Found Myself

Week 128 – August 27, 2022 – Fall is coming

Oh my gosh… It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been out walking. I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago. I was being absent minded and twisted my ankle in the middle of my parking lot at my apartment building. Can you believe my Crocs did not stabilize my stance? I was personally shocked and fell down because it was better than trying to say standing up as if nothing had happened. The pain has not ceased but I am able to walk. I have not gone to the doctor or physio, but once again, I needed to slow down.

My ankle still aches, but I am realizing that I cannot take anything for granted. One quick fall and POOF, it’s all gone. Health and wellbeing are not given. You have to work at it, much like everything else in life. One the one hand, I know this. On the other hand, I needed a sprained ankle, a gallbladder attack, or a writing-win to know that I am in control of my destiny so what am I going to do about it? Strangely, this is a great feeling. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way, but now that I do… look out!!!

Life is almost over… LOL (well, it might be)… and I feel so lucky to feel like myself. I think most of my blogging has been about sense making and figuring out why things are the way they are through reflection and writing. Although I had the hidden curriculum of developing my writing skills (and soon to be reading skills), I am grateful that thinking and understanding through writing, especially during the pandemic, has been very helpful. I reached out for help, said no, and took a rest.

What can I say? I feel great. If my body is any indication of what’s happening in my mind and spirit, things will change very soon. I’m focused now on my physical self because now I feel that my mind and spirit are at peace. I’ve learned how to say no, let go, and be ok with things that I cannot control. In doing so, I can see what I can control and what I can choose to do (or not do) because I’m focused on my joy and happiness. What makes me feel good and how can I be true and respectful to me.

Admittedly, my mom was trying to teach this to me… even on you last day of life. I also know that there are many other people who also believed in me and was also there to help and support. But in the end, it was me who had to believe in me. Now that I do, I feel calm, happy, and fearless. I’m don’t feel frantic, angry, or resentful. What a wonderful place to be and I am looking for the fall term to see how the next steps of life will manifest. Gah. I might go to physio for my ankle, but I am happy.