Tears in my Ears

The last few weeks have been extremely difficult for me. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. Some might call it the 5-stages of grief. I’m calling it a rollercoaster ride and I can’t get off. I didn’t choose to be here but here I am. I am very grateful for those who know me well to give me the space and kindness I need to get through the day. I am also grateful for those who don’t know me well and give me very little patience and call me out on my bad behaviour. At least they care enough about me to tell me. I really appreciate that. Admittedly, it’s been challenging to keep a straight face and positive attitude at work, with my kid, or at home alone watching TV given the circumstances.

The conversation on #bcedchat on “Teacher Wellness: Early in the School Year” resonates with me deeply as well as the possibilities of joining a dance group or running group with my teacher candidates to “get moving” as part of my self care. I also appreciated a student presentation on Indigenous Education today and their message was about taking care of self because your wellness is connected to the family, community, and land. How can I make myself stronger? It was true serendipity to hear that today. I reached a moment of saturation and I felt that I just needed something more… right NOW!!!

I have a long term plan and a short term plan for wellness so that I can be authentic and wholehearted in my classes and be the teacher who I want to be. This is always a moving target and there are ups and downs. The goal is to NOTICE AND LISTEN. Once you hear it, you have to act. And, so I did. I need to heal from the inside to be whole on the outside. We ironically discussed educating the whole student and holistic education tonight in my evening online synchronous leadership course at St. Mark’s College at UBC.

We also need to take care of ourselves as whole people as educators so that we can help others. So I went to Reiki this afternoon. I’ve been to Reiki before (during another difficult time in my life) and that Reiki master helped me a lot. I am in a new town but felt that I needed to go to Reiki once again with hopes of feeling calm, peace, and clarity. What was so interesting, the technique of Reiki was different with this Reiki practitioner. I was so intrigued and some of the experience felt familiar but the approach was so different.

The whole time I was curious about her process and methodology in addition to the messages she shared with me. It was so powerful. The “massage” was AMAZING and I left the session feeling calm, peace, and clarity. I am so grateful. Tears were rolling into my ears during this process. I needed the emotional release and spiritual guidance. This may seem like an odd edu-blog entry to submit and share but this is about self care in one of the toughest professions IMHO. If we are not whole, then we cannot teach well. My job right now is to find the joy in what I do, laugh as often as I can, and have fun. I feel great after my Reiki session and truth… you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.

PS. One of my edu-besties sent me this picture today!!! See below. It’s one of my favourite places to be. Today has been an incredible day and I am super thankful.