Never Take Life for Granted
October 4, 2026 – Two days after my birthday
I’ve always wondered, since the smart phone, why I love to take selfies. I loved Twitter when it was fun, collegial, and friendly. I would flood my feed with selfies and food pics. Now, I’m regularly posting #patiopics ever since the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. Anyway, here’s a selfie pic with me and my dad. He looks pretty good for 88-years old. He has not changed much, in terms of his relative appearance. And, I would also say that his happy-go-lucky, flirty self has not changed that much either. That said, every since my mom passed away in 2018 (and my deep desire to write about those 20-days), lots had changed. I even remembered taking a selfie with my mom before she went to the hospital. Reluctantly, she was game. My dad is always game. He likes a good photo and always says thank you after the photo is taken. He is a charmer. Everyone liked my dad.
For the last 8 years, I’ve been reflecting on my mom and her impact on me, our family, and my dad. She was the organizer… the matriarch. She had the family running like a smooth machine. I had no idea that she was the conductor of the orchestra until she passed away. Her work was invisible… at least to me… and I now know her love language. She would buy me toilet paper, oyster sauce, canned salmon, and a non-stick frying pan. She loved making me scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast. She would phone me at random times to remind me to call her once and awhile. She also mediated the relationship between me and my dad. My dad and I had a rough go for most of my life. My family would say that it was because we were so alike that we did not get along. I don’t think it was that. I knew I wanted his attention and approval, but never achieved.
It took me almost half a century to come to terms with our relationship and to let go. Lots had changed in my life and I needed to move forward in a way that was good for me. Now, my dad has been wrestling with old age and all that comes with it. Although I will not share the details of all that is on the table, I will share that after letting go, I’ve been able to appreciate, love, and forgive this version of my dad. We are friendly and lighthearted. I have empathy and compassion for him. It has not been easy for him since my mom passed. That said, he tries to make the best of it, whatever that means. I am so grateful to my brother and sister for being in the Lower Mainland to be there for him when he needs them. They lead busy lives too, and I appreciate the teamwork between them to make things happen for my dad. They each play a role. He is a very lucky person.
In this selfie, my dad looks happy, joyful, kind-hearted, and loving. I love you dad.