that it’s so easy to compare. I’ve done that my whole life growing up being the youngest of three. My positionality in my family created a narrative (in my mind) that is not true. Admittedly, it’s sometimes hard to wrestle with. My own demons are created by me, by making rules and structuring my life that is not authentic to who I am and who I want to be. I took a different trajectory. Let me be clear, what was happening to me was real and true, but how I could have responded to those actions could have been different. I thought the right answer was to put myself aside, play the game, and I would be rewarded for this behaviour. I always put myself last and believed that once all was said and done, my turn would come next. It never came. Slowly but surely, who I was eroded into someone I did not recognize. I could not sustain it anymore. The lies and the veneer had to stop. I was too scared to show up and be seen. The fear overwhelmed me. So, why am I blogging about this?
I’m not hiding anymore.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 26th, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Lots of Gratitude
Although I have been at the university for 7-years, I am term faculty. My role at the university is primarily teaching with an 80-20 position, that is, I am teaching 80% of the time and 20% is service. I was recently renewed with a 3-year contract and I am very excited about the next three years in terms of what I will learn and accomplish. Research is not explicitly part of my position, per se, but I continue to hold the rank of Assistant Professor and would like to learn more about research. Today, I attended a session at the university designed for “early career researchers” or ECR. This initiative is a partnership between the Office of Research and Innovation, Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, and the Health Research Institute. The School of Education is part of the Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, so I am able to attend these events. This session was my second ECR gathering, and both times they hosted a panel and I’ve attended the sessions in-person. I am so grateful for these sessions.
What I have enjoyed and appreciated about the ECR gatherings is the way the host and panel members can humanize and demystify the research process and expectations. I felt at ease during these sessions and I cannot express the value of having very seasoned researchers describe h0w they approach grant deadlines and research writing in today’s session. The stories were very relatable and their words of wisdom and advice were well taken. I did not expect to take notes, but I did. Also, I found myself very inspired to look at some of my work and move forward with some pieces and not procrastinate any longer. Honour your writing time, find peers to provide feedback, and submit grant applications in early were a few tips that I took to heart. It took a few years to figure out the university work culture in comparison to K-12 schools, and I feel the timing of these gatherings have been serendipitous.
No shame. Ask questions. Focus on the learning. Makes sense. I loved how panel members shared their personal stories, professional experiences, and pertinent examples to answer a series of questions set prior to the gathering. I felt very connected with their candidness and compelled to return back to my work. We all feel imposter syndrome and knowing that this is a normal occurrence, it created and invitation to try. Members participating online and in-person also asked questions that related to former documents, GRA hirings, and participation in review committees. It’s amazing to think that 1/3 of the faculty members at the university are ECR’s or new to the university. These ECR gatherings are timely and responsive to what new researchers need. Finally, my guard was disarmed when they promoted and encouraged folks to participate (and re-participate) in writing retreats, grant writing workshops, and communication with the Office of Research and Innovation. EVERYONE WANTS TO HELP. A wonderful message. I feel motivated to keep going.
Thank you to the Office of Research and Innovation, Faculty of Human and Health Sciences, and Health Research Institute!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 23rd, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Inspired and Motivated
While I was enjoy my pandemic lifestyle, I reached out to a few friends to make plans to go out for coffee or go for a walk to get outside and do what people do… connect and socialize. This morning, I met up with a friend at a local coffee shop. We often have really good chats and moments to update one another on what’s happening in our lives. Today, I was describing a moment that totally frustrated me and noted to my friend that I was very angry about the situation. I even shared a short story of my kid hanging up on me from a FaceTime call yesterday because I was not in the right headspace to talk. Anyway, she said to me that it was really refreshing for her to hear that I was angry. She said that I am often FLAT. Hmm… she is not wrong, but dang, it’s also refreshing to have friends who are willing to speak truth and share their observations. Her comment got me reflecting in real time and I could not deny her claims and her observations. She was not wrong. I would like to believe that she was, but I did admit that I do show myself, but likely about 20% of who I really am. She said that I’ve been flat ever since she has known me, which is about 