Oh my gosh… It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been out walking. I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago. I was being absent minded and twisted my ankle in the middle of my parking lot at my apartment building. Can you believe my Crocs did not stabilize my stance? I was personally shocked and fell down because it was better than trying to say standing up as if nothing had happened. The pain has not ceased but I am able to walk. I have not gone to the doctor or physio, but once again, I needed to slow down.
My ankle still aches, but I am realizing that I cannot take anything for granted. One quick fall and POOF, it’s all gone. Health and wellbeing are not given. You have to work at it, much like everything else in life. One the one hand, I know this. On the other hand, I needed a sprained ankle, a gallbladder attack, or a writing-win to know that I am in control of my destiny so what am I going to do about it? Strangely, this is a great feeling. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way, but now that I do… look out!!!
Life is almost over… LOL (well, it might be)… and I feel so lucky to feel like myself. I think most of my blogging has been about sense making and figuring out why things are the way they are through reflection and writing. Although I had the hidden curriculum of developing my writing skills (and soon to be reading skills), I am grateful that thinking and understanding through writing, especially during the pandemic, has been very helpful. I reached out for help, said no, and took a rest.
What can I say? I feel great. If my body is any indication of what’s happening in my mind and spirit, things will change very soon. I’m focused now on my physical self because now I feel that my mind and spirit are at peace. I’ve learned how to say no, let go, and be ok with things that I cannot control. In doing so, I can see what I can control and what I can choose to do (or not do) because I’m focused on my joy and happiness. What makes me feel good and how can I be true and respectful to me.
Admittedly, my mom was trying to teach this to me… even on you last day of life. I also know that there are many other people who also believed in me and was also there to help and support. But in the end, it was me who had to believe in me. Now that I do, I feel calm, happy, and fearless. I’m don’t feel frantic, angry, or resentful. What a wonderful place to be and I am looking for the fall term to see how the next steps of life will manifest. Gah. I might go to physio for my ankle, but I am happy.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 27th, 2022 | Comments Off on Found Myself
Here we go… the mid-week blog post on education. I will say, this post might be more about learning. Aren’t the two terms synonymous? Maybe that was a rhetorical question, but I said it. Anyway, I cannot believe how good I feel. I am so grateful. As I’m developing my practice in writing, I’m also honing in my practice for gratitude. Here is my second submission and I’m totally stoked. I feel Ike I’ve turned the corner and I’m ready to run forward. Forget about just moving forward. I’m running. Watch me go.
Every moment is working towards the future you want for yourself. But to get there, you have to celebrate and savour the moment. I am so grateful for the work I’ve done this spring and summer terms. Honestly, I think that I’ve been always working on this but now I see it, believe it, and want it. My drive and my desire (aka. My Why) it at the centre of who I am and who I want to be. I can see it, finally. I have moments and look back at how life was and remember how I felt. I was so numb. I was hiding. I was broken. Now I feel alive, excited, and true to myself.
Gosh. I’m blogging from my phone, I’m so exited to blog. I’ve finally found some clarity in my work and what I want to write about. Something that I’ve held onto was written in one day, submitted, and copy edited. I did not hesitate to read the feedback, I was excited. And dang, it was all minor changes. Mainly formatting. Woohoo. I had 1-2 weeks to return the short paper and nope… less than 60-minutes from when the email was sent to me reading and accepting all changes. I feel so validated in the work that I’m doing and I’m getting positive feedback from the field. What I needed to do was to find the courage to write, put my authentic self forward, and send.
I am so grateful for the feedback and I know that someone wen out of their way to provide me feedback so that I can become a better person and writer. There is nothing more exciting than getting the work that I get to do. In the right state of mind, I’ve re-read the scholarly expectations of my department and I saw myself. That’s never happened to me before. I could see my work “fitting” into these expectations without having to compromise myself or pretending to be something I’m not. The Scholarship of Teaching… is my jam.
