The Goods Internal

I am so fascinated by the learning process. I love learning about student learning, especially in the context of mathematics education. I love learning about teachers as learners, the premise of my dissertation. Best of all, I am learning about my learning. It’s been almost 8 years since I’ve started the doctorate program in Educational Leadership at SFU… and I’m almost done. So why am I blogging? Good question.

As mentioned in a previous blog entry, “What Motivates One To Blog,” I blog when I’m inspired. There is no schedule for inspiration. First, I hate to be writing something that may not have a mutual benefit to the reader and writer. Second, sometimes if I don’t blog, I get blocked from doing my other writing (aka. my dissertation). Also, it’s a good reminder to me of what’s important. What’s my boundaries? What’s my goals?

One aspect of learning I would like to blog about today is… The Goods Internal. This concept comes from Aladair MacIntyre (1984), The Nature of Virtues. I first learned about this during my Master of Education degree I started in 1999. It was my first course with Dr. Murray Ross. My brain went for a loop. Education philosophy as my first course was a humbling learning experience, but also an awakening.

At the time, I could only make sense of MacIntyre’s (1984) work when I referenced it to curling. I guess, for me, that curling was one of the few practices I have engaged in to truly understand the goods internal to the practice, the goods external, and standards of excellence. I just loved the example given in his book as he describes a young boy first learning how to play chess. At first, the boy was rewarded with candy to play chess. In time, the boy learns through engagement the goods internal to the game of chess and not longer needed candy to motivate him to play and win.

For some reason, I wanted to include this concept in my literature review of my dissertation. Unfortunately, it seemed disconnected to my research question. The goods internal to the practice is more about the ‘why’ and not about the ‘what.’ So, I deleted this section from my literature review. Admittedly, I was disappointed. I felt that the goods internal had some relevance to my study. Maybe I was wrong.

Here’s my moment of inspiration… finally. From writing in my blog… I have learned the goods internal to the practice of writing. Never thought this would be possible, but it also transfers to my dissertation. The goods internal are the ‘good feelings’ or intrinsic reward from engaging in the practice. And, you can only understand the goods internal to the practice when engaged in the practice itself. I think I’ve got it!!!

Well… so what? Guess what I found out from my data in the data analysis? Engagement in the practice matters in the professional learning experience. Boom!!! Let’s be real. I’m not going to disclose the results of my research now in my blog. That would be totally ridiculous. You’ll have to read my dissertation, when published, to find out those results… or come to my oral defence examination (TBA).

What I did realize is two-fold. First, I have had a huge dislike for reading and writing for many years… almost 40. I would say that reading and writing are not my strengths and had spent much of my formative years and higher education avoiding opportunities to read and write. It just wasn’t my preference on my ‘things to do.’ So, what do I do? I decide to go into education. I thought I was not going to make it passed the application process… for my B.Ed., M.Ed., and now Ed.D, The most crazy part of this edu-journey is that now I have to write a dissertation!!!

I am not going to lie… I did have some demons to work through. No question. Writing in a blog was one vehicle to practice writing, but also a new opportunity for me to express myself. I was living the life of an extrovert for over 15 years as a secondary mathematics teacher and when I left my job, my life transformed to one of an introvert… aka. academic/researcher. That was not a natural transition for me and would still rather extrovert than sit quietly… alone… to read and write.

Guess what I’m doing now? I’m sitting quietly… reading and writing. It has taken some time to engage in the practice of writing… reading is coming along as a close second… and enjoying the process. Looking back at how I started to compose Chapter 1 draft compared to writing Chapter 5 was almost night and day. I was paralyzed before. Overthinking. Overanalyzing. Overcritical. Now, I much enjoy free-writing to purge my thoughts, in a thoughtful and tangible way. I have found the goods internal.

Second, I have learned that the goods internal are a part of my study. I am not sure how I will integrate this back into my literature review or discussion/conclusion, but I am confident to reach for excellence in anything, one has to engage in the practice. Yes… initially one may be lured by the goods external. But it’s the goods internal to the practice that is the transformative staying power of the learning process where one will strive for excellence and develop a PASSION for what he or she is doing.

Hmm… I never thought that I would be a writer… and enjoy it. I have enjoyed the dissertation process thus far and excited for what’s next in this edu-journey. What an incredible vehicle for me to understand and appreciate the goods internal. In this case, persistence pays off. Tomorrow I’ll be going to the SFU Vancouver Thesis BootCamp. Three full-days of complete dissertation immersion… and I’m looking forward to it.