Christine Ho Younghusband

Begin with Beading

January 20, 2024 – You have to start somewhere

One of the things I remembered from my doctoral studies was one really innovative academic (and also doctoral student) gathered data from those who anonymously contributed to a blog as feedback to some public performances and not having to get ethics to use that information. It’s not to say that I would not be seeking ethics for my self-study, but I just want to start somewhere with my reflections and understanding. I am driven by the work of Parker Palmer, Alasdair MacIntyre, David A. Kolb, and K. Anders Ericsson, and John Dewey. Self-knowledge, the goods internal, experiential learning, and deliberate practice are principles I want to know more about but also I embed these principles into my pedagogy and practice. It guided my practice and I am more aware of them as a teacher educator.

What I want to focus on this blog post is looking at what it means to develop this self-knowledge as a teacher leader. I am writing about teacher leadership for a potential chapter submission and what I am learning is, the literature is not definitive or straightforward. Make sense… there are so many perspectives on what teacher leadership is, and if there is no formal positions, policy, or literature that can clearly define what teacher leadership is, the scholarship and notion of teacher leadership cannot develop. It’s not to say that I am going to accomplish a succinct definition of what teacher leadership is, event though I believe all teachers are leaders. I want to start my journey of self-discovery though my 2024 commitment to beading and my #oneword2024 of HAPPY. My first beading class of 2024 was with my daughter.

The lessons are at Two Rivers Gallery. I have been to a couple of beading lessons before, but this year I wanted to commit some time for ME and my personal growth. As a result, I signed up for every beading class during the winter term. It’s 3-hours every week on Thursdays. It’s humbling and rewarding at the same time. in the image, the silver pendant is my daughter’s beading and mine is the eye drop pendant. I love the outer edge and the middle was a strong attempt on beading a circle around a central bead. What I am going to focus on is the beading journey and what feelings it may bring me. I am planning to submit an ethics application soon to engage in a self-study. My chair advised me that this would be the best first step for me in my research program. In 2023, I was deeply invested in learning more about my ethnic identity as a BC educator. I am also stoked about returning back to my dissertation on math education, professional learning, and subject matter acquisition. But, the real work begins with me and my story. I look forward to this journey of discovery.

Staying Indoors

January 16, 2024 – Shifting Gears and Finding Momentum

If you notice carefully, the snow is accumulating rapidly on my patio’s edge. This photo was taken this morning and there is more snow now. It snowed all day and I stayed home all day, working from home. I feel like I have finally overcame the obstacles known as the CCV (the Canadian Common CV), which was a good learning experience. There were a few administrative bits to handle this afternoon and now I am transitioning into writing. So, why not blog? I am grateful in many ways to have a job that is highly dependent on my computer. I’ll be back on campus tomorrow.

This image is a common photo I post daily on my Twitter/X account to share “today’s #patiopic” that is complemented with a thought of the day or pleasant commentary of what is. The weather started warming up a bit to -8 degrees Celsius, but will be cooling down again to temperatures close to -19 degrees. At least it’s not -40 degrees like it was last week with the windchill factor. That said, I do appreciate the blue sky and sunny days when its super cold out. As you can see, it was a cloudy and snowy day today. It gives me a moment to pause and reflect. Hence, I’m inspired to blog.

I am brought to the idea of what’s important to me. Here we go again… not to belabour the issue, but really it’s more about figuring out the nuances of what’s important to me. I am noticing. I am wondering. I am deliberating what action to take. Ultimately, I need to trust my instincts and right now the arrows are pointing towards my doctoral research and investigating mathematics education, out-of-field teaching, and teacher professional development. My heart and spirit are alive in mathematics and assessment, so I need to explore that further as part of my research program.