The sad or sorry part of this story is that someone was trying to tell me this 1-year ago. Omg. I didn’t even understand what that person was saying to me. The person said, “my work is my research”… and that “I’m doing the research.” What was this person talking about. I’ve wrestled with this and had moments of understand, but now I get it. Another person asked me almost 4-years ago, “if you are a professor, then what are you professing?” Another person said to me, “90% completion of 10 papers does not equal to 9 papers.” Oh man… another person said to me “be selfish… you will not advance in your work.” Another person said, “do what you want to do.”
There are so many more things that has been said to me and it didn’t make sense… until now? I find that bewildering but I am creating what I want to see. This is a big idea. Trust is key. One step at a time is critical. Staying focused on what’s important to me matters. I’m done with betraying myself. My work is worthwhile. The only person I’m impressing is myself and right now I’m exceeding expectations. I’m blowing my mind. I need to embrace this moment… with gratitude… like the photo in this blog. I got a cookie and an orange juice on the plane today. The flight attendant came back to me and asked if I wanted the rest of the can. I said yes. If made my day. A beautiful metaphor for today.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 24th, 2022 | Comments Off on Gratitude as a Practice
Here we go… the mid-week blog post on education. I will say, this post might be more about learning. Aren’t the two terms synonymous? Maybe that was a rhetorical question, but I said it. Anyway, I cannot believe how good I feel. I am so grateful. As I’m developing my practice in writing, I’m also honing in my practice for gratitude. Here is my second submission and I’m totally stoked. I feel Ike I’ve turned the corner and I’m ready to run forward. Forget about just moving forward. I’m running. Watch me go.
Every moment is working towards the future you want for yourself. But to get there, you have to celebrate and savour the moment. I am so grateful for the work I’ve done this spring and summer terms. Honestly, I think that I’ve been always working on this but now I see it, believe it, and want it. My drive and my desire (aka. My Why) it at the centre of who I am and who I want to be. I can see it, finally. I have moments and look back at how life was and remember how I felt. I was so numb. I was hiding. I was broken. Now I feel alive, excited, and true to myself.
Gosh. I’m blogging from my phone, I’m so exited to blog. I’ve finally found some clarity in my work and what I want to write about. Something that I’ve held onto was written in one day, submitted, and copy edited. I did not hesitate to read the feedback, I was excited. And dang, it was all minor changes. Mainly formatting. Woohoo. I had 1-2 weeks to return the short paper and nope… less than 60-minutes from when the email was sent to me reading and accepting all changes. I feel so validated in the work that I’m doing and I’m getting positive feedback from the field. What I needed to do was to find the courage to write, put my authentic self forward, and send.
I am so grateful for the feedback and I know that someone wen out of their way to provide me feedback so that I can become a better person and writer. There is nothing more exciting than getting the work that I get to do. In the right state of mind, I’ve re-read the scholarly expectations of my department and I saw myself. That’s never happened to me before. I could see my work “fitting” into these expectations without having to compromise myself or pretending to be something I’m not. The Scholarship of Teaching… is my jam.
The sad or sorry part of this story is that someone was trying to tell me this 1-year ago. Omg. I didn’t even understand what that person was saying to me. The person said, “my work is my research”… and that “I’m doing the research.” What was this person talking about. I’ve wrestled with this and had moments of understand, but now I get it. Another person asked me almost 4-years ago, “if you are a professor, then what are you professing?” Another person said to me, “90% completion of 10 papers does not equal to 9 papers.” Oh man… another person said to me “be selfish… you will not advance in your work.” Another person said, “do what you want to do.”
There are so many more things that has been said to me and it didn’t make sense… until now? I find that bewildering but I am creating what I want to see. This is a big idea. Trust is key. One step at a time is critical. Staying focused on what’s important to me matters. I’m done with betraying myself. My work is worthwhile. The only person I’m impressing is myself and right now I’m exceeding expectations. I’m blowing my mind. I need to embrace this moment… with gratitude… like the photo in this blog. I got a cookie and an orange juice on the plane today. The flight attendant came back to me and asked if I wanted the rest of the can. I said yes. If made my day. A beautiful metaphor for today.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 24th, 2022 | Comments Off on Gratitude as a Practice
Week 127 – August 20, 2022 – Restarting and Excited
Welcome back to the weekly pandemic reflection and now introducing a biweekly blog post on teaching, learning, and leading. In the pandemic reflection, I am focused on self and in the pedagogical journey posts I am focussing on my teaching practice. It’s not that I am separating self from my work, but what I am doing is increasing the frequency of my writing practice and redirecting what I choose to write about.
