My Last Week as 50

Week 80 – September 26, 2021 – The Real Weekly Blog Post

Ok…  I cheated with my last post by posting twice mid-week to catch up and get ahead on my weekly blog post. Full confession. It’s time to reflect. What I realized is, the weekly pace of blog posting fits my rhythm of reflection and I want to honour this time. When I don’t, I should make note of the busyness of the now and take a pause. Here I am. I’ve tried daily blogs and blogging based on moments of inspiration. Blogging weekly seems like a reasonable balance between the two methodologies.

I never realized the importance of pausing, prioritizing, and play. Today was a good day. I cannot  emphasize how good I feel today. First, I am carving out the time to blog. Then, I was interrupted several times today with work, visiting with friends, walking in the sun, edu-chatting on Twitter, and taking a bath. All good things. It was a balance between being productive and being mindful and present. Now, I can see what I have to do next. What didn’t make sense before, now does. I have clarity.

Gosh. This is my last week of being 50. Yes. I’m declaring it. I’m living the second half of my life (for the last 10-years… LOL) and life is unravelling. That’s what Brene Brown calls it. It’s not a midlife crisis, but an unravelling. I could not agree more. From 40 to 50 has been a journey that I could not have predicted. The last year in particular was incredibly stressful and extraordinary (in not so good ways), and I engaged in many life experiences that I’m not sure I would like to do ever again (i.e., drive a U-Haul).

I will do a year in review next week on my birthday. My twin brother, my sister, and dad are coming up to Prince George this weekend to celebrate 51. We’re going to the Keg. That’s the big plan and possibly pitch & putt (weather pending). I think that I have learned not to take myself too seriously, I love my kid to bits, and I’m competent. I am also figuring out my research program and making time to get things done. I saw a vision of myself the other day while in the FLOW. I need to remember that feeling.

If anything, I am learning more about myself. I am learning more about my ethnic identity and how to stand on my 2-feet. And, I’m learning how to speak my truth (and not betray myself). Belonging, trust, and vulnerability are tough ones for me, but in the end it’s about belonging to and trusting myself. When I do, I can be vulnerable to take-risks, connect, and be creative. I’m not sure what the last few days of being 50 will bring. I’m hoping for some joyful moments, connection, and restful nights.