Hitting the Wall
We are heading towards the end of Week 6 of #socialisolation and I am going to write my weekly blog entry/reflection one day early. I figured it’s close enough and… who made up these rules anyway?!? LOL. There is not one day that goes by when I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I have a lot to be thankful for. It’s been a treacherous school year to say the least with my personal life, job action, and the COVID19 pandemic. I am only highlighting a few aspects that “could have been better.” All three events are CRITICAL MOMENTS in my life (and many), which resulted in “low productivity” towards my #OneWord2020 of TENURE. As mentioned, I am not actually working towards tenure at this very moment, but would like to be in a position that is “tenure track” so that I can focus my work and attention towards tenure. Anyway, I am “hitting the wall.” The tenure track posting I applied for is on hold because of the pandemic and truly… LIFE IS ON HOLD… until the pandemic is over. Ironically, this is a fantastic time to be working on my research and writing… and I am. I just finished the Winter 2020 Term and all of my work and grades are submitted. I am shifting gears and working on a few projects. Again, I have immense gratitude to have this work and I am not in a dire situation where I am struggling to acquire basic needs. The wall that I am hitting is more of a social-emotional one. It’s definitely been a journey for the last 6-weeks for self living in social isolation. Overall, it’s been good but I am acutely aware that mental health is a fragile on the best of days for anyone during the pandemic and the last few days for me could have been better. Nothing dramatic or manic, but I would like to be reunited with my daughter and I am so happy that my mom is not here during the pandemic because she would not have taken the heightened stress and living conditions. What brings me a bit of joy is this ring I bought a couple of weeks ago and received last week. It reminds me of my mom. It’s something big and obnoxious, but shiny and pretty that my mom would wear. I also bought it from one of my former students from my high school teaching days and this was part of a collection that her mom was accruing before she had passed away. I took a moment and put the ring on today. I just love it. I was quickly reminded of my mom and felt a moment of solace that things are going to be OK. I can breathe. I needed to do this. I have this ring sitting on my dresser with other things that I love and value. I hope you are finding these moments to ground yourself in these extraordinary times.