I cannot believe it’s August 20th. Time is flying by as the fall term approaches. I admit that I continued to work through summer intersession. I was at my fullest capacity during the spring intersession and took the time to engage in deliberate rest and redirecting the ship, shall we say, during the summer months. I needed to notice and acknowledge that I was transitioning, personally and professionally. Again, I’m not try trying to separate the to selves, but I am defining my positionality and place.
My position has shifted at work and I am creating a new self at home. I have a new home and new way of being. I am letting go of so much and as of this week I am saying no to things that I cannot do and do not want to do. This boundary is blurry but what I have learned at a recent workshop at work is that there are different boundaries that we have to wrestle with: the self, others, and the environment.
I love this idea that there are different contexts to boundaries. I struggled with the idea of boundaries, but realized that I was only focused on creating boundaries with others. It seemed arbitrary and I have grieved and questioned many times. The idea of creating boundaries with and for self and the environment is refreshing. I have clarity and I can see that I need to create these boundaries in all three contexts.
Patience is key. I am learning. I can see myself seeing what’s possible and what’s not feasible. I am starting to prioritize and making space for myself to thrive. These boundaries are not limitations, but rather a deeper understanding of self such that I am able to recognize what I want to do, what I’m willing to do, and what I can do.
Creating boundaries is a form of respect for myself, others, and the environment. I’m not going to spend anymore time trying to impress, pretend, or sacrifice who I am. I’ve done that for so many years, trying to predict what people want from me. I am furthering my understanding of “being selfish” as I am learning to respect who I am and give myself the compassion and kindness I need to move forward and thrive.
I am working with people I want to work with and finding more to collaborate and connect with. I am also ok working alone and being alone. I enjoy my company. I am engaging in life’s activities that make me happy and I am not living up to anyone else’s expectations but my own. I like to blog, I like food pics, and I love to learn. I have given myself the space and time to do this personal work and I’m happy.
Now that I have mapped out my 5 courses that I am teaching and supervising for the fall term, I can see what I have created for myself and students. I have a tonne of work this upcoming term, but I can see now the value of my time, I am focused on my courses, and I am learning how to embed writing as part of my daily practice. Service is never a problem, but I am super stoked for the upcoming years and I’m ready.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 20th, 2022 | Comments Off on Know Your Boundaries
Small steps. In between my weekly pandemic reflections, I am planning to (or at least inspired to) blog about professional learning and practice. Although I’ve appreciated this platform to sense make and think about what’s important to me over the 2+ years during the pandemic, I am becoming more interested in reflecting on my practice.
First, I would like to ground myself with an introduction or location statement of who I am and why I am here to engage in this professional learning. We are often guided by our interests and curiosities, but also what we wonder about. The power of wonder as a teacher practitioner interests me and how it influences one’s practice.
PS. I’m pretty stoked about uploading this photo of West Lake near Prince George. I was unable to upload photos in my last blog post and after a few attempts, here it is. I was so happy to be here with a friend as I am finding places to teach and learn for the fall term, but also discover beautiful places near water in this area. I just love it.
MY LOCATION STATEMENT FOR THE FALL 2022 TERM
Hello. My name is Christine Ho Younghusband. I am a second-generation Chinese Canadian and I was born and raised in Prince Rupert, BC. My father is Douglas Ho and my mom is Vivien Ho. They both immigrated to Canada with my sister, Allison, who was 2-years old at the time. I am an twin and my brother, Mark, is my exact opposite and complement. My mom passed away in 2018 and I continue to learn from her about my worth, values, and identity. I miss her. That same year, I accepted a position at the University of Northern British Columbia as an Assistant Professor.
