Christine Ho Younghusband

My Baby Wolf Drum

My husband and I were friends since grade 9 in 1984.  We started dating in 1991, got married in 2001, and celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in July.  My husband surprised me with a gift certificate to attend a drum making workshop.  It was so unexpected.  I’ve been meaning to do a drum making workshop and signed up a couple times last year, but failed to follow through.  I was going through many “life changes” and could not commit.

In hind sight, I was not meant to attend those workshops.  The timing was not right.  The anniversary gift was a surprise.  My husband sifted through my emails to find the contact name of the drum workshop facilitator.  This would have been a challenge because I corresponded with the facilitator mainly by Facebook.  I commend my husband and the best part is that I got to share this experience with friends from my canoe and other wonderful people who were meant to attend the WOLF DRUM workshop.

Every workshop has a different theme and the WOLF seemed to resonate with me.  It is not to say that I have any real-life experiences with wolves, but the metaphor of the wolf seems to reflect who I am.  Wolves are passionate, strong, and independent.  However, the true strength of the wolf comes from his or her connection with family.  I love that.  I also pulled the DRAGONFLY “animal card” that represents transformation, expression, and finding oneself.  I was in the right place at the right time.  This one-day workshop was like another day of Pulling Together… being with friends, learning something new, and connecting with nature.

The elk hide is ‘real-skin’… spooked me out.  I have never worked with that kind of material before.  Thank you Arthur.  We shared stories about the wolf, deer, and elk.  One of the facilitators who prepared the hide for the workshop said that you can sense the stories experienced by the animal when handling the hide.  She claimed that we may get a lot of “knowledge.”  I thought about using latex gloves to work with the hide, but opted to go bare handed.  No regrets.  The drum is a living being.

The facilitators asked us to be aware of any dreams, visions, or thoughts during this week while the drum dries and report back next week.  Although there is a part of me who is somewhat skeptical of what I am about to experience, but I am practicing how to ALLOW and TRUST.  This is challenging for me when I think I am 100% in control.  I am in control, but not with the details of how I get from A to B.  My job is to figure out the BIG PLAN and trust that I am heading in the right direction and allow myself to choose the ‘right decisions’ to get where I want to be.

It’s been one day since I’ve made my drum and I had three distinct dreams:  (1) I dreamt about the canoe and talking to people how people are selected for each crew; (2) I dreamt about looking out a doorway and being thankful for being able to hear the leaves rustling; and, (3) I dreamt about working with adults in education.  The dreams were so clear but as I write I am unable to articulate specific details.  What I do remember were the underlying themes of each dream with clear images.   The images brings me much happiness and a sense of calm or connectedness.  I am looking forward to next week when my drum is dry and ready for playing.

Because this is my first drum, it is tradition to give it away.  I am not alarmed by the concept of giving away the drum.  What I do intend to do is to give away my baby wolf drum when my TRANSFORMATION is complete.  I hope to play the drum during the Pulling Together 2012 canoe journey, but I am willing to give her away when the time is right.  I am still in a state of change and I am stoked about what’s to come.  My tutoring business is thriving.  I am giving professional development workshops to teachers.  And, I am working on my dissertation that is of interest to other educators and myself.   I trust and allow the universe to guide me.

A Day Without Coffee

What was I thinking?  This picture even taunts me.  I LOVE COFFEE.  I know that may sound like a person who may be “addicted” to the hot yummy beverage… well, it is.  I think that I need to be put on the TV show, Intervention… “My name is Christine and I am addicted to coffee.”

I guess that would not make good television.  Apparently, without coffee, I nap.  That’s all I’ve done today… I took two 2-hour naps today.  What is with that?  It was not a very productive day.

Why live without coffee?  I’m just getting tired of the up-and-down feeling I get during the day.  I am reliant on coffee as my primary fuel of the day, but there are other factors that may be contributing to how I feel… like diet and exercise.  I just need to get back on track and not sure how.

