Landing On Two Feet

Week 56 – April 15, 2021 – Understanding My Why

It’s almost Friday. I wanted to write this point last Friday, but it was not meant to be. Now it’s midnight on a Friday morning, shall we say and honestly… I have a billion things to do (and I’m tired), but I feel that this is the time to write my blog. It will be a free-write, which most of mine are lately and a reflection of what is. I might write another blog post this weekend. I have to reflect on my learning from doing a vlog for my course that was asynchronous this term. I am getting unsolicited complimentary comments from students. This is good news that I’m having some impact on others.

What’s also good news has been the last 2-weeks. Not only have I been flooded with work and the term is ending, but I have been spending some time understanding self in preparation for a possible next step. I took the time to figure out my strengths, what I value, and what’s important to me. BTW: There are several blog posts that dwell on the idea of “what’s important to me.” That question has been tapping on my shoulder for quite some time. My life hast been in limbo for months and I continue to do things that I think I should do instead of listening to my intuition or feelings.

Admittedly, I can remember many times where my intuition spoke to me and I just ignored it. Feelings were horrid yet forced myself to follow through. I’ve done that a few times in the last few years and I regret it. Why didn’t I just listen to my feelings? They were not good experiences and I guess I learned some things, but not the right things… obviously, because I repeated this behaviour over and over again. A couple of other times, I listened to my gut and “reacted” for a better word or less and sought validation to see if my intuition was right. UGH. That just created other form of regret.

Here we are again. The anticipation is mounting. I am taking the time to listen to my intuition and feelings. I took the time to understand my strengths to figure out why I do what I do. What I learned is, I’ve been working against my strengths. The areas that I am good at, such as finding alternative solutions, communicating and working with others, and having a vision for the future, are STRENGTHS and I was doubting them because I didn’t look like or act like anyone else. I started to doubt myself such that I didn’t trust myself and became unwantingly dependent on others. I’m a freedom-girl.

I understand that now about myself and I’m not sorry about it. I am going to live up to and embrace my strengths. This is who I am. I am not like anyone else and that’s ok. I’ve just got to use my strengths that best serve me and others. Learning more about myself helps me to work on my LOCATION STATEMENT further but also focus on Parker Palmer’s “Heart of a Teacher.” Anyway, I’ve been working on this and then a couple of days ago I was struck by MY WHY. Here’s another area I’ve been working on for years. I think it would be one thing, but never felt quite right. And there it was…

All of a sudden, my past, present, and future all seemed to make sense. Everything is pointing in the same direction. Everything that seemed so fragmented is actually interconnected. Everything just made sense. You cannot imagine my excitement. THIS IS MY WHY. I could not believe it. Understanding my why helped me to stop and listen. I was checking how I felt and what my intuition was telling me. It was full stop. Because I had CLARITY, making decisions about my personal and professional life was clear. I found my why 2-days ago and made some pretty big life decisions since.

I don’t feel scared, worried, or judged. It just is. I didn’t need validation. I wasn’t reacting. I feel 100% confident with my decisions and I understand my why. I’m not in it for me. My only self interest is to satisfy and be true to my why. I have landed.