Two Years Ago
Week 104 – March 12, 2022 – Living with the Pandemic
EDITED – MARCH 14, 2022 – RETURNING TO THIS BLOG WITH A KEYBOARD AND SHIFT IN MINDSET. Friday, March 11, 2022, marked the 2-year anniversary of the WHO declaring COVID-19 as a pandemic. It’s hard to believe that it has been two-years… in two ways… it’s already 2-years and omg, it really felt like a lifetime. So much has changed over the last two years and it’s difficult to take the time to reflect on the last 104 weeks of the pandemic. That’s when I started to blog weekly about my #pandemicreflections thinking that this would be a short-termed, yet entertaining way to pass the time. The pandemic persists, but the mask mandates in BC ended on Friday, March 11th.
Humanity was eroding. It was difficult to watch the news even though I wanted to stay informed. I could not believe what I was witnessing in the news and could not believe that this was happening right outside my door. This was not an outside thing, it was a here thing. Actually, it was both. Our systems and habits are so tied to what life was before the pandemic began. Pivoting and making adaptions on a daily basis grew tiring and something had to give. Humanity could not sustain this way of being much longer despite all those who died due to COVID related reasons. Feedom rallies, resisters, and rule breakers did not change anything except provide evidence of mental health and sustainability.
I remember when the announcement was made with not knowing what would happen next. I just came back from Vancouver. I presented at WestCAST 2020 at UBC at at Sq’ep at UFV. I returned back to Prince George and many of the Teacher Candidates were in practicum for EDUC 391 and EDUC 491. Friday, March 13, 2020, the day before spring break, the university announced that we would be teaching remotely and K-12 schools were closing down until further notice. That was the end of practicum, the end of in person classes, and my freedom. I watched the news religiously, watching the numbers and listening for next steps. What was this COVID-19 virus? It was strangely a topic that one of my students wanted to explore before the winter break. Well, we pivoted to learning online and I could not cope at the time. My classes went asynchronous and we looked at numeracy and the pandemic.
I remember not handling the pandemic well. I just isolated myself in my apartment. I was fearful and uncertain. I had to deliver my course asynchronously. Thank goodness that I had already established a relationship with the students. The work they produced in my course was phenomenal. I was very grateful. I eventually started the #daily5k to get outside and do something for my mental and physical health. I was separated from my kid for months. It was agonizing. Not having toilet paper on the shelves or ingredients to bake were the least of my problems. Blogging weekly was a way to entertain myself, but the blogs turned into weekly reflections on life and what was important to me.
On May 8, 2020, I made the decision to leave that day (aka. Mother’s Day) to go back to the Sunshine Coast to be with my kid. Although I was estranged from my husband at that time, it was still my house and I wanted to be with my kid. As it turned out, her grade 11 year ended abruptly and she opted to do grade 12 online. She did not want to leave the Sunshine Coast because she wanted to graduate with her friends, whatever that meant during the pandemic. The pandemic persisted and teaching remotely did as well. I continued to work at the university from the comforts of my living room floor Zooming here and there.
I will admit, that was a long year and a bit. I remained separated from my husband while living under the same roof. In hindsight, the experience was extraordinary with respect to stress and strain. My kid graduated from high school and we both moved in the summer of 2021 back to Prince George. I drove a UHaul truck (one way and slowly), loaded my stuff (and my kid’s stuff), and moved to Prince George. This move was one way and I said goodbye to my home of 25-years. It was a big deal to say the least but looking back it was something I had to do.
The remainder of 2021 and start of 2022 was a time to get my life back together. I had to learn to live on my own as an independent. I hit a buck (who lived) that summer and had to buy a new car, find a lawyer to make the separation official and move towards divorce proceedings, and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. This turn of events seemed more present and in my face with the pandemic. I had to address these issues to do what’s best for me and wholeheartedly answer the question of “Who do I want to be when I grow up? I am so grateful to be working and do many things that I love to do. I am so happy to be back teaching and I love living with my kid. It’s good.
The big learning is also being true to myself, honouring myself, and trusting myself. This understanding of self entails self-compassion, kindness to self and others, and not betraying myself. I can’t give myself away anymore or devalue my worth or contributions. I’m still working on this but I feel that I’m in a good path. I never felt more like myself and I know that I am the agent of my life’s path. I create what I see and because of this, I will commit to taking risks, be open to consequences, and find the joy in everything I do. I have so much gratitude for the last 2-years. The pandemic forced me to stop, reflect, and do what’s best for me. I never put myself first, but I will now.