Memoirs

At camping this summer, I was afforded the time to read my dad’s self-published book of memoirs. I’ve been wanted to read his book for months… now, I’ve been wanting to write about my dad’s book in my blog. This is not a book review, per se, but an opportunity to express what I have learned from his book. It’s been a few weeks since I have read his book and waited for the right time to write this blog. It’s time. Today, I was inspired… for a few reasons. As mentioned in my last blog entry, Introverted Self, I tend to be the person who likes to learn in the presence of others. It’s through conversation that I am provoked to reflect, think, and reconsider what’s important to me. I had several conversations today. Each one, I cherish for different reasons. I will not mention the conversations I had today, but will mention the lessons I’ve learned from my dad’s book that relate to these conversations.

Lesson 1: We are stronger as some, not as one

Ultimately, my dad’s book was about teaching, learning, and leading. It’s not a book on education, but he wrote about key life events that defined who he is, taught him some life’s lessons, and motivated him to make certain decisions at certain times. I often felt throughout the book that my dad was alone on his journey. His struggles were genuine, but he took it upon himself to solve his problems. There was some deception and he spent much of his formative years hiding a secret. As a result, no one had his back. He had no one to trust or confide in. He was alone on his journey. Keeping his secret from others was not his personal struggle, but it was the isolation and his need for belonging. He does not say that in his book, but it’s inferred. Luckily, he learns this lesson of trust, friendship, and the “power of we” later in life in Australia from the not so usual suspects. As much as we don’t like to be vulnerable with others about our perceived weaknesses, we are more powerful together than apart.

Lesson 2: The barriers we experience are the ones we create

So, what was his big secret? It’s not a BIG secret, but my dad struggled with English as a child. As a student in Hong Kong, he was great at math and sucked at reading and writing. He did some crazy things to accommodate this perceived weakness. For example, he paid someone on the street to fill out his school application, he changed his report card to change teachers, and he lied to his parents about his academic performance so that he could move to Australia to school. Can you say AVOIDANCE? He was the eldest of 7. There was face being saved… but really? My dad had excellent problem solving and critical thinking skills. However, he was on the run. No matter the situation, his ability with the English language was always a deciding factor. Unfortunately, his academic hang up is mine too. I can empathize with his decision making, but would be horrified if my daughter did the same. What I love about the book is that my dad conquered his fear at 75 with his book. What a beautiful metaphor. The barriers we create for ourselves can also dispelled by our doing.

Lesson 3: Sacrifice is only worthwhile if the payoff is greater

The final lesson I would like to share with you is passion and sacrifice. I think about some of the decisions my dad made during his life’s journey. Many decisions were based on fear. Some decisions were based on duty. While others were about integrity and justice. My dad accepted jobs when he knew that he would never be promoted. He found his passion but made concessions for his own little family and moved to Canada. Things were so desperate that he took the first job he could get in Canada. He did not move to Toronto, as initially intended, but moved to Prince Rupert. From my perspective, we led an ordinary life in Prince Rupert. I was born and raised there. From my dad’s perspective, it was living day-to-day with hopes of keeping employment. Those were challenging times for my parents. My mom even cried when she first landed in Prince Rupert in 1968. I have fond memories of Rupert. My dad sacrificed his career and passion for his family and survival. I hope that he feels that the payoff was worth it in the end. I adore Prince Rupert. I think he does too.

FINAL THOUGHTS: My dad is an opportunist and risk taker. I get that about him. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I appreciated that he wrote his book of memoirs. It’s a thoughtful gift to his family. I love that he was inspired to write the book after taking a continuing education course at SFU. He was the only one in his class to complete and self-publish. You can find a copy of his book at the SFU Library. My dad was proud and honoured to be selected. Understanding his story helps me to understand my story. He is a lifelong learner. He takes action and he’s not afraid to make mistakes. We all have defining moments in our lives and it’s not to wallow in the misery, set backs, or failure… but it’s what you do after that matters. My dad had always picked himself up and took the next step. I admire that about him.