Christine Ho Younghusband

Having Your Back

December 6, 2020 – Week 38 – The end of term

I am racing to the finish line after a very long marathon and I know there is a post race soon after I cross the finish line. Friday was my last class with EDUC 394 and it was also the last day of practicum for EDUC 490. I’m exhausted. It’s like I start and end my week on Friday’s. By the end of my class, my brain is Zoom fatigued.

I always encourage my students get outside after my class. I go the full 3-hours synchronously. I was so happy to have The Elder in Residence to come visit to end the course in a good way. I was not sure what to expect but I got shivers up and down my spine several times during the hour. It was amazing. He ended the class in his language and translated the saying into English. I loved it. “Soar with the eagles.” Super magical. The students appreciated his visit and one student talked about his grandfather. I was so happy to end the course that way. I feel very lucky.

I took my advice and went for a walk with my dog after class. It was a gorgeous sunny day. Sally an I took a detour from the routine of walking around the block and strolled through the forest first. It was magical. I can’t believe this park is so close to my house. It’s a good way to escape the online experience and get back to what’s important… nature and my mental health. I need to do that more often. It’s becoming more clear to me that I have to be a priority in all THIS to be sustainable and viable. I’m definitely not perfect and misstepped a few times. That’s not where I want to be.

I have to be INTENTIONAL with my actions. Returning back home after our walk around the block, I was drawn back into my work with a few phone calls. It was nice to chat with my kid too. I get so consumed with my work that I am missing moments with her and that’s one of my main reasons for staying in the Sunshine Coast during COVID-19. I can teach remotely and be with my kid. Honestly, it can be all consuming. And, it is. How does one find balance in this and I’m not even researching… yet.

I went to bed early and slept for 11-hours. Obviously I needed it. How is this sustainable? No emails, really, on the weekend. I get to address my work at my own pace. Can you believe that? I worked all weekend. I have a tonne to do but I have done enough to get Monday morning going with #EDUFAIR2020. Let’s see how this goes, but I’m prepped. That’s all that matters. The post-race will come soon after.

When I started this blog, it was suppose to be about me have the back of others, like the people I work with or my students. I do. Sometimes conversations are not easy but the goals and learning intentions have to be clear so that you can have tough conversations. I hope people feel safe but I also want to remain honest, supportive, and kind. Anyway, what the blog is turning into is to recognize those who support me and have my back. Admittedly, I can be too focussed and lose sight of what is.

I realized that my scope is limited. I have an expertise but so do others. The goal is for them. Not to be like me or vice versa but find ways to connect, converse or collaborate. It does kit work with everyone. I’m so grateful for friends who can keep things in perspective for me. I don’t think the term “letting go” is the right term that I am developing, but more like “accepting” what is and influence where I can, if needed or asked. I can only do what I can do but I am learning that it’s the same for others. This does not make it right, but understanding this helps me to have their back.

Relationships are the underpinnings of education. It takes time to develop trust and respect. I need to be patient but persistent. Keep the vision. Be mindful of self. Be intentional. That’s my next step in the pedagogical journey after I mark portfolios and finish my paperwork for the term. I’m back to, “what’s really important to me?” I’m still figuring that out. If anything, I have to have my back because I’m important too.

Two Blog Posts In One

Week 36 and Week 37 – November 21 and 28, 2020

CONVERGENCE – bringing two things together to one point. That’s what I’m doing today… well, now a few days later. This COVID-experience is almost like a time-warp. Time goes by fast. Time goes by slow. I have no sense of time and now I find myself catching up most of the time to get where I want to be. I don’t know how other people are doing it but I will admit that I am completely exhausted and I am 100% underestimating the time it takes to do things. I feel so lucky to teach remotely and be in my home on the Sunshine Coast with my daughter… but dang. This online lifestyle is getting the best of me. I feel like I am shifting again to a “new normal” where I have to PIVOT to getting outside and connecting with nature.