I teach in the School of Education in the Teacher Education Program and Graduate Studies. I also teach as a sessional instructor at St. Mark’s College at the University of British Columbia (UBC) and formally at Simon Fraser University (SFU), both my alma mater. I completed my BSc and BEd at UBC and MEd and EdD at SFU. I never anticipated my life to be a scholar. Initially, I wanted to become an adult educator in mathematics, but I ended up creating a career in eduction teaching secondary mathematics, chemistry, and science in public schools, and as a school trustee.
This has been an incredible pedagogical journey so far where some defining moments in my career included paddling in a canoe in Pulling Together, writing curriculum for the BC Ministry of Education and First Nations Steering Committee, and completing my dissertation to answer a question in leadership and mathematics education I had for almost 20-years. I have a daughter, Zoe, who just became a “full adult” this year and entering college/university this year in the nursing program. I was together with someone for almost 30-years but now I’m creating a new path.
During the pandemic, I have spent my time blogging, reflecting, and recognizing what’s important to me. What I have learned and continue to learn is that LEARNING is my JAM. I never thought that this would be the case. Although I have 4 degrees, I felt at the time that achieving those was for utilitarian reasons and not intrinsic ones. Now I am in a profession and role where I have the opportunity to create what I want to see, with intention. My why includes creating learning experiences (for self and others) so that the learner can self-actualize their efficacy, strengths, and gifts.
I am actively exploring learning opportunities that explores my cultural identity, identity as an educator and innovator, and my identity as a person and parent. I have a strong interest in mathematics education, curriculum, and how teachers learn. Currently, I am writing about my practice as program evaluations as I am able to explore and experiment in my courses driven by my interests and curiosity. Leadership, pedagogy, and policies are also part of what I am interested in as a practitioner and researcher. I look forward to this next step. The time is now.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 16th, 2022 | Comments Off on It’s OK to Wonder
Week 126 – August 14, 2022 – Surrendering To What Is
Wow. I am slowly losing access to my WordPress account. Accessing only by media apps and updates that are automatic, I am only able to do what I can do. Right now, that means blog with text only. I am unable to upload a picture at this time. I will try again later, but this might be a new way of being. Blogging without the image to supplement my text or provide me with the inspiration I thought I needed to write.
How serendipitous this mishap of not being able to upload an image to this blog. There is apparently some error (noted be a message and number) and I want to blog. I will say that I did try a few times with a few different images to arrive to the same outcome of “nope, not for you today.” The question remains, do you keep trying or move on? Welcome to today’s #pandemicreflections weekly blog post. Surrender.
I am writing my blog post. It’s going to happen and I had to re-navigate to get the job done. I am not accepting of the idea of that I am unable to upload an image to my blog post but I am surrendering to this limitation or barrier to get to what I need to do. I’m taking a different direction. I loved what I saw today on an art gallery artifact that said, “Just because my path is different… doesn’t mean that I’m lost.” Agreed.
This saying resonated with me as well as a few recent podcasts I’ve been listening to. I’ve been doing the work and as you as have saw in my last blog post about “Celebrating Christine Day,” I have really landed on being myself and feeling good about it. I don’t need the approval of others or give up who I am as a person to please others or meet perceived expectations to belong. I belong to myself and love it.
It feels great to be motivated from the inside. It’s ok to disagree with others. I don’t have to agree so that I can feel like I belong to a community. I have my own community and my own way of being. Others are (or may) be doing the same thing and I am 100% ok with that. I am making my own choices and it may not be the same as others… and that’s ok. I am not motivated by fear or what others think of me.
I am ok with myself and who I am as a person. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this way. I wonder if I’ve ever felt this way. I must of had moments but what I am focussed on is keeping this way of being sustainable and joyful. As one podcast said, you have to hit the bottom to look up and move up. I feel like I’ve been there. I am more acutely aware of the 1/3 of people lifting me up and avoiding the 1/3 who bring me down.
I love that metaphor of the tree and its roots moving through the ground. There is one purpose and if there is anything that gets in the way, move around it. That’s what I’m doing. This is surrendering. It’s not about acceptance. I still don’t like the rock and wished it wasn’t there, but I am not going to overspend my time or energy trying to get through the rock or accept the rock (and stop growing). I’m taking another path.
