Almost Like X-Bread

March 16, 2025 – Remembering My Mom in Different Ways

Last week I visited my mom’s resting place in the Lower Mainland. I’m not even sure if that’s what it is called. Her ashes are in an urn, in a glass enclosed shelf, in a building at the cemetery last week. I had visited Vancouver a few times over the last few months, but mostly those visits were related to work and I did not have the opportunity to go visit her. Last week was a weekend trip FOR ME and my brother had borrowed my dad’s car and we went out there to go visit her. I like to keep her updated on what’s happening and to say hello. It’s strange to go visit her. The photo of her that’s by her urn was taken before I was born. It’s not how I remember her as a child, but it’s a photo that she chose that she thought that best represented her. I remember when my mom was alive when she first invested in this resting place for her and my dad. She got name plates and everything. She wanted to take each of her children out to this site complemented with a lunch out at the golf course. By the time it got to my turn, I said… NO THIANK YOU… and that I would visit her when she was at the place, I had no desire to check out her resting place otherwise. So, there I was last week saying hello. A few thoughts shared and a few bows, all was good.

Now that I’m back home and lots of uncertainty with the economy, etc., I am very conscious about what I buy and how much I am spending. I have to pay utilities and property tax right now, and I have no idea what I have to pay for income tax, who knows what I will have to spend in the next few days, months, and years. The idea of going into a recession does not put my mind to ease by any means, but I will admit that I am more conscious about my spending habits and how much things cost as we anticipate rising costs and how much I used to spend. In the end, saving money and minimizing my spending is going to be key. I’ve cancelled a few memberships, and I wanted to cancel my cable package, but it seems like the company is no longer providing a basic cable package. I just need to find places to spend less, even though I am investing dollars in self-care. Strangely, I am just understanding it’s importance and the value in investing in those things like massages and therapy. Nonetheless, I am feeling very aware of money, with my mom whispering in my ear the importance of saving money. It was incredible how much money she was able to save. She was amazing at it. It almost reminds me of “extreme coupon,” the TV reality show.

As a kid, I remembered when we went shopping that my mom would by X-bread. This bread was found in a basket at the supermarket and it had a black X written on top of the price tag. Now as an adult, I know that the X-bread was day-old bread. Stale bread. And this bread was on sale for 50% off. I could never understand why she chose this bread. It almost seemed like she was insistent in buying this bread and I really did not like it. My dad would wake up every morning to have this bread. He would toast it, add peanut butter and honey to them, and he would eat it with a cup of Red Rose tea with milk and sugar. That was his morning ritual. I clearly remember him doing that and sipping from his tea cup. Til this day, I’m not a break-fan. It’s not my favourite even though I find myself toasting it as well, but to have an open-faced egg salad sandwich (of which was not my mom’s favourite). She was saving money. I know that now. So, when I bought this loaf of bread from the Superstore a couple of days ago, I thought of my mom. It was almost a compromise. I’m thinking about how much things cost and it was a fresh loaf of bread, but it cost $1.25. It this economy, it’s a steal. This loaf of bread will last us a long time. On the counter for a few days while it’s fresh, then it goes back into the fridge to have toast like my dad did.

Bread is still not my favourite, but I respect my mom who did what it took to make things happen. I have a huge regard for her and I realize now that I may not have acknowledged a lot that she has done. Admittedly, I never noticed until she had passed away 7-years ago. All of what she used to do for me, my siblings, and my dad are astounding. I had no idea. It’s moment like these when I am reminded that I want to write about my mom… maybe as an autoethnography or biography… not sure. As each day passes and I am “doing the work,” I am building up the courage to bring pen to paper. I will wait for this term to end and make a plan soon after. I had no idea how much of an impact my mom has made on me. I guess you don’t know until you know.