Tutoring at Capilano University

You know… things happen in strange and wonderful ways.  I am not one to question, but I am one to wonder.

Not too long ago, I had applied for a position at Capilano University and did not get the position.  Not sad about the outcome, I quickly moved onwards to the next task at hand.  I was so grateful to have the interview and my resume and cover letter were updated.

In the meantime, I expressed an interest in tutoring Adult Basic Education (ABE) at Capilano University – Sechelt Campus last year and was invited a week or so after the interview to attend a meeting about what was involved.  In the midst of being trained to be a tutor at Capilano, I feel that I have taken a full-circle in my teaching career.

In my third year of university (20 years ago), I was in serious contemplation what to do with my life.  I was not sure that I wanted to do until I volunteered at Kwantlen College in Richmond, BC to tutor ABE mathematics.   I was schooling at UBC, lived in Burnaby, and commuted to Richmond once a week to help adults learn mathematics.  I loved it.

Volunteering at Kwantlen College inspired me to pursue a career in adult education.  Initially, I started an Adult Education Diploma at UBC after I graduated with my Bachelor of Science.  As it turned out, to teach ABE I needed to have a teaching certificate.  So, I withdrew from the diploma program to pursue a degree in education to gain certification.

Like a typical university student, I had accrued a significant student loan.  After completing my Bachelor of Education, I had to find a job.  Instead of teaching adults, I got a position teaching mathematics and science in a public high school.  I learned much about teaching and learning from my experience at the high school.  It has made me who I am today.

I love teaching.  I am passionate about student learning and mathematics education.  I am still in the education business as a graduate student, private educator, and educational consultant but having the opportunity to volunteer at Capilano University as an ABE tutor is a dream come true.

I have finally arrived.  Tutoring starts today and I’m looking forward.

Holmes on Homes

I love watching this show.  OK. I don’t watch this show religiously, but I like this show because Holmes on Homes exemplifies what I believe what “good leadership” should be.  He is the contractor.  He oversees the whole project with skill and expertise of each component of the job, like dry walling, plumbing, and roofing.  Holmes just seems to get it all and oversees everyone on the team for quality of work.  He has a team of experts working with him.  He’s got electricians, carpenters, plumbers, etc. working on the job and they each excel at what they do.  What I enjoy most is that they communicate with Holmes regularly about progress, problems, and solutions.  Best of all, Holmes gets right in the project too.  He’s not just supervising the project and complaining about what went wrong, he takes part of the building process.  Holmes is unreal.  Near the end of today’s episode he said, “if you’re a professional, pick a date and stick to it.”  He was referring to was the completion date of the project.  This man is committed and highly skilled.  He wants to get the job done right.  I love that.  Yes, I am a doctoral student studying educational leadership and this HGTV show inspires me.

Failure to Commit

Thank goodness that I don’t have to write my dissertation using pen and paper.  If so, I suspect nothing would get done.

It’s been three weeks since I got feedback from my supervisors and I cannot believe how long it is taking me to get through my revisions.  It is hard to explain to people that I am approaching my thesis proposal for the fifth time.  Although my proposal is comprehensive, meaning that I have to write a complete literature review and methodology section in addition to my introduction, I am stunned how a few changes in the beginning exponentially changes the composition of the following chapters.

I love my feedback.  I can see what I need to do to narrow my topic and by doing that… my research question has been tweaked… my sub-questions completely transformed… and complete overhaul in the significance of the study and ethics application.  I had to rehink my conceptual framework, literature review, and methodology.  I like the direction my paper, but in denial of what is needed to complete my dissertation.

Failure to commit to new ideas or leaps of faith prevent me from moving forward with my paper at the pace I wish to be moving at.  As you can see, I have no troubles blogging, but I don’t have to cite what I know and sound “academic.”  And, what I write about in my blogs just comes off the top of my head as a daily inspiration… FLOW doesn’t matter.

I am happy to announce I have just finished revising Chapter 1.  I will be editing later today before I send it off to my supervisors.  I gasp to think about redoing Chapter 2.  It’s almost like redoing the Literature Review all over again.  The paper has shifted and so does the Lit Review.  SIGH.  Then bigger changes with Chapter 3.  A few side steps completely changed the direction of my research.

In this situation, I often feel like the hamster in the wheel.  The faster I go, it seems I’m still in the same place.  This can be discouraging, but what I do know is… the only way to learn is to do and make mistakes… get feedback… fix it.. and do once again until it’s just right.

My Baby Wolf Drum

My husband and I were friends since grade 9 in 1984.  We started dating in 1991, got married in 2001, and celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in July.  My husband surprised me with a gift certificate to attend a drum making workshop.  It was so unexpected.  I’ve been meaning to do a drum making workshop and signed up a couple times last year, but failed to follow through.  I was going through many “life changes” and could not commit.