So, here we are with this week’s reflection (without a photo) and moving forward. I spent many times trying to work my way through the rock, change the rock, or hope that the rock would transform in some way so that it was no longer an obstacle. No thank you. I’ve learned my lesson. Acknowledge that there is a rock. Understand that you cannot go through the rock. Surrender and find another path to keep moving.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 14th, 2022 | Comments Off on You Do You
Admittedly, I was inspired by a Walmart commercial where a mom takes her kids to Walmart to get her kids ready for the first day of school. Then the kids ask about the “other days” such as PJ day, things that start with P day, invisible day, etc. It’s pretty humorous but sometimes it feels that way. There seems to be a day for everything.
I am announcing or identifying August 8th as “Christine Day.” It might be a day that I celebrate for myself by myself, but on August 8, 2022, I felt like myself. This sounds like the weirdest thing to say but I feel pretty good about where I am, how I feel, who I’m with, where I live, and what I get to do for a living and for fun. Life is good. 🙂
Saying that “life is good” is something that I would say before with hope that life will be good. Now being the day after Christine Day, I feel like I am in a good place and LIFE IS GOOD. Gosh. This is a new feeling for me. I am good with who I am and I’m not second guessing about what people think and what I’m expected to do or say.
I can take ownership of my actions (or inaction). I’m not scared or worried. I can be my whole self and feel good about it. I cannot believe it has taken this much time to get to the inaugural Christine Day but I also believe that everything happens for a reason and this was the journey I had to take so far to get to this point in my life.
What I do understand is that this is not the end of my journey, but it is definitely a new beginning that I am stoked to get started with. I am in control and I feel like I am in control. I can honour and respect myself and make good decisions for me. I will continue to be in service to others, but not at my expense or to impress others.
The pandemic offered me the time, space, and place to reflect and define what’s important to me. I am so happy to be with and live with my kid. I am happy that I am able to support her in her studies and be in the same place where I work. I have redefined what my work will look like and it feels great. And, I love where I am.
My mind, heart, and spirit are ready for the next chapter and the upcoming school year. Lots of changes on the horizon and I am ready. One step at a time and I can be patient. Progress is what matters. The product will come. I trust all will be well. I am super excited to pivot and embrace what’s to come (whatever it may be). Yay me!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 10th, 2022 | Comments Off on Celebrating Christine Day
Gosh. It’s the end of another week and the summer is almost over. Time is flying by but I am savouring every moment to rest, reflect, and goal set. I am glad to be back in Prince George from my Prince Rupert and the Lower Mainland trips. I was working during this time, but also resting and slowing down. I loved my forest bathing experience, as mentioned in my last blog post, and how I am feeling more intentional with my next steps in life. I am no longer a “floating blob” (a term that I have coined during my forest bathing experience), but I am listening to myself and intuition.
Although I could feel guilty about taking my work day a bit more slowly over the last month, but I am tying up loose ends and making plans for the upcoming year. I am forming boundaries for myself and my work, and identifying what’s important to me and make a commitment in meeting those needs so that my cup is full as I head toward the fall term. I don’t want to question myself or hypothesize what people want from me. I want to move in ways that make me happy and learning as I do. I am an experiential learner and that has not changed. I am practical, pragmatic, and love human connection. For example, today I had coffee and chats with my friends.
Who I connect with are people whom I can be authentic with. I will always remain professional with my colleagues, students, and co-workers, but want to delve deep into interests with folks who I can feel wholehearted with. I love the people whom I connected with on my trips and today for coffee. I even had a phone call today with my edu-buddy to. I have made changes to my job and letting go of what was and looking forward to what will be. I am clear about what I want to accomplish and I knowing this will helps me to create boundaries with others, my work, and myself.
With this clarity, I can be more intentional and take ownership for my actions. In past, I was more focused with what I thought others expected from me. I was looking to belong or I engaged in opportunities not knowing where it would lead me. I think that’s ok, but now I am feeling like I am in control. As I have been told by several mentors… “the only person who will take care of you is you”… “you need to be selfish to get ahead”… and “research or writing is ME TIME.” It has taken some time to fully understand what each of these people were trying to tell me and what I have realized is, I have to prioritize myself and by doing so I am honouring and valuing who I am.
