Overcoming My Biggest Fear
February 16, 2025 – A Photo from the CHY’s archives
I just finished writing my Professional Activity Report (PAR) for 2024 on Friday. It was due that day. Valentine’s Day. I am more convinced that maybe my One Word for 2025 is LOVE. Oy. Let’s not talk about that again. But, on the day of LOVE, I spent about 11 hours working on and finalizing my PAR. I did spend some time collecting information and updating my CV, but I definitely underestimated the time it would take to compose my PAR and send it to the Chair. Thank goodness, from what I noticed, that there was not a time that it needed to be submitted. I could be wrong, but at least I got it in on the day it was due and found it to be a fruitful exercise.
Despite the time it took to summarize what I have accomplished in 2024 in my work, I found it to be an awesome way to look back at my work in a critical and appreciative way. I did not realize how many professional development or professional learning activities I engaged in, which included beading for 4-months at the art gallery. I also did not realize how many conferences I attended and presentations I gave. I was somewhat astounded. I also joined another research group and I am leading another. I am grateful to my peers for collaborating with me on a chapter I led and co-wrote with another research team. I assisted another team with writing an NSERC grant and a participated in course evaluations. It’s been about 8-years since I embarked on that practice wholeheartedly. It’s not easy, and I have been un- and re-learning life again.
Why this photo from 2009 is so important to me is to recognize and understand that my practice has not changed over the last 30-years. Can you believe that? 30-years. I graduated from UBC with my teacher education in 1994. I look back at old photos and I am reminded that I love collaborative work, I love creating community in my classrooms that were centred around formative assessment, and I loved to try new ways to teach was new to me, non-traditional, or student-centred (i.e., the student does most of the work). I was a favourite teacher to some, and not so liked by others. Overall, I loved what I did and took photos of students then too… in class, during grad, or during prom. I had a connection with students and I enjoyed teaching.
Were there ups and downs in my K-12 job teaching secondary mathematics? Absolutely. Are there ups and downs with my current position? Absolutely. What I don’t want to lose is my love for LEARNING, building community, and having a connection. I may not be “the best” teacher where I am winning awards or ranking 5 out of 5 on course evaluations. I love to learn and part of that in my teaching practice is, I sometimes delve into crappy moments where I’m not great, not certain, or not on top of what I am doing. And, guess what? That’s ok. I left teaching for about 8-years to work on my dissertation and during that time I was an elected official, not teaching. Guess what? It was not where my heart is. I love to teach. I love to learn. And I hope, I can and am leading with that LOVE. Here are are again… LOVE. Surprise!! LOL.
My biggest fear is, I’m not perfect. I feared being “wrong.” Guess what? It’s all good.