In the meantime, I will direct my attention to teacher agency, teacher leadership, and climate change education. I am working with a research group and we had the opportunity to learn more about the writing process,  teacher leadership, and knowledge dissemination. Admittedly, there has been a tonne on my plate and I advocated to continue with this chapter writing. Now, I need to follow through on it. In hindsight, I should have advocated for myself and put my work first. I am learning, no doubt. And, I have no regrets. Things happen exactly how they should happen.

Onwards and upwards.

Stay in the Zone

January 14, 2024 – Remember the Feeling

The lingering of my good curling shot last week is one feeling that I cannot let go of. I know that it was only a moment, but that very moment was the feeling of FLOW and “being in the zone.” I had such a busy work week and extended my time to meeting timelines and address perceived pressure and expectations. Luckily, I can say that I am satisfied with my performance from last week, I am not going to sweat the small stuff. Admittedly, my performance was not “perfect” and there is always room for improvement, I had moments of flow that I can be proud of. I’m focussed on that.

Part of being in the zone is having moments that honour my mental and physical health. I have always lived life living in “the hustle” but in 2024, I am very aware when life is getting away from me. For example, one day I did an (almost) an all-nighter and that night I went to bed at 6pm and slept for 14-hours. It made sense to me. It was like 2-sleeps in a row. LOL. I felt so rested that day and ended that day with a beading class at the art gallery. I just loved that. It filled my cup to bead, be with my kid, and be with my friend. I had to stay up late again to prep for my class, but it was Friday.

It’s not the best balance, but it’s getting better. That’s what matters. I am HAPPY. Saturday was amazing!! During the week I am so focused on brain-work, that having Saturdays that is focused on the tangibles balances me well. I can just BE. What I am also focused on is being myself. In doing so, I am honouring myself. I am respecting myself. I love myself. WOW. That was an unravelling, but this is how I feel. I’m not worried about the future or what other people think. I am happy to just do what I feel is right. I do get unsolicited validation and honestly, it’s unexpected and appreciated.

Hence the heart mug. I need to do the same for myself. On Saturday, I recycled, got the mail, spent time with my kid, food shopped, cleaned the fridge, and cooked dinner. Of course I am watching Hallmark movies throughout the day to end every 2-hour interval with a happy ending. Saturdays is an opportunity to rest, restore, and revitalize my joy for my life. How does this relate to teacher leadership? Be happy. I will get to that draft chapter writing, my CCV, and manuscript. Saturdays is about ME for me. I finally get it. ME-days are important to me and effective leadership. Yay!!

Teamwork and Leadership

January 6, 2024 – Correlating with Curling

I’m not sure why curling is my sport… but it is. I was in the curling rink as a young child… a rink rat, shall we say, but curling style. I loved going to the rink. I have fond memories of hot chocolate, cinnamon Dentyne gum, and bugging my dad on the ice for more money to get a bag of Cheezies. No wonder I was wooed to the sport as a teenager. I started curing in Grade 8 and started skipping my own team in Grade 9. I was such a novice skip and player. I remember playing in the McCracken Bonspiel, a spiel for junior players. I was playing in the finals in the B-event and we were playing a Grade 11/12 team. A long story made short, we gave up an 8-ender and our opponent won a trip to Hawaii. They even brought me back a souvenir T-shirt.

I stayed in the sport and became a provincial champion and runner-up in Grade 12. I enjoyed the sport and considered continuing to play during my university years and young adulthood, but the flow and commitment were not there. Over time, to be a “competitive curler” became an unattainable dream. The year I was pregnant, I closed that door. I’ve curled on and off since having my kid. I loved playing ladies night and I played mixed in a bonspiel or two. Bonspieling was the extent of my competitive play for the next decade or two. I’ve won a few prizes and trophies with my teams and I loved the comradery, travel, and teamwork. We always had a tonne of fun.

