Sense Making and Understanding
July 27, 2024 – The Law of Attraction
What a strange week. For most of the week, I’ve been in a cognitive paralysis. I started the week with a monthly session and ended the session with many aha’s. Ever since, I’ve been stalled with “the death scroll” or free video games on my phone. You could call this avoidance or numbing tactics. Either way, I was deeply committed in doing so. It’s even been a struggle starting this blog post. I think I’ve started this blog post almost a dozen times over the last few days. I feel compelled to write about my reflections this week, but really, I think I’ve been resting with what I’ve learned earlier this week. In essence, it’s the LAW OF ATTRACTION. I’ve watched this movie many times a decade ago, but I never understood it until now. My mind is blown.
The Secret. I won’t got into the details as to how or why I know, but THE SECRET makes sense to me now. For more than a decade, my life was in crisis and I led my life in survival mode. My life was out of control and I was so separate from who I am. On my healing journey, I have been slowing life down such that I have chosen COMFORT over COURAGE in many situations. Feeling safe was a primary need. I needed to slow down to reconnect with myself… to feel grounded. In doing so, I have never felt more happier. I have so much gratitude for the little things and I am more focused on myself and how I feel. As mentioned in my last blog post, I need to create a vision. In fact, my vision has not changed. On the one hand, I thought my dream was not possible and on the other hand, I thought I had achieved it. Truth, neither were true.
So, I’ve been scrolling through my photos and thinking of the times I went to Honolulu. I went the Hawaii International Conference on Education (HICE) two times, so far. I went by myself with my colleagues in 2013 and again in 2018 with my family. The first time, I had no idea what I was doing and too scared to do anything. The second time I went, I was more focused on tending to my family’s needs that presenting my doctoral work was in the shadows of everything else. I applied to go last year. The conference was held on the Big Island. I really wanted to go, but I got spooked and hesitated. In the end, I could not afford to go. Maybe in hindsight, I was not suppose to go last year. I revised last year’s proposals and I submitted them for review for this year’s conference back in Honolulu. Now, I am clear and grounded.
I hope to go to HICE in 2025. You can see the timing of things. It would have been “timely” to have gone last year so that there would be a 5-6 year gap between conferences. Looking back, I was not ready. I need this time to rest, restore, and return to who I am. Below, I posted a few photos from each conference. I’m showing you the “good ones”… LOL. Looking back, I don’t even recognize myself. My level of insecurity and uncertainty was high. This commentary is not to say that I did not have a good time. There were definitely memorable moments. But now, I am curious what it would be like to go back to Honolulu, to share my current work at this conference, and explore the island in a way that is aligned and authentic to me and my interests. I’m excited. I still have to wait to hear back from the conference to see if I was accepted to not to present. I feel confident, but if it’s not this conference, I’ll be back. These images are part of the vision and I am super stoked for this next chapter.
Photos from January 2013:
Photos from January 2018:
