Reassurance

Self-doubt can be a killer.  When your self-talk starts to turn on you… and you begin to hear things like… “Who are you kidding?  What makes you so special?  Why are you bothering?”  It’s time to take a moment… and STOP.  In high performance sport, athletes would wear elastic bands on their wrists.  When the mind and heart begin to drift… SNAP IT.

That’s what I did today.  SNAP.  You’d think I took a big step last year, leaving my full-time teaching position to pursue my academic career as a full-time doctoral student.  Nope.  You are mistaken.  I’ve been taking multiple leaps and leaving my teaching career in public education was just the beginning.  I am self-employed as a private educator and professional development workshop provider.  I am learning what life is like on the World Wide Web by blogging, maintaining a website, and social networking.  I am embracing life as an academic… presenting my paper, researching, writing, and taking the bus.  Best of all, I get the opportunity to take care of my family, cook dinners at home, and sleep 8 hours a day.

All good things… then blahhhhh.  The self-doubt train arrives.  Who’s reading your blog.  Your research is not relevant.  No one wants your business.  The food you make tastes blahhhhh.  Honestly, this self-talk is not good for the mind or heart.  As a result, I begin to second guess.  Should I apply back to public education to teach?  Should I stop researching and get a real job?  Should I just eat a bag-of-chips (BOC) and call it a day?  Blahhhh…

A bad case of the “shoulds” can kill a person.  It’s not a good place to be.  Looking back is a dead zone and yet I continue to glance behind me to see what’s back there.  Let me tell you, there’s not much to report.  I don’t know why I choose to punish myself with these periodic thoughts of “What are you thinking,” but it happens.  SNAP.  I need to get out of it.

Then, someone said to me… “Are you still blogging?  You are a good writer.”  Really?  That was a really nice thing to say.  When someone says something like that, it dispels all of my false beliefs about my writing skills and whether or not my blog is worthwhile.  Someone else then says, “I miss you.  You are a great teacher.  Go big or go home.  You are worth it.”  SNAP.  I feel good.  Sometimes, all it takes is a bit of reassurance.