Ten Years My Junior
May 20, 2025 – It’s taking me awhile
I started this blog post yesterday and it quickly started a tangent. I’m not sure if it’s because I was being avoidant or if I was distracted. There is nothing like the act of procrastination, a new day, and a redo. So here I am again to start this blog post over. My dear friend passed away on Wednesday, May 14, 2025. She was 10 years junior. She just turned 45 years old on April 20, 2025. I am not sure what to make of this. She was diagnosed with glioblastoma in October 2023. I remember the phone call. It was like 430 am and she was texting me. She could not sleep and so I called her. She said that she was diagnosed with brain cancer… or brain tumour. She did not tell me the exact diagnosis although over time, thanks to Google, I was able to figure it out before she told me her diagnosis. It’s heartbreaking and shocking at the same time.
She was struggling for awhile. It was often contributed to tiredness and workload because she was in a doctoral program at UBCO, and she commuted to Kelowna from Vancouver via plane, most times, to attend class. She was working full-time at the university, she was an RA, and she was a full-time parent to two young adolescent children. If anything, she was busy, so I can see that it was easy to make a correlation of her workload to her headaches and tiredness. However, when certain deadlines had ceased, her symptoms did not. I remember her at WFATE 2023 in Victoria, BC. She was presenting, organizing a dinner for BCTEN, and doing life as a PhD student. She was not feeling well that week and again, seemed very busy, but managed to keep up with everything. Keeping a brave smile, her headaches persisted. Luckily, she has close friends who encouraged her to go to the doctor to find out what’s wrong.
She was so determined to stay alive and be with her children. She underwent 3 brain operations, radiation, and chemotherapy. Nothing worked. The tumour kept growing and her body (and mind) slowly fading away. I spoke to her a few times and messaged some other times. You could see the rapid decline. Each time, I thought it would be the last time I would see her. I even went to go visiter once with another mutual friend at her place. She was still hosting even though she was not well. Her strength and stamina were unsurpassed. I would not believe what she was willing to endure to extend her life. According to the websites, without treatment, she had 3 months to live. With all of the interventions she took, she lived for 19-months after her diagnosis. She was aiming for 10 years, but what she has achieved was a testament to her and the fight for her life. Over time, she was able to make peace with family members and strengthen key relationships, and say goodbye everything.
I cannot believe that it would be easy saying goodbye to everything that she worked so hard for. She had to say goodbye to her job in teacher education at the university. There are photos of her packing up her office. I was happy that she made that choice for herself. She had to say goodbye to her doctoral work. She worked so hard to get into the PhD program. She was in the program of her dreams and had a very supportive supervisor. Her career was on the rise, and her identity and sense of self-worth were deeply embedded in getting into that program. For awhile, she had ambitions to complete the program while she was ill, but over time she realized that it would not be possible. Letting go must have been incredibly difficult to do. She even stepped back from BCTEN, and she loved that work. Finally, I can only imagine, that she had to say goodbye to her life and her family. Honestly, I can’t even imagine, but she spent her last moments in hospice with her close family and friends.
After 19-months of struggle, pain, and goodbyes, I am relieved she is at peace.
