Carving Out Time
I have to admit… the last couple of weeks have been very interesting to me… if I’m really listening TO THE UNIVERSE. Sounds intense, I know… because not only am I feeling Motivated To Write, I feel like I need to carve out time to write. As much as I love to write in my blog because I feel inspired to, there has to be a regularity to the writing process and I would suppose for reading and researching as well. I need to block out time and set goals. It’s so interesting… I think about the First Peoples Principles of Learning: “Learning involves patience and time.” After talking to my childhood friend, now peer and colleague, learning takes patience and time spans over a lifetime. I am so grateful for what I learn from her. My perceptions and mindsets are challenged, stretched, and provoked.
My #OneWord2019 is WRITE, but I must admit that I have been limited by my own perceptions and mindsets. IRONIC, I know. When I have the unique opportunity to listen to what other people in academia do, what challenges they faced, and what they are accomplishing… I am so WOWED. And yes, they are “regular” people who do research because they are passionate in what they do. Strangely, this is no different from me. I was chatting to a few of my students about my recent revelations about my colleagues with respect to their passion and level of care… my students were quick to respond with “like you’re not passionate or caring” (insert sarcasm) inferring that I was one of them too. I was taken a back. I never perceived or believed myself to be “one of them.”
This brings to mind another First Peoples Principles of Learning: “Learning requires exploration of one’s identity.” I am captured by what people have been saying to me lately… words like PERMANENCE… did you find a home yet… or you’re here to stay. There was definitely a theme. As I think about “blocking out the time” to write, I securely go to my blog to free write my thoughts as a way to make sense of what I am contemplating. I took a course about “landing and launching” and blocking out time for productivity. I had a conversation with one of mentors about finding out the BEST TIME to write and produce. I had a similar conversation with someone else about the same ideas. I get reminded by my friend and colleagues about what needs to get done and what I am able to do. I am reassured by their confidence, yet unnerved. Sadly, I am in a good place.
SELF-ACTUALIZATION: “the realization or fulfillment of one’s talents and potentialities, especially considered as a drive or need present in everyone” (From Google Dictionary).
HOLY BLEEP. Maybe I’m woke… maybe I have arrived… maybe it’s time. I have writing right now that I can start working on. The first is a book I want to write about my mom. She was an amazing woman and as she anticipated, I am realizing this after she passed away. She would be so pissed off that I just said that and even more pissed off that I wrote about her. That said, I think she would also be proud of me for achieving something she knew I could always accomplish and possibly touched that I could see her. She was very special to me. The second piece of writing I am pursuing would be about ETHNOMATHEMATICS. I am encouraged by and collaborating with my friend mentioned above. I have a passion in this with respect to my dissertation of mathematics education, subject matter acquisition, and transformative educational leadership. It’s super exciting.
My academic writing is on hold for the moment, but I have MANY opportunities that are accumulating and all I have to do is GET WRITING. Jump in. Who cares? In the end, it’s about my learning and there are many levels to that. One is, believing that I can do it. Another is, what I am researching and writing about is worthwhile. And another is, do I care about what I am researching and writing about. I loved meeting some folks from the Office of Research Ethics at the university. They only have encouraging words and I realized that it’s “not a big deal.” I’m making it into a big deal… like I did when I was a doctoral student. I have incredible, yet subtle, mentoring from my former supervisor and his belief that I can do it. A librarian told me, he wouldn’t work with me if he didn’t believe that my work was not worthwhile. My fears are my own. I can overcome them. I need to publish a couple of papers, apply for ethics for a few projects, and maybe apply for a grant or two. I can do this. I just have to want it, work wisely, and get writing.