Don’t get me wrong. I am competitive too. I remember one curling team I skipped with my sister, her friend, and my friend. We were kind of a “meatball team” but we just gelled. My sister’s friend was a beginner. She played lead. My sister played second and my friend played third. We were playing in a local cash spiel and we were playing in the finals against Nora’s team. I loved Nora. I considered her to be my curling-elder. She was amazing and fierce as a curler. I remember it was the last end and there were a tonne of rocks in play. We had last rock and I had to make a miracle shot. It was a double raise take-out. The raises were long, thus a low percentage shot. That’s all we had. Win or lose… make the shot or not. What I loved about this team was, they were all in. GO FOR IT and we did. We made the shot and won!!

I remember that feeling. We called the shot, the team was on board, and there was no self-doubt. Clarity, really. The praise or celebration afterwards did not matter (despite winning the cash and the game). It was a good feeling. My team was amazing!! It’s tough to find that gel on a curling team. You change one player and you change the team. I remained on and off curling throughout the years and gradually I become more recreational. When I first moved to Prince George, I did not curl for a few years. Post-pandemic, I opted to sign up. The rink changed from 8-sheets to four and I threw my name into the hat for Friday nights (aka. the fun league. I joined a team with a couple and another woman. It’s an open league. I play third.

Joining this curling team in 2021 was serendipitous. We decided to play together last year and now this year. Last night was the first game of 2024. Our win-loss record this season has been our worst with only one win in 2023. Normally in past seasons it was the reverse (at least over 0.500). Doesn’t matter. We are having fun. I was feeling grateful for our team. I had a huge appreciation for the unconditional “love” for teamwork and doing our best one rock at a time. Then, I thought about my love for curling. In grade 9, I won a science fair on “the Science of Curling.” I remember using a spring scale to measure the force of rocks in Newtons sliding up and down the ice. A random memory during the 5th end, but I was brought back to my love for the sport.

My skip last night injured himself in the fourth end and stopped playing after the 5th. Guess who stepped in as skip? We were now a team of three, but the game must go on. It was weird because I have not skipped in years and I had to learn the ice in the rocks remaining in the game. We kept with a draw game so that I could learn about the ice and in keeping with the 5-rock rule. The opponent’s skip was making amazing shots during the game and me stepping in did not change her momentum. We gave up one-point in the 6th and one more point in the 7th. We still had the hammer coming home with a one point lead. The score was 6-5. We got one rock in the house and we spent many rocks trying to guard it, and the other team trying to get it out. My first rock was a dud. I took the other turn and hogged my rock. The other skip made an amazing shot, got around the guards, and was just shot rock. OY. Miracle shot. Tie the game or win? Here we go. Hack weight, around the guards, and hit the opponent’s rock on the inside for 2-points. BOOM. We did it!! We won the game!!

I had that feeling again. There was an audience and everything. Players were waiting to play the next game but we managed to squeeze in 8-ends during the first draw. I was not distracted by them and told my lead before I got into the hack that they could wait. “We have a game to play.” Again, we put the broom down, we were all on board, and we made the shot. CLARITY, again. It was an amazing feeling. Although my teammates would say that I made the shot, I believe that WE made the shot. It took all of us. My lead swept the rock, I called the line, the second was there in the house to sweep and assist. We all had a part in our success. To me, this is leadership.

Looking Ahead to 2024

December 30, 2023 – Returned from Puerto Vallarta

We just got back today from Mexico. We took a direct flight from Puerto Vallarta to Prince George via WestJet. It was a short trip with my daughter. We went to an all inclusive (adults only) hotel. It was a WestJet vacation. She paid for her share and I paid for mine (of course), but I also paid for any extras like an ocean side room, overnight stay at the Fairmont Hotel at the Vancouver Airport, and hotel transfers. The extras were my needs. The Fairmont was a beautiful hotel and we flew out of YVR early the next morning. We had a couple drinks in the lounge and Christmas dinner at my sister’s place. It was a great way to start our vacation. In Mexico, we had an oceanside room and the view was spectacular!! We started the vacation strong by going to Centro (or downtown Puerto Vallarta) via public transit. 10 pesos… that’s it!!  My kid pushed me out of my comfort zone. We loved going to the Oyster Grill, visiting friends in Bucarias, and spending time at the resort. Going to Puerto Vallarta was the first trip that my daughter and I took together. It was a trip we both wanted to do.

