Week 35 – November 14/15, 2020 – Giving Myself Permission
I gave myself permission today to take the day off. I really needed one. It’s been a stint of time that needed a tonne of my attention and effort. Nothing for me. I do enjoy going to Tim Hortons and getting a steeped tea from my favourite Tim Horton’s server. He is so efficient. I really like that. I went out and roamed around with my kid. It’s so nice that she can drive. She took me out “into the real world” to do real people things. In the pandemic, it’s so easy to isolate myself particularly with remote learning. I am doing my whole job online. It’s not my preferred modality, but I’m doing it. It’s taking a beating on me (and my students) to learn 100% online via Zoom and Blackboard, but that’s what it is, for now. I think with all of the numbers rising and K-12 schools closing for 2-weeks at a time for staff and students to self-isolate, I’m anticipating “a new norm” in the second wave. It’s not going to be pretty. I need to take some time for self, give myself permission not to work, and do what “normal people do” to rebuild myself for the next week to come. It seemed like I was in a marathon and I could not get out of the race… and the race was never ending. You think you were on mile 20, but really it’s the 5th mile. UGH. I’m taking a water break and spending time with my kid. I am also grateful to my friends who reached out to me to see how I was doing and for my friends who listen to me. I could not do this without you. I am so happy to take time for myself, clean the house, get a steeped tea, sit in front of the fire place, and go for a walk. The little things keep me happy. 🙂
BTW: I have to post my Week 33 blog post below… why? It’s seriously receiving some major JUNK messaging that has to stop… so have have to delete that blog post. It’s very stalker like to receive messages from BOTS or whomever from porn-liked names sites relentlessly and continuously. I can see why people hate being online and receiving garbage emails like you had nothing better to do but to receive them. Gah. I tried to change my settings, but it didn’t work. Goodbye troll. Find another victim.
Week 33 – November 1, 2020 – Changing Seasons
Wow. Survived Halloween. I did not expect too many kids but about 75 trick-or-treaters walked by in small groups. The kids were so cute and I made just the right amount of candy bags. Normally, I would not make candy bags because more than 200+ kids come by our house, but this year seemed different with COVID-19. It was nice to see families out and it was a gorgeous night with the full Blue moon. Kudos for trick-or-treaters for getting outside. Why not collect some candy en route?
Here I stand at the fork in the road. I am reminded by the song by The Clash, “Should I stay or should I go.” Can you believe it has been 10-years since I’ve been teaching in BC public schools? It shocks me. Time just flies by and I’ve learned so much over the last 10-years, met so many great people, and participated in so many educational experiences that making me into the educator I am today. A humbling journey, but one that is looking at the the fork in the road. I have decided how things will unfold after a decision is made and honestly, I look forward to both. I just have to wait.
That said, am I a patient person? Nope. Am I swamped? Yup. I have plenty of work to keep me occupied (as long as my brain and body don’t fail me). Sleep is getting the best of me and that’s a good thing to do. Anyway, I had two master’s papers to review, 30+ lesson plans to provide feedback on, and 78 e-portfolios to to look at. Let’s not forget to mention the many Zoom meetings I attend, emails I need to respond to, and yes… the classes I have to prep and teach. I have plenty to stay “in the moment.” I am not complaining, but I’m not bored either. It’s busy. It’s messy.
What I can say right now is, SAVOUR THE MOMENT. Things are suppose to happen the way it’s suppose to. Stop controlling what I can’t control. I can only do the best that I can. My Pedagogical Journey will unfold as it should. I am not sad about how things are going. If I had the position, power, or influence to create change, I would. Sometimes I don’t have that and I have to allow things to happen as they should. Will I get caught trapped underneath the bus? Possibly. It happens from time to time. I tried to prevent problems from happening but many times felt that no one really understood what I was saying. Too late and too bad. Here we are. Now what?
A difficult time. An exciting time. Should I say or should I go? Time will only tell.
#pandemicreflections #timeforchange #decisiontime
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, November 15th, 2020 | Comments Off on The Brighter Side
Thank you to all those who served the country and risked their lives so that we can have our freedom. I am so grateful. Remembrance Day 2020. It’s one to remember. I feel so privileged not to know what war is, experience what war is, or to lose loved ones to war. I really appreciated those who were able to share photos of family members who served the country on social media. I was moved and heartened. It takes a special someone to protect our country, preserve our freedom, and keep the peace. Honestly, my problems are not problems. I am so lucky. Lest We Forget. And yet, today… Remembrance Day 2020 was memorable because we had to PIVOT and remember those from the safety and comforts of our home during the pandemic.