This photo is one of my most favourite places to be… MISSION POINT in Davis Bay. This place is amazing and it’s one of the places I walk with my edu-buddy to discuss life, kids, and education. We walk along the seawall and to Mission Point Park where there is a sandy beach and a massive spit where the two waters CONVERGE, as you can see in the photo above. It takes my breath away and I love that this is a place where I feel at home. I also love the imagery of the two waters meeting at one point. I feel so blessed to live in such a beautiful place and community. However, I will admit, with the new COVID-19 numbers in BC, I am so compelled to just stay at home. I just don’t get out. It’s very much like how I felt in March 2020. #stayathome

I am not really that motivated to leave the house, except to walk with my edu-buddy and to walk my dog Sally around the block. I will sometimes force myself to go out and get a Steeped Tea from Tim Hortons or Pink Drink from Starbucks. Most times I am on my computer, like I am now, attending a Zoom meeting, teaching a class, or sending out emails like I had nothing better to do with my time. My legs ache. My head is numb. And, I wished I had the strength to make dinner after a 12-hour online day. Most days I can’t. Even my favourite local Chinese restaurant just closed for 14-days due to a COVID-19 exposure. Nothing is safe anymore (and I have to cook).

The one thing I do appreciate about online is ACCESS. I am able to attend meetings with people whom I may have never met otherwise face-to-face. I am able to attend conferences and workshops without the expense of travel and accommodations. I am participating in MOOCs and I hope that I am able to carve out the time soon to write. I need to read and write… and I never thought I would say that in my lifetime, but I feel that it’s time. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time until the work of this term is complete. I do love the work that I get to do. I feel that each thing that I am a part of is ALIGNED to my purpose of “improving the learning experiences of students.” The experience is transformative, progressive, and disruptive… for self and others.

Tomorrow I am a guest on a former student’s podcast. This will be my third podcast and I am struck by what my friend said to me… you feel like a professor when you are professing something… honestly, this is the next step. To understand this, I have to get reading and writing, and carve out the time. TIME MANAGEMENT. Be more INTENTIONAL. I need to exercise my AUTHENTIC POWER. I am drawn to Gary Zukov right now and what resonates with me today is, “accept the consequences.” Agreed. No fear. There is nothing to lose. Act and accept the consequences. I also loved what I heard yesterday in an interview with Oprah and Jack Canfield and he said you know when you are on the right path when what you are doing feels joyful.

As tired as I am, I am on the right path. I am currently visioning a life that I am currently living. How many people can do that? I am not sure where the pandemic will take me. I am constantly deliberating what to do with my apartment and the level of uncertainty with anything right now is high. What I do know for sure is, I am grateful for every moment I had so far and I love all of the people I have met along the way. I love how my daughter is learning math at home and loving it. She can factor a trinomial like nobody’s business. I am so impressed. She is transforming her mindset and level of math efficacy right before my eyes. It’s really rewarding. And, I know that I am safe where I am (even though I am teaching online). Life is very good.

#pandemicreflection #catchingup #onestepatatime

The Brighter Side

Week 35 – November 14/15, 2020 – Giving Myself Permission

I gave myself permission today to take the day off. I really needed one. It’s been a stint of time that needed a tonne of my attention and effort. Nothing for me. I do enjoy going to Tim Hortons and getting a steeped tea from my favourite Tim Horton’s server. He is so efficient. I really like that. I went out and roamed around with my kid. It’s so nice that she can drive. She took me out “into the real world” to do real people things. In the pandemic, it’s so easy to isolate myself particularly with remote learning. I am doing my whole job online. It’s not my preferred modality, but I’m doing it. It’s taking a beating on me (and my students) to learn 100% online via Zoom and Blackboard, but that’s what it is, for now. I think with all of the numbers rising and K-12 schools closing for 2-weeks at a time for staff and students to self-isolate, I’m anticipating “a new norm” in the second wave. It’s not going to be pretty. I need to take some time for self, give myself permission not to work, and do what “normal people do” to rebuild myself for the next week to come. It seemed like I was in a marathon and I could not get out of the race… and the race was never ending. You think you were on mile 20, but really it’s the 5th mile. UGH. I’m taking a water break and spending time with my kid. I am also grateful to my friends who reached out to me to see how I was doing and for my friends who listen to me. I could not do this without you. I am so happy to take time for myself, clean the house, get a steeped tea, sit in front of the fire place, and go for a walk. The little things keep me happy. 🙂

BTW: I have to post my Week 33 blog post below… why? It’s seriously receiving some major JUNK messaging that has to stop… so have have to delete that blog post. It’s very stalker like to receive messages from BOTS or whomever from porn-liked names sites relentlessly and continuously. I can see why people hate being online and receiving garbage emails like you had nothing better to do but to receive them. Gah. I tried to change my settings, but it didn’t work. Goodbye troll. Find another victim.