I am getting some dietary advice from one of my former students and I appreciate her input and passion for the area.  Truth be known, as I write this blog… I am making a pot of coffee.  I know that it is 9 o’clock at night, but I need a cup of coffee.  Now.  Without coffee, I am not feeling up-and-down…. I’m not feeling steady… I’m just feeling tired… very, very tired. 

I have much to do and accomplish.  I can’t afford to sleep ALL DAY.  Therefore, I will also take the advice of making changes in small incremental steps instead of going cold turkey.  Withdrawal is not a good feeling.  Well, I must go now.  Coffee is ready.  I need to grab a delicious cup of java.

Keeping Busy

You would think I would have missed the first day of school.  This was my first year in 17 years living on the Sunshine Coast where I did not start off the school year at work greeting a new crop of students to the high school.  In fact, this year I was in Vancouver preparing and prepping for the EGSA Seminar Series and getting my employment forms to SFU for the MEd Education Site Assistant position with the Surrey cohort.

While my daughter was spending her first full-day at school, I was commuting home by transit that morning from Vancouver to the Sunshine Coast.  I took a moment while drinking my latte at Starbucks in Horseshoe Bay thinking this was the first day of school, but that’s it.  The first day of school seemed more like the first day of my ‘new’ life as a graduate student.  Although I am looking forward, I do look back.

As mentioned in earlier blogs, it does not pay to look back.  If you turn right, stay right.  I am reminded over and over again that looking back is a futile process.  Yet, I still do.  I’m not sure what I am looking for or what I am expecting, but I often wonder what it would be like if I kept my job and not left. Why wonder?  I hear stories… some good… some bad… and ultimately, I am happy that I had made my decision to leave and pursue other avenues.

What did I do today?  I made a drum.  Aside from tutoring, writing, blogging, parenting, researching, and such… I made an ELK HIDE drum today.  I LOVED IT.  The day was like the 11th day of the Pulling Together Journey.  There were stories, smudging, ceremony, and opportunities to learn something new and connect with friends.  An unbelievable experience and I feel that my world just got a little bit bigger.  How can I be so lucky?

I am keeping busy.  I have my research and writing… I love blogging… I adore tutoring math… and I love connecting with people.  My family, friends, colleagues, and strangers I meet along the way are phenomenal and I am fortunate to have so many things on the go.  For example, this week is Zoe’s bike club and aikido… and on Friday I am reconnecting with my SFU-Sunshine Coast study buddies to talk EDU-GAB.  Love it.

Sadly, I do continue to look outwards for more things to do when really I have plenty on my plate.  Curling starts in a few weeks and I am PLOWING through my paper so that I can start interviewing participants for my study.  Why am I looking for more things to do?  I’m busy.  I love what I am doing.  I love what I am learning.  I am challenging my false-beliefs and I get to choose.  What more could I ask for?  I have it all.

Adjudicated

Have you ever been evaluated and didn’t know it? 

I am not talking about being judged by someone and not knowing what he or she is thinking about you.  What I am refering to is being “adjudicated” or judged by others who are camouflaged within the audience you are presenting to.  Yup.  That happened to me during the EGSA (Education Graduate Students Association) Seminar Series on September 7, 2011.

First of all, I am pleased with myself about “taking the risk” of writing a 250 word abstract and submitting it to a blind peer review panel to be judged with hopes of being selected for the EGSA Seminar Series.  I had no expectations.  Being chosen with one other classmate to launch off the event for the fall session was an honour and a surprise.

Second, I looked forward to presenting parts of my research to other Faculty of Education graduate students.  I was unexpectedly challenged with the feedback from my supervisors and what I had submitted in my initial abstract a month prior.  I had to blend the two parts.  Furthermore, I had an opportunity to use what I learned in the Instructional Skills Workshop.

Third, I was unshaken by the experience of creating and presenting a 30-minute PowerPoint to my peers in front of a live feed that is 100% accessible online by ANYONE.  I had no fear.  That in itself was a good feeling and receiving positive feedback after the presentation from audience members affirmed to me that I’m on the right track with my research.

What took me a back was the email I received yesterday.  I got an email from the EGSA president with reviews from three anonymous adjudicators about my Seminar Series presentation.  I had NO CLUE that I was being judged by others in a “formal way” to provide me with constructive feedback about what they had witnessed during my presentation.

