Teacher Dreams Are REAL

Week 131 – September 18, 2022 – Living our your fears

I am so grateful to have two good sleeps out of the week but the teacher dreams are real and memorable. Normally, I don’t remember my dreams but dang, I remembered the last two nights and honestly they felt pretty real to me. Often teacher dreams are not “nice” and often play out our fears. Admittedly, that’s exactly what happened to me and those fears are real, internally and externally. I am manifesting or have manifested my fear in real-life, it’s playing out in my teacher dreams, now I’m looking for a remedy. I’m not sure what to make of it and notice I’m not sharing my fear.

What I am really hoping for is something from with is so scared poopless that I will do something about it. Albeit, my mindset is shifting and I’m not scared. I’m a little annoyed with myself but I will say that annoyed it not quite the word either. As I shift my job around, my surroundings have not changed. In fact, they remain much the same. But, what has changed is my mindset. I am taking on the way of being where I’m not “shoulding” myself into doing things. I’m not driven by shame or fear. I can’t take myself that seriously. I won’t. I want to lead a YOLO life without the FOMO.

What I am learning is honouring who I am and it’s far from perfect. I’m ok with that. I can’t be someone who I am not and I have to stay true to who I am (and not abandon myself). I did that for many years to the point where I got lost (if that makes sense). It’s taken me a year of self care and self love to understand that I am who I am and I will do what I need to do on my own terms and respect myself as I do things. I have to “be the leader who I’ve always wanted” and “forge my path instead of following.” I’m prepared to do this. At times I’ll ask for help, but only some are able to lift me up.

One of my mantras is much like the golden rule. Whatever we want for students, we have to want for ourselves. It’s interesting to think of that way of being. I have to listen to myself. What I want for students is not exactly what I am giving myself. I need to be kinder, more patient, and be willing to make mistakes. I don’t want to overthink things and feel resentful or regret. This is my time to model for me, my kid, and my students. I can’t let fear get the best of me. I do second guess, but in the end it’s for me to decide and make my path. Nothing is permanent. I want this for me.