I will admit. I am pressed as an educator during this time of COVID-19 and I’m confident that I am not the only one who feels this way. I’ve been working full-time everyday. I work during the weekend. I work on statutory holidays. I am working. Sadly, I don’t seem to be catching up, time is flying by, and I have a tonne to do. Teaching asynchronously is getting the best of me and I can only imagine what it’s like for my students. I’m missing out on social cues and I’m pretty sure what’s being communicated is being miscommunicated. I know that my students are stressed and I’m doing the best I can to inform, but not overload. Unfortunately, I don’t think I am.
There are up days and down days. Most days feel like it’s a test or I’m being tested. I do have some amazing moments, like the other night. My class were willing to go with the flow, engage with an open heart and mind, and co-construct knowledge as a learning community. I was so proud of them. What they learned last class exceeded my expectations. They collaborated in breakout rooms, wrestled with the ideas, and made meaning together. I was incredibly blown away with what they had to say. They were so connected to what we were learning. I could not ask for anything more. I feel so blessed. On the other hand, I do get pushback, mixed messaging, and complaints. I try to be nimble, but it’s getting the best of me. It’s not perfect and I am learning, but expectations and work demands are high. How can I make the best of this?
I am my own toughest critic, but I am also glad that I have good friends and those who are willing to check in with me to see how I am doing. Teaching remotely, being at home for most of the day, and working from my computer are not ideal for my social emotional wellbeing and development of my craft. I need to be intentional with my time, my thoughts, and what I do at work and home. I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of others. THANK YOU VETERANS for what you have done so that I can worry about the little things in my life. Life is good. I am very grateful.
Lots of thinking and reflecting this week and weekend. The ill-fated question, “What’s important to me?” shows its ugly face again. What is important to me and what’s my vision? I’ve been asking myself this question for the last few years. I used to have a vision more than 10-years ago that involve me, a large hotel conference room, and lots of people. Done. Never thought it was possible, but it happened. Who knew? I had to realize that, which I did. But ever since, I’ve been working on my next vision.
Admittedly, I struggled with my next vision and what it would be until a week ago. I was chatting with a colleague and she kept on asking questions and I was reluctant to share what I saw in my mind’s eye. I took the plunge and decided to share my “new” vision and she seemed to receive it well. Her reaction was promising. I then shared my idea with a friend and she provided me with some positive feedback. Then I shared my idea to a mentor and he was really supportive and encouraging. Woohoo.
Validated. New vision established. This is very exciting for me because I never shared my first vision, but now I’m in a situation where I need as much feedback I can get to move forward. Their responses were validating and reassuring and now I am tasked with the job to sell this idea formally and publicly. The journey over the last 2-weeks, last 2-months, and last 2-years has been a roller coaster to say the least. Now I have to pull up my socks and get this task done to the best of my ability. Looking forward.
#pandemicreflection #committingtome #nextsteps
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, October 24th, 2020 | Comments Off on Committing to Passion
Slowly but surely I am getting things done. What an incredible feeling. For awhile I was feeling bogged down. Just take a moment to read my “One Month Check In” post and you’ll get a sense of how I was feeling yesterday. A quick summary would be… it could have been better and the glass is half full. If anything, the last few days have been a wake-up call to change my habits and define what’s really important to me.
Thank goodness for critical friends to slap us in the face and wake you up. I am so fortunate to have a few critical friends. I value their friendship and feedback. It’s so easy to focus on the little things that make us mad or angry. But, you can also focus on the little things that make you happy. I needed to so that today. The past few days have been a wake up call and I need to answer. I need to take care of myself.
I cleaned up my office, my desktop, and my dishes… and life got a little bit better. I am able to get the little things off the side of my desk so that I can make room to focus on the bigger things. I needed to shift my gears even more today by making myself go out for a walk tonight. With each step of action and kindness, I am moving in the right direction. I cannot believe how good it feels to get something done. It feels great!!!
This is a gratitude blog. I needed to do it. I’m feeling good. I’m ready for what’s next.
