Procrastination

Oh man… who is suffering from procrastination?  I am.  You’d think that it would be due to a lack of interest or a lack of motivation.  I can certainly see one can assume that would be a primary cause for procrastination.  For me, that is not the case.  I could have too many things to do and I’m easily distracted with other things to do (like this blog) as other viable reasons for procrastination.  Unfortunately, my reason for procrastination is FEAR… fear of the unknown and fear of failure.  What a crazy thought… FEAR.  As I begin to jump into new adventures academically, personally, and professionally… I get completely freaked out about what’s to come.  I have lived most of my life in a particular way.  Let’s be honest here… when curling is my sport of choice… I like predictability, strategic outcomes, and teamwork.

In a couple of days I will be presenting at the SFU EGSA (Education Graduate Students Association) Seminar Series.  I need to prep a 20-30 minute presentation for a group of “strangers” that will be broadcasted online.  As much as I am passionate about my topic and I am excited I am about trying something new, I am totally paralyzed by the upcoming event.  I have never presented my academic work publicly and I recently received feedback from my supervisors.  I have shared my doctoral work with acquaintances and I love the fact I got feedback, but I am a little wary about starting off the 2011/2012 seminar series.

I guess all I can do is the best I can, report out my current progress, and make considerations to my thesis after the presentation.  Bottom line, my fear comes from the notion of being judged.  It almost seems like an automatic reaction or embedded conditioning from schooling… perform and get evaluated.  This is very anti-Assessment for Learning.  How ironic.  I know that I am not being evaluated, but an opportunity to share my thoughts to the Faculty of Education academic community.  In turn, I will embrace the EGSA Seminar Series and put myself out there.  I must face my fears and false beliefs… just go for it.

Thank you BLOGGIES for reading and empathizing.  Must go now and prep…