Much like the Mexico trip, there were some amazing and wonderful moments in 2023 that I will definitely do again. There were also some things that I would do differently. Were there some down moments? Yes. For example, I totally wore the wrong shoes to Bucarias and for the remainder of the trip, I had huge blisters on my feet. They were super painful. I went to the Farmacia and bought many bandaids and spent time for the rest of the vacation maintaining these wounds. No more beaches for me. The sand gets everywhere. A poor decision on my part with natural consequences, but no regrets. I will do better next time. I’m still wearing the bandaids and my feet as I write this blog post. My blisters need time to heal. It feels better everyday and I could not let them hold me back from making the most of my vacation. I adapted. This is experiential learning. As my mom would say, I always like doing things the hard way. I don’t think that has changed. My twin brother researches and plans, and I depend on others and learn from experience. What I do know is, there is no perfect.

What’s important to me and why does it matter?

I’m back at this question which I believe 2024 will be the year. I’ve been pondering since the pandemic about what’s important to me and I’m brought to a memory I had when I was giving birth to my daughter 20-years ago. The nurse said, “you’re not pushing hard enough.” Oh… I was pissed, but she was not wrong. I needed someone like that to tell me the truth in a wholehearted way. I was even more annoyed when she said that the baby had to make it around the corner then reminded me that it was the third lesson in the prenatal series. I did not need that, but she made a point. I pushed. I pushed so hard that I blew a dozen blood vessels in my eyes, I had plenty of stitches, and I was unrecognizable to friends and family. Giving birth was the toughest thing I every had to do (and my dissertation is a close second). In essence, in 2024, I’ve just got to push harder, meaning, give it my all. I keep playing it safe, take partial risks, and shy away when the going gets tough. I have a goal and I need to get there.

In terms of short term goals, I need to redraft my dissertation to be an article. It was done once with my supervisor a few years ago. One rejection and I could not look back at that work. It reminds me of how fragile I was at that time and where I am today. I looked at that work before leaving for my trip to Mexico (which by the way, my friend would not let me bring this work on my trip) and realized that the feedback was fair and that much of my literature review was edited out in the 10000 word version. I thought it was me, when really, it was what we sent. There is a literature review, but now, my mindset has shifted as well as how I self-identity as a “math educator.” I need to revisit my work with new eyes and get this paper down to 5-6000 words. Maybe it’s two articles… who knows? What I am realizing is, my research program is PIVOTING towards identity and identity development. I see this now. And thinking about it makes me very excited. Hello 2024!! I am READY. Let’s do this!!

Merry Christmas 2023

December 23, 2023 – Reflecting on the Year

The year is coming to an end and Christmas is in a couple of days. My kid and are going on vacation in a couple of days which includes Christmas dinner with my family then going somewhere sunny and hot. I end the year quitting coffee and resting (like nobody’s business, even though I’ve got things to do). This year has been filled with many learning opportunities and let me tell you… there has been many lessons to learn from.

My divorce was final in January, “in situ” learning in February, experiential practicum in March, travelled to Italy in April, CSSE Congress in Toronto in May, camping in Salmon Valley in June, WFATE Conference in Victoria in July, car accident in August, new classes in September, my friend’s sudden diagnosis in October, stepping away from service work in November, and returning to this website in December. This list summarizes the year. Lots happened in between. There were up days and down days. If anything, I had to learn how to be resilient, persistent, and be true to myself.