Week 33 – November 1, 2020 – Changing Seasons

Wow. Survived Halloween. I did not expect too many kids but about 75 trick-or-treaters walked by in small groups. The kids were so cute and I made just the right amount of candy bags. Normally, I would not make candy bags because more than 200+ kids come by our house, but this year seemed different with COVID-19. It was nice to see families out and it was a gorgeous night with the full Blue moon. Kudos for trick-or-treaters for getting outside. Why not collect some candy en route?

Here I stand at the fork in the road. I am reminded by the song by The Clash, “Should I stay or should I go.” Can you believe it has been 10-years since I’ve been teaching in BC public schools? It shocks me. Time just flies by and I’ve learned so much over the last 10-years, met so many great people, and participated in so many educational experiences that making me into the educator I am today. A humbling journey, but one that is looking at the the fork in the road. I have decided how things will unfold after a decision is made and honestly, I look forward to both. I just have to wait.

That said, am I a patient person? Nope. Am I swamped? Yup. I have plenty of work to keep me occupied (as long as my brain and body don’t fail me). Sleep is getting the best of me and that’s a good thing to do. Anyway, I had two master’s papers to review, 30+ lesson plans to provide feedback on, and 78 e-portfolios to to look at. Let’s not forget to mention the many Zoom meetings I attend, emails I need to respond to, and yes… the classes I have to prep and teach. I have plenty to stay “in the moment.” I am not complaining, but I’m not bored either. It’s busy. It’s messy.

What I can say right now is, SAVOUR THE MOMENT. Things are suppose to happen the way it’s suppose to. Stop controlling what I can’t control. I can only do the best that I can. My Pedagogical Journey will unfold as it should. I am not sad about how things are going. If I had the position, power, or influence to create change, I would. Sometimes I don’t have that and I have to allow things to happen as they should. Will I get caught trapped underneath the bus? Possibly. It happens from time to time. I tried to prevent problems from happening but many times felt that no one really understood what I was saying. Too late and too bad. Here we are. Now what?

A difficult time. An exciting time. Should I say or should I go? Time will only tell.

#pandemicreflections #timeforchange #decisiontime

Not the same… so PIVOT

Week 34.5 – November 11, 2020 – Lest We Forget

Thank you to all those who served the country and risked their lives so that we can have our freedom. I am so grateful. Remembrance Day 2020. It’s one to remember. I feel so privileged not to know what war is, experience what war is, or to lose loved ones to war. I really appreciated those who were able to share photos of family members who served the country on social media. I was moved and heartened. It takes a special someone to protect our country, preserve our freedom, and keep the peace. Honestly, my problems are not problems. I am so lucky. Lest We Forget. And yet, today… Remembrance Day 2020 was memorable because we had to PIVOT and remember those from the safety and comforts of our home during the pandemic.

I will admit. I am pressed as an educator during this time of COVID-19 and I’m confident that I am not the only one who feels this way. I’ve been working full-time everyday. I work during the weekend. I work on statutory holidays. I am working. Sadly, I don’t seem to be catching up, time is flying by, and I have a tonne to do. Teaching asynchronously is getting the best of me and I can only imagine what it’s like for my students. I’m missing out on social cues and I’m pretty sure what’s being communicated is being miscommunicated. I know that my students are stressed and I’m doing the best I can to inform, but not overload. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am.

There are up days and down days. Most days feel like it’s a test or I’m being tested. I do have some amazing moments, like the other night. My class were willing to go with the flow, engage with an open heart and mind, and co-construct knowledge as a learning community. I was so proud of them. What they learned last class exceeded my expectations. They collaborated in breakout rooms, wrestled with the ideas, and made meaning together. I was incredibly blown away with what they had to say. They were so connected to what we were learning. I could not ask for anything more. I feel so blessed. On the other hand, I do get pushback, mixed messaging, and complaints. I try to be nimble, but it’s getting the best of me. It’s not perfect and I am learning, but expectations and work demands are high. How can I make the best of this?

