Merry Christmas 2023
December 23, 2023 – Reflecting on the Year
The year is coming to an end and Christmas is in a couple of days. My kid and are going on vacation in a couple of days which includes Christmas dinner with my family then going somewhere sunny and hot. I end the year quitting coffee and resting (like nobody’s business, even though I’ve got things to do). This year has been filled with many learning opportunities and let me tell you… there has been many lessons to learn from.
My divorce was final in January, “in situ” learning in February, experiential practicum in March, travelled to Italy in April, CSSE Congress in Toronto in May, camping in Salmon Valley in June, WFATE Conference in Victoria in July, car accident in August, new classes in September, my friend’s sudden diagnosis in October, stepping away from service work in November, and returning to this website in December. This list summarizes the year. Lots happened in between. There were up days and down days. If anything, I had to learn how to be resilient, persistent, and be true to myself.
Learning is not meant to be easy. It isn’t easy, but I am learning. I am learning that the only thing I can control is myself, everyone is doing their best (including me), and you cannot please everyone. These items make for MY OWN AXIOMS on how to move forward with life. My professor from my doctoral program had three axioms as well about school systems: the money is the money, be careful what you wish for, and do not underestimate the power of self-interest. These axioms served me well, but arriving to my own axioms is helpful as well. My axioms have a different approach on how to see the world, but they have served me and I am grateful to learn them.
Everyday is a learning day.
I do catch myself dwelling on some negative happenstances and I often wonder the risk of trying new things or raising the bar, but in the end, you don’t know unless you try. I’ve spent most of my life meeting other people’s expectations, trying to fit in to belong, and compromising my values with hopes of being acknowledged or accepted. What I have also learned this year is, the only person I belong to and feel accepted by is myself. I am getting into Brené Brown’s work and not betraying myself. This is BRAVING THE WILDERNESS. That’s what I’m doing and I’m not going to feel bad about my principles in beliefs. That said, I’m always open to feedback. Not as criticism or judgement, but feedback from folks who what to lift me up. I need to belong to me.
Just the other day, someone brought to my attention my age. I never took that into consideration when making decisions, but it is something to consider (in terms of accepting myself). As things come in three, then my kid started talking to me about what she has learned in the Nursing Program. She said, “you fall once, you’re dead.” That statement was intense, but she said, for women in their 60s who fall once, their health declines rapidly leading to death. Yikes. And she said, “you’re getting there mom.” Kind of true. I still have 7-years. Then, I went to the medical clinic to renew my prescription and listening to those checking in and observing folks around my age, I needed to pay closer attention to my health and age. I guess I’m not 30 anymore.
I do want to focus on the next 5, 10, and 15-years of my career. My focus has shifted. I just want to be happy and do good work. I want to learn new things, try new things in my class, and embark on my research and writing. I was too worried about what other people think. What really matters is what I think. What will bring me joy? What will spark my fire? I was so inspired by the keynote speaker Dr. Niigaan Sinclair. He spoke about young men and how they have to learn how to start a fire, build a fire, and sustain the fire. The metaphor resonated with me along with not being the only one making change. One step at a time. At end the year inspired by one IGNITE video that talked about leadership. That’s what this is… teacher leadership. I can do this.