#pandemicreflections #selfcare #mentalhealth
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, October 20th, 2020 | Comments Off on Getting Things Done
What can I say? I’m catching up. It’s neither here nor there. As long as the work gets done by the end of the term, I am ok with that expectation. I spent so much time in August preparing for September to make sure that the program had a strong start with orientation, I am finding that I have been catching up ever since. I am online for a long time everyday during the week that by Saturday I’m pooped. My brain is unwilling to look at the big screen to work, to read, or blog. I can’t do it. By Sunday, I’ve gathered some sense of self such that I might tinker with some work, but would likely engage in “real human activities” like grocery shopping, dishes, and laundry.
I will admit, teaching online from home is a blessing but it’s also a marathon. My life at home is blended with my professional life. I thought the two were overlapping quite a bit when I used to go to work and bring work home, but now there is very little differentiating between the two worlds. As a result, I am mentally trapped in a vortex online with teaching classes, learning activities, and meetings. I’ve picked up my old normal habits into my new normal (i.e. not eating lunch, ignoring my family, and putting myself second or third in my list of priorities). I really need to find a balance of what is to make this online teaching experience during COVID-19 sustainable.
Furthermore, I’m learning how to teach online and figuring out how to honour “People, Place, and Land” on a digital platform. Teaching and learning are incredible acts of VULNERABILITY. I am learning how to park my ego and lean into the discomfort. I am learning how not to be too hard on myself and be reasonable with my expectations. I am not going to pretend. I am not the expert. I am doing my best. I have to be satisfied with that and keep my mind open to new possibilities. I am the learner. I have to remember that. It’s more than just “being seen,” but it’s about taking risks, being vulnerable, and delving in deep into what you are passionate about.
Two weeks ago, I asked the teacher candidates of our renewed program 3 questions:
What is your biggest learning so far about teaching and learning in your first month of the B.Ed. program experience?
What is the expected learning so far?
What have you learned about yourself?
BTW: Question 2 should have said, “What is the UNEXPECTED learning so far?”
Gah.
The instructors asked our teacher candidates these 3 questions (and I will revise for the next iteration to the correct question), but we are also asking ourselves the same questions. What is my biggest learning so far? I AM HUMAN. I make mistakes. Lots of them. My job is to learn from them, help others, and do better next time. That’s all I can do. What is my UNEXPECTED learning so far? A LEARNING COMMUNITY CAN BE CREATED ONLINE. We imagined going outside and gathering as a circle to start and end our B.Ed. program. Due to the pandemic, plans changed dramatically and we started “Our Learning Community” online with 4-days of orientation. Although we started the program not as planned being situated on the land in place, the renewed program is exceeding my expectations so far. What have I learned about myself? BE HUMBLE. I have to be kind to self and take care of myself. Self-care is key. Sitting in front of the screen as long as I do is not good. I need to connect with people, place, and land from where I am while I build my community online. Focus on gratitude.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, October 20th, 2020 | 1 Comment »
Week 30 – October 12, 2020 – Canadian Thanksgiving
We had our special dinner yesterday. It was unusual for different reasons. One, the stores were sold out of turkey. My kid was willing to step away from sticking to her vegetarian diet to have turkey, but no worries. There were not to be had. Second, I was prepared to make veggie pot pie as the main course, but there was no pastry left in stores either. What?!? This is karma. Shopping and problem solving in the grocery store, I decided that we would have sockeye salmon (and prawns). My kid loves salmon and is willing to eat seafood from time to time. My sister informs me that she is flexitarian. Oy. All that I knew was, I wanted to make Thanksgiving dinner. In the end, it was delicious nonetheless. Lots of food. Lots of veggies (salmon and prawns).
I am so happy to have today off. My brain shutdown for the weekend. Even if I wanted to, and I did, I will not sit in front of the screen. I get so overwhelmed with big screen time for teaching and learning that I I couldn’t even blog until today. This is my fourth blog of the day and now I’m caught up. Woohoo. Feels great. Yes, blogging is my choice and my work, but I love to blog and write about what is. It’s comforting and fulfilling. What am I really thankful for? I am so thankful to be on the Sunshine Coast with my daughter. It’s been strange coming back to the Sunshine Coast this summer (during the pandemic) because everyone knows I’m working in Prince George and expected me to be back in the fall. I’m still here during my kid’s graduating year. Only the pandemic allowed me to stay on the coast, be with my kid, and continue to work full time, online remotely. HUGE GRATITUDE. She even wanted Crocs, just like me.