I spent most of my life stepping back, serving others, or pretending to be someone I am not. I have landed. I understand now what I value, what interests me, and what I want to pursue. Signing a 3-year contract and my kid going to school in Prince George for her post-secondary studies, I am exactly where I want to be. I have a place to live, I’m with my kid, and I have a job that gives me the freedom, autonomy, and agency I deeply desire. I love to teach. I get super excited about learning. And, I am heading into the unknown and uncertain world of research and I need to vulnerable to do so.
I am excited. I am so grateful for people’s mentorship, the work and patience of my coach and therapist, and the unconditional love of my kid. I am surrounded by good people and I can make the most of every moment. I choose to be here. Yay for me!
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 05th, 2022 | Comments Off on Feeling Intentional
I’ve been travelling around BC over the last week. Last weekend I was with my family (i.e., my dad, sister, and twin bro) and we travelled to our “hometown” of Prince Rupert. My brother and I were born and raised there. My parents and my sister immigrated into Canada from Hong Kong when my sister was 2-years old. We had lots of memories. My dad had some difficulties remembering some things. It must have been another lifetime for him. Some things changed radically (i.e., the pulp mill, the Port, and schools) while other things stayed the same (i.e., our houses, city hall, the public library, and Civic Centre). We were not visiting people, but bumped into a few. It happens when you are in a small town. Many recognized my brother. LOL.
Going to Prince Rupert was an excellent trip. My sister, brother, and dad never thought they would return to Rupert, but happy that they did. It was good closure for my family and what my dad recognized were the changes in community. When we graduated from high school and my parents moved to China then to Burnaby, BC, it was the height of Prince Rupert’s population and livelihood. Natural resources like pulp and paper and the canneries were at its peek and my grad class was the largest. Now the city is about 60% of what it was and new areas like Cow Bay changes the personality and rhythm of the community. My brother noticed that who we are was influenced by our experience in Prince Rupert. People are nice and friendly. My sister loved visiting the public library, her first and favourite job. They were celebrating their Centennial and had posters ups… and my sister was there! Lots of memories.
I loved visiting places like WestEnd Restaurant and having a HUGE chow mein bun. I think things like that are funny and I enjoyed staying at the Crest Hotel. We say three canoes launch (during the fishing derby) with youth and talked to the community. I enjoyed being in community and feeling like “we were at home” (as my sister said) and yet being visitors to this land. On our first day, an Indigenous person approached us as the sunken gardens and pointed out an eagle’s nest to us. Are we tourists? Yes we were. I loved the Northern Pacific Cannery and the Museum of Northern British Columbia. I appreciated the history and the storytelling. I used to work and the museum and enjoyed the gift shop to get souvenirs that would fit into my backpack. It was good to return home and I anticipate, unlike my family, to be back here soon.
Upon my return to Prince George, we did a quick turnaround to drive to the Lower Mainland. I enjoyed being back in Prince George. It’s my new home and I have very little desire to return back to the Sunshine Coast. Much like my family with Prince Rupert, the Sunshine Coast was another lifetime. I’ve turned to a new page and I am happy about where I am (at least enjoying the journey so far). In the Lower Mainland, I wanted to create a little vacation for myself. First of all, my kid is a good driver. Wow. Driving long distances is not my strength. I do prefer the plane. LOL. That said, I am happy to have my vehicle to explore place. I have a different kind of freedom with my car. I booked a couple of motels… one in Burnaby and the other in Harrison Hot Springs. It’s a super hot week and I am appreciating the air conditioning.
The photo above shows an image of a tree in Stanley Park. It was a gorgeous tree. I won this experience via Instagram (and did not realize it was a contest). Serendipity works in mysterious ways. We sat near this tree and in the shade. The experience happened exactly the way it should in terms of people, place, and land. I loved slowing down (even more) to listen to and be informed by the forest and trees. It was a beautiful complement to the Museums I visited in Prince Rupert and the Sacred Journeys exhibit at Science World (I went to the day before). Forest bathing at Stanley Park was amazing. It was exactly what I needed. I learned about stillness, connection, and interconnection. I made deliberate choices and the forest had the answers. There is a level of trust, openness, and vulnerability required to really listen to what your body is saying. I am still reflecting on these messages but super happy I went.
