TedxSechelt
This my last day of being 40. I am not being sentimental… I am being thankful. What a year… Turning 40 was more than I anticipated. This blog entry will be a year in review. I am so grateful to end my 40th year of life with TedxSechelt. I feel so lucky to be a part of this event. I saw good friends and left the all-day event inspired and affirmed… This is a good feeling.
So, how did my 40th year of life start out? In 2 words… NOT GOOD. For several weeks prior to my 40th birthday, I was in serious pain. I had hip pain and had difficulties walking. Furthermore, I had an extremely HUGE cyst growing on the side of my chest. The cyst caused me a lot of pain that I did not show up to work the day before my birthday, where I found out later, a surprise party was being organized for me. I could not celebrate my birthday. I taught in agony thinking that this growth would someday disappear, much like the hip-pain would. My health was rapidly declining.
On the morning of my 40th birthday, the baseball-sized cyst ERUPTED. It was totally gruesome. That Saturday I had a EdD cohort meeting on campus that was organized weeks before. I took my daughter with me to Surrey, traveling from Sunshine Coast. Like a “good” teacher, I pretended that everything was OK. What a lie I was living. I had obviously reached a turning point in my life… let’s call it MIDLIFE… My body was the final straw… I had to make life changes.
With great contemplation, I abruptly left my ‘secure’ teaching position to work full-time on my dissertation. I worked in public schools for 16 years. I was an icon in the school’s math department, but I was becoming attuned to the idea that I was no longer aligned with my workplace. In time, the career I loved became a job. I promised myself when my teaching career dwindled down to be “all about the money,” I had to leave. So, I left. Not an easy decision, but I was losing the love.
The next 30 days after my resignation notice were the longest 30 days of my life. On the one hand, I was happy to take the risk to move into a different direction in life that was more attuned to my authentic self. On the other hand, I hated leaving the kids. I had awesome classes. It was tough to leave them, but because all of my classes were exceptional, it was the best time to leave. Saying goodbye to staff and students was difficult. The next 10 months were even more difficult.
What a journey. It has taken me about 10 months to feel OK with my HUGE life-decision. I have started writing and rewriting my dissertation proposal. With each revision, by perspective becomes more objective… and hopefully one day, more academic. I’m working on it. Anyway, what sparked the blog was a way to journal my PEDAGOGICAL JOURNEY. And, even still, my blog has transformed several times. The content has changed. The blog-site address had changed. The template has changed. Today, I do feel good about how I am writing my blog, with nothing to hide.
I am thankful to my blog (and my Bloggies). I am more grateful for my family, friends, and colleagues. With any tough decision, it’s tough to know if you’re doing it alone or with a supportive posse. I am so lucky to have the latter. My parents, siblings, husband, daughter, students, friends, and colleagues have been phenomenal. I could not realize my dreams without any of them. The strangest part is that I feel more connected to people today being home alone writing compared to being in a school surrounded by hundreds. I am fortunate.
My biggest growth has been realizing what I see is what I create. The other life’s lesson is ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, but you have to believe that it’s possible. Now, back to TedxSechelt. What an amazing event. First of all, I had to step into the school that I taught in for 16 years of my life. I was a bit apprehensive, but felt good. It was an awesome litmus for forgiveness and moving on. Second, I saw so many good friends at the event… my ‘boy friend’… my ‘mentor’… my ‘buddy’… my ‘comrade’… my ‘former student’… ‘my colleagues’… It was so wonderful see them all. Finally, the speakers, the locally made videos, the live music, and TED presentations were incredible. What did I walk away with? You can live your dream. There are no limitations. Live willingly naive.
Aside from getting my picture with one of the TedxSechelt speakers, which was so awesome… I ended my day going out for a special sushi-birthday dinner with my little family. It may be the day before my birthday, but my man has a hockey draft tomorrow (third year in a row… just saying) and honestly, I had no expectations. All that I know is, I started year 40 on a low… and now, I’m ending it on a high. My hips don’t hurt. I have no cyst. I FEEL GOOD. Forgive me all for a lengthy blog today, but I feel that I am living my dream, I have no limitations, and I am open to possibilities. Best of all, my daughter is making my birthday present, as I blog, in the other room. That’s cool.