What Makes Me Happy

Week 109 – April 15, 2022 – Posting Early (yay me)

I love this image. I’ve been running a series on Twitter with the hashtag #patiopic. The tweets are daily and it gives me a moment to stop and reflect. I also think it’s funny. This tweet series reminds me when I did a Dairy Queen stretch as I drove up from Vancouver to Prince George and documenting all of the $5 meal permutations that I created (and ate) during that road trip. I’ve got to do those things to entertain me, especially during the pandemic, hence this #pandemicreflection blog series.

I have no regrets starting this blog post series during the pandemic. It gave me something to look forward to and be intentional with my thinking and reflections. The blog also helped me to think things through in a meaningful way. There is something magical about the writing process that takes you places where you would not have considered if you left those thoughts ruminating in your mind. It also helped me with my writing and finding my voice to express myself in meaningful ways.

The pandemic is STILL happening as we approach the 6th wave and reduced COVID restrictions and protocols. I can see why we had to do that. Staying isolated in our homes, being policed at restaurants or outings, and living in constant fear was not sustainable. Mental health was strained and watching the news seemed UNREAL. COVID seems like it will be a forever thing and something we have to learn to live with. I was so happy to be with people in the last few weeks. It’s tough to go back.

I started writing this blog post last night. I stopped. My iPad / bluetooth contraption blitzed and the WordPress App closed suddenly. I took it as a sign. I was struggling with what to write in terms of clarity and direction. Today is a new day and I am having no problems. I love that. Listening to myself and honouring what I hear. This act of kindness and respect to self is so integral to my personal/professional learning. First, there is not distinction between professional and personal. It’s just me. Second, I am learning to embrace who I am as a person. Finally, life is good… so enjoy it.

I’ve mentioned in previous posts about looking at my preferences like leadership colours, MBTI, and Enneagram. It’s funny. I’ve test in certain ways and found it hard to believe that this is who I am. Call it denial… call it “I wished I was someone else.” I’ve been doing that my whole life… pretending… and not honouring who I am in fear that no one would like me or accept me for who I am. I was hiding. I think that the last few years has revealed that to me and challenged me to like and accept myself.

Surrendering comes to mind. I had to pull up the white flag and say… you’ve got me. I can’t do this to myself anymore. The self-betrayal and lack of self-trust was leading me down a path that was eroding my spirit and soul. I was losing myself. Today, I have never felt better. The more I read about MBTI and my type ESTJ as well as looking into Enneagram 8 (wing 7)… this is exactly who I am… so embrace it. I got to read further and appreciate that I like personal/professional growth, I like to take leadership roles, and I like systems and solve problems. These are all good things.

Last night I got my apartment all in order and tended to a few loose ends that I’ve been delaying for quite some time and it feels great. Don’t get me wrong… I still have a tonne to do like marking papers and writing papers, but reflecting on last night and all the times before that I’ve done this… the cleaning/organizing ritual foreshadows the big work to come. It’s like I’m getting ready for the big task to come. This is good. Taking the time to clean/organize also represents how I am feeling and I feel good.

Also with this personality typing (which my psychometric friend does not see value in and I can see why from that point of view) is that the darker side of my personality type are also a part of me and it’s good to be aware of it. I first learned about MBTI during my Master degree and learning that I was ESTJ then helped me to understand that I am not ever going to be like my colleague who was the emotive English teacher. It was not in me to do that as the high school math teacher. It does not make me less of a person or teacher. I needed that message then and I needed that message now.