In public education, I was never evaluated for my teaching performance except during my first year of teaching in 1994.  At that time, I was informed about when I was going to be evaluated and I knew who was evaluating me.  Moreover, after my teacher evaluation I had a private meeting with my vice-principal about what went well and what I needed to work on.

Anyway, I loved it.  Receiving the email one week later with written feedback about my presentation was AWESOME.  Much like the Instructional Skills Workshop, I am more critical about myself compared to those evaluating me.  All three adjudications were generally positive and each of them expressed interest in my research topic.  Aside from speeding up near the end of the presentation due to time constraints… I did pretty good.  

Reassurance

Self-doubt can be a killer.  When your self-talk starts to turn on you… and you begin to hear things like… “Who are you kidding?  What makes you so special?  Why are you bothering?”  It’s time to take a moment… and STOP.  In high performance sport, athletes would wear elastic bands on their wrists.  When the mind and heart begin to drift… SNAP IT.

That’s what I did today.  SNAP.  You’d think I took a big step last year, leaving my full-time teaching position to pursue my academic career as a full-time doctoral student.  Nope.  You are mistaken.  I’ve been taking multiple leaps and leaving my teaching career in public education was just the beginning.  I am self-employed as a private educator and professional development workshop provider.  I am learning what life is like on the World Wide Web by blogging, maintaining a website, and social networking.  I am embracing life as an academic… presenting my paper, researching, writing, and taking the bus.  Best of all, I get the opportunity to take care of my family, cook dinners at home, and sleep 8 hours a day.

All good things… then blahhhhh.  The self-doubt train arrives.  Who’s reading your blog.  Your research is not relevant.  No one wants your business.  The food you make tastes blahhhhh.  Honestly, this self-talk is not good for the mind or heart.  As a result, I begin to second guess.  Should I apply back to public education to teach?  Should I stop researching and get a real job?  Should I just eat a bag-of-chips (BOC) and call it a day?  Blahhhh…

A bad case of the “shoulds” can kill a person.  It’s not a good place to be.  Looking back is a dead zone and yet I continue to glance behind me to see what’s back there.  Let me tell you, there’s not much to report.  I don’t know why I choose to punish myself with these periodic thoughts of “What are you thinking,” but it happens.  SNAP.  I need to get out of it.

Then, someone said to me… “Are you still blogging?  You are a good writer.”  Really?  That was a really nice thing to say.  When someone says something like that, it dispels all of my false beliefs about my writing skills and whether or not my blog is worthwhile.  Someone else then says, “I miss you.  You are a great teacher.  Go big or go home.  You are worth it.”  SNAP.  I feel good.  Sometimes, all it takes is a bit of reassurance. 

Chexican

The term “Chexican” comes from the Scotiabank commercial where a man and a woman are making a decision.  To make decisions, they would flip a coin.  The coin would not land on either heads or tails, but on it’s side.  They flipped the coin again to decide where to go for lunch… Chinese or Mexican… in the end, they decided on “Chexican.”

I often wonder why decisions have to be dichotomous, to be one or the other but never both?  Honestly, I want it all… both sides… smooshed together.  I love what I am doing as a full-time graduate student, but wished I could work full-time too.  No can do.  I love teaching, but I also love leadership.  I love living on the Sunshine Coast, but opportunities may be in the Lower Mainland.  The list of choices goes on… finding the best of two worlds.

Take a risk and trust… or keep with the status quo and feel secure.  This is an ongoing battle and all that I wish for is CHEXICAN.  What I do know is that I am 100% behind public education and I am motivated by my deep desire to support student learning.  What I am not sure about is how I get there, where I am going, and will I feel good when I get there.

Looking Forward

Well Bloggies… I have officially decided to write a weekly Blog entry… or maybe biweekly entries if inspiration merits it.  As much as I love writing in my blog, I need to stay focused on what’s ahead of me.  It’s funny.  As I write this, I have a feeling that my blog entries my occur daily anyway but I will not “beat myself up” or “blow a sweat” if I don’t get to writing something every day in the Blog that may be relevant or worthwhile to you or me.