Learning is not meant to be easy. It isn’t easy, but I am learning. I am learning that the only thing I can control is myself, everyone is doing their best (including me), and you cannot please everyone. These items make for MY OWN AXIOMS on how to move forward with life. My professor from my doctoral program had three axioms as well about school systems: the money is the money, be careful what you wish for, and do not underestimate the power of self-interest. These axioms served me well, but arriving to my own axioms is helpful as well. My axioms have a different approach on how to see the world, but they have served me and I am grateful to learn them.

Everyday is a learning day.

I do catch myself dwelling on some negative happenstances and I often wonder the risk of trying new things or raising the bar, but in the end, you don’t know unless you try. I’ve spent most of my life meeting other people’s expectations, trying to fit in to belong, and compromising my values with hopes of being acknowledged or accepted. What I have also learned this year is, the only person I belong to and feel accepted by is myself. I am getting into Brené Brown’s work and not betraying myself. This is BRAVING THE WILDERNESS. That’s what I’m doing and I’m not going to feel bad about my principles in beliefs. That said, I’m always open to feedback. Not as criticism or judgement, but feedback from folks who what to lift me up. I need to belong to me.

Just the other day, someone brought to my attention my age. I never took that into consideration when making decisions, but it is something to consider (in terms of accepting myself). As things come in three, then my kid started talking to me about what she has learned in the Nursing Program. She said, “you fall once, you’re dead.” That statement was intense, but she said, for women in their 60s who fall once, their health declines rapidly leading to death. Yikes. And she said, “you’re getting there mom.” Kind of true. I still have 7-years. Then, I went to the medical clinic to renew my prescription and listening to those checking in and observing folks around my age, I needed to pay closer attention to my health and age. I guess I’m not 30 anymore.

I do want to focus on the next 5, 10, and 15-years of my career. My focus has shifted. I just want to be happy and do good work. I want to learn new things, try new things in my class, and embark on my research and writing. I was too worried about what other people think. What really matters is what I think. What will bring me joy? What will spark my fire? I was so inspired by the keynote speaker Dr. Niigaan Sinclair. He spoke about young men and how they have to learn how to start a fire, build a fire, and sustain the fire. The metaphor resonated with me along with not being the only one making change. One step at a time. At end the year inspired by one IGNITE video that talked about leadership. That’s what this is… teacher leadership. I can do this.

Teacher Leadership

Friday, December 15, 2023 – A Self-Portrait

Oh my gosh… when I saw this image on Instagram, I thought I was looking into a mirror. LOL. A circle (aka. Pusheen) with a bag of chips. Heaven. I don’t eat chips anymore (because I’m getting old and all of my organs are slowly failing) and I’m allergic to cats (but I love Pusheen). Look at the joy in their face!! I know that feeling. I can see myself in this image, or shall I say it’s an excellent self-portrait. Today marks the official end of the fall term (for me). It was full to say the least. I taught two undergraduate courses, two graduate courses, supervised final practicum for 8 teacher candidates, and supervised one graduate student in portfolio. This is the life of teaching faculty at the university. I’m not complaining, but rather accepting.

Surrender. You can’t control your surroundings.

I enjoy teaching. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but to be viable in higher education, there is also a research component, even though it’s not in my workload to do so. I do plenty of service and I’ve been learning since being in higher education how to “say no” and to do what I like to do for the university and profession. I also need to “say no” in my teaching, meaning, I don’t have to do everything. It’s been a year where I had to really think about my values and what’s important to me. I’ve had several pivotal moments in 2023 to point in some direction and with some urgency. It’s not something I can “force” myself to do, but it’s something that needs to stay in my consciousness and be mindful of. Furthermore, in doing so, I’ve had to engage in my own healing. This year has been full of change but I feel that I’m landing somewhere.