In hind sight, I was not meant to attend those workshops.  The timing was not right.  The anniversary gift was a surprise.  My husband sifted through my emails to find the contact name of the drum workshop facilitator.  This would have been a challenge because I corresponded with the facilitator mainly by Facebook.  I commend my husband and the best part is that I got to share this experience with friends from my canoe and other wonderful people who were meant to attend the WOLF DRUM workshop.

Every workshop has a different theme and the WOLF seemed to resonate with me.  It is not to say that I have any real-life experiences with wolves, but the metaphor of the wolf seems to reflect who I am.  Wolves are passionate, strong, and independent.  However, the true strength of the wolf comes from his or her connection with family.  I love that.  I also pulled the DRAGONFLY “animal card” that represents transformation, expression, and finding oneself.  I was in the right place at the right time.  This one-day workshop was like another day of Pulling Together… being with friends, learning something new, and connecting with nature.

The elk hide is ‘real-skin’… spooked me out.  I have never worked with that kind of material before.  Thank you Arthur.  We shared stories about the wolf, deer, and elk.  One of the facilitators who prepared the hide for the workshop said that you can sense the stories experienced by the animal when handling the hide.  She claimed that we may get a lot of “knowledge.”  I thought about using latex gloves to work with the hide, but opted to go bare handed.  No regrets.  The drum is a living being.

The facilitators asked us to be aware of any dreams, visions, or thoughts during this week while the drum dries and report back next week.  Although there is a part of me who is somewhat skeptical of what I am about to experience, but I am practicing how to ALLOW and TRUST.  This is challenging for me when I think I am 100% in control.  I am in control, but not with the details of how I get from A to B.  My job is to figure out the BIG PLAN and trust that I am heading in the right direction and allow myself to choose the ‘right decisions’ to get where I want to be.

It’s been one day since I’ve made my drum and I had three distinct dreams:  (1) I dreamt about the canoe and talking to people how people are selected for each crew; (2) I dreamt about looking out a doorway and being thankful for being able to hear the leaves rustling; and, (3) I dreamt about working with adults in education.  The dreams were so clear but as I write I am unable to articulate specific details.  What I do remember were the underlying themes of each dream with clear images.   The images brings me much happiness and a sense of calm or connectedness.  I am looking forward to next week when my drum is dry and ready for playing.

Because this is my first drum, it is tradition to give it away.  I am not alarmed by the concept of giving away the drum.  What I do intend to do is to give away my baby wolf drum when my TRANSFORMATION is complete.  I hope to play the drum during the Pulling Together 2012 canoe journey, but I am willing to give her away when the time is right.  I am still in a state of change and I am stoked about what’s to come.  My tutoring business is thriving.  I am giving professional development workshops to teachers.  And, I am working on my dissertation that is of interest to other educators and myself.   I trust and allow the universe to guide me.

A Day Without Coffee

What was I thinking?  This picture even taunts me.  I LOVE COFFEE.  I know that may sound like a person who may be “addicted” to the hot yummy beverage… well, it is.  I think that I need to be put on the TV show, Intervention… “My name is Christine and I am addicted to coffee.”

I guess that would not make good television.  Apparently, without coffee, I nap.  That’s all I’ve done today… I took two 2-hour naps today.  What is with that?  It was not a very productive day.

Why live without coffee?  I’m just getting tired of the up-and-down feeling I get during the day.  I am reliant on coffee as my primary fuel of the day, but there are other factors that may be contributing to how I feel… like diet and exercise.  I just need to get back on track and not sure how.

I am getting some dietary advice from one of my former students and I appreciate her input and passion for the area.  Truth be known, as I write this blog… I am making a pot of coffee.  I know that it is 9 o’clock at night, but I need a cup of coffee.  Now.  Without coffee, I am not feeling up-and-down…. I’m not feeling steady… I’m just feeling tired… very, very tired. 

I have much to do and accomplish.  I can’t afford to sleep ALL DAY.  Therefore, I will also take the advice of making changes in small incremental steps instead of going cold turkey.  Withdrawal is not a good feeling.  Well, I must go now.  Coffee is ready.  I need to grab a delicious cup of java.

Keeping Busy

You would think I would have missed the first day of school.  This was my first year in 17 years living on the Sunshine Coast where I did not start off the school year at work greeting a new crop of students to the high school.  In fact, this year I was in Vancouver preparing and prepping for the EGSA Seminar Series and getting my employment forms to SFU for the MEd Education Site Assistant position with the Surrey cohort.