My mini work/play holiday concludes at Harrison Hot Springs. I’m not sure what inspired me to make this trip. A part of me wanted to be by the water and another part of me wanted to return to places in a conscious and purposeful way. I’ve been her a few times, but I was more like a “floating blob” (a term I used at forest bathing) versus a person moving forward, like the roots of a tree, with intention and purpose. I’m here looking at this place with different eyes and I am brought back to this image during forest bathing about the roots of a tree. The first activity at forest bathing was breathing and mediation and one of the images provoked was the roots of a tree. What do the roots do when faced with an obstacle? Damn. It just goes somewhere else and takes a different path or direction. A big aha for me. Why keep trying to move through the rock when you can go around it? Here at the hot springs, I’m feeling the same way. I needed to come this place to realize what I don’t want.
The lessons continued at forest bathing with two more invitations. One was to focus on movement and the second on community. This tree in this picture above taught me so much. I was focused on the motion of the leaves of the tree and its branches; and then the trunk of the tree. What I have realized at that time was how there are different communities and different people within each community. Find your people and know that in this place, every person is doing their own thing and what they are doing does not determine your value or contributions to the community. Do you own thing. Acknowledge it and embrace it. You are the only person to make who you are, but know that you are contributing and have value. Your community has your back. Being at Harrison Hot Springs is nice, but this is not my place. I am thankful to be in Prince George and to be in a place and with people who have my back. I have met some pretty amazing people who all do different things and we are interconnected.
I can see this now. I can see my value and my worth. I can contribute in ways that are aligned to who I am and what’s important to me. ALIGNMENT has been always something that I’ve been looking for and I believe that I am arriving. It’s never perfect and I love positioning myself as a learner (not a knower). I don’t have to be with “the cool kids” (aka. The Cedar Trees at Stanley Park during my forest bathing session) but I can belong to a tree (or community) that I choose and I belong to (for me and we). It’s so interesting that I’ve spent most of my life trying to be someone else or being someone who I perceive other people want me to be. I’m not that person. I am me.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 29th, 2022 | Comments Off on Figuring Things Out
Week 123 – July 21, 2022 – Creating a New Identity
OK. I’m writing this blog post the day after. Time is flying by and I had a wonderful day yesterday on the 21st. It was an ordinary day. I got up. Showered. Made a cup of coffee and got on with my day. It was a full day. I helped my kid with her schooling and paying tuition, I went to a meeting online, and got my new computer deployed and installed at work. My kid took me out for dinner and it was an awesome day.
I feel great at about my research agenda. I bumped into a colleague at work and asked her a question about some wonderings about my potential research and I was looking for some clarity and confirmation. Guess what? I got it. I was so happy. It was the biggest gift I got that day. No wait… my kid bought my dinner. No wait… I had a great meeting. No wait… my new computer is going to make me a better person.
What I did realize today is, this day was my former wedding anniversary. I celebrated my relationship and marriage for several decades on this day, July 21st, and now it’s just an ordinary day. It feel good. I am me. It’s difficult to describe, but I feel liberated. I am giving myself permission and grace to be me and it feels great. I am open and willing to receive what the universe has to offer. I feel lucky that this is my day.
I am looking at my 13-year old self. Who am I and what’s important to me? Looking back at my true self is difficult because I have to relearn who that person is and have the strength to give myself the space and time to develop that person. I am learning what I love to do and what brings me joy. I am also recognizing what does not bring me joy and taking that moment to say goodbye and letting it go wholeheartedly.
I am entering a new chapter in my life. I’ve been entering or awhile but today I feel like I have landed and feel firm in my stance. I am standing tall and it feels good. I am feeling rested, restored, and rejuvenated. I am in a good place and I am grateful. My family just asked me today if I loved my job, where I lived, and the people in my community. I answered yes to all three questions. This was a revelation. Yay me.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, July 22nd, 2022 | Comments Off on An Ordinary Day