7 years. Huh. Again, she is not wrong. Inside, I might have felt erratic, disoriented, and out of control (most times), but I really tried to MUTE myself from showing what was really happening on the inside and put blame on what was happening on the outside. The blame was misplaced, but I was trying to numb myself from the pain and fear, so much so, I could not express who I really was. Again, I was not putting out to the world a fake-self. I only showed what I thought people wanted to see or a veneer that made it seem like everything was ok and don’t think otherwise. Wow. Looking back 7 years (and beyond), there was a lot happening and I was unwilling to feel what I needed to feel (and express those feelings) to myself or others. I did not want people to see what was really happening, thus see who I really was. I often need approval or validation of who I was, based on what I was doing or titles I held. I had no idea how to be myself. I don’t think this was a 7-year old problem or a 20-year problem. It might be a 50+ year old problem, one that I had created as a young child. I look at old photos of myself, as a kid, a young adult, and somewhat old adult… I don’t look happy. I was not happy. I was trying to be someone who I was not for decades (aka., half a century). That’s a long time!! My friend did verify that I do like the COVID-lifestyle of staying at home, being alone, and enjoying the peace and quiet. That brought me some solace. I had always thought I was an extroverted person, but maybe I thought I had to be one. I’m not sure, but I’m noticing. I loved having coffee out (and reconnecting to the real-world), but I also love just being at home with my cat, making myself a meal at home, and taking the time to work from home. I feel very lucky to do what I do. It also feels good to feel. When I felt angry, I could also feel joy. It felt great!! I was reminded by Brené Brown’s 20 tonne shield and suppressing my feelings. I was numbing my feelings, but by doing that, I can’t feel the good feelings as well as the bad ones. I was not prepared to be vulnerable, thus I did not want people to see who I really am. I was not sure if I really wanted to see who I am. I am still trying to figure that out. That said, I am grateful that my friend also said that it was good for her to see a bit more of who I am and that she was happy to see that I could be angry. It’s healthy. I do feel this is who I am… emotional, introverted, unstructured, and intuitive. I just never trusted it, nor believed that these qualities could be valued by my parents, peers, or myself. Hmm. I’m left with many emotions and I am driven to learn more about myself. I think that I might try out Myers-Briggs again. Twenty-five years ago, my preferences were ESTJ. I lived that way for many years. I was a high school mathematics teacher. How else was I supposed to be? (15 minute break). Damn. I just completed the Myers-Briggs test online and tried to answer the questions based on what I would do today. As anticipated… the results were INFP… the exact opposite. As I started to read the FREE content, it’s not wrong. I had also learned in my Master of Education course that in your older years, you are likely to become or seek the opposite preferences. So here I am. Voilà. A steady stream of consciousness for today’s blog post. It was unsolicited, and inspired.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 15th, 2025 | Comments Off on Feeling Anger and Joy
July 14, 2025 – If given the option, I’m staying at home
There is no day that goes by without learning something new… about myself… or about something I had no idea about (lol, of course). So first of all, as mentioned in a previous blog post, I was planning to embark on a 60-day self-knowledge challenge… but, that project has been postponed. It is an ambitious pursuit, but I have a tonne of things-to-do for work, which is a good problem. As a result, my self-knowledge personal challenge will have to wait. That said, the work of learning about myself does not end with that decision. My pursuit for self-knowledge on this pedagogical journey continues despite the change in plans. All is good. 🙂
My second point I would like to make in this blog post is, I AM AN EXPERIENTIAL LEARNER. Let’s just make that declaration. I’ve always known that, but often deny or reject that notion. As a kid, I recall having to learn ALL things “the hard way.” I just had to figure things out myself before I could adopt, accept, or acquire what I need to know and understand. I don’t know why I would expect myself to change. It’s who I am. It’s what I do. Often I would say to peers or students is, “your superpower is also your kryponite.” Which got me thinking… maybe my kryptonite is my superpower.
What a lovely thought. There is no question that I am learning experientially. I wished that I could anticipate or predict how things will go, but I have to delve in with two feet and figure things out. Sometimes I will make a mistake. Sometimes I get an undesired outcome. Sometimes I will achieve success. In all three situations, what I do have control over is what I do. I will take full ownership for my actions. I will also make an effort to do things better, if given the opportunity. But what I will do from now on, is not be scared. I was just listening to a podcast where it was said that the only person that holds me back is ME. A terrible truth, but I will admit, it’s 100% true. I hate feeling scared or uncertain, but on the other side of that fear is where joy exists.
