1 am. I have come to terms with the idea that I will never sleep at regular times during the pandemic. I fell asleep on the couch at 9:30pm. Thought it would be an opportune time to go to bed at a decent hour, like 10 pm and wake up the next morning at 6 am. Wow. Nope. Correction. Now I am wide awake. Gah. I can’t really force myself to sleep. And I would like to say, I am a very good sleeper. It’s a “Ho-Family” trait. We can sleep anywhere at anytime. Hence, this pandemic reality is putting a spin on what I know and understand about self. No worries. I’ve been engaged in a series of #pandemicreflections such that I should not be surprised that everything is disrupted, including my sleep.
Happiness (n.) – a state of well-being and contentment : JOY.
I don’t want to sound like I am ungrateful. I am. If sleep is my problem, I am doing pretty good. It’s not surprising that sleep habits are disrupted for many during the pandemic. Stress. Anxiety. Depression. I am getting my 8-hours of sleep in, but not at the typical times. That said, I’ve been taking some deliberate actions to focus on my #mentalhealth. I’m participating is a self-imposed #daily5kchallenge. Walking everyday for the last couple of weeks. It’s been great. After Week 6 and term ending, I had to do something for myself. I’ve been eating better since I’ve started walking. Before that, I was eating like I was getting ready for hibernation. So, the daily activity has also regulated my eating habits. I’ve also been maintaining a gratitude journal. I am so glad that I’ve returned to that because you have to focus on what’s going well. There’s lots to be thankful for.
I started writing this blog because I was FEELING HAPPY. I have written many blogs about happiness and participating in “The Happiness Project,” but I don’t think I ever achieved it. I love that definition of HAPPINESS. I feel that way right now. Having to let go of things, delving into the unknown, and learning how to be content with self… I actually feel happy. JOY. I love that. I feel joy. Don’t get me wrong… I endured much pain and angst to get to this place of solace. Having an existential moment last week was a turning point. It felt familiar and I know I was in the midst of transformation. I’m just not hooked on anything, yet I’m invested in everything. This is a great place to be. I posted a picture of my Crocs that I wore out into the rain yesterday for my 5k walk. Some people were teasing me on Facebook, but it didn’t bother me. I like my Crocs. It only made sense to me to wear my Crocs out in the rain. My feet were going to be wet anyway.
This is just who I am. I’ve landed in a new frame of mind where happiness is a choice. You have to be content with self and who you are. You have to be kind to others and empathize. We just don’t know people’s stories. And, don’t assume. I feel incredibly encouraged by people and what I perceive is not necessarily the truth. Stand back. Listen. Take a moment to understand what you are experiencing, witnessing, and feeling. I have come up with 3 axioms, like one of my EdD professors/supervisor had. His were more about systems and education, but could also relate to life in general. I appreciated his 3 axioms and I am often reminded of them to provide context to a given situation. I’ve come up with 3 axioms for self that I believe in and would like to follow and live by:
- Be yourself, be seen, and be proud.
- Take risks and accept the consequences.
- Focus on the present and practice gratitude.