This is me LOOKING FORWARD.  I love writing about Assessment for Learning (AFL).  Giving Assessment for Learning workshops to secondary school teachers is fun, challenging, and rewarding.  I see myself as a edu-catalyst to policy implementation.  In October 2011, I am presenting a workshop at the BC Association of Mathematics Teachers (BCAMT) provincial conference about AFL and the 21st Century in Burnaby, BC.  I am honored to have the opportunity to present to secondary mathematics teachers about AFL.

Second, I look forward to my new position at Simon Fraser University (SFU) as Site Assistant for one of the Masters of Education cohorts starting in September 2011.  I feel lucky to be selected as a helper and mentor to the Educational Leadership K-12 Surrey Cohort.  The welcoming of new students will be held on September 30th.  I am excited about meeting the students and faculty; and stoked about what I have to offer and what I am going to learn.  I like the reciprocity of learning and teaching that are embedded in this position.

Third, I am continuing to write my dissertation with increased verve and interest.  With each revision, I am learning, fine-tuning, and targeting my research question to produce a cohesive and comprehensible dissertation looking at how non-mathematics subject specialist teachers (NMSST) learn on the job as practicing secondary mathematics teachers.  I look forward to completing my fifth revision of my comprehensive proposal and apply for ethics next month to begin collecting data in the fall.  In the meantime, I am a volunteer tutor at Capilano University and I tutor privately to high school math/science students.

Finally, blogging gives me the opportunity to share my experiences, learning, and gratitude for all that I have.  I acknowledge that I have many things on the go and I am grateful.  This is not to mention I am a mom, wife, and avid curler.  I like to take opportunities to spend time with my family, go curling, or even paddle in a canoe to connect with friends, family, and colleagues.  My connection with others is instrumental to my success and happiness.  I am so fortunate to have so many supportive people in my life.  I could not be where I am today without you all.  So please, continue to encourage me, kick me it in butt, or provide friendly reminders why I am LOOKING FORWARD.  Looking back only slows me down.

Attitude of Gratitude

Bloggies… an attitude of gratitude not only helps perpetuate “more good” but it shifts your perspective or way of thinking to only see “more good.”  I have very much to be thankful for.  I am especially grateful for my family and extended family, friends and colleagues, and all those who share their support and kindness.  Today’s blog entry celebrates WELCOME BACK TO SCHOOL with my Top 10 List of Thank You’s for September 9, 2011. 

10.  It was a beautiful hot sunny day… great weather for learning.
9.  Walked my daughter to school while she rode her bike.
8.  Stayed for the assembly to find out who my daughter’s teacher is.
7.  Chatted with former students, now moms, at the elementary school.
6.  Collaborated with a study-buddy over homemade muffins and coffee.
5.  Talked about Assessment for Learning with a colleague.
4.  Having good friends who are willing to drive me to and from places.
3.  Arrived to my daughter’s school early to walk her back home after school.
2.  Engaged in an intellectual tutoring session with an adult learner.
1.  Ate dinner with my daughter, without the TV on, talking school. 

Make your own list.  Do it daily.  It’s fun, rewarding, and gratifying.  Happy weekend.

SFU EGSA Fall 2011 Seminar Series

What an amazing experience.  First of all, I had no idea was the EGSA Seminar Series was all about.  It is a new phenomena at SFU.  EGSA means “Education Graduate Students Association.”  If you have not figured it out yet (because it took me many months to adhere to this concept), I am a full-time graduate student at SFU.  Not to describe myself with titles, but I’ve been a “secondary mathematics teacher” for such a long time.  To consider myself as something else is new territory.  I am an education grad student.  So there.

Now that I have embraced the idea of full-time graduate studies (along with small edu-jobs on the side), I have committed myself to embark on opportunities a grad student would consider.  For example, I am going to be one of the Site Assistants at SFU (Surrey) helping out the Masters of Education Educational Leadership K-12 Cohort.  Am I stoked?  Yes I am.  Amongst many other things, aside from working on my dissertation, I submitted an abstract to the EGSA Seminar Series.  I had never written an abstract and it was a great vehicle to sort out my thoughts regarding my dissertation.  I mean, why not?