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, October 12th, 2020 | Comments Off on Thankful in 2020
Wow. You know when you are in the “new normal” when time is just flying by. I cannot believe that I missed my weekly blog entry last week and I cannot believe that it’s mid-August. Here is a photo from the archives. Seriously. This snapshot was taken from when I played competitive curling in high school. The title reads “Knocks Fryer Out.” Brilliant. I skipped this high school team from Prince Rupert and we won this provincial playdown and came runner up in another tournament. It was a great season to end my high school experience, but what I did not realize was how much I would learn from this sport that would extend beyond the sport itself.
“Learning takes patience and time.”
I love this First Peoples Principles of Learning, “Learning takes patience and time.” You are always learning and you don’t know when you are going to use that information and why. My attention in recent weeks brought me back to what I know and understand from curling. I need to imagine that I am skipping a team in a bonspiel with huge hopes of winning. I am reminded of the big idea of “Don’t look at the prize table.” What am I focused on? ” I’m led back to Alasdair McIntyre’s “goods internal to the practice” and Carol Dweck’s “growth mindset.” We can do this and I need to stay focused on the game. Shake off the missed shots. Utilize people’s strengths.
Don’t focus too much on the prize. That is the goods external. It’s a balance between the details and the big picture. Ultimately, we want to place well, learn from our mistakes, and work together as a team. We each have a role and we each have strengths to bring to the table. In this case, I have to take the lead even though I do not have a formal leadership role. This is my strength: leading. There are some pretty incredible projects we are working on and my team is making it happen. When I can look at my work like a curling game, I have faith that we will be at the prize table.
#pandemicreflection #leadership #teamwork
Written by Christine Ho Younghusband, August 16th, 2020 | Comments Off on Don’t Look at the Prize Table
Wow. Four months living the “new normal” of #socialdistancing and we are heading into Week 17. I can see how one would start losing count. I have also started my second personal pandemic challenge… #trackingmyfood. My first challenge to self was #daily5kchallenge and I am managing to keep that up, so now it’s time to start another one. It’s half-way through my non-teaching term at the university and I have been enjoying my time on the Sunshine Coast to be with my kid and be in my house.
As we move from Phase 1 to 2 and Phase 2 to three, I love connecting with a few friends to go on walks, I love taking my dog out for walks, and I love driving through Starbucks to get a refreshing drink. I am spending more money right now and I feel like I am almost back to “regular life” with exception to high-five’ing, hugging, and eating in restaurants. I do miss those latter activities. I like being with people. I love teaching face-to-face. I guess I won’t be doing that this fall. Classes will be online.
I am having a meta-moment… I am so fascinated by the idea of how I get inspired to write and create. I started writing this blog entry a few days ago and I am ignoring a good chunk of what I wrote to write THIS. Hmm… I definitely have to be in the right frame of mind to blog on my reflections. I found out my job assignment last week and I’ve been delving right into some online asynchronous courses and books to LEARN and start preparing for my courses. I am super stoked with what I will be teaching.
Although, I spent the last two months I spent mulling over research and figuring out what’s important to me and why, I am so grateful to have this time to reflect and CREATE A MANIFESTO so that I can jump into the next chapter of my life. I had a vision that I had for quite some time… and well, I realized that vision a couple of years ago. So what’s next for me? I realized that’s what’s been missing and it’s time to create a new vision. I’ve been grappling with what I love, what I believe in, and what I will commit to. I am happy that I am back teaching and visualizing what’s next for me.
I’ve been learning about design thinking, e-portfolios, and inquiry. I have much more I would like to read, but that’s a skill that I am continuing to develop. I need to connect my next actions on my why and I love what I have learned so far… be a maker or creator… and share your stuff. Make sure that your audience is authentic and that whatever you research, it has to be something that you care deeply about. This all may seem obvious so some, but for me, my next steps are about developing my self-efficacy, creating a new sense of self, and remaining intrinsically motivated.
My friend and I have committed to writing a MANIFESTO for the upcoming year. We chat a lot about selves, education, and what’s next. Our conversations often entails a lot of sense-making opportunities, micro-venting, and active listening. It’s super nice to have someone in my professional and personal world who is a critical friend. I will take the approach that entails design thinking and inquiry for this manifesto. I cannot wait for what I will imagine and what will manifest. It’s time for the next chapter.
