Feeling Gratitude
Tuesday, December 5, 2023 – Feeling Whole Again
TRUST. I wrestle with this word, concept, or feeling. It’s something that I have never thought about. I was more consumed as a child about “being equal” with my older siblings. As a young adult, I was consumed by doing what I thought others wanted me to be, particularly my parents. As an adult, I spent my time trying to achieve the stereotypical goals like get a career, get married, have a baby, buy a house, etc. At 40-years old, I took a side step and life was disrupted. Call it the midlife unravelling, but it unraveled for a decade. Now in my 50’s, I’m single, my kid is an adult, and I have just completed 5-years of teaching Teacher Ed at the university (plus one term).
Admittedly, it has been turbulent to arrive to this very moment. I left my life as I knew it in the Lower Mainland and created a new one in the Central Interior of BC. The move alone was a huge learning curve, which in turn has taught me the value of place and how I understand the world. Living here in Prince George has been humbling… and healing. I needed to be here. I know that now. Much of my time has been resisting, questioning, and pretending. I am done with that now. I am embarking on a new journey. This year, I was asked to write a short excerpt for Asian Heritage Month: https://www2.unbc.ca/newsroom/unbc-stories/learning-embrace-identity
This term has reminded me so much of how I felt when I left my teaching practice in K-12 in 2010. I had good flow, good relationships, and I loved what I did. It almost seemed too good to be true. In some ways it was because I left the practice for other reasons. It was not the students or my love for teaching and learning. Now that the “dust has settled” at the university and heading into the Fall 2023 term, my approach to my courses were with an open heart and mind. I continued exploring my pedagogy that resonated with my values and beliefs. I feel exactly like I did when I left K-12 teaching. I love all of my courses, I love all of my students, and I love myself.
The photos above are of my students from EDUC 491. I was their course instructor and practice evaluator (aka. faculty advisor). The process as to how we arrived to this class composition was atypical and unnecessarily stressful. When I was able to allow, surrender, and accept, we entered the final practicum doing what was best for us. I felt the same for my 2 undergraduate courses, 2 graduate courses, and one graduate student supervision. I also felt good starting the term connecting with my final undergraduate course of a cohort I taught last year for two consecutive terms. Big picture, as you can see, we ended the term strong and completed practicum.
I feel so lucky to have a these people in my practicum group and I appreciate all of my students. I learn so much about them, my subject area, and about myself. I would also say developing an expertise with deliberate practice is also part of this magic formula of success. Yesterday was my last day of classes and I am very appreciative of the new cohorts, but also grateful for this crew, last year’s elementary cohort, and members of the science/math crew. As bumpy as it may have been en route, I am learning more about overcoming self-doubt and to believe in myself. Feels great!!