Took the Time to Listen
Wow. What a day… I don’t know what to say or make of it… but I am astonished about how full-circle the day went. I am so glad that I took the time to listen. If I didn’t, assumptions would be made, bad feelings would be kept, and false beliefs would cloud the truth. OK. There is no “absolute truth,” but I did get a better sense of the bigger picture. I am beginning to understand.
Initially, I was going to write about taking a deep breath in today’s blog. The blog was going to be about my relationship with my daughter. As it turns out, I am still going to write about our relationship from a different perspective… the point of view of forgiveness.
The day started like any other day… rushing around but nothing getting done. Pressed for time but my daughter wants me to sign a form and write a cheque while her dad is ready to drive her to school. Always our greatest hope is to arrive to school before the first bell. We do, most times.
On their way out, I realized that my daughter’s planner was not signed. She left the book at school. I felt sick about not signing her planner. She read for 20 minutes last night and I wanted her to be recognized for her good work. I ceased the moment and rode my bike to the school to sign her planner. Apparently, I was too late. I signed it anyway and her teacher noted my efforts.
At the end of the school day, I continued my mommy accommodations by riding my daughter’s bike to school with the dog. The dog wanted a walk and my daughter had to walk home from school. She’s not a fan of walking, but loves biking. Why not? It’s all downhill to the school. I put on her helmet, leashed the dog, and rode to school on her bike. I arrived unscathed.
On the way home from school, my daughter likes to “confess” about how her day went. I’m not sure what it’s like for other parents out there, but my daughter has her moments. She got so frustrated at the conversation that she unleashed her bad feelings on me. It almost seemed unrelated and it hurt my feelings. A long story made short, it took me a few hours to recover from that episode.
As things started to wind down in our household, I asked my daughter to get ready for bed. She erupted, “NO! You’re not the boss of me.” She was completely defiant. What is this all about? I just completely shut down. I could not go through another cycle of hurt in one day. I took step back and said, “You’re right. I’m not the boss of you.” I left it at that.
My response kind of freaked her out. Personally, I was acting out of self-preservation. For her, she started looking for forgiveness. At first, I was reluctant. I wanted her to know how I felt. She listened. In return, she started to tell me how she felt and cried. Without too many details, but she really gets what is going on around her and finds huge injustices in her lived experiences.
Hmm… How does the saying go? Apple, tree. All I can say is… I love my kid. I get why she is acting the way she is and I empathize with her struggles. I don’t know how else to help her but to support her. She is a little trooper. I am just so happy that she was willing to share her feelings with me instead of keeping them all inside. In the end, she was the one who was truly hurting.