While my daughter was spending her first full-day at school, I was commuting home by transit that morning from Vancouver to the Sunshine Coast.  I took a moment while drinking my latte at Starbucks in Horseshoe Bay thinking this was the first day of school, but that’s it.  The first day of school seemed more like the first day of my ‘new’ life as a graduate student.  Although I am looking forward, I do look back.

As mentioned in earlier blogs, it does not pay to look back.  If you turn right, stay right.  I am reminded over and over again that looking back is a futile process.  Yet, I still do.  I’m not sure what I am looking for or what I am expecting, but I often wonder what it would be like if I kept my job and not left. Why wonder?  I hear stories… some good… some bad… and ultimately, I am happy that I had made my decision to leave and pursue other avenues.

What did I do today?  I made a drum.  Aside from tutoring, writing, blogging, parenting, researching, and such… I made an ELK HIDE drum today.  I LOVED IT.  The day was like the 11th day of the Pulling Together Journey.  There were stories, smudging, ceremony, and opportunities to learn something new and connect with friends.  An unbelievable experience and I feel that my world just got a little bit bigger.  How can I be so lucky?

I am keeping busy.  I have my research and writing… I love blogging… I adore tutoring math… and I love connecting with people.  My family, friends, colleagues, and strangers I meet along the way are phenomenal and I am fortunate to have so many things on the go.  For example, this week is Zoe’s bike club and aikido… and on Friday I am reconnecting with my SFU-Sunshine Coast study buddies to talk EDU-GAB.  Love it.

Sadly, I do continue to look outwards for more things to do when really I have plenty on my plate.  Curling starts in a few weeks and I am PLOWING through my paper so that I can start interviewing participants for my study.  Why am I looking for more things to do?  I’m busy.  I love what I am doing.  I love what I am learning.  I am challenging my false-beliefs and I get to choose.  What more could I ask for?  I have it all.

Adjudicated

Have you ever been evaluated and didn’t know it? 

I am not talking about being judged by someone and not knowing what he or she is thinking about you.  What I am refering to is being “adjudicated” or judged by others who are camouflaged within the audience you are presenting to.  Yup.  That happened to me during the EGSA (Education Graduate Students Association) Seminar Series on September 7, 2011.

First of all, I am pleased with myself about “taking the risk” of writing a 250 word abstract and submitting it to a blind peer review panel to be judged with hopes of being selected for the EGSA Seminar Series.  I had no expectations.  Being chosen with one other classmate to launch off the event for the fall session was an honour and a surprise.

Second, I looked forward to presenting parts of my research to other Faculty of Education graduate students.  I was unexpectedly challenged with the feedback from my supervisors and what I had submitted in my initial abstract a month prior.  I had to blend the two parts.  Furthermore, I had an opportunity to use what I learned in the Instructional Skills Workshop.

Third, I was unshaken by the experience of creating and presenting a 30-minute PowerPoint to my peers in front of a live feed that is 100% accessible online by ANYONE.  I had no fear.  That in itself was a good feeling and receiving positive feedback after the presentation from audience members affirmed to me that I’m on the right track with my research.

What took me a back was the email I received yesterday.  I got an email from the EGSA president with reviews from three anonymous adjudicators about my Seminar Series presentation.  I had NO CLUE that I was being judged by others in a “formal way” to provide me with constructive feedback about what they had witnessed during my presentation.

In public education, I was never evaluated for my teaching performance except during my first year of teaching in 1994.  At that time, I was informed about when I was going to be evaluated and I knew who was evaluating me.  Moreover, after my teacher evaluation I had a private meeting with my vice-principal about what went well and what I needed to work on.

Anyway, I loved it.  Receiving the email one week later with written feedback about my presentation was AWESOME.  Much like the Instructional Skills Workshop, I am more critical about myself compared to those evaluating me.  All three adjudications were generally positive and each of them expressed interest in my research topic.  Aside from speeding up near the end of the presentation due to time constraints… I did pretty good.  

Reassurance

Self-doubt can be a killer.  When your self-talk starts to turn on you… and you begin to hear things like… “Who are you kidding?  What makes you so special?  Why are you bothering?”  It’s time to take a moment… and STOP.  In high performance sport, athletes would wear elastic bands on their wrists.  When the mind and heart begin to drift… SNAP IT.

That’s what I did today.  SNAP.  You’d think I took a big step last year, leaving my full-time teaching position to pursue my academic career as a full-time doctoral student.  Nope.  You are mistaken.  I’ve been taking multiple leaps and leaving my teaching career in public education was just the beginning.  I am self-employed as a private educator and professional development workshop provider.  I am learning what life is like on the World Wide Web by blogging, maintaining a website, and social networking.  I am embracing life as an academic… presenting my paper, researching, writing, and taking the bus.  Best of all, I get the opportunity to take care of my family, cook dinners at home, and sleep 8 hours a day.

