Paralysis and Productivity

End of Week 12 – #COVID19BC

Oh my goodness… it’s now officially the end of 3 months of #physicaldistancing and living with #COVID19. I think that the “new normal” has settled in and we are officially immersed in Phase 2. I was walking downtown this morning in Sechelt and the farmer’s market was open, stores were generally open, and people were sitting at the coffee shop. I will admit, it’s not exactly back to normal. There were only about a dozen tents open at the market, stores had limitations to the service they could provide, and the coffee shop tables were at least 6-feet apart. That said, it was nice to see people out and about. I enjoyed walking around town with my friend and saying hello to those I recognized.

These blogs are moments of reflection. I returned to my commitment to writing weekly blogs at the end of Week 3, I committed to walking everyday as my #daily5kchallenge at the end of Week 6, and I returned to the Sunshine Coast from Prince George at the end of Week 8. Where has the time gone? I cannot believe that I’ve been on the Sunshine Coast for a month and I cannot believe are living through a pandemic. Although some of us are thinking about high school graduation and our students returning to school, the world is deeply engaged in an anti-racism movement with #BlackLivesMatter. From the shootings in Nova Scotia to the death of George Floyd, we are faced with trauma, fear, and anger. I will have to admit, I am taking some time to unpack my mindset about racism and privilege. I experience both. It’s been tough this week to move forward with my writing and research as I find myself caught between paralysis and productivity.

I have some amazing moments like FINALLY submitting my doctoral research as a manuscript for a research journal and FINALLY making up to the kilometres lost on my daily walks. In fact, I am ahead by 5k as of today and it feels great. I feel like I am really gaining some momentum. On the other hand, I have a lot of work to complete and accomplish but I am stalled by the media, the news, and my ongoing thoughts about #blacklivesmatter and #antiAsianRacism. I am getting nothing done. I am provoked when I see Asian people randomly abused by people who are pissed off about COVID19. I can’t even imagine if something like that happened to my mom. It angers me and terrifies me.

I am grappling with racism, my biases, and privilege. I am overwhelmed. Yet, this image above gives me hope. I took this photo on one of my walks this week in West Sechelt. I am drawn to this image of new growth growing from old growth (or something that is dead or decaying).This image serves as a metaphor that something NEW can grow out of something of what was. Even though part of my work is LETTING GO, it also shows me that we cannot forget the past. The past informs the future and provides a foundation to what will be, thus it was meant to happen. The image brings me solace with respect to my professional life, personal life, and our current global condition with the pandemic and racism. My job is to keep foraging ahead and TRUST that things will happen as they should. Stay activated. Stay connected. Stay productive. Take it one step at a time.

#pandemicreflection #blacklivesmatter #catchingup