My final comment for today’s blog post is… I have fully adopted and embraced the COVID-19 pandemic lifestyle. It’s my preference. As I am slowing down my life and now that I am in my new home, I am finding that I like staying at home. I like cooking at home and I love being inside with my cat. I never thought that this would be my life, but I enjoy the quiet. I love not spending any money. I appreciate protecting myself from other potential pandemics, endemics, illnesses, or diseases. As much as I would perceive myself as being an EXTROVERT, I am loving being alone and keeping up to a pace that makes me feel happy, calm, and at peace. What more could I ask for? Don’t get me wrong, I will go out and interact with others, but it seems that I have not fully shook the pandemic lifestyle… and I’m not sad about it. Just live your life!!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 14th, 2025 | Comments Off on The Pandemic Lifestyle
I know that it’s not quite the weekend to contribute to my weekly blog, but I am also in a place of choosing not to maintain two blogs (for now) and moving returning to the idea of blogging inspired thoughts and feelings. So, here we are. I realize that it is in the middle of the spring/summer term and there has been plenty of time to “get some writing done.” Admittedly, I like a little pressure too, and I’m feeling it right now, but in a good way. I have my contract renewed for 3 more years and endured a bit of coaching from the dean. I found the conversation very helpful, but also I feel that I am still learning about who I am and what I want to achieve. I think I’m getting there.
Slowly but surely, I’m getting things “off my plate” and I feel committed that July is the month where lots will get done, even though I am realizing that everything takes a bit more time than expected. I am ok with that, especially when I have some time. It’s hard to accept that idea when everything is super busy and I am 100% focussed on teaching. I can’t say that I was not working on research this term. I have been. My colleague and I co-applied for an internal grant, I presented 4-times at Congress, and I have done quite a bit of work for the Climate Education for Teacher Education research project in terms of workshops, interviews, reflections, meetings, focus groups, and editing/contributing to manuscripts. I should not underestimate or overlook some of the things I am doing this teaching-free term. I’m learning lots.
I am also doing a few projects for the program, so that will take some of my time too. Because I am not a tenure-track or tenured faculty member, research is not really expected from me. That was a learning that was just recently confirmed, so because I am engaged in research as an 80-20 faculty member, I am exceeding expectations. I had no idea. I thought that I had to do what everyone else is doing, but they are 40-40-20. Intuitively I knew that and felt that, but to get some clarity on that was so wonderful and liberating. I am so grateful that whatever I am doing this spring/summer term is because I want to do it and knowing that feels great.
There are other projects I am working on and one of them was making revisions to another manuscript that I have been working on with colleagues for a couple of years. I have hopes of sending the revisions and a chart of all that we have changed and accomplished to the editor some time today. I am very excited about doing that, hence the blog post, I suppose. We worked very hard on that manuscript and because my headspace is in a different place from where I was a couple of years ago, I had the confidence and sense of self-efficacy to edit the manuscript in a way that made sense to me. Again, liberating and exhilarating. I am really enjoying the process and a colleague and I have co-edited the piece such that I feel very satisfied in sending it back to the editor. We established so much clarity in this document such that I believe it is publishable. I am so grateful to the peer review, the feedback, and the editor. This whole writing process is about LEARNING, humility, and growth.
I have submitted a conference application for a small group of us to speak at a local conference and finished writing a chapter proposal for another small group to hopefully pursue in the fall. I hope we get accepted for both. Finally, I have been with with another small group and we are currently working on the revisions of an ethics application. I need to take my time on this one and I am the Principal Investigator. If the chapter proposal goes well, I will the Principal Investigator on another project. Moreover, I have a book review to do, I have 2 conference proceedings to write, I have one program evaluation I would like to do, and I feel very lucky to do what I do. I have a healthy amount of work to address and it’s everything I am interested in.
I look forward to next steps. I am fascinated by the whole of idea of my joy being on the other side of fear. The fear was fierce, but with each step, I am realizing that I am able to do it, I want to do it, and I have fun do it. Research and the Scholarship of Teaching is 100% aligned to who I am as an educator and researcher. There are other manuscripts that need completion, revision, and re-invigoration… but I am excited about that too. I feel good sitting here in my writing spot (and I have another one) in my home and feeling optimistic of what’s next to come. Publications is not the goal, but rather, it’s a natural outcome from doing what I LOVE to do. How lucky am I?
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 09th, 2025 | Comments Off on Shifting Gears to Research