Being the end of term, at least for my teaching, I took today as a SLOW DAY to recalibrate into the “on the side of my desk” aspect of my work… research. I’ve been mulling about my research program and looking for that thread that attaches everything that I do and what I am interested in together. This reflection and consideration take time because I am interested and have been involved with many aspects of education that may appear unrelated. I’ve been advised several times during my time at the university to figure out my research program. At first I thought it was mathematics, then Indigenous education, and identity development. What I have realized is, my focus is TEACHER LEADERSHIP. It’s something that I will be writing more about soon for a chapter in a book, but I am realizing this is the common thread throughout my work. The leadership is not a formal position, but I am a leader.

“Lead from where you are.”

Leadership takes on many forms. As I reflect on the courses that I’ve just taught this term and I was deeply moved by one IGNITE video submitted by one student in one of my classes that deeply resonated with me in addition to thinking about what I do in my practice and what I hope for with professional development and even with this blog, TEACHER LEADERSHIP is the connecting thread. Not everyone is going to like what or even like me or what I have to offer, but “my why” (inspired by Simon Sinek) and my deep admiration for Parker Palmer’s work and self-knowledge, I am super excited about this discovery. Yes, I was doing the dishes when my thinking about the content of this blog. It went from reflection and pandemic reflections to the idea of leadership, then to Teacher Leadership, which has always been my mantra. I cannot describe to you how excited I am except for the idea that this blog post took only 30-minutes to write. I’m stoked. So look forward to future posts on teacher leadership.

Feeling Gratitude

Tuesday, December 5, 2023 – Feeling Whole Again

TRUST. I wrestle with this word, concept, or feeling. It’s something that I have never thought about. I was more consumed as a child about “being equal” with my older siblings. As a young adult, I was consumed by doing what I thought others wanted me to be, particularly my parents. As an adult, I spent my time trying to achieve the stereotypical goals like get a career, get married, have a baby, buy a house, etc. At 40-years old, I took a side step and life was disrupted. Call it the midlife unravelling, but it unraveled for a decade. Now in my 50’s, I’m single, my kid is an adult, and I have just completed 5-years of teaching Teacher Ed at the university (plus one term).

Admittedly, it has been turbulent to arrive to this very moment. I left my life as I knew it in the Lower Mainland and created a new one in the Central Interior of BC. The move alone was a huge learning curve, which in turn has taught me the value of place and how I understand the world. Living here in Prince George has been humbling… and healing. I needed to be here. I know that now. Much of my time has been resisting, questioning, and pretending. I am done with that now. I am embarking on a new journey. This year, I was asked to write a short excerpt for Asian Heritage Month: https://www2.unbc.ca/newsroom/unbc-stories/learning-embrace-identity

This term has reminded me so much of how I felt when I left my teaching practice in K-12 in 2010. I had good flow, good relationships, and I loved what I did. It almost seemed too good to be true. In some ways it was because I left the practice for other reasons. It was not the students or my love for teaching and learning. Now that the “dust has settled” at the university and heading into the Fall 2023 term, my approach to my courses were with an open heart and mind. I continued exploring my pedagogy that resonated with my values and beliefs. I feel exactly like I did when I left K-12 teaching. I love all of my courses, I love all of my students, and I love myself.

The photos above are of my students from EDUC 491. I was their course instructor and practice evaluator (aka. faculty advisor). The process as to how we arrived to this class composition was atypical and unnecessarily stressful. When I was able to allow, surrender, and accept, we entered the final practicum doing what was best for us. I felt the same for my 2 undergraduate courses, 2 graduate courses, and one graduate student supervision. I also felt good starting the term connecting with my final undergraduate course of a cohort I taught last year for two consecutive terms. Big picture, as you can see, we ended the term strong and completed practicum.

I feel so lucky to have a these people in my practicum group and I appreciate all of my students. I learn so much about them, my subject area, and about myself. I would also say developing an expertise with deliberate practice is also part of this magic formula of success. Yesterday was my last day of classes and I am very appreciative of the new cohorts, but also grateful for this crew, last year’s elementary cohort, and members of the science/math crew. As bumpy as it may have been en route, I am learning more about overcoming self-doubt and to believe in myself. Feels great!!