Not expecting much, I just moved on with my studies, life with family, and paddling in the canoe.  Then, I got the news… I not only got the Site Assistant position, my abstract was blind peer-reviewed and accepted, and I got formative feedback from my committee members.  Wow.  A hat-trick of happiness.  Now what?  With feedback, comes revisions… my paper all of a sudden took a shift from the abstract I had submitted.  My mind was in a mix and found preparing for the EGSA Seminar challenging to say the least.  Biggest question:  What am I presenting?  Present what I had, what I will have, or a mix of both?

Response:  The dissertation is a learning process, so why not embed my learning of the dissertation process with some of the content of my thesis disclosing that “things” have changed.  And, so I did.  I treated or attempted to exemplify to my fellow education grad students my struggles of narrowing my question, what’s my literature review is going to look like, the methodology, and the SO WHAT.  That was the toughest part for me to figure out… what’s the point of my dissertation?  What do I want to get out of it?  Very good questions posed by the audience, committee, and myself.  Bottom line: What’s the point?

Then, it came to me… it’s not about the standardized assessments that worry me, per se, but if the claims of student achievement relies on the content knowledge and pedagogical content knowledge of teachers, then what needs to be seriously considered is how do non-mathematics subject specialists teachers learn ‘on-the-job’ to build their expertise as practicing secondary math teachers.  Knowing this, then school districts can offer programs to support the professional learning of these teachers, thus improve the quality of instruction with hopes of positively affecting student achievement in secondary mathematics.

Thanks for letting me sort that out Bloggies and EGSA.  I would highly encourage others, if you’re like me, to engage in activities such as the SFU EGSA Seminar Series to sort out ideas, present them, and get immediate feedback.  Thank you family, friends, colleagues, and classmates for giving me this learning opportunity.  In return, I have included the link to the live feed of the EGSA event.  I’m about 43 minutes into the video footage…
http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/17132778

Bliss

Bliss… that is certainly the theme of the day.  The day begins with a heart to heart with my daughter.  I must admit that this is the best part and the worst part of parenting.  I love my kid to bits and I think she is a good kid.  Sometimes as the parent in the relationship, I have to do some intervention… a learning opportunity for the kid and myself. It was a good chat.  The day proceed with me lugging my commute bag to the school to drop off my kid to start her day off.  She was riding her bike to school.  The nice part was when we lost sight of each other and she encircled the neighborhood to fnd me.  Now that’s LOVE.

After successfully dropping off my kid to school and having a pleasant conversation with a colleague, I caught the bus to start my journey towards the Lower Mainland.  My favorite bus driver picked me up from the bus stop kiddie corner from my kid’s school to bring me to downtown Sechelt.  Then off to the next bus where I saw a couple of girls who are associated with my husband’s workplace.  It’s always a good feeling to see familiar faces.  Saying hello to people on my travels through the Sunshine Coast is a friendly reminder m connectedness to the community.

The bus stops and drops me off to my first destination of the day… BLISS. This is a relatively new coffee shop in Gibsons. I’ve only heard good things about the place, especially the quality of the coffee.  Like most people, I like food and a good cup of coffee.  I would like to consider myself a small town, low budget FOODIE. I ordered the scrambled eggs breakfast with a cup of dark roast. All I can say is YUM.  I sat out side enjoying my yummy food click clacking on my computer.  Is this the Life?  Yes it is, but the best part of this blissful experience is being in good company with friends.  A few of my paddling buddies from Gibsons joined me for coffee. Now, that’s living the life.

Soon enough, it was time to part ways.  Loved seeing my good friends from paddling (and Banjo, the cutest puppy ever) and managed to scoop a ride to the ferry.  My travels continue.  I spent most of the ferry trip working on my SFU EGSA presentation with a little powder on break to freshen up.  Onto the 257 bus with a seemless transition leads me up to very moment of remote blogging on the bus.  This is true Bliss.