Creatures of Habit

Huh. The morning after. I will admit, we are creatures of habit. This is truly unfortunate. I feel like… here I am again. What does it mean to negotiate and standing in your values? What’s important to me? How can I contribute to the whole as a team player? What I am learning is, it’s a fine balance between self-interest and the greater good. Some rules need to be broken. Sometimes you need to compromise. Sometimes it’s just not going to be what you’ve imagined or hoped for. This is what I have not considered in the first two scenarios where I have been here before.

I hate feeling like I am taken advantaged of or being screwed. I hate feeling like I have no power or voice. I hate comparing myself to others. I hate that when I feel like there is no transparency and I am not valued, I am like a bull in a china shop, I draw a clear line, and exit right. It’s almost heading to that scenario again. How can I make this outcome different? I can’t see the big picture, but that may be because I am trapped with what is and I cannot see what will be. I feel so angry and discouraged that all I can see is what’s in front of me. I wished that there could be more transparency but we are all human. I’d like to believe that we are trying to do the best we can.

Can we do better? As I begin to reflect, I wonder how I can do better. What can I do differently? My instincts are speaking to me right now and I’m holding myself back (for a moment) to think about engaging in the alternative. I think back at my first two scenarios and I was given an alternative route. Both times I rejected them because I was so determined by my bottom line. Is this how I make things different? Am I able to change my trajectory by changing my mindset? Of course Carol Dweck would endorse the #growthmindset mantra. I have a skill set and I have a vision.

What would work best for me and the greater good? I take a deep breath and I know what I need to do to make things better. I can make this a hat trick and just do what I have done before. I’m thinking not. It’s time to compromise, negotiate, and find a middle ground that works. Is it perfect? Nothing is perfect. Will it work? I hope so.

META-MOMENT: I love the power of reflection. Whether if you blog or journal privately, there is something magical about the writing process and blogging that helps me to figure out what’s important to me, to celebrate, and to share. TY.

#pandemicreflections #lifeisajourney #lessonstobelearned

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