Listening to My Story

Week 112 – May 6, 2022 – Pause and Choice

What an interesting week. I’m brought to a place of deep reflection and declaring what is important to me and why. Ah yes… MY WHY. Although Simon Sinek would say that your why does not change over time, what I’m realizing is that it’s taking me time to hone into my why. With more time, there comes more clarity. I would also say with more experiences and questions from critical friends also help to clarify.

This week continues the journey from last week. I was so overwhelmed last week and this week was a bit better, but I’m now in a place to question, wonder, and commit. I have been asked a few times this week… “What is your goal?”… “What do you really want to do?”… “What brings you joy?” In these conversations I was feeling validated and I needed to hear what each had to say from their perspective and expertise.

The spring term started and I am left running. I’m teaching a compressed course for teacher education, a spring intersession graduate course, and supervising a capstone project for Serena’s graduate students. What was I thinking? I love every moment with these students but my time is spread thin and I am presenting at conferences this month and papers to write. What do I need to do to get where I want to be?

I need to address those questions being posed to me. The irony does not pass over me knowing that I’m teaching a course on achievement motivation. In this course alone is enough for me to reflect and self-evaluate how things are going and where I want to be. As one person said to me recently… you have to be selfish if you want career advancement. That can challenging for me, but I do understand what’s being said.

Most of my career and MY WHY is in service to others. Much of what I do in my life is to help others. I do find joy in that, but I guess the question is, what I am I doing to help myself? What am I doing that is good for me? What am I working towards? I am so grateful for people who are helping and guiding. This honesty and integrity are so appreciated. It’s more than just what I am interested it, but what am I committed to?

DELIBERATE PRACTICE. This concept was part of my dissertation, but show up again in the graduate course I’m teaching as well as self-efficacy, intrinsic motivation, and attainment value. Goal orientation theory shows up as well as self-determination theory. We discussed in our class the term “amotivated” (low beliefs in one’s abilities thus one places low value in academic tasks). I can see how this impacts motivation.

I can see how setting a goal helps. In past, I have set goals for myself that seemed out of reach. More recently, I’ve tried to set more attainable goals, but they don’t seem to resonate with me like the big dreamy goals. The dreamy goals I set for myself in past, I have attained them. The question is, what’s next. I took much thought about this and this week has turned another corner. I have set my dreamy goal. I’m ready. Let’s go.