Doing What’s Right

Week 85 – October 31, 2021 – Trick or Treat?

It’s the end of birthday month. Mixed feelings. I enjoyed having my family visit me in Prince George on my birthday weekend. Lots happening since with work, with life. Things are shifting and I am learning. Some of this learning was humbling. Some of it was heartbreaking, bewildering, and clarifying. This journey has been phenomenal to say the least and I am learning what I am ready to learn. It’s Halloween and I’m typing this blog from the airport. I’m flying out for the week for work and I’m my new car “Musubi” (and apartment) with my kid. No stress. Actually, there is no stress. I’m feeling kind of neutral about the trip. I’m not 100% in favour of travel, but this work needs to be done and my kid needs opportunities for adulting. It’s all good.

I’m landing today at the end of this month with a billion things on my plate, but observing and reflecting on what’s important to me. I’ve been reading, listening to blogs, and journalling about where I am and where I would like to go. There is a huge part of me who is unwilling to commit and there’s another part of me not sure about taking action and being the agent of my own change in my pedagogical journey. It takes me sooooooooo long to realize that I am able to do and believe what I have accomplished. Lots to reflect on in terms of my sense of self-efficacy, trust, and ambition. I never thought I would get here and in they way the journey has traveled so far. Much of what I am wrestling with is worthiness, authenticity, and purpose.

Well, here I am. I never felt more like myself in such a long time and I often feel like I am now learning more about me. I don’t say this is a ego-centric way. In fact, I’m often trying to park my ego to really listen to what I value and I am passionate about. Sometimes I need people pointing that out to me, explicitly and implicitly, but in the last few weeks of birthday month I am brought to one of my take-aways from my doctoral classes in leadership about choosing between “doing it right” and “doing what’s right.” You’d think that they would be the same thing, but really, lots depends on intentions. That’s where my internal dilemma or struggle resided. I needed the clarity, drive, and confidence to move forward. I need to feel good about what’s next.

I think I’m here. Just in time… I think. Creating space. Understanding what’s important. And people in your life who remind you of what’s wonderful and not so wonderful. Self-reflection is not possible without the feedback from people and experiences. I can see what I need to do, what I value, and it feels good. I have so much gratitude for this pedagogical journey and I don’t think that I will have it any other way. Life comes to you in many serendipitous ways. I need to be patient, intentional, and wholehearted. This will guide me to next steps. I am so happy to be with my kid. That’s making a huge difference. I love my friends who lift me up, mentors who invest in me, and family who believe in me. I have nothing to fear.