My Name is a Struggle

November 11, 2025 – Lest we forget

It’s a time to remember all those who fought in the war for our freedom. I am so grateful for the freedom and quality of life I have in Canada as a second-generation Chinese-Canadian woman. Despite some systemic and societal struggles as a person of colour, I have led a wonderful life and I have much to thank to the veterans and those who continue to protect and fight for our country. I recognized that I am very privileged and my struggles are ones that are personal to me and I have the opportunity to discern, wonder, and reflect. Lately, I have been appreciating the little things like where I live, what I am eating, and what I am doing. It’s the little things that I am able to appreciate, enjoy, and have gratitude for. I feel very lucky and safe to be where I am today.

And, when I say things like I LOVE WHERE I AM… I continue to struggle with other things like MY NAME. It’s so frustrating. I can see why identity and self-knowledge are underpinnings to my teaching practice in the teacher education program. For some reason at the university, my name changed from “Christine Ho Younghusband” to “Christine Younghusband.” All of my platforms associated to the university has changed my name (back) to Christine Younghusband. Why does this matter? I struggled with the idea of having my name as Christine Ho Younghusband when I came to the university. I wanted to honour my family’s name but also my married name. I never liked the name I was born with (aka. Alice Christine Ho) and I had always gone with the name “Christine” which is somewhat acceptable, and in my formative years as “Chris.” Doctor’s or bank offices love to use the name “Alice” and my last name is often considered to be “Younghusband” versus “Ho Younghusband.” This name thing is tough when you are in academia. You are trying to create a brand with your name, but also some name recognition.

I know this notion of MY NAME seems almost ridiculous to even speak of, but it’s a pain in the (you know what). Now that I reflect on it, on the one hand, I don’t really like my name as a whole (I mean… who’s Alice?), and on the other hand, I don’t seem to have a lot of control what name I would like to go by (even when I ask for it to be noted or changed). Is this a self-knowledge issue? An identity issue? Or sense of agency and belonging issue? If anything, my name has been a struggle. Yes, I could change it, and I tried, but for whatever reason (aka. a system update), my name reverted back to what it was??? When students and peers ask me what my name is and why I had changed my name, I have no answer but a complex and convoluted one. What is more interesting is, it was super awkward to transition into the name “Christine Ho Younghusband” 7 years ago, but now going back to “Christine Younghusband” does not feel right… much like “Christine Ho,” “Alice Younghusband,” or “Alice Christine Ho” are not quite right. Oof. It’s a thing.

I will ponder this situation while being grateful for my freedom and for those who fought in wars to provide freedom to our country. I feel very lucky, regardless of my name.