Finding My People

Week 83 – Part 2 – October 18, 2021 – It’s ok to be myself.

What a whirlwind of a day. I was grieving all weekend after learning about a friend, colleague, and mentor passing. I gasped when I received the text. I had no idea and her passing was somewhat sudden. She hired me to teach secondary math and science. She opened doors for me and always believed in me. She knew my potential, while I continue to  learn more about it. I just saw her this summer. She’s always been in my life since 1994. I will miss her smile, her giggle, and encouraging words. Her passing forced me to reflect (even more). I am committed to meet the potential that she saw in me, much like another mentor who passed away in the middle of my doctoral work and like my former supervisor whom I continue to work with. As much as  they encourage me, they also take a clear step back to wait and allow me to take that first step for myself. I’ve always hesitated. Call it fear. Call it uncertainty. What I do know is, I have to be myself. I have to stand in my truth. It’s ok to be me.

Today, I was committed to starting on a positive step and focus on work. The goal was to be productive but also be my authentic self.  Unfortunately… or  fortunately… I misstepped and got push back. It hit me hard and I was apologetic, shocked, and stepped right back. I was struck by fear in the worst way, but what I realized is, that’s ok. I’m ok. Whatever happening in my life or what people perceive do not define who I am. The only person I need to belong to is myself. I sat in uneasiness and discomfort throughout the day. I had a couple of meetings and multiple emails to engage in, but in the end my truth came out and a moment of forgiveness which I accepted with grace and compassion. Nothing is perfect, I work with some incredible people, and I am committed to making clear boundaries that benefit myself and others. Although I wanted to cry today, I am so grateful to have friends in my life who can lift me up.

Now to this brilliant picture. I end my day with an incredible group of people… my people. We gathered together to solve a problem, but we were able to connect and socialize in a truthful, kind, and joyful way. We all have different roles in education, which in turn makes our group stronger because we have a learning community based on trust and respect. I can be myself. Here I am… eating a prawn… leftovers from my kid’s dinner that she got from work. They were so delicious (2 prawns) and I was mildly distracted. At that very time, my friend was trying to get my attention but I was too busy eating (on mute, of course). They were also teasing me throughout the meeting about me sharing my “real background.” No thank you. I loved living in my VIRTUAL loft in the middle of metro Vancouver. My real life is living in a one-room apartment with my kid in Northern BC. Live a little, I’d say. All in all, we were able to have fun, solve problems, and connect in a personal way. For this, I am grateful.