Honesty

Call me naive.  Call me stupid.  Call me ignorant.  It is in my nature to want to trust everyone.  I want to believe the good in others.  I want others to trust in me.  Why am I a politician?  I begin to question… What am I doing?  Where am I going?  How am I getting there?  On my pedagogical journey, I became disconnected.  Less than three years ago, I lost my sense of purpose.  I was a successful mathematics teacher.  I loved teaching mathematics.  I was even the department head.  After 15 years of service, I left the profession.  Why not stay teaching?  It seemed like a good fit.  Unfortunately, I was misaligned.  As a teacher, I valued building relationships with my students and colleagues such that you could not distinguish between the teacher-self and true-self.  What you got was me, like it or not.  In my last few years of teaching, showing signs of weakness or strength seemed unacceptable.  Aside from a few close friends, I was unsure of who I could trust.  By the end of my teaching career, I felt lied to, hurt, and misled.  I needed to find my authentic self again.  Who could I trust?  Could I be honest?  Could I be trusted?  With much reflection, soul searching, and forgiveness… I found myself.  As an educational consultant, school trustee, and SFU Site Assistant, I am honest.  I am trusted.  What you see is what you get.  What a relief…  It feels great to be realigned and reconnected.  My dreams and aspirations for educational leadership are within an arms reach, my false beliefs were challenged and dispelled, and my faith in others (and myself) restored.  My next personal challenge to overcome is my dissertation.  It’s about trusting myself, being honest with myself, and having the courage to move forward because it’s the right thing to do.