I am my own toughest critic, but I am also glad that I have good friends and those who are willing to check in with me to see how I am doing. Teaching remotely, being at home for most of the day, and working from my computer are not ideal for my social emotional wellbeing and development of my craft. I need to be intentional with my time, my thoughts, and what I do at work and home. I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of others. THANK YOU VETERANS for what you have done so that I can worry about the little things in my life. Life is good. I am very grateful.

#pandemicreflections #reflective #reflexive #bekind

Committing to Passion

Week 32 – October 24, 2020 – Getting It Together

Lots of thinking and reflecting this week and weekend. The ill-fated question, “What’s important to me?” shows its ugly face again. What is important to me and what’s my vision? I’ve been asking myself this question for the last few years. I used to have a vision more than 10-years ago that involve me, a large hotel conference room, and lots of people. Done. Never thought it was possible, but it happened. Who knew? I had to realize that, which I did. But ever since, I’ve been working on my next vision.

Admittedly, I struggled with my next vision and what it would be until a week ago. I was chatting with a colleague and she kept on asking questions and I was reluctant to share what I saw in my mind’s eye. I took the plunge and decided to share my “new” vision and she seemed to receive it well. Her reaction was promising. I then shared my idea with a friend and she provided me with some positive feedback. Then I shared my idea to a mentor and he was really supportive and encouraging. Woohoo.

Validated. New vision established. This is very exciting for me because I never shared my first vision, but now I’m in a situation where I need as much feedback I can get to move forward. Their responses were validating and reassuring and now I am tasked with the job to sell this idea formally and publicly. The journey over the last 2-weeks, last 2-months, and last 2-years has been a roller coaster to say the least. Now I have to pull up my socks and get this task done to the best of my ability. Looking forward.

#pandemicreflection #committingtome #nextsteps

Getting Things Done

Slowly but surely I am getting things done. What an incredible feeling. For awhile I was feeling bogged down. Just take a moment to read my “One Month Check In” post and you’ll get a sense of how I was feeling yesterday. A quick summary would be… it could have been better and the glass is half full. If anything, the last few days have been a wake-up call to change my habits and define what’s really important to me.

Thank goodness for critical friends to slap us in the face and wake you up. I am so fortunate to have a few critical friends. I value their friendship and feedback. It’s so easy to focus on the little things that make us mad or angry. But, you can also focus on the little things that make you happy. I needed to so that today. The past few days have been a wake up call and I need to answer. I need to take care of myself.

I cleaned up my office, my desktop, and my dishes… and life got a little bit better. I am able to get the little things off the side of my desk so that I can make room to focus on the bigger things. I needed to shift my gears even more today by making myself go out for a walk tonight. With each step of action and kindness, I am moving in the right direction. I cannot believe how good it feels to get something done. It feels great!!!

This is a gratitude blog. I needed to do it. I’m feeling good. I’m ready for what’s next.

#pandemicreflections #selfcare #mentalhealth

Thankful in 2020

Week 30 – October 12, 2020 – Canadian Thanksgiving

We had our special dinner yesterday. It was unusual for different reasons. One, the stores were sold out of turkey. My kid was willing to step away from sticking to her vegetarian diet to have turkey, but no worries. There were not to be had. Second, I was prepared to make veggie pot pie as the main course, but there was no pastry left in stores either. What?!? This is karma. Shopping and problem solving in the grocery store, I decided that we would have sockeye salmon (and prawns). My kid loves salmon and is willing to eat seafood from time to time. My sister informs me that she is flexitarian. Oy. All that I knew was, I wanted to make Thanksgiving dinner. In the end, it was delicious nonetheless. Lots of food. Lots of veggies (salmon and prawns).

I am so happy to have today off. My brain shutdown for the weekend. Even if I wanted to, and I did, I will not sit in front of the screen. I get so overwhelmed with big screen time for teaching and learning that I I couldn’t even blog until today. This is my fourth blog of the day and now I’m caught up. Woohoo. Feels great. Yes, blogging is my choice and my work, but I love to blog and write about what is. It’s comforting and fulfilling. What am I really thankful for? I am so thankful to be on the Sunshine Coast with my daughter. It’s been strange coming back to the Sunshine Coast this summer (during the pandemic) because everyone knows I’m working in Prince George and expected me to be back in the fall. I’m still here during my kid’s graduating year. Only the pandemic allowed me to stay on the coast, be with my kid, and continue to work full time, online remotely. HUGE GRATITUDE. She even wanted Crocs, just like me.