All good things… then blahhhhh.  The self-doubt train arrives.  Who’s reading your blog.  Your research is not relevant.  No one wants your business.  The food you make tastes blahhhhh.  Honestly, this self-talk is not good for the mind or heart.  As a result, I begin to second guess.  Should I apply back to public education to teach?  Should I stop researching and get a real job?  Should I just eat a bag-of-chips (BOC) and call it a day?  Blahhhh…

A bad case of the “shoulds” can kill a person.  It’s not a good place to be.  Looking back is a dead zone and yet I continue to glance behind me to see what’s back there.  Let me tell you, there’s not much to report.  I don’t know why I choose to punish myself with these periodic thoughts of “What are you thinking,” but it happens.  SNAP.  I need to get out of it.

Then, someone said to me… “Are you still blogging?  You are a good writer.”  Really?  That was a really nice thing to say.  When someone says something like that, it dispels all of my false beliefs about my writing skills and whether or not my blog is worthwhile.  Someone else then says, “I miss you.  You are a great teacher.  Go big or go home.  You are worth it.”  SNAP.  I feel good.  Sometimes, all it takes is a bit of reassurance. 

Chexican

The term “Chexican” comes from the Scotiabank commercial where a man and a woman are making a decision.  To make decisions, they would flip a coin.  The coin would not land on either heads or tails, but on it’s side.  They flipped the coin again to decide where to go for lunch… Chinese or Mexican… in the end, they decided on “Chexican.”

I often wonder why decisions have to be dichotomous, to be one or the other but never both?  Honestly, I want it all… both sides… smooshed together.  I love what I am doing as a full-time graduate student, but wished I could work full-time too.  No can do.  I love teaching, but I also love leadership.  I love living on the Sunshine Coast, but opportunities may be in the Lower Mainland.  The list of choices goes on… finding the best of two worlds.

Take a risk and trust… or keep with the status quo and feel secure.  This is an ongoing battle and all that I wish for is CHEXICAN.  What I do know is that I am 100% behind public education and I am motivated by my deep desire to support student learning.  What I am not sure about is how I get there, where I am going, and will I feel good when I get there.

Looking Forward

Well Bloggies… I have officially decided to write a weekly Blog entry… or maybe biweekly entries if inspiration merits it.  As much as I love writing in my blog, I need to stay focused on what’s ahead of me.  It’s funny.  As I write this, I have a feeling that my blog entries my occur daily anyway but I will not “beat myself up” or “blow a sweat” if I don’t get to writing something every day in the Blog that may be relevant or worthwhile to you or me.

This is me LOOKING FORWARD.  I love writing about Assessment for Learning (AFL).  Giving Assessment for Learning workshops to secondary school teachers is fun, challenging, and rewarding.  I see myself as a edu-catalyst to policy implementation.  In October 2011, I am presenting a workshop at the BC Association of Mathematics Teachers (BCAMT) provincial conference about AFL and the 21st Century in Burnaby, BC.  I am honored to have the opportunity to present to secondary mathematics teachers about AFL.

Second, I look forward to my new position at Simon Fraser University (SFU) as Site Assistant for one of the Masters of Education cohorts starting in September 2011.  I feel lucky to be selected as a helper and mentor to the Educational Leadership K-12 Surrey Cohort.  The welcoming of new students will be held on September 30th.  I am excited about meeting the students and faculty; and stoked about what I have to offer and what I am going to learn.  I like the reciprocity of learning and teaching that are embedded in this position.

Third, I am continuing to write my dissertation with increased verve and interest.  With each revision, I am learning, fine-tuning, and targeting my research question to produce a cohesive and comprehensible dissertation looking at how non-mathematics subject specialist teachers (NMSST) learn on the job as practicing secondary mathematics teachers.  I look forward to completing my fifth revision of my comprehensive proposal and apply for ethics next month to begin collecting data in the fall.  In the meantime, I am a volunteer tutor at Capilano University and I tutor privately to high school math/science students.

Finally, blogging gives me the opportunity to share my experiences, learning, and gratitude for all that I have.  I acknowledge that I have many things on the go and I am grateful.  This is not to mention I am a mom, wife, and avid curler.  I like to take opportunities to spend time with my family, go curling, or even paddle in a canoe to connect with friends, family, and colleagues.  My connection with others is instrumental to my success and happiness.  I am so fortunate to have so many supportive people in my life.  I could not be where I am today without you all.  So please, continue to encourage me, kick me it in butt, or provide friendly reminders why I am LOOKING FORWARD.  Looking back only slows me down.